#stnmail

Happy birthday to @lucifersarchive . Hope you get more chances to rest and watch live orchestral symphonies. I also hope you stub your toe on every table and chair when you’re underslept again.

“Just tell me, I promise I won’t get mad.” — Lucifer

9/10, not because it’s clever, but because it’s effective. My brothers would rather gamble on a sliver of a chance for mercy, despite the fact Lucifer has lied for every time he says this.

“I’ll pay ya back with interest, promise!” — Mammon

3/10 Somehow Levi believes him without fail. My older brothers, everyone.

“It’s malware, I swear..!” — Leviathan

5/10 Points if only so he doesn’t start elaborating what was on his PC at 1 in the morning.

“Promise I won’t tell.” — Asmodeus

2/10 You wake up the next day and the whole fucking school knows.

“I’ll try not to eat it.” — Beelzebub

4/10 So he says while the food is halfway into his jaw.

“I’ll do it later.” — Belphegor

10/10 because he gets away with it. Sometimes I wonder if it was worth it, not being the youngest after all.

“I never lie.” — Lord Diavolo

-713826380/10 The best joke Michael ever heard, I bet. Remember when my brother and our human almost died?

“I harbor no ill will towards Solomon, despite his many antics.” — Barbatos

7/10 I’m pretty sure he bent a cast iron pan from trying not to hit Solomon with it. Then again, it’s not usually unwarranted.

“I’m just fine and dandy!” — Simeon

100/10 Run. I mean it.

“Oh but I’m such a humble, innocent little lamb.” — Solomon

0/10 Lucifer once told me to find a person who could make me laugh so I guess I did good.

“Do I look like some fucking loser who texts her ex?” — Thirteen

Lucifer is heavily invested in reading the morning paper upside-down.

Mammon is trimming the grass with an electric razor.

Levi is under our car and pretending to be roadkill.

Asmo is using a beauty blender on a plastic gnome. I’m unsure if he’s aware that the face has cracked.

Beel is raking the leaves, like a good lad.

Belphie is the rake.

I’m taking a break from painting and taking a sip from my mug of…

We went out for drinks, someone clearly went from one to seven.

Tagged: @thecutestandprettiestever , @beelzeburgrrr

Now, would anyone care for a game? 😊

Thirteen, after she successfully lured me into her cave with Jane Austen books: Yeah nah you’re not fucking straight, I caught you glancing at my cleavage.

Me: … Isn’t that usually a metric for heterosexuality?

Thirteen: Straight men don’t look at boobs like it killed their entire family, Tan.

Me: … No because why the fuck was your shirt pulled down in the middle of an triworldly conference?

Thirteen: First of all, cute nymph secretary. Second of all, this ain’t about me. Do you know how many half-god spawns have been flaunting their abs around you every time they visit the Devildom?

Me: I’m— I thought their culture just allowed them to dress so exposed! Angels have a similar thing going on!

Thirteen: Which means.. you’re…

Me: Asexual?

Thirteen: In love with Solomon.

Me: … I know lesbians jump into things rather quickly but I still have to ask, how in the nine rings did you fucking get there?