Digging into Romancing Mister Bridgerton part 2 - Jealousy
Ok I'm back to talk about jealousy...not Pen being Jealous of Colin with women or Colin Jealous of Pen with suitors. I'm talking Colin and his jealousy of Whistledown.
As we head into Part 2, I believe this will be a theme we see post Colin's finding out about Pen's secret. Because Colin finding out that Pen is Lady Whistledown WILL be a blow to him, Colin will forgive her, because he loves Pen. That's not even in question and not even something I'm discussing today. That's the EASY part.
The difficult part is that Colin has found love, he's found Pen. But Colin and Pen had that lovely discussion in S2 about Pen finding her purpose and now Colin is faced with the fact that Pen found that. Her success as Whistledown is something he has to face. And he still has not found his, just as Pen was starting to show him he may have one with his own writing. So let's dig in to how this played out in Romancing Mister Bridgerton because it was a big theme and I think this is coming to our boy!
In the book, even after the wedding, Colin struggles to deal with the revelation that Pen was Whistledown. Her success somehow tears at him and he is unable to deal with how if affects his own abilities and chances at being a writer himself. In true style, he was unable to communicate this jealousy and Pen mistook this as shame, that Colin was ashamed of her for being Whistledown.
See excerpts from RMB below:
Except, perhaps, for Colin and Penelope, neither of whom were especially comfortable when talk turned to Lady Whistledown.
But Colin was still so upset and angry over her secret life that she’d grown uncomfortable herself. She’d tried to broach the subject with him a few times, but he’d become tight-lipped and told her (in a very un-Colin-like tone) that he didn’t want to talk about it.
She could only deduce that he was ashamed of her. Or if not of her, precisely, then of her work as Lady Whistledown. Which was like a blow to her heart, because her writing was the one segment in her life that she could point to with a great sense of pride and accomplishment. She had done something. She had, even if she could not put her own name on her work, become a wild success. How many of her contemporaries, male or female, could claim the same?
She might be ready to leave Lady Whistledown behind and live her new life as Mrs. Colin Bridgerton, wife and mother, but that in no way meant that she was ashamed of what she had done.
When finally confronted with this, Colin told her he was not ashamed of her, but was unable to tell her he was jealous. he was ashamed of himself for being jealous of her. He struggled with his jealous for a while in the book. For not being able to find his true purpose.
“I’m not ashamed of you,” he said again, mostly because he couldn’t bring himself to tell her the truth—that he was jealous. Jealous of her achievements, jealous of her.
It was such a distasteful feeling, such an unpleasant emotion. It ate at him, creating a vague sense of shame every time someone mentioned Lady Whistledown, which, given the tenor of London’s current gossip, was about ten times each day. And he wasn’t quite certain what to do about it.
He was a man who had always felt supremely comfortable in his own skin. He didn’t know why he was so blessed—perhaps it was good parents, maybe simple luck. But now he felt awkward and uncomfortable and it was spilling into every corner of his life. He snapped at Penelope, he barely spoke at parties.
And it was all due to this detestable jealousy, and its attendant shame.
Or was it?
Would he be jealous of Penelope if he hadn’t already sensed a lack in his own life?
Of course because they still were not communicating, Pen continued to know something was troubling her husband. Colin continued to be protective of her and very loving, but any talk of Whistledown immediately seemed to turn the mood in their home. It began to make her become disappointed in her husband, but not because she was angry at him but because Pen was proud of herself. She was proud of everything she did as Whistledown and she wanted her husband to be proud of her.
He said he wasn’t ashamed of her, and maybe he even thought that was true, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to believe him. She’d seen his face when he swore that all he wanted was to protect her. But protectiveness was a fierce, burning feeling, and when Colin was talking about Lady Whistledown, his eyes were shuttered and flat.
She tried not to feel so disappointed. She tried to tell herself that she had no right to expect Colin to live up to her dreams, that her vision of him had been unfairly idealized, but…
But she still wanted him to be the man she’d dreamed of.
And she felt so guilty for every pang of disappointment. This was Colin! Colin, for heaven’s sake. Colin, who was as close to perfect as any human being could ever hope to be. She had no right to find fault with him, and yet…
And yet she did.
She wanted him to be proud of her. She wanted it more than anything in the world, more even than she’d wanted him all those years when she’d watched him from afar.
This continued until they finally spoke, until Pen finally confronted him with why he was so distant. With the fact that he had read everything she had ever written because it was out there, published for the world to see and his words remained hidden, words on a page that perhaps no one would ever see and even if they did, never want to read. And finally in unburdening to his wife, she reached out to him to help him, to tell him to publish and he allowed her help, and he asked her to edit and together it was the two of them, doing it together.
And the worst part was that he knew she didn’t understand. She thought he was ashamed of her. He’d told her that he wasn’t, but since he’d not been able to bring himself to tell her the truth—that he was jealous—he couldn’t imagine that she’d believed him.
Hell, he wouldn’t have believed him, either. He’d clearly looked like he was lying, because in a way, he was lying. Or at least withholding a truth that made him uncomfortable.
But the minute she’d reminded him that he’d read everything she’d written, something had turned ugly and black inside of him.
He’d read everything she’d written because she’d published everything she’d written. Whereas his scribblings sat dull and lifeless in his journals, tucked away where no one would see them.
Colin wanted, more than anything, to be his own man, to be known for his accomplishments, not for his name or position, or even his smile or charm.
“Why, then,” she asked him, her words slow and carefully measured, “do you grow so distant and cold every time I bring it up?”
When he spoke, his words were close to a mumble. “It’s difficult to explain.”
“I’m a good listener,” she said softly.
His hand, which had been cradling her face so lovingly, dropped to his lap. And he said the one thing she never would have expected.
“I’m jealous.” He shrugged helplessly. “I’m so sorry.”
“—I need something I can point to,” he said, right on top of her soft sentence. “I need a purpose. Anthony has one, and Benedict has one, but I’m at odds and ends.”
But she knew that those weren’t the sorts of milestones he was talking about. She knew what he needed: a purpose, a calling.
Something to show the world that he was more than they thought he was.
“Publish your travel memoirs,” she said.
“I’m not—”
“Publish them,” she said again. “Take a chance and see if you soar.”
His eyes met hers for a moment, then they slid back down to his journal, still clutched in her hands. “They need editing,” he mumbled.
Penelope laughed, because she knew she had won. And he had won, too. He didn’t know it yet, but he had.
But it wasn't until the end, when Colin realized that Pen didn't want him to let the world know about Whistledown because she was willing to let her success, her name go away for the sake of his success with his journals, his dream to survive, that he finally understood his wife. That she was willing to do so much for him. Give up her success for his. And he knew that his purpose WAS her. His dream was possible BECAUSE of Penelope.
“Colin,” she whispered. “If you tell the world I’m Lady Whistledown, and they react the way we think they will, you’ll never see your journals published.”
His heart stood still.
Because that was when he finally understood her.
She had told him before that she loved him, and she had shown her love as well, in all the ways he’d taught her. But never before had it been so clear, so frank, so raw.
All this time she’d been begging him not to make the announcement—it had all been for him.
He swallowed against the lump that was forming in his throat, fought for words, fought even for breath.
She reached out and touched his hand, her eyes pleading, her cheeks still wet with tears. “I could never forgive myself,” she said. “I don’t want to destroy your dreams.”
“They were never my dreams until I met you,” he whispered.
With all the jealousy behind them, their love the most important aspect of their lives, Colin lets her know that he is very proud of his wife. and he let the world know that he was very proud of her as well. I don't think we will get this in the show this season, because I think they will hold on to the secret of Whistledown for a while longer but i just love the end of the book and Colin showing his wife that he was proud of her. Proud of Penelope and Whistledown. Because she is both.
“The truth is,” Colin said, tugging on her hand and pulling her close, “I’m rather proud of you.”
She felt herself smiling, and it was so strange, because just a few moments earlier, she couldn’t imagine ever smiling again.
He leaned down until his nose touched hers. “I want everyone to know how proud I am of you. By the time I’m through, there won’t be a single person in London who doesn’t recognize how clever you are.”
Thanks for coming to my Ted talk. How I think RMB plays heavily into the show and how I see BookColin coming to live in ShowColin for the back half of 7&8.
