#straightjacket feeling

Two months later

‘We’re moving the wedding forward.’ Courtney beamed as she squeezed Matt’s knee.

'What?’ Brian gasped. 'When?’

Courtney and Matt exchanged a look before Matt bit his lip.

'Next week.’ He spoke, although he didn’t sound as happy about it as Courtney.

'Holy shit!’ Jake proclaimed. 'You aren’t pregnant are you Court?’

'Oh heavens no!’ She giggled. 'We’re just getting so fed up with all this wedding planning and the venue had a last minute cancellation so we thought, why not?'

Jason could have screamed. Or cried. Or laughed. But instead he did nothing. He saw Kurtis looking at him out of the corner of his eye but he ignored him. After the day he and Danny were supposed to move in together things had just seemed to go back to normal. Matt and Courtney continued their wedding planning, Jason fell back in the role of Matt’s best friend, Matt had told him he still wanted him to be his best man but Jason had declined and said Jake was doing a much better job. The wedding wasn’t supposed to be for another eight months, Jason hoped that would be plenty of time for him to wrap his head around this. But now it was next week. Was Matt purposefully trying to crush him?

'Excuse me a minute. I need some air.’ Jason croaked and rose from his chair without making eye contact with anyone. Kurtis watched him slump away. Jason hadn’t been the same since he and Danny had broken up. He’d had an air of sadness about him that he carried around like a dark rain cloud. He wasn’t his happy, funny self anymore. But Kurtis knew it had nothing to do with Danny.

'I’ll go and check on him.’ Kurtis stood up and went to leave but Matt stopped him.

'No, I’ll go.’ He gave Kurtis a look. The look said, this is my fault, let me fix it. Kurtis nodded and sat back down. Matt stepped outside to see Jason on the other side of the pub garden, his back to him. His shoulders were slumped as he leant on the fence and he had a cigarette dangling limply from his fingers.

'Since when do you smoke?’ Matt asked softly as approached and leant on the fence next to Jason. Jason didn’t look at him, he flicked ash off the cigarette.

'Don’t know. I brought a pack the other week and this is so far the first one I’ve lit. I took one drag and it made me want to be sick so…’ Jason shrugged. Matt reached over and took it from him before putting it to his lips. Jason looked at him and frowned.

'No point in it going to waste.’ Matt shrugged. Jason looked away from him again.

'So, you’re getting married next week.’ He croaked, not sounding like himself but then again he hadn’t in a while.

'Yeah.'

'You know it didn’t have to be me or Courtney? Just because I said I didn’t want you doesn’t mean you still have to marry her.'

'I know.’ Matt dragged on the cigarette. 'I want to marry her. I think I do anyway.'

'You know I can’t come to the wedding right?’ Jason told him, staring up at the sky now. Matt had a feeling he was going to say that.

'I figured as much.’ Matt flicked the cigarette out into the street. He gently took hold of Jason’s shoulders and turned him to face him. 'It’s not going to be the same without you there.'

'But you know why I can’t be.’ Jason’s eyes had tears behind them, Matt could see them glistening in the moonlight. 'I can’t sit there and watch you marry someone else.’

'You had the choice not to Jason. I told you I’d leave her if you wanted me to.'

'There was never a choice Matt.’ Jason shook his head. 'I’ve never been a choice.'

'We’re not going to be ok are we?’ Matt bit his lip. Jason frowned as his first tear escaped his eye.

'I don’t think that we are, no. I’ve spent too long having to be your friend when it killed me to do so. And now Matt…I honestly don’t think I’m strong enough to do it anymore. I want to be, because I don’t want to lose you, but being your friend is too painful.’ More tears followed and Jason wished they would stop because he felt so pathetic.

'Will you at least come to my bachelor party? One last night Jay, and then if you still don’t want anything more to do with me then I won’t stop you walking away.’ Matt cupped Jason’s face, he couldn’t stop himself. Jason wanted to say no, he needed to end this now, but he was always so useless at saying no to Matt.

'Ok.’ Jason croaked.

'Thank you.’ Matt pulled him into a hug. 'I’m sorry things worked out this way.’ Matt spoke into Jason’s neck. Jason felt as though his heart was being ripped from his chest.

'Me too.’ He sniffed. 'I’m going to head home, but have Jake send me the details of the bachelor party and I’ll see you then.'

'Ok, I will.’ Matt stroked Jason’s cheek. He stood limply and watched him walk away. He was never not going to be in love with Jason. He just hoped one day he would feel even an ounce of that love towards the woman he was marrying.

—————————————–

Jason played with his thumbs in his lap as he sat in the bar a few days later. He knew the Brian’s and Jake and of course he knew Matt but he didn’t know where any of them were right now. He was sat with some of Matt’s work colleagues who he’d never met before and he had no idea why Jake had invited them to the bachelor party. Kurtis and Patrick couldn’t make it so Jason was basically left alone. He’d thought he might get the chance to spend some time with Matt, the last night they would see each other before they went their separate ways. Wasn’t that why Matt had asked him to come? He had a feeling Jake was purposefully trying to keep them apart. Just as Jason was thinking about leaving, he was sure he wouldn’t be missed anyway, there was a hand on his shoulder and a drink being handed to him. He looked up at Matt who had his bright smile on his face. He had a sash on that was slipping off his shoulder that read Groom to Be.

'I need to smoke, come with me?’ He beamed, his hand still on Jason’s shoulder. Jason sighed, took the drink and nodded.

'Sure.’ He stood from the table and followed Matt outside. Matt lit a cigarette and Jason swilled the drink around in the glass.

'Let me guess, Violet Kiss?’

'Of course.’ Matt smiled.

'Are you ever going to tell me the secret behind this? I mean, after tonight we’re not going to be hanging out anymore so I have to know what it is?'

'It’s a secret.’ Matt shrugged. 'But I can tell you where I came up with the name if you like?’ Matt sipped his own Violet Kiss and raised an eyebrow at Jason.

'Go on then.’ Jason sighed again. It was hard making small talk with him when he knew it would be the last time. Matt stepped a little closer to Jason.

'Well you see, the night I invented the Violet Kiss, I’d seen you in the library that day.’ Matt touched Jason’s chest but Jason wasn’t sure why. He could tell Matt was a little tipsy. 'And you were wearing this cute purple shirt and it was…it was actually the first time I ever thought about what it would be like to kiss you. So I made the drink and Jake asked me what I was going to call it and Violet Kiss was the first thing that came to my head.’ He kept his hand on Jason’s chest, the cigarette burning from between his fingers.

'You’re lying.’ Jason scoffed.

'Am not!’ Matt sounded offended and took his hand off Jason and dragged on the cigarette. 'I know I always told you that I noticed you around campus because you reminded me of high school me, but that wasn’t strictly true. I noticed you on your first day on campus because I thought you were the most beautiful person I’d ever laid eyes on. I used to go and sit in the library at the next table over from you and just watch you study. And the day we met, I tripped you on purpose. I wanted to talk to you so bad and it seemed like a good excuse.’ Matt shrugged as though he could have been talking about anything and not confessing six year old secrets. Jason backed away from him shaking his head.

'Stop it!’ He sniffed. 'Stop lying to me Matt!'

'I’m not lying!’ Matt threw the cigarette to the floor and backed Jason into a wall. He placed his free hand on Jason’s cheek. 'I swear to you this is all true. I just never had it in me to tell you before.'

Jason bit his lip. Why now? Why was Matt confessing all of this the night before his wedding?

'Why didn’t you tell me back then? It might have actually meant something then.’ Jason spat as angrily as he could but it didn’t come out as angry as he’d liked. Matt sighed and removed his hand from Jason’s cheek so he could run it through his hair.

'My family never would have understood.’ He shrugged.

'Understood what?’

'They never would have understood if I ended up with you.’ Matt blurted. Jason’s eyes widened as he looked at Matt.

'What?’ Jason shook his head. What the hell was going on? Matt sighed and then his hand was on Jason’s cheek again and he was closing in on him and then he kissed him. Jason melted into the kiss the way he always did. It was only a brief kiss, much like their very first one. Matt pulled back but he stayed close to Jason.

'Now.’ He whispered, making Jason frown. But Matt continued. 'It’s been five years since I told you not now. But it’s now. That night in Daytona, it was the best night of my entire fucking life Jason but I knew my parents wouldn’t understand. You have no idea how hard it was to pry myself away from you that morning, and that note…I know you deserved more of an explanation than that but my heart was fucking breaking and that was all I was able to force myself to write. I couldn’t even finish writing my name because I started crying! I wish I’d just said fuck it, I wish I was braver and that I didn’t care what my parents would say but I do. I’m a fucking coward and I thought that if we just didn’t talk about it then I could pretend my heart wasn’t breaking. And when I met Court, I was so fucking miserable when I met her. I missed you like crazy, I’d even been thinking of cutting my trip short because I missed you so much. I never would have gotten through that without her and I knew asking her to move back to the states with me was insane but she made stop thinking about you and I thought I needed to keep her around, you know?’ Matt went on, each word shocking Jason more and more. He’d had no idea Matt had felt that way. And of course he knew what Matt meant, that had been exactly what he’d done with Danny.

'I wish you would have told me this back then.’ Jason sighed. 'This doesn’t mean anything now Matt! It’s too late for us.'

'I know.’ Matt sniffed. 'This is going to sound so fucking selfish Jason and I can’t believe I’m even going to ask but…’ he trailed off, scratching his head.

'What is it?’ Jason asked him softly.

'I’m getting married tomorrow and I’m probably never going to see you again. But is there any way we can…I just need…I need you Jay. I need one last night with you. I know it’s not fair of me to ask such a thing but fuck Jay, I need you so bad. I need one more-’ Matt was cut off by Jason’s kissing him.

'Yes.’ Jason croaked. 'Yes for the love of god yes Matt.’ He knew it was dumb and it wasn’t going to help matters but he needed Matt. If he could only have one last night with him then that would have to do.

'Are you sure?’ Matt asked him wide eyed.

'Yes! Now for fuck sakes take me home Matt.’ Jason begged and Matt half-smiled.

'Ok Jay.’ He grabbed Jason’s hand and they discarded their drinks before rushing out on to the street in search of a cab.

—————————————–

They were practically falling over themselves getting into Jason’s apartment. Matt’s lips had been on his the whole cab ride and now as Jason fumbled with the door Matt kissed his neck, sucking and biting his skin as he pushed himself into Jason’s back. Jason managed to get the door open and they fell inside. Matt spun Jason around and kissed his lips again, wrapping his arms tightly around the younger boy. Jason walked backwards towards his bedroom, refusing to let his lips leave Matt’s for a single second. If this was going to be the last time, he was going to make every second count. Suddenly Jason’s calves made contact with the end of the bed and he fell backwards, their lips separating. Matt stood at the end of the bed laughing a little.

'So graceful.’ He laughed.

'Fuck you.’ Jason rolled his eyes.

'That’s the plan.’ Matt bit his lip and swiftly pulled his t-shirt over his head. He crawled up the bed and their lips were reunited. Jason ran his fingers over the warm flesh of Matt’s back, scraping his fingernails a little on his skin. Matt knew it would probably leave marks but in that moment he didn’t care. He worked on the buttons of Jason shirt, slowly teasing them until they were all undone and Jason sat up so he could shrug it from his body. Matt laid back down on top of Jason, he felt a spark, like an electrical currant as their skin melted together. His fingers worked their way into Jason’s thick ebony locks, he liked the feeling of them getting lost in there. Jason nibbled on Matt’s bottom lip as they kiss and each time he did Matt would roll his hips and Jason would feel how hard he was.

'Less clothes.’ Jason panted. 'Need to feel you.’ Matt kissed him really hard making all the air from Jason’s lungs vanish. He sat back up and worked on the button of his jeans while Jason did the same. Through Matt’s boxers Jason could see him straining against the fabric and his fingers trailed the bulge in his pants. Matt rolled his head back and hissed.

'I don’t understand how your hands always feel so fucking good even when you’re not really doing anything.’ He muttered. Jason smirked and let his fingers wander to the waistband and he slowly let one finger dip inside Matt’s pants a little. He gently tugged at the material as if he was going to pull them down but he didn’t. Another finger slid past the waistband followed by another and another until he was grasping the fabric with his hand.

'Shall I take them off?’ Jason spoke low and sexily. Matt exhaled heavily.

'Please?’ He whined a little. Jason stopped his teasing and pulled down Matt’s pants and tossed them across the room before getting out of his own and kicking them off. Matt laid back down and there wasn’t any words describe how incredible it felt for their skin to touch without any damn fabric in the way. It felt so different to how Matt remembered it all those years ago; maybe because they had rushed it before, but he wanted to take his time now. He wanted to immortalise the way Jason’s skin felt and the way it smelt. He wanted to capture what it was like to kiss Jason, to run his fingers through his hair and to kiss every little inch of skin. He wanted to commit it all to memory because he knew this was the last time. His lips made their way back down Jason’s neck, sucking marks into the younger boy’s skin as if to say, even if only for tonight, you’re mine. He kissed over his collarbones and all over his chest. He spent a while sucking on each of Jason’s nipples and teasing his piercing making Jason yelp with pleasure. He placed gentle kisses on the delicate skin on Jason’s stomach and hip bones. He kissed down the inside of his thigh, all the way down his leg and back up the other. He even kissed Jason’s swollen head. The boy beneath him was a mess that was the only word for it. Matt kissed down the length of Jason’s shaft and surprised him when he kept going lower and Jason gasped when he felt Matt’s tongue at his entrance.

'Fuck.’ Jason panted looking down at Matt with large eyes. Matt smiled and stroked his thigh.

'Want to make sure I get to taste every part of you Jay.’ Matt told him as he started trying to replicate what Jason had done to him once. He took his time licking around his hole, making sure he didn’t miss a single part of his skin before taking a deep breath and allowing his tongue to glide in. It was the strangest feeling Matt had ever experience but god did it feel good. And judging by the way Jason was moaning he guessed he was doing something right. He worked his tongue inside the younger boy and used one of his hands to gently stroke Jason’s dick. Jason was making the most incoherent noises that Matt had ever heard. He continued this for a while feeling Jason’s pre come leaking onto his hand. After a while he slid his tongue back out and licked his entrance a little more before sitting up, his hand still around Jason’s shaft.

'Need lube.’ Matt kissed his stomach and Jason nodded dumbly reaching his spindly arm over to the bedside drawer and grabbing the lube and condom. To Jason’s surprise Matt didn’t put the condom on, instead he started slicking up his fingers. Jason just watched in awe.

'I want to do everything with you.’ Matt told him as he pressed his coated fingers outside Jason’s hole. Jason couldn’t argue with that. Matt wasn’t tentative like he thought he’d be, he slid his fingers inside him like he’d been doing this his whole life. Maybe he’d been watching porn or something Jason thought because the way Matt was scissoring him didn’t feel like this was his first time. He was still stroking Jason’s erection and Jason felt so close to the brink but he didn’t want this to end yet.

'Matt I’m gonna come real soon.'

'It’s ok.’ Matt smiled, adding a third finger.

'But I want you Matt, I want you to fuck me.’ Jason begged and it made Matt’s dick throb.

'I will baby, don’t worry.’ He pushed his fingers in as far as he could and Jason groaned, screwing the bed sheets up in his hands. Matt picked up his pace on his strokes, wanting to make this beautiful creature reach his climax. Jason moaned deeper than before and Matt watched as his face contorted and felt his come spilling on to his hand. Matt gently slid his fingers out and fell on top of Jason, not caring that he was laying in his come. He held his face and kissed him passionately. Jason was still panting when Matt sat up and ripped open the condom wrapper. He rolled it on and coated some lube on before taking Jason’s legs and wrapping them around his waist. Jason hadn’t gotten over his orgasm when he felt Matt inch his way inside him. Matt held Jason’s hips and didn’t waste any time as he began to thrust in and out of his tight hole. Jason was writhing in the bed, his hands wandering to grab Matt’s ass.

'You have never looked more beautiful.’ Matt panted as he thrust harder, not being able to control himself. Jason moaned deeply and Matt guessed that meant he found his prostate so he made sure keep that up. It wasn’t long before Matt saw Jason’s cock hardening again and one of Jason’s hands left his ass cheek and wrapped around his own dick. Matt felt sweat gathering at his temples as he picked up his pace further, needing the sweet feeling of release.

'Matt…so fucking good…Matt oh my god Matt…’ Jason babbled. He arched his back, his pumps on his cock becoming lazy. Matt went a little light headed as he felt his balls tightening and he gasped loudly, moaning Jason’s name as he filled the condom with his load. Jason was muttering incoherently, his eyes closed. Matt gently pulled out and surprised Jason by moving his hand and taking his full length in this mouth, feeling it hit the back of his throat. Jason groaned, still muttering things under his breath. The only thing Matt could make out was his own name leaving the younger boys lips every so often. He sucked and he licked desperate to give Jason another orgasm. It surprisingly didn’t take too long before Jason practically screamed and Matt felt his warm come filling his mouth. They were both panting heavily as Matt got rid of the condom and fell down next to Jason. Jason rolled onto his side and laid his head on Matt’s chest.

'I’m really going to fucking miss you.’ He sniffed and Matt felt liquid hitting his chest. Jason was crying. Matt wrapped his arms tightly around the boy and started placing gentle kisses in his messy hair as he own tears started to fall.

'Please don’t think about that right now pumpkin.’ He cooed but he knew it was inevitable.

'It’s not fair Matt, nothing is fucking fair.’ Jason sobbed, burying his head into Matt. Matt’s heart physically ached.

'I know sweetie, I know.’ Matt bit his lip.

'I’m never going to stop loving you, just know that Matt.’ Jason whispered sniffing heavily. Matt kissed his hair again and stroked his back.

'Just say the word Jason. Tell me not to go through with it tomorrow.'

'No.’ Jason sniffed. 'I still can’t forgive you.’ He lied.

'Ok.’ Matt squeezed him tightly. 'I swear I’m going to love you for the rest of my life.'

'That’s not really much of a comfort but thank you.’ Jason sniffed again. They fell into silence after that. They were both exhausted from their orgasms but they couldn’t sleep. Tomorrow Matt was going to marry Courtney. Tomorrow would be the last time Jason and Matt would ever see each other. It was finally over. Six years’ worth of feelings, of words unspoken and hidden secrets. It was over. This was the end. And nothing was ever going to be the same again.

—————————————–

Chapter 11

(Baby we both know)

That the nights were mainly made for saying

Things that you can’t say tomorrow day

—————————————–

Jason grunted as he tried desperately to fit Danny’s extensive DVD collection onto the shelving unit in the living room to no avail. He hadn’t anticipated Danny having so much stuff, maybe they’d need a bigger apartment? Or at the very least they needed another a shelving unit.

‘Two copies of Showgirls? Fucking hell Danny how gay can you get?’ Jason laughed under his breath. There was a knock at the door and he sighed. He put the DVD’s back down and wiped the sweat from his forehead as he headed towards the door.

'Jesus Christ babe, I gave you that key not two hours ago, please don’t tell me you’ve lost it already?’ Jason laughed as he flung open the door. His face paled when he saw it wasn’t Danny on the other side. Matt looked a picture of guilt and nerves, even more so when he took in the bandage on Jason’s nose.

'What do you want?’ Jason folded his arms. It had been three days since the incident and Jason wasn’t any less mad.

'Can I come in?’ Matt spoke shyly.

'Nope.’ Jason blocked the doorway so Matt couldn’t come in. Matt nodded his understanding.

'Ok I suppose that’s fair.’ He swallowed. 'How’s your nose?’

'Broken no thanks to you.’ Jason scoffed.

'I’m so sorry Jay, I don’t know what the fuck came over me-’

'I do.’ Jason cut him off. 'You can’t bear the idea of anyone knowing you’re a…what did you call me?…A fag that was it…you can’t bear for anyone to find out that you were with a fag, so you lost your shit and hit me so I wouldn’t reveal your dirty fucking secret.’ Jason kept his voice low but Matt could hear the anger in it.

'I’m so fucking sorry, you have no idea.'

'No you’re right I don’t. Matt I have put up with a lot of shit from you over the years but this is the final straw. You’re lucky, Danny wanted to report you to the police, but I talked him out of it. But I am fucking done with you. Officially. I’m out Matt, it’s over. Have nice fucking life.’ Jason went to close the door but Matt stuck his foot in the way.

'Jason please! I know I fucked up! I know I always fuck up, but please, I can’t stand to not have you in my life! I need you!'

'Too fucking bad.’ Jason spat. 'You should have thought about that before you hit me. Now if you don’t mind, kindly remove your goddamn foot from my door and leave me the fuck alone.'

'But Jason,’ Matt reached and grabbed Jason’s arm. 'Fuck Jason please. I know you still love me, I know you’ve always loved me! Fuck Jay, I love y-’

'Fucking hell Jay, I thought you were going to help me! I am not cut out for carrying heavy boxes.’ Danny’s breezy chuckle floating up the stairs. When he reached the top of the stairs and he saw Matt standing there, Danny dropped the box to the floor. 'What the fuck are you doing here? Stay away from him!’ Danny positioned himself between Jason and Matt but being that he was shorter than both of them it didn’t really help.

'What’s with all the boxes?’ Matt croaked, although he had a pretty good idea.

'Danny’s moving in.’ Jason smirked, grabbing Danny’s waist and pulling him close.

'What?’ Matt suddenly raised his voice. 'That’s the craziest fucking thing I’ve ever heard! You’ve barely known him five minutes!'

'I’m sorry, did we ask for your opinion?’ Danny snarled.

'Danny,’ Jason squeezed his side. 'Do you mind giving me and Matt a minute?'

'What?’ Danny turned to him with a frown. Jason kissed him softly.

'It’s ok, there are some things we need to talk about ok? Go and wait in the van, I won’t be long and then I’ll help you with the rest of your stuff. Promise.’ He kissed him again. Danny didn’t look happy about leaving and he shot Matt an angry look as he left. Once Danny was gone Jason turned to Matt.

'You have two minutes.’ He motioned him inside.

'I can’t believe you’re moving in with him! This is fucking insane Jason! You barely know the fucking guy for Christ sakes! You’re making a mistake.’ Matt blurted out. Jason folded his arms, keeping calm.

'Did I ever tell you that you were making a mistake with Courtney? This is no different from what you did, you barely knew her and brought her over here from Australia to live with you! So tell me Matt, how is this different? I don’t pass my judgement on your life and your relationship, so how dare you stick your nose into mine.’ Jason fumed. He thought if they were in a cartoon there would be smoke coming out of his ears.

'I’m just trying to help Jason. I don’t mean to lose my temper and get angry but I seriously think you’ll regret this. We’re friends, I don’t want to see you get hurt.’

'Fuck you.’ Jason spat. 'You gave up the right to call yourself my friend when you broke my fucking nose Matt! You see this here?’ Jason pointed at his bandaged nose. 'Every time I look in the mirror it breaks my fucking heart to know that someone I cared about could do that to me. never ever thought you could hurt me like that Matt. I’ve never seen that side of you before and scared the shit out of me.’ Jason felt tears brimming in his eyes and Matt must have seen them because he reached out for Jason. Jason flinched and it broke Matt’s heart.

'Jason, you have no idea how sorry I am for that. I didn’t mean to do it, I have no idea what came over me.’ Matt felt like he could cry himself. Jason looked terrified of him in that moment.

'And that’s what makes it even scarier. The fact you didn’t even realise what you were doing. I know I shouldn’t have said the things I said but you pissed me off Matt! But that was just words. I can’t forgive you for this.’ A small tear rolled down Jason’s cheek but he batted it away quickly.

'Please don’t say that.’ Matt sniffed. 'Please Jay, I’ll do anything, I’m so, so sorry.’ Matt dropped to his knees and started begging. Jason scoffed.

'Get up, you look fucking pathetic.’ Jason shook his head. Matt did as he was told and stood back up.

'I don’t know what comes over me when I’m around you Jason, when I see you with another guy…it does something to me. When I look at you and Danny together I crumble. It sets off something inside me that I can’t explain. It’s like some fucking switch inside my head flips and I turn into this fucking jealous, horrible person that I don’t even recognise.’ Matt’s tears were falling now and Jason briefly felt sorry for him. Only briefly.

'So this is my fault?’ Jason folded his arms. 'You’re blaming me because you act like an asshole?’

'I didn’t say that!’

'I’m not fucking finished!’ Jason yelled. 'What right do you have to stand there and tell me you don’t like seeing me with other guys? You have no idea how much it fucking kills me seeing you with Courtney! You were right Matt, despite everything I am fucking in love with you ok? And it broke my fucking heart into a million pieces when you told me you were going to ask her to marry you. But I didn’t get mad, I didn’t act like an asshole. Sure, I wasn’t completely supportive at first but I knew Courtney made you happy so I didn’t kick off. I certainly didn’t punch you in the fucking face!'

Suddenly out of nowhere Matt grabbed Jason by the shoulders and pinned him into the nearest wall. Jason whimpered a little and Matt fucking hated that he’d made his best friend scared of him.

'Please don’t be scared, I’m not going to hurt you.’ He stroked Jason’s face gently, using his hips to keep Jason in place. Jason’s bottom lip quivered.

'What do you want from me Matt? You have Courtney, you’re marrying her for fuck sakes! Why do you have to keep messing with me? This isn’t fair.’ Jason sniffed.

'Tell me I’m making a mistake marrying Courtney. Tell me you don’t want me to marry her, tell me you want me to be yours and it’s done.’ Matt was really crying now and Jason really did hate to see him so sad. But he brought all this on himself.

'I can’t do that.’ Jason bit his lip. 'I’m not selfish enough to ask you to do that.’ He tried to push Matt away from him but Matt was stronger.

'Tell me Jason, just say the word and I’ll leave her.’ Matt begged him. Jason shook his head.

'I can’t.’ Jason croaked. Matt loosened his hold on Jason and Jason thought he was going to let him go but he didn’t. Instead he pushed himself closer to the younger boy and then their lips met with a spark. Jason’s head was such a mess he wasn’t sure he meant to open his mouth and allow Matt’s tongue entrance but he did. He found himself wrapping his arms around Matt and pulling him as close as humanly possibly while Matt held his face and kissed him more passionately than he’d ever been kissed in his entire life. When the kiss broke, Jason managed to get the upper hand and pushed Matt back away from, startling the older man.

'Don’t!’ Jason yelled. 'Don’t fucking do that! Matt, don’t you get it? I can’t fucking forgive you for what you’ve done! You hurt me, physically hurt me this time, not just emotionally. I’m not just going to forget about that because you kiss me! Marry Courtney, or don’t, I don’t really fucking care. But you and me, that’s never going to happen.’ Jason shook his head sadly.

'Jason, I love you!’ Matt reached for him but Jason stepped away.

'If you loved me, you could never have done this to me.’ He pointed at his nose. Matt reached for him again and caught him this time and pulled him back in for another kiss. Jason wanted to push him away but Matt kissing him had a way of making Jason’s mind blurry.

'I uhm…sorry to interrupt.’ A small voice came from by the door. Jason shot back from Matt to see Danny standing there awkwardly. 'You were taking a while so I thought I’d come and make sure everything was ok.’ He bit his lip. Jason looked between Danny and Matt. He never wanted to be this person, he never wanted to be a liar and a cheat. What had Matt done to him? Danny looked heart broken.

'Matt I think you should go.’ Jason choked out, feeling like the worst person in the world at that moment.

'Ok.’ Matt surprised Jason with that, he thought Matt would argue but he was glad he didn’t. 'I’ll call you ok?’ Matt looked at him seriously. Jason just nodded, he didn’t have the strength left in him to argue with Matt anymore. Matt left with his tail between his legs. Jason sighed as soon as the door was shut.

'I don’t know what I can say. Nothing’s going to make this ok is it?’ He kept his distance from Danny, he knew he’d fucked this up. A small tear rolled down Danny’s cheek.

'No it isn’t.’ Danny shrugged. 'Do you know what hurts the most about this?'

'What’s that?’ Jason asked softly.

'The fact that I’m not even surprised. It’s always going to be him isn’t it Jason? Nothing I do or say is ever going to make you love me like you love Matt is it? I thought you were getting over him, I thought you and me were good but…it’s always going to be Matt that you really want.’ Danny hung his head. He wished he’d realised this before. When Jason had told him about Matt he should have just steered clear.

'It’s always been Matt.’ Jason admitted. 'I thought that maybe one day when I met someone else all these feelings for him would fade away. I thought maybe I only felt this way about him because there was no one else, you know? I thought if anyone was going to make me forget about him, it would be you.'

'Your heart already belonged to someone else, I should have seen that. I should have known that your heart wasn’t really yours to give away.’ Danny shrugged sadly. 'I just don’t get how you can forget about what he did? He hurt you Jason, how can you still love someone that could do that to you?’

Jason sighed and ran his fingers through his hair with a shrug.

'The truth is, I would probably still adore him with his hands around my neck.’ Jason sniffed. 'I don’t know how to not be in love with that man.'

'What about Courtney?’ Danny asked.

'What about her? Matt’s still marrying her. He told me all I had to do was tell him not to marry her and he wouldn’t. But I couldn’t do that.’ Jason shook his head.

'Why not?’

'I told him it was because I couldn’t forgive him for what he’d done but that isn’t true. Honesty, I think even if I asked him not to marry her he still would anyway. I didn’t want him to hurt me again, I didn’t want to tell him that I wanted him to be with me when he was never going to leave her anyway. It’s slightly easier this way.’ Jason didn’t know if that was true or not, it was going to be painful either way. But there was no way he was setting himself up for a fall again. He wasn’t going to ask Matt to leave Courtney and have Matt change his mind.

'That makes sense I guess.’ Danny sighed. He looked around the apartment at the boxes that they’d already brought up. This was supposed to be a happy day, this wasn’t supposed to happen. 'I hope my landlord hasn’t had time to get someone else in my apartment.’ Danny chuckled dryly.

'You can always stay here if you need to? Just until you find somewhere?’

'I don’t think so.’ Danny bit his lip. 'I think this has to be the end of the road for us Jay, I’m not as strong as you. I can’t be friends with a man I’m in love with.'

Jason found himself wrapping his arms around Danny after that and they cried on each other’s shoulders for a while. This wasn’t supposed to be happening. Why did Jason always let Matt ruin everything? He was crazy about Danny and he was going to miss him so much, but he wasn’t Matt and he never would be. And Jason wasn’t able to love someone else.

'I wish things could have been different. You know that right?’ Jason pulled out of the hug and wiped at Danny’s tears. Danny sadly nodded.

'Me too.’ He stepped back a little. 'If it’s ok with you I’ll come and get the boxes another time. I need to get out of here right now.’

'That’s fine.’ Jason nodded. 'I’m so, so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.’

'I know you didn’t.’ Danny forced a smile. 'Sometimes things just don’t work out the way we planned. But seriously Jay, you and I both know you’re not going to be happy unless you’re with Matt. So for the love of god, work things out with him. Before it’s too late.’ And those were Danny’s parting words. He left then and Jason collapsed on to the floor in a heap of tears and regret. He’d somehow lost two men he cared about in the space of one day. How the fuck did you get over that? Jason knew now more than ever before that he was never going to get over Matt. He knew he would spend the rest of his life pining over the man that had never really been his to begin with. So why was it only now that he was seeing that? Why was it now that it finally felt like it was over?

—————————————–

Crawling back to you

Ever thought of calling when you’ve had a few? (calling when you’ve had a few)

Chapter 9

(Do I wanna know?)

If this feeling flows both ways

(Sad to see you go)

Was sorta hoping that you’d stay

(Baby we both know)

That the nights were mainly made for saying

Things that you can’t say tomorrow day

—————————————–

The next morning when Jason awoke he had a smile on his face. So what if Matt was mad at him? He decided he wasn’t going to care. He checked his phone and his good mood soon went out the window when he saw the multiple missed calls and texts from Matt. He cleared the calls and trawled his way through the messages.

I’m sorry Jason, I didn’t mean the things I said, please tell me you didn’t mean them either?

Jay please text me back. I’m sorry I’m an asshole ok? I can’t stand it when we fight.

Please Jay! I know you’re mad, but how many times do I need to say I’m sorry?

I’m not going to ask Jake to be my best man ok? You’re the only person I want to do that, please talk to me.

This isn’t fair, please don’t shut me out.

I miss you.

Jason scoffed. I miss you. He didn’t know what missing someone was like. He didn’t know what Jason had been through the last five years, missing someone that was so close he could reach out and touch him but he could never have him. He didn’t know the pain Jason had felt missing Matt after that night in Daytona, knowing what it was like to have him but knowing it would never happen again. Fuck you Matt, he thought. You don’t have the right. Another text message appeared as Jason re read the ones from last night. Not surprisingly it was Matt.

Can we please meet for a drink tonight so we can talk?

Jason wanted to say no, because he didn’t think he had anything he could say to Matt. But also, he didn’t want to lose Matt from his life. His sighed and hit reply.

Sure.

He hit send and then put his phone down just as the bedroom door opened.

‘Morning.’ Danny beamed, he was just wearing his boxers.

'Morning.’ Jason smiled sitting up in the bed. Suddenly he smelt something wafting into the room. 'What’s that smell?’ He raised an eyebrow at Danny. Danny came over to the bed and pulled Jason into a kiss.

'I made breakfast.’ He grinned proudly.

'It smells amazing.’ Jason smiled and swung his legs out of the bed. He threw his pants back on and Danny pulled him in for another kiss. 'You keep that up I won’t be interested in breakfast.’ He slapped Danny’s ass as he passed him, heading towards the smell of the food.

'I’ve got to go to work in a bit but do you want to hook up this evening?’ Danny spoke as he carried the plates out to where Jason was sat at the small dining table.

'Uhm…I kind of agreed to meet Matt for a drink. He wants to talk.'

'That sounds like fun.’ Danny rolled his eyes sarcastically.

'Yeah about as fun as pulling teeth.’ Jason said as he put a piece of bacon in his mouth. 'I don’t want to fall out with him though. How about we hook up tomorrow?'

'Sounds good to me.’ Danny smiled, using his free hand to run up Jason’s thigh. They didn’t get a lot of eating done after that because Jason’s mouth became too preoccupied with Danny. There was something about that man that Jason just couldn’t keep his hands off.

—————————————–

Matt felt strangely nervous as he waited for Jason. A part of him thought maybe he wouldn’t show, he’d been pretty mad at Matt last night but Matt hoped that at the very least Jason wouldn’t lie to him. He checked his watch again, Jason was almost a half hour late; Jason was notoriously always late, but Matt thought maybe he was doing it deliberately this time. Just then the door of the bar opened and Jason walked in. He had his hands in his pockets and a fed up expression on his face.

'Hey.’ Matt spoke shyly as he stood up. 'I was starting to think you weren’t going to come.’

'I wasn’t going to. I’ve circled the block like ten times.’ Jason shrugged and Matt had an overwhelming urge to kiss him but he refrained.

'Well I’m glad you came. Can I get you a drink?'

'Sure.’ Jason sighed slumping into the table. Matt sighed and turned to the bar. He eyed up the array of drinks, not sure what Jason would want but he worried if he asked him he would get even more frustrated. Then he had an idea. He smiled to himself as he put in his special request with the bartender who looked at him oddly but didn’t question it. He made their drinks and Matt paid for them before taking them over to Jason. Jason looked down into his glass. Brownish liquid, the distinctive smell of battery acid. He rolled his eyes.

'Violet Kiss? Wow you’re pulling out the big guns aren’t you?’ Jason sighed and took a sip. It was still as nice as he remembered even though he couldn’t actually remember the last time he’d had one.

'I’m sorry ok? I don’t know how many times I need to say it. But you said some pretty harsh things yourself.’ Matt actually thought Jason had been a lot harsher than he had last night but somehow he was the one apologising. He wasn’t sure how that worked.

'Yeah I know.’ Jason took another sip. If Matt was expecting and apology he could think again.

'Did you mean what you said?’ Matt played with his glasses, he did this when he was uncomfortable, and Jason knew that well. He hadn’t seen Matt in his glasses in a long time, he wondered why he was wearing them tonight.

'I don’t know. I guess a part of me must feel that way otherwise it wouldn’t have come out.'

'You really think I treat you like my lapdog?’ Matt asked him sadly making Jason sigh.

'I never used to but Kurtis is forever calling me it and I’ve heard Jake and the Brian’s saying it too. I guess when everyone else is thinking it it’s hard to ignore.’ Jason shrugged. 'I don’t think you mean to treat me that way, and it’s just as much on me as it is you. I think in the beginning I was so eager to please you, because you were cool and popular and I always thought if I didn’t do what you said then maybe you wouldn’t want to be friends with me anymore. And as times gone on, it’s just the way our friendship became. You started subconsciously expecting me to do whatever you said, to be there at the drop of a hat and I subconsciously went along with it. But I don’t think it’s healthy. I think that if this friendship is going to work we both need to accept that that dynamic is going to shift. When I’m with someone, you aren’t going to be my priority Matt. You can’t demand all of my time and attention, I mean so I didn’t reply to a few texts? Do you know how many texts or calls of mine you’ve not responded to over the years because you’ve been busy with Court? And I don’t say anything because I understand. But for the first time ever I do the same and you kick off! That’s not fair Matt.’ Jason ranted, he didn’t know he was going to say all of that. He took a long sip of his drink while he let his words sink in. Matt bit his lip and ran his fingers over one of the shaved sides of his head.

'I know it’s not fair, you’re right.’ Matt sighed. 'So yeah maybe I have gotten used to you always being there and it was weird for me. This is going to sound horrible and so fucking selfish but I like you always being there. I like that you depended on me, I like being the one you call whenever you have good news or when you have bad news. I like being your shoulder to cry on, I like that you call me when you’re sick. It’s selfish as fuck of me but I like it ok? I miss you not needing me.’ Matt felt like a horrible person saying as much. Jason narrowed his eyes on him.

'They are the kind of things a boyfriend does though Matt. You are not my boyfriend. You should want to do all those things for Courtney, you should want her to need you. Not me.’ Jason shook his head. Matt was such a head fuck.

'I know, I know I’m sorry. I guess I’ve just gotten so used to you always needing me that I missed it a little. I’ll get over that, I want you to be happy Jason.'

'Yeah?’ Jason bit his lip.

'Of course!’ Matt put his hand on top of Jason’s and Jason hated that every time Matt touched him he felt butterflies in his stomach. 'Come on, tell me about this guy.’ He removed his hand and Jason felt a little down trodden but he tried to ignore it.

'Uhm well…his names Danny…do you remember the guy from Spring Break?'

'The asshole from the beach?’ Matt scoffed.

'That’s Danny.’ Jason shrugged.

'You’re dating that guy? What the fuck Jason! That guy was a fucking asshole! Of all the guys? Really?’ Matt suddenly raised his voice. Jason’s face dropped again and he slammed his hands on the table.

'Fuck you Matt.’ He stood up. 'What the hell happened to what you just said? This is my life goddamnit and I can date whoever the fuck I want!’ Jason went to leave but Matt stopped him, grabbing his arm.

'Where are you going?’

'I can still meet Danny from work if I leave now.’

'No, please.’ Matt begged. 'I’m sorry, that was an asshole reaction. Please, sit back down and tell me about him.'

Jason thought about this for a second. Matt half-smiled at him, his eyes pleading. Jason rolled his eyes and sat back down.

'Fine. His names Danny and he’s twenty-five and he’s from California.’ Jason swilled his drink around in his glass as he thought. 'That’s about it.’

'That’s it? Do you guys ever talk?’ Matt chuckled a little.

'Not a lot of time for talking if you know what I mean.’ Jason smirked. 'Oh one more thing I know about him, he knows how to work a dick.'

'What the fuck?’ Matt grimaced. 'I don’t want to fucking know that.'

'Why? Because I’m gay? Don’t like the thought of two men together?’ Jason folded his arms.

'What? I didn’t say that!'

'Well it’s funny because I hear you and Jake talking about your nasty straight sex all the time and you’ve never had that kind of reaction before.’ Jason stood back up. He’d had enough of this.

'Jason come on, you know that’s not what this about! I just don’t want to think about…that.'

’Because I’m gay!’ Jason raised his voice. 'You know I never had you pegged as being homophobic Matt. Once upon a time you even seemed pretty gay yourself with your dick in my ass!’ Jason made sure to shout the last part so everyone heard. He saw Matt go bright red.

'Jason-’

'Save it.’ Jason scoffed and then he fled the bar. Matt caught up with him outside.

'Jason come on.’ Matt grabbed his shoulder.

'No I know Matt, not now right? Not fucking now.’ Jason rolled his eyes. 'I’m sorry I brought up your dirty little secret.’ He tried to leave but Matt was holding him firmly in place.

'Jason you know full well the fact you’re gay has nothing to do with it. I just don’t like the idea of thinking about anyone with you in that way, I don’t care if it’s a guy or a girl.’ Matt confessed, his eyes boring into Jason.

'Why not?’ Jason swallowed as he felt a lump forming in his throat. Matt let go of his shoulder and sighed.

'You know why.’ Matt told him, keeping the eye contact firm. Jason’s heart hammered. Was Matt getting at what Jason thought he was? Jason’s mouth was suddenly dry and he couldn’t think of any words to say to that. 'Look, I just don’t want to hear about your sex life ok? I’m happy you’ve met someone, I am but please, can we keep that part off the table? I would never tell you about me and Court.'

Jason was still reeling. He found himself dumbly nodding though.

'I should…probably go.’ He croaked out eventually.

'Please don’t.’ Matt whispered. 'Court’s away for the weekend, why don’t you come back to mine and we’ll watch Drag Race and have a few drinks? Just like college.’ He looked at Jason pleadingly. Jason knew it was a bad idea, especially after what Matt had just said that was still making Jason’s head spin but he couldn’t stop himself from nodding. He always was a sucker for Matt, forever the lapdog.

'Yeah, ok.'

Matt beamed at him and then he was hailing a cab. What could go wrong? A lot probably but Jason chose to put that to the back of his mind.

—————————————–

'Jay? Jay wake up.’ Matt whispered a little while later as Jason had fallen asleep on his shoulder. Jason blinked a few times and rubbed his eyes.

'What time is it?’ He was on Matt’s sofa, an episode of Drag Race had been paused.

'It’s like 3.30 in the morning.’ Matt chuckled sleepily.

'Oh fuck I should go.’ Jason stood up and stretched his limbs.

'Don’t be silly, it’s late and you live miles away.’

'I’ll get a cab.'

'Stay here, like I said Courtney’s away, it’s not a problem.’ Matt was smiling in that way that made Jason’s knees go weak.

'I guess I could stay in the spare room.’ He shrugged, he really was too tired to go home.

'Or, you could stay with me? If you wanted to of course.’ Matt bit his lip shyly. Jason’s heart beat sped up. He knew that wasn’t a good idea, guy friends didn’t share beds did they? But Jason was never good at saying no to Matt even if he knew this was a bad idea. He found himself nodding robotically and Matt smiled at him and led Jason upstairs. They both stripped down to their boxers with their backs to each other before Matt crawled into the bed. Jason took a few deep breaths to calm himself before he turned and darted under the covers. Matt was curled up on his side facing Jason so Jason did the same but he kept his distance.

'Is this weird?’ Matt whispered.

'A little.’ Jason whispered in reply. Matt shuffled a little closer to him, making Jason’s heart race again.

'I really am sorry you know. There’s just something about the thought of you being with someone that sets off a reaction in me. I know it’s dumb, I’m with Court and I have no right to feel that way but…’ Matt trailed off, clearly at a loss for words.

'But you like the idea that you could still have me if you wanted to.’ Jason added for him. Matt bit his lip and looked away briefly.

'Something like that.’ He confessed.

'You know that’s not fair right? You don’t get to be engaged and keep me on the hook. That’s not fair Matt.’ Jason sniffed, feeling pathetically as though he might cry. Matt shuffled even closer and put his hand cautiously on Jason’s cheek.

'I don’t know what it is about you Jay. When I look at you, it’s like everything I know about myself goes out the window. I’ve never had that before, especially not with another guy. I try and fight it and I try to ignore it but fuck, I spend most of the time on the cusp of trying to kiss you. Even now, it is taking everything in my power not to kiss you.’ Matt spoke softly and quietly and Jason had had no idea. He had no idea Matt felt that way about him. And all of Jason’s rational thinking went out the window. He forgot about Danny, he forgot about Courtney. Matt wanted to kiss him and Jason was a sucker for that man.

'Stop fighting it.’ Jason whispered. 'If you want to kiss me, I’ll be damned if I can stop you.’ He saw Matt consider this for a moment. Maybe he was thinking about Courtney, and all the other reasons he shouldn’t do this and Jason thought he might not. But then Matt shuffled even closer, his hand on Jason’s cheek snaking around and entwining in Jason’s hair. And then their lips met in a soft and gentle kiss. Jason smirked when Matt pulled away.

'Not good enough.’ He mumbled and then pulled Matt closer and kissed him again, more passionately this time and Matt didn’t argue. He was gripping Jason’s hair as Jason’s tongue glided into his mouth. Their bodies pressed together, they could feel each other growing hard and they both moaned softly. Matt’s other hand stroked down Jason’s chest and stomach and it made goosebumps rise on the younger boy’s skin. He hissed a little into Matt’s mouth as Matt’s hand toyed with the waistband of his pants. Matt pulled back and stroked Jason’s cheek again.

'Can I?’ His voice was low and lustful, Jason didn’t think he’d ever heard something so sexy.

'God, please.’ Jason insisted, there was no way he could stop Matt even if he wanted to. Matt kept his eyes fixed on Jason as he slowly inched Jason’s boxers down just enough for his erection to spring free. Matt bit his lip and Jason smiled softly at him.

'Are you ok?’ Jason whispered.

'Yeah, just nervous I guess.’ Matt half-smiled. His hand was shaking when he took hold of Jason’s shaft but Jason gasped at the feeling. He pulled Matt’s face close so he could kiss him again. Their tongues quickly found their way back to each other as Matt tentatively started stroking Jason’s dick. Jason moaned into Matt’s mouth and Matt’s other hand found its way back into Jason’s long locks. Jason let his own hand stroke down Matt’s incredible body but he didn’t hesitate like Matt had when he reached the other man’s pants. He yanked them down and as soon as Matt’s dick was free Jason wrapped his hand tightly around it and started pumping Matt in time with Matt’s pumps on him. Matt was panting and moaning as Jason kissed him. Jason needed more though. He wanted every part of Matt. He let go of Matt’s cock and rolled them so Jason was on top. Matt whimpered a little but Jason just smiled.

'It’s ok, we’re not done.’ He insisted. He kissed down Matt’s neck, trying not to get carried away and leave marks because that would be bad. He kissed every little inch of skin on Matt’s chest, taking his time sucking on each nipple. His kisses trailed lower, over Matt’s abdomen, his hip bones and the tops of his thighs. Matt was a mess just from this, he was writhing about the bed, his hands practically lost in Jason’s hair at this point. He made the most incredible moan when Jason lapped his tongue over Matt’s swollen head.

'Jesus fucking Christ.’ Matt gasped. Jason looked up at him through hooded eyes with a smirk on his face. He licked up the underside of Matt’s shaft making him moan again. Jason hadn’t reached his final destination yet. He wasn’t sure what Matt’s reaction was going to be to this but Jason couldn’t help himself. Before Matt knew what was happening he felt Jason’s wet tongue lapping over his hole. Matt gasped and tugged at Jason’s hair. Jason sat up a little.

'Too much?’ Jason asked him biting his lip. Matt looked at him for several long seconds, clearly thinking about this. He bit his own lip and started shaking his head.

'No. Just took me by surprise.’ Matt told him. Jason placed a couple of gentle kisses on the inside of Matt’s thighs.

'Just tell me if you want me to stop.’ Jason told him softly and then his tongue lapped over Matt’s hole making the older boy gasp again. Jason started off slow, working Matt’s entrance with his tongue, letting him get used to it. Once he thought Matt had wrapped his head around what was going on Jason dared to let his tongue dip passed Matt’s ring of muscles. Matt gasped even louder.

'Holy fucking shit.’ He practically screamed, making Jason sit up.

'Do you want me to stop?’

'Fuck no. Please Jay, never stop.’ Matt begged and Jason didn’t need to be told twice. Jason let his tongue glide inside Matt again and felt the older boy tense a little but he soon relaxed. He was really pulling Jason’s hair now but Jason thought it felt amazing. He was moaning and groaning and gasping every so often as Jason worked him in a way he’d never been worked before. One of Jason’s hands found Matt’s erection again and started stroking him and now Matt really was a mess.

'You have no idea how fucking good that feels.’ Matt’s sentence was punctuated with soft moans. Jason wanted to roll his eyes, bitch of course I know how good it feels to have someone lick my fucking asshole, he said in his head. He pumped Matt roughly while his tongue exploded Matt’s hole. Matt was gone, he was so far gone he didn’t even know his own name at that moment.

'Jay, fuck I’m gonna come.’ He practically screeched. Jason let his tongue glide inside Matt as far as physically possible and picked up his pace on Matt’s dick. He felt Matt clench and then he screamed Jason’s name and Jason felt his warm come spilling on to his hand. He let go of Matt’s dick and gently slid his tongue out, licking over his hole one last time making Matt tremble. He flopped down on top of Matt, not much caring about the come and kissed him hard.

'That was so…holy shit I can’t even put it into words.’ Matt panted. Jason smiled and rolled down next to him with a small yawn. He still had a fully erect cock, maybe he’d have to excuse himself to take care of that.

'Where are you going?’ Matt grabbed him as Jason rolled off him.

'Nowhere.'

'Good.’ Matt kissed him again. 'My turn now.’

'You don’t have to Matt.’ Jason insisted although fuck he would really like Matt to make him come. Matt rolled on top of Jason now and stroked back his hair.

'I want to make you feel as good as you made me feel.’ His hand was on Jason’s length and then he was bowing his head. His tongue swiped across Jason’s head and Jason gasped.

'Matt, really its ok.’ It was a lie, it wasn’t ok, and he needed Matt now more than ever.

'Shush.’ Matt placed a finger to Jason’s lips. 'I’ve never done this before so I don’t know how good it will be.’

'You know what you like though right? Chances are I’ll like the same things.’ That was a perk of being with another man. Matt nodded and briefly bit his lip before his tongue swiped Jason’s head again and then his lips were wrapping around Jason’s erection. Jason had lost count of the amount of times he’d imagined what this would feel like and it didn’t disappoint. Matt worked him like a fucking pro, Jason had a hard time believing he hadn’t done this before. Jason’s orgasm hit him in record time, he warned Matt because he didn’t think Matt would want him to come in his mouth, but Matt just smirked around his dick and continued sucking and licking until Jason’s balls ached and he came. Matt swallowed every last drop of Jason’s load and wiped his hand over his mouth as he came off. He fell down next to Jason and kissed him.

'How was that?’ Matt whispered.

'Let’s just say I’ve never come that quickly before.’ Jason chuckled sleepily.

'Not bad for a beginner.’ Matt stroked Jason’s cheek. 'You’re so goddamn beautiful Jason. I’m sorry if I’ve never told you that before.’ Matt got suddenly serious. Jason half-smiled, not really sure what to say to that. Matt hadn’t ever told him that before and he didn’t know what to do with the information.

'Thank you.’ Jason blushed.

'I wish things could be like this all the time. But…but…’

'I know.’ Jason nodded. 'I know Matt. You’re marrying Courtney and I’m seeing Danny.’

'Yeah.’ Matt sounded sad. 'I’m sorry.’

'It’s ok.’ Jason shrugged. It wasn’t ok, but he didn’t want to make Matt feel any worse than he already did. 'We’re good at keeping secrets.'

'Yeah, I guess we are.’ Matt pulled Jason into his arms and Jason rested his head on Matt’s chest. 'I’m sorry I can’t give you all of me.’ Matt whispered, placing a gentle kiss on Jason’s head. Jason sniffed, a wave of emotions washing over him.

'I’m sorry too.’ Jason felt a small tear roll from his eye but he batted it away before Matt realised. They fell into silence after that. Jason just wanted to revel in this moment for as long as possible because he knew when morning reared its ugly head Matt was going to go back to Courtney and Jason was going to go back to Danny. He just wanted to pretend, even for a second, that this was his life. He wanted to pretend that he and Matt were together and they were happy and in love. For just one night, Jason wanted to pretend that everything in the world was ok.

—————————————–

Matt barely said two words to Jason the following morning but Jason had expected that. He’d already been up busying himself around the house when Jason got up. Good job he was meeting Danny and he didn’t have to hang around.

'Uhm well I guess I’ll see you then.’ Jason told the back of Matt’s head as he cleaned away some take out containers.

'Yeah sure.’ Matt grunted without turning around. Normally Jason would be sad but to be honest he was fed up. He rolled his eyes and left the house. He called a cab and sat on the kerb while he waited.

—————————————–

'Hey sexy.’ Danny winked at him as he walked in the coffee shop. He bowed his head and kissed him.

'Hey.’ Jason voice shook. Danny sat down, ordered a coffee with the waitress and raised an eyebrow at Jason.

'Something’s up.’ He scrutinised Jason. 'What happened with Matt?’

Jason sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. He didn’t want to lie to Danny, he owed him the truth.

'We hooked up.’ He blurted out. 'I’m sorry, I don’t know if I should tell you that kind of thing because I know we’re just messing around but I felt guilty. We didn’t have sex but we fooled around and I just thought you should know.'

Danny briefly closed his eyes as he processed Jason’s words. Jason had no idea what he was thinking.

'Well, I’ll be honest, that kinda hurts a bit.’ Danny confessed. 'I know this was supposed to be casual and fun but…I kind of like you Jason, quite a lot. I don’t like the idea of you hooking up with other people. Especially him.'

The waitress brought over Danny’s coffee and he thanked her.

'I don’t like the idea of you hooking up with other guys either. I like you Danny, you’re the first person that’s made me forget about Matt. When I’m with you I don’t think about him, it’s like he doesn’t even exist and I love that. Last night was just…it was a mistake. It was heat of the moment stuff and I swear it’ll never happen again.’ Jason reached across the table and took hold of Danny’s hand.

'So if we’re not seeing other people…does that like make this a relationship?’ Danny smiled a little and so did Jason.

'I would like that.’ Jason shrugged. 'I mean I’m not going to get over Matt overnight but you really help.’

'It’s ok, I still have some unresolved feelings for my ex but I think together we can work through that.’ Danny squeezed his hand.

'So this is it then? We’re going to do this for real?’ Jason smiled.

'Yeah, I think we are. As long as you swear to me you’re never going to go back to that asshole.'

'I swear to you Danny. You’re the only one I want.’ Jason leant across the table and kissed Danny. For the first time since he’d met Matt he was willing to try and have something with someone else. He was done shutting himself off from other guys, he was done patiently waiting like an idiot for the day Matt would realise he wanted him. Because it was never going to happen. Matt was getting married and Jason was going to give all his time and effort to his relationship with Danny. And who knows, maybe one day he’ll even be able to love him the way he loved Matt.

—————————————–

Crawling back to you

Ever thought of calling when you’ve had a few? (calling when you’ve had a few)

'Cause I always do ('cause I always do)

Maybe I’m too busy being yours to fall for somebody new

Now I’ve thought it through

Chapter 7

(Do I wanna know?)

If this feeling flows both ways

(Sad to see you go)

Was sorta hoping that you’d stay

(Baby we both know)

That the nights were mainly made for saying

Things that you can’t say tomorrow day

—————————————–

The following weekend Jason was humming to himself as he walked into the bar to meet his friends. He was late as usual, but they were so used to him being late for everything he never saw the point in turning up on time. He saw his friends stood by the bar together but as he got closer his heart started to race.

‘I’m so happy for you guys!’ He heard Brian say.

'It’s fucking brilliant.’ Jake agreed.

'Thanks guys.' Courtney, urgh.

'What’s going on?’ Jason sidled up to the group looking between his friends. Matt held Courtney’s waist and she was wearing the biggest smile Jason had ever seen. He knew. Oh god, it had happened.

'Matt proposed and I said yes!’ She screeched a little holding out her hand so Jason could see the beautiful vintage diamond ring on her dainty finger. His eyes found Matt’s and Matt must have seen the sadness behind them even though Jason tried to disguise it because Matt bit his lip and looked away. Jason felt as though someone had turned the heat up. It felt like the walls were closing in on him. He struggled to breathe. He thought he was actually going to be sick. Courtney was looking at him expectantly, awaiting some form of congratulations. Jason didn’t remember his brain telling him to speak but suddenly he was forcing a smile.

'Wow, that’s…wow. Congratulations.’ He barely heard his own words. He felt dizzy, like everything was spinning.

'Are you ok Jason? You look really pale?’ Kurtis’ voice was distant, Jason barely registered it.

'I thought you were feeling better after last week?’ Matt’s voice was even more distant.

'I uhm…I don’t feel so good.’ He turned around, not entirely sure where he was going but he stumbled, Kurtis just managed to grab hold of him.

'Let’s get you some air.’ Kurtis put his arm around Jason’s shoulders and helped him back outside. Jason fell against the wall.

'This is about Matt isn’t it?’ Kurtis asked him, stroking his hair back off his face.

'He’s…he’s…he told me he was going to propose but I…I didn’t actually believe it was going to happen.’ He was breathing heavily, on the verge of hyperventilating.

'Deep breaths.’ Kurtis told him, rubbing his back. 'Just take deep breaths.’

Jason did as he was told and started inhaling and exhaling slowly and deeply while Kurtis continued to rub his back.

'I can’t believe this is happening.’ He ran his hands over his face, hoping he wasn’t going to cry.

'You still have feelings for him.’ Kurtis bit his lip. He hadn’t realised that until right now. Jason had never told Kurtis the real reason he’d bailed on him on their last day of Spring Break. He’d never told anyone about that night with Matt, because he felt stupid. He’d clearly been a huge mistake for Matt, so why would he want to relive that? He’d tried to pretend his crush on Matt was over long ago, but it was evident now that it wasn’t. Jason nodded his head and sniffed.

'Yeah, dumb right?'

'I thought you got over that, I thought it was just a college crush?'

'I’d hoped it was but no. I’m fucking crazy about him Kurtis and this is killing me.’ A small tear escaped his eye but he quickly batted it away before more could fall. Kurtis pulled him into a tight hug.

'That sucks Jason, I’m sorry.’ He wrapped his arms tightly around his friend. 'He is straight though, you’ve always known that. I mean I know you had that kiss that one time but-’

'Yes I know Kurtis.’ Jason sighed, pulling out of his embrace. 'You’d think that would be enough to make me stop feeling like this, but it isn’t. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop feeling this way about him.'

'Oh sweetie.’ Kurtis stroked his cheek. 'You just need to meet someone else, there is someone out there that will make you make wonder what you ever saw in Matt.’

'I hope so.’ Jason sniffed again. 'I’m starting to doubt that though.’

'When was the last time you went on a date though Jason?'

'I don’t know.'

'Ok, how about the last time you got laid?’

Jason scratched the back of his head as he thought. Jesus it shouldn’t be this hard to remember should it?

'My birthday, that guy I met at the club, you remember?'

'Yeah I remember.’ Kurtis bit his lip. 'Your birthday was almost seven months ago though Jason.'

Jason pouted his bottom lip.

'So?’

'So, you’re not going to get over Matt if you don’t try and find someone new.'

'It’s not like I don’t try Kurtis, it’s just…no one compares to him.’ He hung his head a little. He hated feeling like this about Matt, he really did. He would give anything to meet someone that made him forget about him.

'Do you know what I think the problem is? You’ve clearly put Matt on this pedestal, you think so much of him that you don’t think there is anyone as good as him. You’re too preoccupied wishing you were with Matt to fall for someone else.'

'What are you a therapist now?’ Jason scoffed.

'You just need to meet someone, you need a distraction from Matt.’ Kurtis’ eyes suddenly lit up. 'Oooh I know just the thing! This guy at my work was telling me about this speed dating night he went on and he got like six guys numbers.'

'No, no way.’ Jason shook his head. He was joking right?

'Oh come on! It’s a great way to meet people. I’ll even go with you if you like?’

'Oh yeah I’m sure Patrick will love that.’

'He won’t mind if I tell him in going for you.’ Kurtis waved a dismissive hand at Jason.

'No offence Kurtis but if you came with me it would like having my grandma there.'

'Some offence taken.’ Kurtis frowned.

'Oh come on, you’ve been with Patrick for so long you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself on the dating scene. And you’d spend the whole night fussing over me and probably scare guys away.’ Jason told him and Kurtis knew he was probably right.

'You’re not going to go on your own though are you?'

'I’ll go if you promise not to come with me.’ Jason didn’t want to go, he thought speed dating was a horrible idea, but maybe meeting someone else wouldn’t be a bad thing. A distraction. He certainly wasn’t looking for something serious, because Kurtis was right, in his head he was too busy belonging to Matt to fall for anyone else. But a distraction wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

'You promise me you’ll go? I want proof when you do.'

'Sure whatever.’ Jason rolled his eyes. Kurtis was on his phone now, tapping away for a minute before he looked back at Jason.

'There’s one tomorrow night!’ He turned the phone around so Jason could see the page he’d got up.

'Tomorrow? That’s a bit soon.’

'Jason.’ Kurtis raised an eyebrow at him. 'No time like the present.'

Jason rolled his eyes again, knowing full well that arguing with Kurtis was fighting a losing battle.

'Fine, I’ll go. We should get back in, they’re probably wondering where we got to.'

'Are you sure you’re ok to go back in?’ Kurtis pocketed his phone and gave Jason a sad look.

'Yes I’m fine. It’s going to look weird if we stay out here too long. Come on.’ He motioned Kurtis towards the door. Jason took a deep breath as he walked back inside. Their friends had glasses of champagne and were toasting.

'Hey there you are!’ Bri handed Jason and Kurtis each a glass. 'You almost missed the toast.’

Jason took the glass and tried not to make eye contact with Matt as Jake spoke.

'To Matt and Court!’ He cheered and then they all clinked glasses. A second later Matt was at Jason’s side.

'Are you ok?’ He whispered to the younger boy. Jason bit his lip. He was far from ok, but he was determined that he would be. He had to get over this thing he had for Matt before it destroyed him. Matt was getting married. It was over. Jason was never going to be with him. And that hurt like hell but Jason wasn’t going to let Matt know that.

'Yeah I’m fine! Why wouldn’t I be?’ He plastered on a smile and as Matt went to speak again, because he didn’t believe Jason at all, Jason suddenly turned his back on him and was talking to Brian. Matt sighed and sipped his champagne. Why was this engagement starting to feel like a bad idea? He’d been sure that this what he wanted but for some reason now he wasn’t so sure. There was something in his gut as he looked at Jason as he threw his head back laughing at something Brian had said that made Matt feel uneasy. Something in his gut was telling him, something he’d probably always known really, that maybe he was with the wrong person. Maybe the wrong person was wearing his ring. But it was too late now, and Matt was going to have to live with that.

—————————————–

Jason felt uncomfortable as he stood in the bar the following night waiting for the speed dating session to start. He got a drink and stood at the bar not making eye contact with anyone. They’d had to draw straws to see who would sit at the tables and who would do the moving and Jason was so thankful he got to be one of the ones that stayed at the table. His head wasn’t in this, Kurtis had practically forced him into it. He sighed as he remembered he was supposed to prove to Kurtis he’d come tonight. How the hell was he supposed to do that? He thought for a second before pulling his phone from his pocket and opening his Facebook app.

Jason Dardo: is at some dumb speed dating event because his even dumber friend Kurtis Dam-Mikkelsen forced him into it. Proof enough, dumbass?

He updated his status and checked himself into the event. He barely put his phone away before he felt it buzz from a notification. Facebook. He sighed and opened the app back up.

Kurtis Dam-Mikkelsen: proud of you boo! Xx

Jason rolled his eyes as he read the comment. He was about to reply when a voice boomed over the sound system in the bar.

'Can you all take your seats, we’re about to begin. The rules are really simple, guys doing the switching, you have three minutes at each table. If you come across someone you like at the end you can leave a note with me for the guy that takes your fancy with your number on and we’ll pass them out after. If they feel the same then it’s up them to contact you! Right, let’s get started!’ The man was a little too enthusiastic for Jason’s liking. He took a seat at his designated table and ran his fingers through his messy hair. He probably could have made more of an effort but he so didn’t want to be here. He sipped his drink as the man announced they were starting and a man sat down in front of Jason.

'Hi, I’m Robbie.’ The older man smiled. He’d had dark hair once Jason assumed but it was now peppered with greys. He wore glasses and his smile was a little crooked. Jason sighed inwardly, he’d hoped maybe at least he’d meet a guy he’d want to fuck. Things hadn’t started off so well.

'Jason.’ Jason knew he couldn’t sound any less interested if he tried but he didn’t care.

'Nice to meet you.’ Robbie smiled again. 'How does a gorgeous guy like you end up at a speed dating night?’ He chuckled and Jason couldn’t help but pull a face. What a line, he thought.

'Well let’s see,’ Jason began, there was no point in lying to this man. He had no interest in him so he didn’t see the point. 'I’m kind of in love with my straight best friend and he’s just proposed to his long term girlfriend and I started panicking so my friend made me come.’ He sat back in his chair and folded his arms.

'Oh.’ Robbie scratched his awkwardly. 'I see.’

'Hmm.’ Jason mumbled. This was going to be a long fucking night.

—————————————–

There had been no one that caught Jason’s attention, each guy had been a bigger dud than the last and Jason had barely said a word to any of them. He knew he should try and put more effort into this but his head just wasn’t in it. He would rather be at home pining over Matt with a take away pizza. This was beyond depressing. He was about half way through when a messy haired man with a large smile plastered across his face sat down at his table.

'Jason?’ The man asked with a raised eyebrow. Jason frowned scrutinising the man’s face. He recognised him but he didn’t know where from.

'Uhm…yeah?'

'You don’t remember me.’ The guy didn’t seem annoyed about this, his smile turned into more of a smirk.

'Sorry, no.’ Jason shrugged. The guy laughed and ran his fingers through his hair.

'It’s ok, it was like four or five years ago.’ The guy’s eyes seemed to sparkle as he looked at Jason and a wave of recognition hit him as he looked into those eyes. A beach a Daytona. Drinks were flowing. Messy make-out sessions by the pool, in the club. His disappearing act.

'Danny?’ Jason finally smiled, there was a face he never expected to see again.

'The one and only.’ He winked flirtatiously at Jason.

'What are doing in New York?’

'I moved here a couple of years ago, I never in a million years would have expected to see you again.’ He chuckled and Jason had to admit it was a really nice sound.

'Same here.’ Jason laughed.

'How do you fancy getting out of here?’ The sparkle in his eyes was joined by a hint of danger. It made Jason’s body tremble.

'Are we allowed to do that?’ Jason bit his lip.

'Who cares?’ Danny shrugged. 'I’ve found the person I want to take home tonight.'

Jason felt the tremble again, this time confined mostly to his crotch. He looked around. He knew they didn’t have a lot of time before they would have to switch again and Jason wasn’t done with Danny, not by a long shot.

'Fuck it, let’s get out of here.’ He stood from the table as did Danny.

'Party!’ He grabbed Jason’s hand and then they were running for the door.

—————————————–

They walked through the park together, Danny lit a cigarette.

'Where did you go that night?’ Jason finally asked him after a long silence. Danny exhaled the smoke and it drifted gracefully up into the still night.

'You and that guy seemed to be getting into one. I felt a bit like I was stepping on his toes or something.’ Danny shrugged.

'Stepping on his toes?'

Danny turned to look at Jason as they walked.

'Yeah, he was clearly jealous.'

'I don’t think so.’ Jason laughed uncomfortably. 'Matt’s straight.’

'Fuck off is he!’ Danny laughed and he fell down to a bench in the park. Jason sat next to him. 'I got a gay vibe off of him within seconds.’

'Well you must have been mistaken because Matt is very much straight. He’s just gotten engaged to a woman.’ Jason insisted. Danny pulled a face and dragged on his cigarette.

'He’s no straighter than I am.’ Danny shook his head. 'Come on, level with me. You two have fucked right? I mean you should have done because the sexual tension between you two could be cut with a fucking knife.'

Jason bit his lip and shook his head.

'No, no we haven’t.'

He saw the smirk playing on Danny’s lips.

'You’re a terrible liar.’ He laughed, dropping the cigarette to the floor and stubbing it out with his Converse.

'Fine, so we did. Once.’ Jason sighed, that was the first time he’d admitted that out loud.

'In Daytona?'

'The night I met you.’ Jason felt himself blushing. 'But we’ve never talked about it and not long after he met Courtney and now they’re getting married so.'

Danny turned to face him and put his hand on Jason’s leg.

'You still have feelings for him though.’ It wasn’t a question. How did people keep guessing this recently? Was he that obvious? Did Matt know?

'Uhm…well…I mean-’

'It’s ok if you do.’ Danny smiled. 'I’m not exactly looking for something serious. I had a pretty messy break up not too long ago so I’m just looking for some fun. And if you need a distraction from Matt…’ Danny moved in close to Jason, so close he could feel Danny’s breath on his face. 'I’m told I’m an excellent…distraction.’ He smirked, his lips so close that Jason wouldn’t have to move far to kiss him. Jason swallowed the lump forming in his throat.

'You’d…you’d be ok with that?’ Jason stuttered, feeling strangely nervous. Danny’s smirk grew.

'I would be more than ok with that.’ He licked his lip now and Jason knew it was a seduction technique. And it worked. Jason suddenly grabbed the back of Danny’s head and closed the small space between them, their lips melting together. He remembered the kiss instantly; Danny’s plump lips felt incredible. The kiss heated up really quickly, Danny’s tongue was in Jason’s mouth in no time and he was pulling Jason close by the neck of his t-shirt. Jason was hard within seconds, it really had been a long time. They made out for a long time and were both out of breath when Danny pulled back.

'So,’ his eyes sparkled as he stroked Jason’s unruly hair back. 'Your place or mine?'

It was on. It was so fucking on. And suddenly Matt was the furthest thing from Jason’s mind.

—————————————–

Crawlin’ back to you

Ever thought of calling when you’ve had a few?

'Cause I always do

Maybe I’m too busy being yours to fall for somebody new

Now I’ve thought it through

Chapter 8

So have you got the guts?

Been wondering if your heart’s still open and if so I wanna know what time it shuts

Simmer down and pucker up

—————————————–

‘Are you a top or a bottom?’ Danny panted as he straddled Jason on Jason’s bed. Jason kissed him and ran his fingers through his hair.

'I’m usually a bottom.’ He bit Danny’s lip making the other man moan a little.

'Works for me.’ He sat back and pulled his jumper off revealing he had nothing on underneath. He had tattoos dotted up his arms and Jason found himself reaching out and touching one which made Danny smile. Then Jason’s hand trailed over Danny’s chest and stomach, coming to a stop at the waistband of his jeans. Danny grinned and toyed with the button.

'You have to get naked too.’ He kissed Jason again and Jason didn’t need to be told twice. While Danny was working on his own jeans, Jason stripped of his t-shirt and trousers leaving him straining against his boxers. Danny was soon undressed too only he was completely naked. He put his hands on his hips and smirked at Jason.

'Nah uh, that won’t do.’ He was then hooking his fingers in the waistband of Jason’s pants and in one swift move they were gone. Danny laid back on top of Jason and they made out as their hard dicks rubbed together making both boys gasp into each other’s mouths. Danny’s lips moved away from Jason’s and he felt them trail down his neck, nipping at his skin. Then they were on his chest, Danny took his time sucking each of Jason’s nipples, biting his nipple ring and tugging it a little with his teeth.

'Where’s your stash?’ He asked between kisses on Jason’s torso. Panting, Jason pointed to his top drawer. Danny smiled and reached over to the bedside unit pulling out a bottle of lube and a condom. He slicked up his fingers and pressed them outside Jason’s hole. He bowed his head and continued kissing down Jason’s torso and then his tongue lapped over the head of Jason’s erection, making him gasp. As he gasped, he felt Danny’s fingers slowly push inside him and his lips wrapped around his shaft, making Jason moan loudly.

'Oh fucking hell.’ He panted, his fingers finding Danny’s locks and entwining themselves in them. His fingers worked on opening Jason up, scissoring him for a while before a third finger joined them and his lips were working his dick. He sucked up and down the length of Jason’s erection, lapping over his head each time he came up. Jason was panting and moaning, his fingers pulling a little at Danny’s hair. The sensation of both Danny’s fingers and his lips were all too much and Danny knew that when he tasted Jason’s pre come on his tongue.

'Are you ready for me?’ He came off Jason’s dick and looked up at him through hooded eyes.

'Fuck yes, please?’ He was a mess, he couldn’t pretend otherwise. Danny removed his fingers and sat up, ripping the condom open with his teeth. Jason watched in lustful awe as Danny rolled the condom over his dick and coated a little lube on the outside. He bowed his head and their lips met in a messy yet passionate kiss. He took Jason’s spindly legs and threw them over his shoulders as he started pushing his way inside. Jason clenched around him, moaning deeply. Danny smirked and then he was moving, thrusting in and out slowly at first. His fingers delicately stroked Jason’s torso and Jason grabbed Danny’s ass, desperate for him to fuck him harder.

'More.’ Jason panted, his eyes dark with lust. Danny smiled and he picked up his pace as Jason had asked.

'Fucking hell you feel so good.’ Danny threw his head back biting his bottom lip hard. His eyes were closed but his hand trailed down Jason’s body and took hold of his shaft. Jason was already close to the brink due to Danny’s work with his lips and he could feel more pre come leaking out of his head onto Danny’s hand. Danny opened his eyes and looked down at Jason whose nails were digging into his ass.

'Are you close?’ Danny panted already knowing the answer.

'Yeah…really fucking close.'

Danny increased his speed, pounding in Jason and quickened his pace on his strokes of Jason’s cock. Jason groaned in an animalistic fashion and then he came, feeling his hot come spill onto his stomach. Danny’s face was flushed and Jason could tell he was close too. He thrust in and out a few more times and then he groaned too, Jason felt his cock trembling inside of him as he filled the condom with his load. Danny slowly pulled out and tossed the condom. He gave Jason a kiss and stood up.

'We should do that again sometime.’ He winked at Jason and grabbed the paper and pen Jason kept by his bed and scrawled his number on it. He dressed while Jason used a tissue to clean the come off his body. Danny gave Jason one last kiss once he was clothed.

'Call me yeah?’ He winked again with that dangerous smirk.

'Of course.’ Jason smiled and then Danny was on his way. Jason got under the covers and located his phone. He had several Facebook notifications. He rolled his eyes and opened the app. His speed dating status update had gotten a lot of attention and he had likes from people he barely even knew, the kind that you meet once and then they add you as a friend and Jason was always too polite to decline them. There were all several comments too but these all came from his friends.

Kurtis Dam-Mikkelsen: I am dying to know how it went! CALL ME BITCH! Xx

Brian Firkus: ooooh juicy! I’ve heard those things are meant to be ripe with hot men ;)

Brian McCook: don’t get any ideas Brian Firkus.

Jake Ludwig: ha-ha Jason’s gettin laid 2nite!

Kurtis Dam-Mikkelsen: by his lack of Facebook activity I wouldn’t be surprised if he was getting laid right now.

Jake Ludwig: Jason u dirty dog! We want all the deets

Jason rolled his eyes again and sighed. The final comment was what made him stop in his tracks.

Matthew James Lent: wtf? Seriously Jay? I thought you had higher standards than that…

And just like that Matt was back in his head. Danny had been right though, he made a really good distraction; he hadn’t thought about Matt all night. And Jason so desperately needed a distraction. He closed the Facebook app, he didn’t want to sit here and scrutinise Matt’s comment, spending all night wondering what he meant and inevitably getting frustrated. He picked up the piece of paper Danny had left and typed out a new message.

Was good to bump into you again tonight. Definitely want a repeat some time

He hit send with a smile on his face. Seconds later he got a reply.

Oh don’t worry, there will be more where that came from ;)

As he was reading it, another text came in. Kurtis.

Fuck sake Jason can you at least let me know you’re alive? I’m panicking here thinking you’ve met some fucking creep and he’s offed you.

Jason laughed a little, Kurtis always did have a flair for the dramatics.

I’m fine Jesus mom! Tonight went better than expected…but I’ll fill you in later. Lunch tomorrow?

Kurtis’ reply came straight away.

Ok good, see you should listen to me more often, I’m not just a pretty face! Meet at the cafe by mine 1pm?

He hated it when Kurtis was right, he was so smug about it. He tapped out a quick reply.

Sure see you then

He put his phone on the bedside table and curled up under the covers. He had a slightly dopey smile on his face as he closed his eyes. Danny had somehow made Jason do the impossible. After all these years he’d come to accept that he was going to pine after Matt forever. But one guy, one encounter gave Jason hope. It gave him hope that maybe this time he was going to be able to get over Matt. It was going to be an uphill struggle, he knew that, he knew it wasn’t going to happen overnight. But knowing that this time it was possible, that was enough of a comfort for Jason for now. Who knows, by the time Matt got married maybe Jason would be over him completely.

—————————————–

'You already knew him?’ Kurtis cut Jason off, almost spitting his coffee out of his mouth. Jason had thrown that fact in so casually Kurtis almost didn’t hear him.

'Yeah, I don’t think you got to meet him but we met on Spring Break. We made out a lot and then Matt scared him away.’ Jason sipped his tea and shrugged.

'Matt scared him away?’ Kurtis raised his eyebrow.

'Well we got into an argument at the club and when I turned around Danny was gone and I never saw him again. Danny says that he thought Matt was jealous but he doesn’t know what an ass Matt can be.'

'Maybe he was jealous?’ Kurtis mused, picking up a chip and dipping it in ketchup before popping it in his mouth. 'I’ve never really thought about it before but he does get kinda weird when you’re with other guys. I always thought he was just over protective of you but-’

'Kurtis.’ Jason cut him off. 'Don’t even go there. This whole speed dating thing was your idea remember? You told me I needed to get over Matt, who is straight. Any of his ringing any bells?'

'Well yeah that’s true but-’

'No.’ Jason cut him off again. 'Do not go there. I want to get over Matt. I don’t need you sitting there saying things that are going to get my hopes up.’ Jason picked at some cheese that was oozing out of his sandwich.

'Yeah, yeah sorry.’ Kurtis shook his head but Jason could tell he was still thinking about it. 'You’re right Matt’s straight, of course he is. So Danny? What happened?'

'Well we decided to ditch the speed dating after that. We went for a walk and we talked and then…’ Jason trailed off with a smirk knowing this would drive Kurtis crazy.

'Then what?’ Kurtis was wide eyed leaning on the table now, just like Jason knew he would.

'What do you think?’ Jason laughed picking at some more cheese.

'You got laid!’ Kurtis cheered with a bright smile. 'Oh thank fucking god, it’s about time.’

'Less of that.’ Jason rolled his eyes. 'But yes I got laid.’ He grinned. 'And for the first time in a long time, I didn’t think about Matt.'

'That’s great.’ Kurtis beamed. 'Are you going to see him again?'

Jason finally picked up the sandwich and took a bite, nodding at Kurtis.

'Yeah at some point. We’re gonna keep it casual though, he knows the deal with Matt and he’s not long come out of a messy relationship.’

'So you’ve got a fuck buddy?’ Kurtis smirked eating another ketchup soaked chip.

'I guess so.’ Jason chuckled. He felt pretty good about himself. Danny was hot, there was no denying that and he’d made Jason feel really fucking good.

'Well look at you.’ Kurtis smiled, reaching across the table to pinch Jason’s cheek. Jason slapped his hand away.

'What?’ He frowned.

'Just not seen you like for a while.’

'Like what?'

'Happy.’ Kurtis picked his coffee back up and held it to his lips. Jason couldn’t help but smile. He felt happy, it was a new feeling. And if Danny was the person that made him feel this way then he had to see him again.

—————————————–

Danny: I’m bored, send me a naughty pic ;)

The text came in when Jason was at work a few days later. He was sitting at his desk and he blushed as he read it but he also felt a stirring in his pants.

Jason: you’re literally seeing me in a few hours, can you not wait?

Danny: nuh uh

A few seconds after Danny’s reply came Jason received a picture message from him. Worried about other people seeing it, because he had a pretty good idea of what it might be, he opened it with his phone under his desk. Jason’s breath caught in his throat and now he definitely felt a stir in his pants. The picture was of Danny’s hard cock, his hand wrapped around the base. The caption read 'I need a hand ;)’. Jason looked around and then suddenly darted up from his desk and ran to the bathroom. Once in a cubicle he freed his now fully erect cock and started stroking himself. Another text came in.

Danny: I know you’re touching yourself Jason, at least let me see?

Jason groaned a little and didn’t even think twice when he snapped a picture of him stroking himself, his trousers and pants around his knees. He captioned it ’you are such an asshole, I’m meant to be working!' He put his phone down and continued pumping himself, biting his lip so no moans escaped his mouth. He just managed to get the toilet seat up as he expelled his load, most of it going down the toilet. He cleaned up his hand and his leg where some come had dripped and pulled his trousers back up before exiting the bathroom. He felt his cheeks flushing red as he made his way back to his desk. He felt like everyone was looking at him, like they knew somehow. He got back to his desk and he got another message.

Danny: fuck the bar, meet at your place? Need you x

Jason smiled to himself. He’d never had someone be so desperate for him before. It felt really good.

Jason: sounds good to me ;)

—————————————–

'I’ve been imaging this all day.’ Danny spoke between thrusts. He had Jason on his hands and knees on the bed and was thrusting into him hard. Jason had one hand on his own dick, roughly pumping himself.

'Me too.’ Jason panted. 'I’m gonna come though Danny.'

This made Danny thrust harder and Jason practically screamed as he came. It wasn’t long before Danny came too. He got rid of the condom and they both collapsed on the bed. Danny stroked back Jason’s hair.

'Would it freak you out if I told you you’re beautiful?’ Danny smiled at him.

'Well I mean I know that already.’ Jason chuckled. 'Why would it freak me out?'

'So modest.’ Danny laughed and kissed Jason gently. 'No reason.’ He kissed him again, running his fingers through Jason’s hair as Jason parted his lips to allow Danny’s tongue access. The kiss was passionate but softer than it had been earlier. Jason would almost call it sensual. Just then there was a knock at the apartment door. Jason groaned.

'Don’t answer it.’ Danny pulled him closer and kissed him again. The knock came again.

'I should really.’ Jason sighed. 'It might be my friend Kurtis and if I don’t answer he’ll start panicking. I swear he’s like my mom.’ Jason laughed sliding out the bed and putting his boxers back on.

'Don’t be long, I reckon I can go for round two soon.’ Danny winked at him which made Jason blush a little.

'I’ll get rid of him.’ He got to the bedroom door. 'If it is Kurtis, its better he doesn’t know you’re here, he’ll only want to meet you and then he’ll never go.'

'No problem, I’ll be quiet.’ Danny laughed. Jason closed the bedroom door behind him and made his way to the door as the knock sounded again.

'Fuck sake Kurtis would you give me a minute!’ He threw open the door but it wasn’t Kurtis staring back at him. Matt barged passed Jason into the apartment.

'Where have you been?’ He asked Jason angrily.

'Please come in.’ Jason muttered under his breath but Matt heard him.

'I’ve been worried sick about you!'

'Why?’ Jason frowned.

'Because I haven’t seen you in like a week which is weird for starters and then you put up something on Facebook about speed dating and then I don’t hear from you for days? I’ve been calling and texting Jason! I thought something had happened to you!’ Matt ranted, his voice raised.

'I’ve been busy, jeez.’ Jason rolled his eyes, folding his arms over his bare chest.

'Busy?’ Matt spat. 'You’re never too busy to talk to me usually.’ He sounded a little hurt as he said that.

'Oh god what are you, my keeper?’ Jason sighed. He’d never spoken to Matt like this before but to be perfectly honest he wanted to get rid of him. He wanted to get back to Danny.

'Excuse me?’ Matt spat again. 'What the hell is going on with you? Oh my god…’ Matt trailed off as a realisation hit him. 'You met someone didn’t you? At the speed dating?'

Jason rolled his eyes.

'So what if I did?’ He scoffed. 'It’s none of your business.’

'None of my business? I’m your best friend! I thought we told each other everything?'

'For god sake Matt you sound like a child. I would have told you, the next time I saw you or something. I mean what am I supposed to do, call you the minute a guy pulls his dick out my ass?’ Jason shook his head. Matt had a fucking nerve. Jason heard a stifled chuckle from his bedroom and he had to suppress his smile and hope Matt didn’t hear. Matt turned towards the bedroom and looked back at Jason, realising for the first time that Jason was just wearing his pants.

'He’s here now isn’t he?’ Matt’s eyes widened. Jason couldn’t hide his smirk.

'Yes as a matter of fact he is. So if you don’t mind, you’re kinda interrupting round two so…’ Jason motioned towards the door. Matt’s face noticeably paled.

'I hate this side of you.’ Matt shook his head.

'What side of me?’ Jason scoffed, what the fuck was Matt talking about?

'This side, the side that comes out when you meet someone. You’re not Jason when you’re with someone. Not the Jason I know anyway.’ He shook his head sadly and made his way towards the door. Jason grabbed his wrist a little angrily and spun him back around.

'What the fuck does that even mean?’ Jason raised his voice. He’d never raised his voice at Matt, not that he could remember anyway. Matt bit his lip.

'Doesn’t matter.’ He shook Jason off his arm and reached for the door handle. He was stopped again suddenly by the sound of Jason laughing.

'I know what this is about.’ Jason laughed and Matt turned back to him.

'What?’ Matt challenged him.

'You don’t like it when I meet someone because it takes my attention away from you. You love me being single because it means I can answer all your calls and be wherever you want me to be at the drop of a hat. You like that you can click your fingers and sad, pathetic Jason will come running. Sorry Matt, you’re going to have to find yourself a new lapdog.'

Matt looked hurt and shocked by Jason’s words. He bit his lip again and sniffed.

'You…you think that’s how I see you?'

'Yes Matt I do.’ Jason folded his arms again. If he wasn’t mistaken he swore he saw tears in Matt’s eyes.

'Wow.’ Matt croaked. 'Good to know.’ He turned back around and opened the door. As he was stepping into the hallway he turned back to Jason. 'You know what, if that’s the way you really think about me then why are we even friends? If I’m so terrible and demanding, why have you hung around all these years?’

Jason swallowed, he didn’t really have an answer to that but he wasn’t going to let Matt have the upper hand.

'I’ve been asking myself that a lot recently.’ Jason felt a small stabbing in his chest. Why was he talking to Matt like this? Did he really want to push Matt away? Maybe it was best that he did, maybe that was the only way he was going to get over this.

'Oh yeah? And what have you come up with?’ Matt raised an eyebrow at him. Jason swallowed again.

'I think that maybe…’ he couldn’t believe he was saying this. 'Maybe we grew apart a long time ago Matt. Maybe we should have drawn the line after college, gone our separate ways. I think that if it wasn’t for the others, you and I would have run our course a long time ago, and I think maybe that would have been for the best.’ Jason felt tears in his own eyes but he refused to let Matt know that. Matt looked as though Jason had just slapped him around the face.

'Really?’ He croaked. Jason bit his lip and nodded.

'Yeah really.'

'Well in that case,’ Matt sniffed. 'I’m sorry I’ve wasted so much of your time treating you like my lapdog. Don’t worry, I’m sure Jake will be happy to be my best man. Fuck, I feel like such an idiot.’ He ran his fingers through his hair. 'I guess I’ll see you around or whatever, I mean we’re still gonna have to see each other but don’t worry, we don’t have to be friends anymore.’

'Matt wait-’

'Don’t. Just don’t. You’ve said more than enough.’ Matt shook his head sadly and then slammed the door behind him. Jason let out a large sigh as he trailed back to his bedroom. Danny was under the covers sitting cross legged. Jason had almost forgotten he was there.

'Way to tell him!’ Danny beamed, pulling Jason down for a kiss. 'That asshole had it coming.’

'He’s not an asshole…’ Jason sighed. 'He’s just…I don’t know.'

'Hey, it’s ok.’ Danny cupped his face and kissed him again, sensing Jason was a little sad. 'Friends fight, it’ll be ok.'

Jason nodded and tried to shake the fight from his mind. They’d argued before, of course they had, but never like this. He hoped Danny was right though, Jason didn’t want to lose Matt completely. He couldn’t bare it if he and Matt weren’t friends, he just hoped he hadn’t done any damage that was beyond repair. His thoughts of Matt soon became distant as Danny started kissing down his neck and laying Jason back on the bed. Soon all Jason could think of was how good it felt when Danny kissed him or touched him. Matt drifted from his mind, just the way it should be.

—————————————–

I’m sorry to interrupt it’s just I’m constantly on the cusp of trying to kiss you

I don’t know if you feel the same as I do

Chapter 5

Jason had been drinking all day by the time he practically fell on the bar of some club, Danny’s hands on his waist.

‘Tequila! We need tequila!’ He shouted to the bartender to be heard over the music. 'What kind of Spring Break would it be without tequila?’ He turned to say this to Danny who chuckled and pulled Jason in for a kiss. They’d done a lot of that today, kissing and drinking. Some talking, but Jason hadn’t paid much attention to that. The bartender reached across the bar and tapped Jason on the shoulder as he was busy making out with Danny. He sprung back from the other boy and gave the bartender a sheepish grin before paying him. He handed one of the shots to Danny and they necked them.

'Oh look who it is.’ Jason slurred pointing a finger at the man who had just sidled up next to them at the bar.

'Don’t start.’ Matt sighed running his fingers through his hair. 'It’s the last night of Spring Break Jason, I just want to have a good night.’

'So do I. And I don’t want you ruining it.’ He jabbed Matt in the chest. Matt caught Jason’s finger in his hand.

'Do that again, I dare you.’ Matt clenched his jaw. He saw Jason swallow as though he was scared but he shook it off and when Matt let go of his finger he jabbed him again with a smirk.

'What you gonna do about it?’ Jason challenged him.

'What the fuck has gotten into you?’ Matt shook his head. 'This isn’t you Jason, I don’t like this side of you.’

'What do I care if you like it or not?’ He scoffed. 'I didn’t think you even liked me anyway. I mean obviously I’m so inadequate you forgot my kiss the second it happened.’

Matt’s face fell and he frowned a little.

'That’s what this is about? Jason I didn’t mean that, it was just a dumb comment.’

'Don’t care.’ Jason shrugged. 'It’s not like it meant anything to me either.’ He turned back to Danny to see the space he’d been standing in was empty. He looked around but Danny was nowhere to be seen. 'Look what you’ve done!’ He poked Matt again, harder this time. 'Fuck sake you scared him away.’

'I think you did that all on your own.’ Matt rolled his eyes. He went to walk away because he didn’t want to argue with Jason but Jason grabbed his wrist to stop him.

'I was on to a sure thing! I was definitely going to get laid tonight and you scared him off!’ He yelled at Matt.

’Get laid?' Matt repeated his words. He’d never heard Jason talk like that before. 'Who the fuck are you and what have you done to my best friend?'

'Fuck you.’ Jason spat and this time he turned to leave. He didn’t realise Matt was following him until he got outside and he called after him.

'Jason, where are you going?’

'Away from you.’ Jason yelled back, marching as fast as he could. Matt sighed and picked up his pace to a jog to catch up with the younger boy and when he did, he grabbed his shoulders. Jason turned to look at him, his nostrils flared.

'Please Jason stop acting like this. I hate that we’re fighting. I thought this week was going to be amazing, Spring Break with my best friends, the last big college blowout. But I’ve spent the whole week walking on egg shells and being ignored by you and when you finally do talk to me we fight. Please, let’s just stop this ok? Let’s have one last good night.'

'You hurt me.’ Jason sniffed, his anger being replaced by sadness. Matt’s face fell as he saw Jason’s lip quiver. 'You hurt me when you said you forgot about the kiss ok? You really fucking hurt me. And I didn’t know how to tell you that so I just pretended not to care and I thought being an asshole would make it easier somehow.’ Jason bit his bottom lip, desperate not to cry. Matt bit his bottom lip too. He hadn’t meant to hurt Jason; that was the last thing he ever wanted to do.

'Jason, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it, I just panicked I guess.’ He put his hands on Jason’s shoulders as if he were afraid he would run away again. 'The truth is I freaked ok? That kiss it was…it was fucking incredible and that scared the shit out of me because I’ve never thought about another man in that way before. Especially not one who is such a good friend. It scared me how much I enjoyed it though, I didn’t know how to process that.'

'You…you enjoyed it?’ Jason stuttered, seemingly a lot more sober.

'I uhm…’ Matt was going into panic mode again. He wasn’t sure he’d meant to say that. Suddenly he let go of Jason and started running down the beach. 'Last one to the water buys gas all the way home!’ He yelled over his shoulder. Jason just stared at the boy as he ran, kicking his shoes off. Matt was hard work sometimes. Matt stripped off his t-shirt and shorts as he ran and then he was crashing into the water. Jason slowly made his way across the sand to the water’s edge. He put his hands on his hips as he looked at Matt, waist deep in the sea.

'What are you doing?’ Jason raised an eyebrow at him.

'Swimming, what does it look like?'

'Why?’ Jason shook his head.

'The waters lovely.’ Matt smiled softly. Diversion tactic Jason thought.

'Get out.’ Jason told him sternly.

'No way!'

'Matt come on.’

'Give me three good reasons why I should.’

'I’m not playing games Matt.’ Jason sighed. This night was taking a strange turn.

'Give me three good reasons and I’ll get out. But if you can’t, you have to come in.'

Jason rolled his eyes. Maybe if he just gave him the reasons then this would be over faster.

'Fine. 1 it’s late and I’m tired but I can’t very well leave you here. 2 I’m pretty sure it’s dangerous to swim when you’ve been drinking. And 3…’ Jason trailed off. The moonlight was illuminating Matt’s wet, bare torso in the most perfect way. His eyes were shining. He was half naked and he was wet and Jason suddenly didn’t think he wanted to come up with a third reason.

'Not got a third?’ Matt smirked.

'No.’ Jason croaked and then as though he were possessed he stripped down to his boxers and waded into the sea, his eyes locked on Matt’s the whole time. He came close to the older boy, the water lapping around his hips. Matt was smiling at him as his eyes trailed down Jason’s torso.

'When did you get your nipple pierced?’ He asked, making Jason look down at his chest.

'I’ve had it done for years.’ He shrugged. He saw Matt bite his lip. Matt came even closer to him and then his hand was on Jason’s bun, pulling his hair band out and freeing his hair.

'Better.’ Matt smiled as Jason shook his hair out.

'You liked it when I kissed you. You said so yourself. You can’t pretend you didn’t say it.’ Jason found himself blurting out. He saw Matt blush, he didn’t think he’d ever see Matt blush.

'Yeah I did.’ Matt whispered. 'But that scares me.’

'Just embrace the fear.’ Jason smiled stepping even closer so their wet bodies were now touching. He could feel that Matt was hard. 'You want me, don’t you Matt?’ He breathed, Matt felt his hot breath on his face. He bit his lip and shyly nodded.

'More than I’ve ever wanted anyone in my entire life.'

'Then show me. Show me how much you want me.’ Jason challenged him and before he knew what was happening Matt closed his eyes, angled his head up a little and then his lips met Jason’s. Jason pulled Matt close, wrapping his arms around the older boy’s neck. Matt held onto Jason’s small waist. They were both hard and they could both feel the other’s erection as the kiss grew heated.

'Take me back to your room.’ Matt panted into Jason’s mouth.

'Are you sure?'

'Yes, yes please god.'

Jason didn’t need asking twice. He kissed Matt one last time and then took hold of his hand. They waded out the sea and grabbed up their clothes running back to the hotel dripping wet and in their pants but neither of them cared. Once in Jason’s room they fell to the bed, Matt on top. His lips were on Jason’s straight away, picking right back up where they left off. Jason hooked his fingers in the waistband of Matt’s pants and started peeling the wet material back from his skin. Matt sat back briefly so he could get them off and he helped Jason out of his too.

'I’ve never done this before Jason, you might need to help me out.’ He told the younger boy as he started trailing kisses down his neck, making Jason gasp.

'You said you’d done that with a girl though right?’ Jason panted as Matt’s lips moved lower.

'Uhm well, kind of.’ Matt sat back a little and Jason noticed he was blushing. 'We kind of tried but she said it hurt and it didn’t really go very well.'

'It’s ok, I’ve had experience.’ Jason chuckled. 'It’s all about the preparation.’ He pulled Matt down for another kiss to try and ease his nerves. He could tell the older boy was trying to ease himself into but he could also tell he was still nervous.

'Matt?’ Jason paused the kiss and stroked his cheek. 'Are you sure you want to do this? Because if you’re unsure we don’t have to.’ God Jason didn’t want to talk him out of this but he didn’t want Matt to be uncomfortable. Matt silenced him with another kiss.

'I want this Jason. Trust me.’ His hands were wandering down Jason’s body, playing with his nipple ring, stroking his stomach. Jason wanted to take this slow and let Matt get used to what was happening. They made out for a long while, their hard dicks rubbing together as Jason couldn’t stop himself rolling his hips every so often, desperate for as much contact as possible. Each time he did so Matt would gasp and moan into his mouth. Jason ran his hands over Matt’s spine, gradually getting lower until he was cupping Matt’s ass. He gave it a firm squeeze, he’d imagined hundreds of time what that ass would feel like and it didn’t disappoint. Matt held Jason’s face as their tongues danced together, finding a good rhythm.

'I need you Jason.’ Matt panted kissing his lips gently.

'Ok.’ Jason croaked, starting to feel a little overwhelmed by what was happening. He excused himself to get up and rummage in his suitcase and he came back with a small bottle of lube of and a condom. Matt smirked as he laid on top of Jason and kissed him again.

'Carry those everywhere do you?’ He teased making Jason blush.

'You can never be too prepared.’ He instructed Matt to sit up so Jason could have some room. He didn’t want to overwhelm Matt and have him attempt to open him up so he was going to open himself up. Matt knelt at the end of the bed and watched in awe as Jason slicked up his own his finger with the lube and then trailed them down his body and between his legs. He pressed his fingers to the outside of his hole and felt himself blushing.

'This feels weird having someone watching.’ He bit his lip suddenly shy. Matt reached and stroked Jason’s thigh.

'Please? I want to watch.’ He begged a little and that was all Jason needed to hear before he slid two fingers inside himself. He gasped and so did Matt just at the sight of it. Jason closed his eyes, he’d never done this in front of anyone before, this was the kind of thing he did behind closed doors and he felt a little awkward. He immediately started scissoring himself, he need Matt so badly and a part of him was worried that Matt might change his mind if this took too long. He was moaning softly and panting as he opened up his hole. As he inserted a third finger he felt a hand wrap around his shaft and his eyes shot open to see Matt slowly start pumping him, using his other hand to pump himself.

'This is so fucking hot Jay.’ Matt panted biting his bottom lip. Jason felt himself blushing and he also felt like his body was on fire. Between the feeling of his own fingers inside him and Matt’s strong hand wrapped around his dick stroking him, Jason was a mess.

'I can’t wait any longer Matt.’ Jason told him desperately. He removed his fingers from his hole and pulled Matt down into a sloppy kiss. When Matt sat back Jason ripped open the condom wrapper and slowly slid it over Matt’s length making the older boy gasp. Jason picked the lube back up and coated Matt’s dick with the liquid before slathering some to the outside of his hole. He pulled Matt back down and kissed him more softly now.

'Are you ready?’ Jason whispered.

'Fuck yes.’ Matt said but the confidence was missing from his voice. He positioned himself so the head of his cock was pressing to the outside of Jason’s hole and Jason wrapped his legs around his best friend’s waist. Matt took hold of Jason’s hips and Jason swore he saw his hands were shaking. Matt swallowed hard and cautiously he started pushing inside Jason. Jason gasped at the sensation, he hadn’t exactly been with a lot of men and Matt was pretty well hung. Matt gasped too as his dick disappeared inside Jason. He was so tight and warm it was almost enough to push him over the edge. He didn’t move right away, he paused to get used to the sensation. Jason raised his hand and cupped Matt’s face.

'Is everything ok?’ He whispered, not being able to gauge what Matt was thinking. Matt bit his lip and nodded.

'You’re just so fucking tight, I needed to compose myself so I didn’t blow my load.’ Matt blushed and Jason couldn’t help but smile. He hooked his hand around the back of Matt’s neck and pulled him close so he could attack his lips with a passionate kiss.

'Whenever you’re ready Matt, there’s no rush.’ He whispered and nibbled Matt’s bottom lip lightly making the older boy hiss. He took a few deep breaths before he slowly started moving in and out. Both boys gasped simultaneously at the feeling. Matt gripped Jason’s hips tightly and the younger boy arched his back to allow Matt’s dick full access to his hole. His thrusts were slow at first as he got used to the feeling but it wasn’t long before his lust took over and he picked up his pace. Jason moaned really deeply as Matt found his prostrate.

'Oh fuck Matt, yes right there!’ He pulled him down for another kiss, it was messier this time as the pleasure washed over him. Matt continued to thrust in and out as Jason reached between their still damp bodies and wrapped his hand around his own dick and started pumping himself, trying to match Matt’s thrusts. Matt continued tapping Jason’s bundle of nerves and Jason’s head was a mess. He used his free hand to reach around and grab Matt’s ass firmly. Matt gasped loudly and bit Jason’s neck.

'Fuck Jay, this is embarrassing but I’m gonna come soon.’ He panted.

'Me too.’ Jason groaned, picking up his pace on his dick. Matt thrust harder a few more times before he couldn’t take anymore and balls exploded and he moaned deeply as he came, harder than he ever had before. Jason kissed him again and it only took a few more pumps and Jason was coming too, covering them both in his load. Matt fell on top of him, not caring about Jason’s come covering his body. He placed lethargic kisses on Jason’s neck. He laid there until he caught his breath and then he slowly pulled out and disposed of the condom. He rolled onto his side and Jason rolled his head on the pillow to look at him.

'Are you ok?’ Jason asked Matt softly, a little concerned about what happened now. Matt responded by stroking Jason’s cheek and kissing him gently.

'I’m more than ok.’ He smiled sleepily. Jason kissed him one more time before forcing himself up from the bed. Matt whimpered a little.

'Where are you going?'

'I’ll be two seconds.’ Jason chuckled a little. He went to the bathroom, his legs shaking a little as he walked. That had been the most incredible orgasm he’d ever experienced. He grabbed some tissue and returned to the bed and wiped down Matt’s stomach where Jason had covered him in come and then cleaned himself off too. Once he’d discarded the rubbish he settled back into the bed and Matt wrapped his strong arms around him. Jason sighed in content as he laid his head on Matt’s chest and he felt Matt placing delicate kisses in his hair. Jason felt his eyes growing heavy. He had a small smile on his lips. He felt like he’d waited an eternity for this. He felt happy and safe in Matt’s strong hold, maybe for the first time in his life.

'Thank you.’ He found himself whispering.

'For what?’ Matt gave him a squeeze.

'For just being you.’ Jason mumbled and then he fell into a deep and peaceful sleep.

—————————————–

The next morning Jason awoke with a smile on his face. Last night had taken a completely unexpected turn and he still couldn’t believe his luck. He rolled over in the bed and reached for Matt, maybe they could have a repeat performance of last night? But as Jason stretched his arm across the bed he was met by nothing but cold sheets. He blinked his eyes a few times as though he didn’t believe the bed was really empty but it was. His heart immediately sank. The sheets were too cold for Matt to have just gone to the bathroom. He already knew. He should have probably known last night. This was a one night stand; a drunken hook up. He sat up in the bed feeling tears immediately begin to flood his eyes. How could he be so fucking stupid? The piece of paper on the bedside table caught his eye. His hand was shaking as he reached for it. The first tear fell when he saw what was scrawled on the note. It read: Sorry, M. That was it. He’d run out on him without so much as a word and he thought that was an acceptable note? Jason’s sadness suddenly turned to anger. Was that all he was worth? Two fucking words, one of which wasn’t even a word. He hadn’t even been bothered to sign his name! Jason balled the paper up in his hand and let out a frustrated scream as he threw it across the room. He wiped his tears away on the duvet; he was too angry to cry. They were supposed to be best friends for fuck sake, did Matt not think Jason at least deserved an explanation? Sure it would hurt to hear Matt tell him it was a mistake and it shouldn’t have happened but he would rather the truth than some half assed note and a disappearing act. He jumped out of bed and threw last night’s clothes back on that were on the bedroom floor. Then he grabbed his key and his phone and he marched from the room down the hall. He knocked on Matt’s door heavily.

'Matt you better answer this fucking door right now, or I swear to god-’

'Everything ok?’ Bri emerged from the room next door, clearly hearing he commotion. Jason stopped banging on Matt’s door.

'Do you know where Matt is?’

'He text Brian this morning and said he was going to be by the pool. What’s going on Jason you look-?’

'Thanks.’ Jason cut him off and he stormed away towards the pool.

Matt was in just a pair of swimming trunks with his sunglasses over his eyes. He had a drink in his hand. Jake and Roxy were occupying the beds next to him. Jason marched over to him and stood right over Matt’s bed. Matt groaned a little and lifted his sunglasses up.

'Morning.’ He croaked, clearly ignoring Jason’s demeanour.

'We need to talk.’ Jason clenched his jaw.

'Not now Jay, my head is banging.’

'Yes now.’ Jason spat. He grabbed Matt’s wrist and tugged him upwards and the older boy groaned. Jason dragged him away from their friends to a quieter spot on the other side of the pool.

’Sorry M? Really Matt? Fucking really?’ Jason spat the second they were alone. Matt sighed and rolled his eyes.

'I’m not talking about this now Jason.’ Matt ran his fingers through his hair.

'You fucking well are talking about this now. Listen to me for fuck sakes!’ He shoved Matt’s arm when Matt’s eyes started glazing over telling Jason he’d switched off.

'No.’ Matt suddenly spat. 'You listen to me. This is not the fucking time or place ok Jason? We are not getting into this now.’

'I don’t fucking care Matt! We need to talk about this, this isn’t ok!’

'Not now.’ Matt clenched his jaw and spat the words so menacingly at Jason it made the younger boy a little scared. 'Just not fucking now.’ The look in Matt’s eyes wasn’t a look Jason had seen on him before. It was anger mixed with something else. Hate maybe? Whatever it was it told Jason all he needed to know. Last night wasn’t just a mistake to Matt; it had ruined their friendship. As Jason watched Matt skulk away back over to Jake and Roxy he knew this was it for them. In one night they had ruined everything. They weren’t going to get passed this, or at least Matt wasn’t. He was going to graduate soon and that was going to be the end of them. Jason felt his heart shatter into two at that moment. He’d lost the love of his life and his best friend in one fell swoop. Talk about a rough night. He felt tears forming in his eyes again as he pulled his cell phone from his pocket and made a call. It rang three times.

Chapter 2

Over the next week Jason was bombarded by texts and calls from Matt. He ignored them all.

Saturday

From Handsome Matt:

10.37am

Jason I don’t know what you think is going on but I wasn’t messing with you I swear. I just wanted to get to know you that’s all

3.46pm

Jason please, at least meet me so we can talk?

11.20pm

Seriously, why would you think I would want to mess with you? Jeez anyone would think you didn’t want a friend.

Sunday

From Handsome Matt:

1.25pm

Jason this is fucking dumb, please reply

11.49pm

Urghhhhh yo startin to get annoyin nw…stupid doesn’t wnt tlk 2me

Clearly he was drunk.

It was now Friday again and the texts had started thinning out but they hadn’t stopped. The last one had come ten minutes ago and all it said was ‘fine, have it your way. I give up. And you say I’m an asshole.'

Jason turned his phone off after that. Why was Matt so determined to fuck with him? Surely there were plenty of other dumb freshman he could mess with, why couldn’t he leave Jason alone? Bri was out, he’d been invited to another party with Brian and no doubt Matt was there too. Jason sighed and slid his headphones on his ears before curling up in bed. He felt like such an idiot. At least he’d figured out Matt’s game before it was too late and he made a complete fool out of him. He wasn’t going to let that happen. Not again.

—————————————–

Matt sipped his drink and scanned the room again. He didn’t know why he thought Jason might be here. Jake was off hooking up already as usual and Brian and new Bri, Jason’s roommate were chatting aimlessly away next to him about drag queens. Matt wasn’t really listening, he kept scoping the crowd for one face in particular.

He didn’t know what it was about Jason, but there was something alright. Matt had noticed Jason on his first day on campus, and pretty much every day since. There was something so magnetic about him and that both excited and scared Matt. Because Matt had never found another man magnetic before. He’d never spent this much time thinking about another man. So why Jason? What was so special about this guy that had Matt hooked since the first day? He’d never tell anyone this but last week when Jason had 'accidentally’ tripped over Matt’s legs, it hadn’t been such an accident. Matt had seen him coming, he’d seen a chance to finally talk to him. So, just as Jason had gotten near, clearly not looking where he was going, Matt had stretched his legs out into Jason’s path and deliberately tripped the younger boy over. He still didn’t know why he’d done it. He didn’t like thinking too much about the why.

Brian left to get him and Bri another drink and Matt couldn’t help himself but ask.

'Is Jason coming?'

Bri shrugged.

'Doubt it, he hates these parties.’

'Did he say anything about the last one?'

'Nah, we don’t really talk that much.’ Bri shrugged again. Just then Brian re-joined them.

'Hey there’s some guys passing out a joint down the hall, wanna join?’ He directed the question at both of them. Bri’s face lit up.

'Well durh!’ Bri chuckled.

'Matt?’ Brian asked him but to his surprise Matt shook his head.

'Nah I think I’m gonna bounce.'

'Seriously? It’s not even eleven and you haven’t hooked up yet.’ Brian laughed.

'Yeah I’m just tired. I’ll catch you later yeah?’ Matt downed his drink and patted his friend on the back. Brian frowned watching him leave but he shook it off and let him go.

—————————————–

Matt marched through the dorm on the other side of campus until he came to the room he was looking for. He banged on the door loudly, from what he’d seen of Jason around campus he was always wearing his headphones so he wanted to make sure he would hear him. He continued banging on the door for several long minutes until he heard a grumpy voice on the other side.

'Fuck sake Brian I am going to surgically attach your key to your hand in your goddam sleep. I’m getting sick of-’ Jason stopped his rant as he opened the door to see Matt standing there. Jason immediately blushed, he was only wearing his boxers and a baggy tank top that was so old and worn it hung so low you could almost see his nipples. 'Matt what the hell?’ He groaned. He’d done a really good job at avoiding him so far. He should have known the asshole wouldn’t give up this easily. 'I told you Matt I do not want to be a pawn in your sick games ok? Please find someone else.’

Matt pushed passed Jason into the room and slammed the door shut behind him.

'Look just fucking listen would you?’ Matt raised his voice a little. 'I am not trying to fuck with you Jason! I want to be your friend goddamn it! Why are you making this so hard?’

'Because no one ever wants to just be friends with me ok Matt? You could be friends with anyone. You’re cool and funny and attractive and popular. Why me? Why me?'

Matt’s facial expression softened as he stepped a little closer to Jason.

'You think I’m attractive?'

Jason rolled his eyes.

'Way to focus on the point.’ The younger boy sighed.

'I just don’t understand why you find it so hard to believe I want to be friends with you.’ Matt scratched the back of his head. Jason ran his fingers through his messy hair, trying so hard to ignore how uncomfortable and exposed he felt in what he was wearing.

'Because,’ he sighed. 'It wouldn’t be the first time someone had pretended to be my friend only to fuck me over.’ His eyes conveyed his sadness and Matt saw it.

'What happened?’

'Doesn’t matter.’ Jason turned his back on Matt.

'Jason, please.’ Matt cautiously put his hand on Jason’s shoulder. He felt the younger boy stiffen a little at his touch. When he turned back to look at Matt, Matt saw the tears behind his eyes.

'When I was in high school, there was this super popular guy called Boomer. He was so gorgeous but I didn’t think he even knew I existed. Then one day he asks me if I want to hang out and I couldn’t believe my luck. We spent loads of time together outside of school, I was actually really starting to fall for him and I thought he felt the same. He asked me to a school dance, he told me he wanted to be with me and that he wanted to make it public that night. He told me to meet him in one of the class rooms before the dance started so I did. When I got there, the class room was dark and Boomer pushes me into the wall and tells me to take my clothes my off. So I did, because I was a sucker for him, I would have done anything he asked me too. And then…then…’ Jason choked a little so he paused for a second to compose himself. Matt was hanging off his every word. 'Then suddenly the lights go on and I’m stood there in my boxers and all of his friends are there laughing at me and taking pictures. It was so humiliating. I threw my clothes back on and ran from the room crying. The next day the pictures were all over school. I never lived it down, everyone called me a faggot and would say things like as if Boomer Banks would ever be interested in you. I never told my parents because I was too embarrassed so I had to stay at that school for the next two years and every day was the fucking same. So that’s why I don’t trust you Matt. I don’t trust that anyone cool or popular would ever want to be friends with me because I know what can happen ok?’ He was a little breathless when he finished his story, but thankfully he’d managed to keep his tears at bay. Matt looked shocked. He bit his lip.

'Jason, I’m sorry that’s so terrible.’ He frowned sadly. 'I swear to you that’s not what this about though, I just wanted to be your friend.'

'Why though? Why me?’ Jason sighed heavily, running his fingers through his hair. Matt liked the way it looked when he did that a little too much.

'Because I know what it’s like to be lonely and to have no friends. I saw you and I felt bad for you, because I know that feeling.'

'As if.’ Jason scoffed. 'Like you know what it’s like. I bet you were Mr Popularity in high school too.’

'Actually I wasn’t.’ Matt shook his head. 'Back in high school I wore glasses and I had acne and braces. And I was about 50lbs heavier.'

'No way.’ Jason scoffed again.

'Way.’ Matt told him. 'Nobody ever gave me the time of day, I was bullied every single day of my high school life and when it was finally over I decided I couldn’t do it anymore. Before I started college I went on this big health kick, started working out, I got contacts and the braces came off. I got this amazing cream for my acne and when I started college I was determined not to be that kid anymore. I forced myself to be more confident and put myself out there because I wasn’t going back to my high school days. I guess when I saw you, you reminded me so much of high school me. I mean you’re much better looking than I was but you were clearly shy and awkward and I figured everyone deserves a friend. I swear to you I was just trying to be nice.’ Matt confessed to him, the first time he’d ever confessed that. Jason tried to ignore the fact Matt had said he was good looking, in a roundabout way he’d said it anyway and it made Jason’s stomach flip. He didn’t focus on than though.

'Do you have pictures?’ Jason raised a challenging eyebrow at Matt who chuckled a little. He pulled his phone from his pocket.

'I swear to god if you tell anyone about this…’ he opened up his photos and scrolled right to the top before finding the one he was looking for. He took a deep breath before turning the screen to face Jason. Staring back at Jason was a much heavier kid who vaguely resembled Matt. If it hadn’t been for those eyes, almost hidden by milk bottle glasses, Jason wouldn’t have believed it was him.

'Oh my god.’ Jason gasped.

'See I told you. Do you believe me now that all I wanted was to be your friend?’

'Hmmm maybe.’ Jason raised his eyebrow again. Matt sighed.

'I’ll tell you what, I’m going to send you this photo, and if I mess you around you can show anyone you like, ok?’ Matt tapped a few buttons and then Jason heard his phone beep. He smiled a little.

'Ok.'

'Great.’ Matt smiled and he flopped to Jason’s bed and turned his laptop screen to face him. 'What you watching?'

'Drag Race.’ Jason blushed as he sat down next to Matt.

'Cool! Hit play then.’ Matt kicked his shoes off and pulled his legs up, resting his chin on his knees.

'I’m half way through a season.'

'You’ll have to catch me up then.’ Matt got himself comfy leaning back on Jason’s pillows. Jason bit his lip and leant next to him, pulling that laptop onto his lap still feeling self-conscious about his lack of clothing. He hit the space bar and the screen sprung to life just as Trixie Mattel was hitting the main stage.

'That’s the one from your shirt right?’ Matt asked.

'Yeah that’s Trixie.’ Another queen strutted out on the main stage. 'That’s Violet, she’s incredible.'

'I can see why you like her, damn she’s working it!’ Matt snapped his fingers. Jason frowned to himself. Maybe Matt wasn’t as straight as he made out. 'Oh wow who’s that?’ His eyes widened as another queen made her way out.

'That’s Pearl.’

'She’s hot as fuck! Holy shit that’s a man?’ He turned to Jason in confusion and his expression made Jason laugh.

'Yah huh, they all are, that’s kind of the point of the show.’

'Well damn, if I didn’t know any better I would totally hit on her.’ Matt laughed, snuggling further back into the pillows. Ok, maybe he was straight after all. Jason was so confused. They watched a few more episodes together and both of them slowly started to drift off.

—————————————–

They were woken a few hours later when Bri practically fell through the door and onto the floor. He stood back up and saw Jason asleep with his head on Matt’s chest and Matt resting his chin on Jason’s head. They both looked so content. Bri thought it was sweet but he was drunk so he decided to wake them.

'Funny, this doesn’t look like your dorm Matt.’ He shouted loudly and the two boys woke with a start, Jason’s laptop almost falling to the floor.

'What the fuck?’ Jason groaned. 'What time is it?’

'Like 8am or something.’ Bri shrugged already getting undressed and into bed.

'8am?’ Jason groaned, how had that happened?

'So judging by the fact you’re just stumbling in, I guess you and Brian hooked up?’ Matt smirked sitting up and putting his boots on. Bri grunted.

'I could ask you two the same thing.'

'We were just watching Drag Race you ass.’ Jason rolled his eyes.

'Is that what the kids are calling it these days?’ Bri snickered. 'In that case me and Brian were 'watching drag race’ too.'

'Screw you.’ Jason rolled his eyes again.

'I should go, Jake will probably be wondering where I am.’ Matt ruffled his hair and yawned a little.

'Yeah sure.’ Jason didn’t want him to go but he wasn’t going to say as much. He walked Matt to the door and when he opened it, Matt pulled him into the corridor.

'Thank you for last night, we should do it again sometime.’ Matt placed his hand on Jason’s shoulder. Jason nodded dumbly.

'Yeah sure.’ He swallowed, feeling uncomfortable by the way Matt was looking at him.

'Please never ask me why I did this.’ Matt whispered and Jason frowned.

'Did what?'

Matt replied by pushing Jason into the wall in the corridor and kissing him. It was just a brief kiss, nothing more. And then Matt pulled away and half-smiled.

'Matt what the hell?’

Matt put his finger to Jason’s lips to silence him.

'I said don’t ask.’ He shrugged. 'See you around uhm Jason.’ He turned and headed down the corridor. Jason watched him leave. He put his fingers to his own lips and stroked them dumbly. Had that really just happened? He felt like he must have imagined it, but his lips were still tingling. He watched until Matt disappeared and even when he was gone he continued to stand there for a while.