#strengthless

Sometimes I love you grudgingly, nostalgically and strengthless, but always with longing and love... even when I should be indifferent or to pretend I'm strong( though I don't see „why“)

It was a gray dawn, and I felt blurry all day long. Did the same things I always did: got up hesitating, drank 6368 cups of coffee and sat in my cubicle 'til the evening. Felt tired and unreal on the way home, and back home I couldn't get a single thing done, out of the million things I wanted to. And when I was just about to close my eyes, it hit me. This couldn't go on. Somewhere along the road I accidentally swapped my dreams and realities to their correct places, where they seemingly belong: I stopped living like I was in a dream, building my life through my inspirations and believing it all could be done. That night I realized, that I kept dreaming of this life. The life I used to live. I didn't have bad dreams about restrictions and big, dark clouds anymore. I lived that now. And then I woke up the next morning, feeling as strengthless as always, hesitating 'til I couldn't hesitate no more. Drank 6368 cups of coffee and sat in my cubicle 'til the evening, as I awlays did. Went home and repeated it all again. And up to this date.. It still hasn't changed.

Si tu savais comme j'en ai marre !! Comme je suis fatigué ! J'en parle pas souvent mais j'en peux plu ! J'en peux plu de vivre comme ça, toujours à me demander si je peux faire tel ou tel truc, si c'est dans mes moyens financiers ou si ça nécessite pas mon état civil ! Ce maudit état civil !! J'ai un besoin viscérale d'indépendance mais ce pays me la refuse ! Je distribue du courage, mais personne ne se soucie de savoir si il m'en reste. Ben j'en ai vraiment plu. LA seule chose qui me retient d'un geste malheureux, c'est l'idée de mourir dans un corps qui n'est pas le mien. Je ne peux pas laisser ça arriver. Je ne peux pas, mais j'ai plu la force de me battre. Je suis juste en train de me noyer et personne réagit, personne ne le voit ou ne veut le voir. Tout le monde me croit incroyablement courageux, mais je n'ai pas autant de courage que ce que vous croyez, mes ressources sont limitées. J'ai beau être entouré par des gens merveilleux, ça ne suffit pas toujours. ça ne suffit plu.

stobs med - debility, frail, strengthless [JV]

cierpienie, trud, brak sił i ból są najsilniejszym i najpiękniejszym źródłem sztuki. jeśli brak Ci sił, spraw by nie brakło Ci emocji.

I've tried to work out the last few days but I always had to stop before the end. I'm not feeling pain but it feels like my muscles don't have any power. I felt so weak, helpless and strengthless today that I started crying in the middle of my workout... Please tell me this is a temporary thing!