#started late

30/5/18 22:11

So. The eternal question that haunts anyone less than 24 hours post-exam that talks to other humans: how did it go?

I’d add a thousand question marks to the end of the title if I didn’t think it would be longer than my actual text post. Just to emphasise how many times I’ve been asked that question. 

So, here it goes. 

The stations were exactly the same as my previous sit. Exactly the same. What the hell, guys. I PREPARED EVERYTHING ELSE SO MUCH. USE ME. USE MY KNOWLEDGE. LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT I’VE GOT. 

We started half an hour late, which then also ate into our lunch time. This totally threw my timings off, and with only short breaks between the three sets of stations, I was exhausted by the end of the day. It also threw my pee schedule way off. Too much info maybe, but I’m a nervous pee-er, and I planned everything right down to when to go to the toilet and when I should have fluid intake. 

Some of the stations I didn’t do well, I felt that I did a lot better this time round. But also vice versa. 

I was increasingly frustrated at how the exam format didn’t represent how clinical practice would actually happen. In real life, you definitely get to do examination and history. None of this crap about separating the two out. You would also have access to a lot more PMH from their notes, a GP, or even a collateral history. 

I just don’t feel like I know how to judge it any more. I thought that I had done enough to pass last time, and look where that landed me. Can you honestly blame me for being cautious? 

I also gotta be honest. I finished the exam, went for a drink, came home, called my parents, hung up, and promptly sat and cried. It has been such a rollercoaster of emotions for the past two months, and it all culminated in a day’s work that I now have zero control over. My fate literally lies in the hands of strangers. Is there a more freeing, but also more terrifying thought?

And seriously. I am so exhausted. I almost feel the need to check into ITU, the amount of burnout I’m feeling. And I have to be back in placement tomorrow. It just never seems to end. I’m not sure I’d make it if I have to do this again. 

TL;DR: It went okay. Let’s just wait for results, k? Placement tomorrow. Promise to keep you all in the loop.