#startaconversation

i have felt an urge to speak out about my asd diagnosis, and today is the day. it continues to shock me how few opportunities there are for people to learn and speak openly about the autism spectrum. let’s normalize being curious. how much do you actually know about the autism spectrum? open yourself up to new ideas. make room in your life to learn more about others. let’s talk.

asd: autism spectrum disorder asd is not a social disorder. it isn’t connected to any single cause. it is a neurodevelopmental disorder. asd does not have a “look,” or a set list of symptoms. if you consider two people with an asd diagnosis, there is a very high likelihood that they present that same diagnosis in two completely different ways. the efforts to understand the autism spectrum are ongoing, and therefore the definitions of autism continuously change (see: year 2013).

a diagnosis for asd DOES CONSIDER a person’s: degree of language/social difficulties degree of intellectual/physical impairment known medical conditions, exposure to environmental factors associated mental/behavioral/neurological disorders it is not a measure of their worth.

a diagnosis for asd DOES NOT IMPLY a person is: being socially dysfunctional in any obvious way a significantly high or low intelligence level major physical or emotional limitations neglect, abuse, poverty, inferiority it does not change who they are.

receiving an asd diagnosis CAN HELP COMFORT a person who is: struggling to understand social cues and implications generally clumsy and unaware of physical space having isolated interests/rigid plans/ritualistic behavior exhibiting adverse reactions to change it is essential to understand a person’s process as their own.

imagine you’re walking on the road in a small alley. you’re on the left side because you are helping a friend look for their key. someone is walking towards you, and they are walking on their right side. the closer you get, the more overwhelmed you become. and after working every scenario in your head, you give in and you cross the road, only to realize they never looked up once. this is the only way i can think to explain the burden of masking. neurotypical minds seek conformity. neurodivergent minds seek consistency. this makes it incredibly easy for a neurodivergent person to lose whatever feelings of autonomy are left. being in a position of self-perpetuation - where your ability to do task creates an outcome that controls the ability to do task - is masking. the very act of masking uses just as much energy as it receives. there is no carefree moment. you are anticipating bumping into someone, you gauge how close you can get, and you step out of the way before contact. there is no acknowledgement of your efforts. after all, if you were “normal” then you wouldn’t be in the way at all. there is a feeling of indebtedness. no one looks up. consider this: 60 years ago, state asylums were regularly performing lobotomies on the “criminally insane,” usually without anesthesia and almost always without consent. that is fucking terrifying. but you know what is even more terrifying? the fact that this practice stopped only when it was replaced with more convenient options, and is still technically legal. it’s not that america rushed to protect its disenfranchised the from becoming maimed, but rather the federal government rushed to protect its medicaid returns from becoming one-time surgical treatments. although most people would agree that we are far removed from that tragic relationship with psychosurgery. however, for perspective, i want to point out that the first evidence of neurosurgery goes all the way back to the stone age. it took 5,000 years to create not just the science itself, but to create the culture that watched its metamorphosis and anticipated the result. if i spent an hour putting up christmas decorations, how reasonable is it to then expect them to be taken down in 44 seconds, just because i am embarrassed to still have them up? we’re closer to falling backwards into systemic ableism than we are to securing our position away from it. 60 years is not even 1.5%.

one of my friends is a mother to a child with autism. they had their first flight together and her child absolutely lost it security. she was hoping that any of the parents around her would stop and help. completely alone, people shuffled by her, and one even made a comment about her parenting approach. what she wanted to say was that the approach was advised by their developmental specialist. but then she realized that she felt more than alone, but suddenly unsafe and targeted, and she didn’t want to feel victimized further.