Kinn has many regrets- with the path heâs been made to walk there was no way not to- but the one thing he doesnât think he could ever bring himself to regret is loving Porsche. Not when his arms were wrapped for securely around his shoulders, not when he kissed him, tasting of salt from sweat and tears.
There was nothing in this world that he would want to trade for the memory of Porscheâs head on his shoulder, or the phantom pressure of his hand grapping Kinnâs. He could never bring himself to forget the way his giggles spilled from his lips when Kinn reluctantly sang to him under the stars, or the way he assured him that his voice was lovely, even as the giggles continued to escape him.
Even now, as Porsche shoved himself away, leaving just like Kinn told him too, even as the overwhelming grief flooded his chest, even as his heart shattered at the sight of that beautiful head of hair disappearing behind the rocks, he didnât regret it. If he could go back he would have done better. He would have protected him better, held him tighter, told him how important he was. He would give anything just to change the way he treated him-Â but loving him?
Loving him was perhaps the one thing he would never regret.
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//He needed more than me. I'm friendly and thoughtful and quite awfully pretty- But he needed more than me//
Sky was alone, sitting on the stairs in an alcove far away from where students usually walk. The all consuming fear of abandonment was seeping into his bones and made his entire body feel like a coil wound far too tight. His hands were shaking where they were running through his hair as he tried to soothe himself. It was getting closer and closer to the for his next class, but he couldn't will himself to go. He didn't want to face his friends, not when he was still a live wire of emotion.
//"It's too early to be so loud- do you come with a mute button?"//
It was stupid, he was stupid. It wasn't even that a deal- it was early and they had been drinking the night before. He didn't even realize he was getting to be that much, caught up in whatever it was he was rambling on about. They had a right to ask him to pipe down, and he shouldn't be so fucking upset by it.
Sky was used to getting on people's nerves. He was always too loud, too stupid, too much. He didn't go a day in primary school without getting reprimanded for talking in class. He knew he was annoying, it was basically his biggest personality trait. His friends thought it was funny most of the time, but even they got fed up with him- of course they did. He'd get fed up too. God why was he so fucking much?
He heard footsteps from around the corner and jerked up, forcing his bouncing leg to still and pushing down all the emotions that made him want to scream. Of course it was Jao, the one person he couldn't let see him like this, because the universe decided he needed to be punished.
"P'Sky?" He looked concerned, and boy if that didn't make Sky feel worse, "Are you okay?"
He shoved his shaking hands behind his back, trying to mask it by leaning back against them, "Course I am, I just.. uh. Didn't feel like going to class is all."
Jao did not look convinced, looking at him with those stupidly wide eyes. He felt himself squirm under his gaze, looking down at the floor to avoid his boyfriend's gaze.
"P'Sky.." he climbed the stairs to sit beside him, grabbing Sky's hand and holding it in his lap, "P'Sky you're shaking."
Sky looked up but as soon as he did he turned away again. Jao grabbed his other hand, gently rubbing his thumb over the tops of his knuckles. It was so fucking sweet Sky could have cried. He didn't deserve this, not when he was just being dramatic.
"It's fine, Angel, I'm just being stupid," he tried for a grin but it was tight and Jao was clearly not convinced.
"You're not stupid." It wasn't a question, but Sky still answered with a shrug. Jao tugged at his hands lightly, but Sky still wouldn't look at him. He was being so fucking stupid, he had to get control of himself. Jao was going to get annoyed and realize how much trouble Sky really was and then where would he be?
"Sorry," he said on reflex, squeezing Jao's hand in a vain attempt to stop the shaking.
Jao just squeezed it back, patient and gentle in a way that made Sky's chest //ache//, "you don't have to be sorry. Just tell me what's wrong."
He was quiet for a moment, and Jao just kept holding his hands as he waited. Finally, he pulled one hand back to run through his hair again, legs bouncing of their own accord. "There, uh, there was a game last night, I watched it on my phone at the bar- I told you we all went last night right? yeah, so anyways. I was gonna catch Nuea and Tor up since they missed it but, ya know, it's early and they're tired and I was just too loud. Fon made a joke about me needing a mute button and. I don't know. I just.."
He didn't know how to explain the stab of pain in his chest that came with those words, not without sounding like an idiot. He knew it was dumb, he'd been told way worse before and it never phased him. Jao didn't say anything, obviously waiting for him to continue. He didn't call him stupid or tell him he was overreacting though, just sat there holding his hand.
"I guess it just. I don't know. Like," he tugged on a small lock of his hair, trying to put his thoughts into words. It was hard, given how disjointed and frantic they were. "I guess I'm just worried that this is it. That they're finally fed up with my shit. I know I push my luck a lot and I get on their nerves and I guess it's just. I just got scared that they would finally decide I wasn't worth the trouble anymore."
"Sky-"
"I know- I know I'm being stupid. They weren't even mad at me or anything, like it wasn't a big deal. I just got this stupid fucking rock in my throat and I felt like- like I could explode- I //know// I'm being stupid-"
He didn't even realize the hand in his hair was still pulling at it until Jao grabbed it and gently tugged it away, "stop saying that. You aren't stupid."
Sky just shrugged, suddenly quiet after his jumbled excuse for an explanation. Jao jumped in before he even had time to think he was being annoying again.
"Your friends love you. Just because you're loud sometimes isn't going to make them suddenly disappear on you. You know that don't know?" He just shrugged again, and Jao tugged at his hands trying to get him to look at him, "you aren't stupid for getting upset. You aren't annoying, or dramatic, or whatever you think, and being upset, whatever the reason, isn't going to make us think less of you. Especially not me."
That's what finally broke the dam. Tears welled up in his eyes and he jerked Jao into a tight hug. He was getting his tears on Jao's jacket but the other boy just hugged him back, rocking him gently and running his hand through his hair.
"I don't know why I'm like this. I just- fuck."
Jao shushed him softly, "it's okay P'Sky. It's okay..."
He didn't know how long he stayed like that, shaking and crying while Jao hugged him and murmured soft assurances in his ear. When his tears finally stopped slowing he pulled away. The shaking in his hands and legs had ceased, and now he found himself exhausted from the weight of his outburst. Jao just wiped the tear tracks on his cheeks and grabbed his hands again.
"'M sorry-"
"You have nothing to be sorry about, Sky. We're boyfriends, remember? I wanna see all sides of you, even the ones that hurt," he cupped his face in his hands, smiling softly, "I love you. Even when you're loud or hyper or- as rare as it is- annoying. I still love you. That doesn't go away just because you do something small like this. Your friends do too. They've been your friend long enough to know how you are, and they love you for it- not despite it. Stop thinking you're on the edge of losing them. You're stuck with all of us."
Sky huffed out a laugh, turning his face to press a small kiss to his palm. "Thank you, baby."
"Of course. Now, let's go eat. I don't have class for another hour and these stairs are uncomfortable"
Sky laughed again, letting Jao help him to his feet and lead him down the stairs by the hand. Before they turned the corner, he pulled him into another hug.
"I love you too, Jao. Don't know what I did to deserve you."
"You didn't have to do anything."
//That boy who's next to me, he don't know his worth in this town//
Thereâs a cricket outside my window that determined to not let me sleep so Iâm writing a fic where Sky deals with RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria). Hereâs an excerpt.Â
"You're not stupid." It wasn't a question, but Sky still answered with a shrug. Jao tugged at his hands lightly, but Sky still wouldn't look at him. He was being so fucking stupid, he had to get control of himself. Jao was going to get annoyed and realize how much trouble Sky really was and then where would he be?
"Sorry," he said on reflex, squeezing Jao's hand in a vein attempt to stop the shaking.
Jao just squeezed it back, patient and gentle in a way that made Sky's chest ache, "you don't have to be sorry. Just tell me what's wrong."
So Iâm the worst. As soon as I started the Newsies Gift Exchange my mental health took a nose dive and my school decided to ramp up the assignments to 100. I never forgot and I have been working on it when I had the time so here it is! I'm so sorry I'm late @annihilatedthenightstalker . I hope you enjoy my very very late gift. I am so sorry.Â
Prompt- Jack's really scared for some reason and David sees him cry for the first time, its then he finds out just how touch-starved Jack is.
If there was one thing David knew, it was that Jack Kelly would be the death of him. He wasnât even mad about it, it was just a simple fact of life that he had come to accept.
That's what he thought as Sarah shoved him awake, telling him in no kind words that his Cowboy was at the window and he needed to go take care of it. He yawned before pushing off the bed and making his way to the open window where Jack did, in fact, sit waiting for him.
He leaned out the window, fixing him with an unimpressed look. âWhat are you doinâ here so late? Donât ya have a bed waitinâ at the lodge?â
Jack shrugged, but he was shaking like heâd seen a ghost. Davidâs expression went from annoyed to concerned as Jack spoke.
âYeah, well, I couldnât sleep none and I thought- well you like all that star stuff and the skies real clear so-â he gestured shakily, âI thought we could go watch some, may-maybe you could tell me all that stuff you learned about the patterns and stuff.â
David watched him carefully, watched the way he couldnât sit still, the way he was glancing around like something would pop out to get him any second now. After a moment he sighed, âyeah⊠yeah okay Jackie. Lemme get dressed and Iâll meet ya on the roof, aâight?â
Jack nodded quickly, already climbing the ladder. David watched him for a moment, concern twisting in his chest. He turned back to see Sarah watching him with tired eyes.
âThatâs not what I meant when I said make him go away,â she said flatly.
David shrugged, âhe doesn't look too good, Saz. I canât just let him go wander the streets like this,â he argued, though Sarah didnât look convinced. Thankfully, she didnât push it, just rolled her eyes and laid back down.
âWhatever, donât complain to me when you're exhausted tomorrow.â
He sighed, tugging a patched sweater over his undershirt and fastening his suspenders to his pants. She had a point, but he wasnât about to admit it. Besides, he couldnât just leave Jack to his own devices, not when heâs like this.
When he pulled himself up to the roof, the first thing he saw was Jack, still pacing with his hands still shaking. David tried to shake off his anxiety as he pushed himself to a stand, but the lingering clench of concern twisted around his heart. He didnât like seeing Jack like this, it hurt too much.
âYouâre gonna walk a hole in your shoes if you keep that up,â Jack jumped at his voice, but a shaky grin still found its way onto his face.
âOh well, you could patch âem up for me, couldnât ya Dave?â
David rolled his eyes, nudging Jackâs shoulder as he passed, âmight could, question is would I?â he pulled one of his sheets down from the line before sitting down.
Jack just grinned, taking his place beside him, ââcourse yaâ would, what kind a partner wouldnât?â
He snorted, nudging Jackâs shoulder with his own. He was right, of course, Dave would do anything he could for him- Jack knew damn well he would too. Everyone did.
âKeep tellinâ yourself that, Kelly.â
Jack grinned, nudging him back before leaning on his hands to look at the sky. David followed suit- Jack was right. It was an incredibly clear night. He could see so many stars, he could even make out a few major constellations.
After a moment of silence Jack elbowed him in the ribs, pointing up to the stars, âThat one thereâs the big dipper, ainât it?â
David followed his finger, trying to connect the pattern he was seeing. It was a bit difficult because his hands were still shaking. âYeah, I think so- ya know the big dipperâs just a part of a bigger constellation, Ursa Major. A bear.â
Jack tilted his head, dropping his arm to his side and squinting at the sky, âdonât look like no bear to me.â
The other boy snorted, using his own hand to point out the rest of the pattern, âyeah see- there's the head and the big body, and those little stars make the legs- see? Bear.â Jack just tilted his head farther, blonde hair falling into his face.
âI donât- hang on, yeah. Yeah I see what you mean, âs like one of them stick figures, right?â
âYeah, basically, I mean itâs really abstract. See, right near it is Leo, itâs supposed to be a lion.â
Jack followed his finger again, watching as he pointed out the stars and traced the lines. Jack squinted at it, âyeah- it just looks like a bunch a dots to meâ
David snorted, looking over to see Jack watching him with a soft smile. He tilted his head, nudging Jackâs shoulder again. As much as he would love to go on and on about the stars and the stories behind him, he had to find out what was wrong.
âSo, I know ya didnât come here lookin for a lesson on astronomy. Whatâs wrong with ya? Somethinâ happen with the boys?â
Jack froze, still staring at the sky. David could see him trying to keep his easy grin but it was forced. Somehow that hurt worse than a frown.
âNah Dave, nothinâ happened with themâŠâ  he trailed off, picking at the concrete beneath him.
âWell whatâs wrong? And donât say nothin- I know when youâre lyin.â
âAw câmon, you wound me! I donât lie-â
David cut him off, rolling his eyes, âfine. âImprovinâ the truthâ or whatever- not much of a difference.â
Jack chuckles, leaning forward to rest his chin on his knees. âYeah, youâse too observant for yaâ own good sometimes.â
âAnd youâre too stubborn for yours,â he shot back, taking a breath before continuing to speak, voice much softer this time, âwhatâs eatinâ at ya, Jackie?â
Jack shuddered, face hidden behind his messy bangs. He was quiet for a moment before he muttered something just under his breath.
âI canât hear ya, Jack,â he said plainly, leaning forward to try and catch his eyes. Jack just looked away,
âMy PaâŠ. heâs⊠Spots just got news that he got out aâ the pen,â Davidâs breath caught in his throat as Jack spoke, his words shaking.
âOh shit,â he breathed. For once, The Walking Mouth had been rendered speechless. Jack laughed, rough and strained.
âYeah.. oh shit..â he pulled his legs up to his chest and rested his chin on his knees. David set a hand on his shoulder, mind too frantic to linger on the way Jack tensed under his touch.
âAre you okay? He- he donât know where youâse stayinâ does he? Shit- he canât- Jackie..â now it was Davidâs turn to shake, the hand not gripping Jackâs shoulder running through his curly bed head. Jack shrugged, adamantly refusing to look at him. David cut himself off, words dying in his throat.
âJackieâŠâ he dropped the hand from his hair to his lap, âwhat are you gonna do?â
Jack shrugged again, but David could feel his shoulders begin to shake. David waited for a moment as Jack sucked in a shaky breath. âI donât know Dave⊠I mean I donât- I donât think he knows where Iâse stayinâ but what if he does?â
David let the hand on his shoulder drop to his back, rubbing small circles into the thin fabric of his shirt like his mama would do when he was in a state. He didnât know what to say and his mind was racing to come up with something. Something to fix it, something to make it all better.
Nothing came to mind.
Jack was still shaking but he leaned into Daveyâs touch, taking in shuddering breaths as he hid his face in his knees. âDave I- I donât know what Iâm gonna doâŠâ
When he finally looked up, there were tears in his eyes. Daveyâs heart clenched as he sucked in a harsh breath. Jack never cried- sure he got upset, angry enough to punch a hole through a wall or anxious to where he couldnât breathe, but he never cried.
Davey didnât know what to do with that.
âIâm scared, DaveâŠâ
That was the final straw. David gripped Jackâs shirt with shaking hands and jerked him into his long arms. He wrapped around him, using his height to his advantage as he enveloped Jack in a shaking embrace.
âOh JackieâŠâ he buried his nose in his hair, pushing back his own tears.
Jack froze for a moment, just long enough for David to worry heâd gone too far before there were fingers digging into his back and Jack âCowboyâ Kelly was sobbing into his shoulder.
âI- fuck Dave-â David shushed him as he cried, arms tightening around him as the older boy cried his eyes out into his shoulder. He could feel his sleeves soaking through but that was the least of his worries right now. He was too busy trying to comfort the shaking mass of boy in his arms to give a dmn about his stupid shirt.
âItâs okay Jackie- let it all out. Itâll be okay. Weâll figure it out. You can stay with us or- or hell I'm sure Spotty would let ya crash at the Brooklyn Lodge if he shows up in âHattan,â he spoke frantically into Jackâs hair, trying everything to reassure him that there was no way his father would get anywhere near him. Jack just shudder out something between a laugh and a sob.
âSpotty donât let no one but Racer stay at the lodge,â
âSpotty ainât gonna leave you on the streets Jackie,â David pulled back just a bit, ignoring the soft whine that came from Jack, ânone of us will, for that matter. Youâse family, Jackie, anâ family donât let family suffer.â
Jack blinked at him, tears still flowing from his eyes. When he spoke it was broken and strained, âyouâre too good to me, Dave-â
David cut him off, thumbing away his tears, âno- people just ainât been good enough.â
Jack sniffled, leaning into his palm. âCan IâŠ. shit, can I stay here? Just for tonight. I donât.. I donât wanna walk back aloneâŠâ
Davey managed a smile, hand still cupping his cheek, âJackie, you can stay as long as you want.â
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Excerpt from âCaught Like a Deer in the Deadlightsâ
âI am going to die, all alone..â he lifted one boney hand and caressed his cheek lightly, leaving a trail of dirt and blood behind, âand it's all your fault~â
Eddie choked back a sob as Bill jerked him back. He finally allowed himself to be pulled away as âRichieâ laughed, falling back onto the floor with a bloody grin.
âOh my God,youâre fucking useless! Useless, weak, pathetic-â
Finally, Stanâs door busted open and Bill pulled Eddie through. He was openly sobbing at this point as âRichieâsâ voice followed him.
âYou let me die, Eddie! All alone, you useless fucking asshole!â
I have no excuse for this. I am a simple southern soul and this was on my brain. One last MLM before I put everything on hold for femslash feb. Enjoy!
When Race suggested going to the local bar for karaoke, Jack was not expecting for it to end the way it did.
It started off the way you would expect. Katherine sang something from Girl in Red, Crutchie sang a Rocket Man, and Race very aggressively Rick Rolled everyone, directing it completely at Spot. Most of them got drunk, loud, and the singing became drunken scream-alongs by the end. It was fun, chaotic and loud but fun. Jack would be surprised if they ever let them back in there again. Then again, they were with Katherine and she often blew her fatherâs money on large tips for bar staff.
It was getting late and most everyone had already sang. Jack was only half paying attention when a bunch of whistles and hollars brought his attention back to the stage. He looked up to see the Jacobs twins scrolling through the songs, whispering conspiratorially to each other. He grinned, leaning back on the bar as they seemed to agree on something and Sarah cleared her throat.
âSo, I think itâs about time for some of our southern heritage to shine through tonight. Enjoy!â Jack whooped along with the rest of his friends as the twins started the song.
To say Jack was ill prepared for what would happen next would be an understatement. The group quieted down as the countdown started and the Jacobs grinned.
Davey was the one to start and Jack felt his mouth turn to cotton.
âI feel a sin comin on,â his voice was smooth and deeper than expected, southern accent surfacing as he snapped out the beat, âI feel a right thatâs about to go wrong. I got a shiver down to the bone-â Jack choked on his whiskey when Davey swayed his hips to the lyrics, earning a wolf whistle from Spot and Albert.
âI feel a sin comin on~â
He glanced over at Katherine when Sarah started singing. âI got a buzz in my brain-â she kept her eyes fixed on Sarah, who was swaying along with the beat. âDrunk off a love, goinâ down like champagne. I got a feelinâ âs gonna leave a lipstick stain and Iâll be the only one to blame~â
The group whistled and hollered as the two continued, singing the chorus together with swaying hips and seemingly practiced harmony. Jack was alternating between laughing at the awestruck look on Katherineâs face and praying to the Lord because of boy did He Feel a Sin.
The last verse started and Sarah seemed to give it to Davey. His sparkling eyes fixed on whoever was making the most noise. âPlease, Jesus donât hold me back, I know he ainât mine but I want him so bad~â Jack knew he was drunk when Race whistled and he winked at him. Despite knowing  the other man was drunk, he couldnât help but feel a pang of jealousy. The next line did not help matters any, nor did it help the heat in his stomach. âThe smoke in the whiskey got me feelin easy~â
He swayed his hips again and he heard a few more wolf whistles from the crowd. He also noticed that not all those whistled belonged to their friend group. He swiveled around in his stool to see a tall, buff looking dude watching Davey with dark eyes. Jack glared at him, downing his shot angrily before fixing his eyes back on the stage. The twins were just finishing up the last chorus, striking a slightly dramatic pose before laughing and thanking the crowd. They both scurried off and Jack pushed himself off the bar stool to meet them with the rest of their friends.
Katherine dragged Sarah into a searing kiss as she stepped down. Sarah laughed pulling back just long enough to say thanks before kissing her again, arms around the other girlâs neck. Jack rolled his eyes, only to see Davey leaning on the bar, buff dude from earlier beside him.
He felt a hot pang of jealousy as he stormed over just in time to hear Davey turning him down politely.
â-really, itâs quite kind of you, but Iâm not exactly here alone.â Jack puffed up. Damn right he wasnât. He sauntered up to the bar, saddling up beside Davey. //His// Davey.
âOh câmon, he wouldnât share ya for just one night?â
Jack scoffed, wrapping an arm around Davidâs shoulder and glaring the guy down. âNo, no he would not,â he said harshly as Davey turned his smle to him, pressing a kiss to his cheek.
âItâs okay darlin, Arron here was just leavinâ,â he said soothingly. Jack didnât relax, just glared the taller man down with his arm around Dave.
âOh, this is the guy youâre here with? Heh, ya sure you donât wanna come with me tonight, babe?â Jack bristled at this cocky son of a bitch and Davey just met his gaze with an even stare.
âYou a fan of country music, Arron?â he asked innocently.
âNot really, but damn you make it look good,â the skeezy guy leaned forward on his hands a bit and David chuckled.
âWell, let me tell you a thing or two about what happens when a man canât hear the word noâŠâ he leaned in, incredibly close to the other guyâs face, âthere ainât a southerner alive who doesnât know how to aim a gun and I ainât missed a shot yet.â
Jack watched in suprise as Arronâs eyes widened and he cleared his throat. âUh, yeah sorry, look at the time. I really should be goinâ-â
David watched with a satisfied smirk as the other guy scrambled away with his tail between his legs. He went back to his drink, barely acknowledging Jackâs stare. The brunette cleared his throat, finally removing his arm.
âBabe, whereâd that come from?â
âCountry music, hon. Just hope you never find out what happens to a man who cheats.â
