#state 8

I'll give you a reward if you return my blue dry erase marker

*Beneath it, not in Alfred's handwriting:*

Watching you panic is reward enough

Alfred: alright. So, I tried to be nice. Obviously that's not gonna work so I'm going to use context clues to figure it out. Texas!

TX: yo

Alfred: 'reward' is spelled correctly and in the last piece of legislation you sent me you spelled your own name wrong, so its definitely not you.

TX: ....

Alfred: NC!

NC: .... yes?

Alfed: the handwriting on the board is reminiscent of a 3 year old and your handwriting is more like art, so! Not you.

NC: ...

Alfred: GA-

VA: alfred are you really going through every state to find one marker?

Alfred: yes.

VA: ... okay, well... why dont you just buy a new one?

Alfred: pffft hahaha! You think that I, the capital of the United States of America, have any money? Lmao that's cute.

NC: ... Are you okay?

GA: Lack of patience? VA, you literally stood there for hours and calmly explained everything when I got my first laptop. You coached me through my first laptop.

FL: I feel like it should be duly noted that GA is literally the exception to every arbitrary rule that VA has.

VA: That's not-

AL: 'no cups on my wood table unless you have a coaster! Except you, GA, dear, feel free to place your glass anywhere.'

VA: Thats-

SC: 'no yelling in my house- wait GA, Honey, what was that you needed? Please, yell louder when you need something.'

VA: wait, thats-

NC: 'if yall need to call me, I have a strict schedule and will not answer if you call past midnight- 'cept you GA, please call me whenever you need to.'

VA: I mean, we're dating. I feel like there should be differences.

Al: yesterday at a meeting you literally said, 'shut up. Everyone in this room is a blazing moron. Except you, GA, I'm so glad for your contributions.'

VA: how was that a problem???

NY: GA wasnt even there.

VA: ....

MD: okay, well... I'll admit, things are not going exactly as we planned, and I can see why a lot of you are feeling... well, somewhat disheartened-

NY: we're not only getting our asses kicked, but France is no more closer to getting us aid than they were a year ago. Yeah, how do we even know they're actually helping us?? For all we know, they're selling our secrets to England!

NC: France helping England?

SC: Oh, yeah, that sounds sooo realistic.

MD: *glares at them* y'alls attitudes are terrible! Not only have the English not captured general Washington, but we've actually shown them that we're a capable force!

DE: MD is right. Buck up, yall. What are we?

Group: *mutters pathetically*

DE: I cant hear you! What are we?

Group: *a little louder* Americans

DE: what was that?

Group: Americans!

DE: Yeah! We're Americans! And you know what that means? We're going to open up a merry can of whoop ass on the British!

Group: ....

NY: do you take constructive criticism?

ME: ... did you just put that in your mouth??? You know you cant put everything in your mouth or up your nose, right?

VE: oh, wow, that's really hot.

Meanwhile

SC: hey, have you seen my can of reapers?

Alfred: Alright, so the krauts are lining up here. This leaves us enough troops to maneuver to the right, cutting them off while the Brits cut off their retreat. 

SC: what about the injured troops?

Alfred: Well--

KS: *enters the tent like an avenging angel and a certified doctor with the Red Cross and a fiercely protective official under fire* Alright I know you’re in an important meeting, but we need as much medical supplies as possible and I can tell that there’s about to be some major movement and I need to be prepared, otherwise it’ll be FUBAR.

Alfred: ... Are you even legally allowed to swear?

KS: Seriously? 

Alfred: *turns to SC* I’m not even allowed to swear, is KS?

SC: Al--

Alfred: *turns back to KS* You’re not legally allowed to swear

KS: Shut-up, Alfred

Alfred: *Offended™* Excuse me, watch your fucking language

Alfred: Look y’all! I found a cat!

NY: Alfred, we are in the middle of occupied German territory. That is a German cat. It could be a spy. 

Alfred: It’s a cat, though.

NJ: Come on, Yorki, let the kid keep the cat. it’s almost Christmas, after all.

NY: I’m Jewish.

NJ: Let the boy be happy.

Alfred: what if the cat doesn’t celebrate Christmas? What if he’s a Communist?

NY: Alfred, why the hell do you think its a Communist?

Alfred: cause we’re in Europe, duh.

NY: Holy shit, just because we’re in Europe doesn’t make it a Communist, Alfred. Don’t be rude.

NJ: What do Communists even celebrate?

Alfred: Communion?

NJ: No, that’s for Catholics.

MA: I remember a shadow, living in the shade of your greatness.

NY: maybe if you weren’t so short you wouldn’t be living in my shadow.

MA: .... rude.