#ssm15d9

“You have no right to talk about Naruto like that,” she seethed through clenched teeth. The malice in her words caused the pair to flinch back, despite the fact that the words were coming from a child at least half their age. One of Sakura’s hands hovered over her kunai pouch, and if the women hadn’t been civilians, Kakashi had no doubt she would have leapt at them by now. Judging by the way the women carefully edged away from the angry girl, they seemed to know it too.

As for himself, Kakashi was stunned silent. The instant he’d heard the amount of venom and protectiveness concealed in her voice, he’d immediately assumed that Sakura was talking about Sasuke. The pink haired genin rarely had anything but insults for her obnoxious teammate, but obviously something had changed.

One of the women wrinkled her nose at Sakura and rolled her eyes, but she didn’t attempt to close the distance between them at all.

“You’re only talking like that because you don’t know what he is. You’re too young to understand what he’s done to this village,” she declared, curling her lip imperiously. “If you had any clue what your beloved teammate did to the Yondaime, you’d be singing a different tune, young lady. I would respect your elders if I were you.”

A deep anger simmered to life within Kakashi. Twelve years later, and Naruto was still getting the blame for something he had no choice in. There were much larger forces at work, and his sensei’s son had received far too much scorn for being a helpless pawn in the larger scheme. Kakashi had spent his time being resentful for the loss of his teacher, but this was too much. This was pure, undeserved hatred projected onto a boy that would bear the world’s burdens on his shoulders with a sunny grin.

And Sakura had no way to combat such an ugly emotion, especially since she had no idea where it was coming from.

“I’m smarter than you think,” Sakura countered, much to Kakashi and the women’s’ surprise. “You’re idiots if you blame Naruto for something that happened before he was even a day old. He’s done nothing but try hard to protect this village, and that’s more than you will ever be able to claim.”

With that, Sakura haughtily spun around on her heel and stalked away from the shell-shocked women. She had only gone a couple steps when she turned around once more, startling a jump out of the women cowering just under the roof’s corner.

“And if I ever hear that you were badmouthing Naruto again,” Sakura snarled, her mint green eyes hardening to emerald, “You’ll have to deal with me.”

Kakashi had made ANBU at the age of thirteen and survived the Third Great Ninja War, but the rage in Sakura’s tone still forced a chill down his spine. The women scurried away the moment Sakura turned her back on them once more.

She’s twelve! Kakashi wanted to scream at their retreating figures. Twelve and she has more sense than this whole village put together!

If he had been proud about her intimidating form earlier, it was nothing compared to the delight rushing through him now.

Naruto, the little boy who had been picked on and spat at and shunned since before he could walk, had gained a true friend. The blonde had borne his share of hardships, and Kakashi didn’t think he’d ever really been allowed to grieve and accept the trauma of losing both his parents immediately after his birth. Instead, the village just piled scorn and anguish upon the young boy, daring him to keep moving forward in the face of their disdain.

Which he had. His head held high, even as the shadow of loneliness clung to his every step, Naruto continued determinedly on his path.

But now, Naruto had another friend who would brace him if he stumbled. Another friend who was willing to offer him the light of her companionship in his world of desertion. Someone who would treat him as a real person instead of a monster—or even worship him as a living monument to his father.

And with every bit of praise, or even her abrasive nagging, Sakura was slowly restoring Naruto’s self-confidence.

---x---

There was something different about his team as they limped out of the Forest of Death.

Upon entering the chunin exams, Kakashi often thought of his genins as three separate entities. There was Sasuke; he was struggling with resentment and anger and dealing with it in all the wrong ways. Over there was Naruto; he seemed bright and perpetually optimistic, but inside years of abandonment and cold disinterest were tearing him down. And off to the side was Sakura; she was bright but channeled all of her focus into winning Sasuke’s attention instead of training to be a better kunoichi.

In his mind, they were never Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura.

Now, however, the thee-man squad seemed to have finally understood the first lesson he tried to teach them: teamwork.

It had been a tough five days in the Forest of Death, as Kakashi knew it would be, and his team was looking a little worse for the wear. Both Naruto and Sasuke had their arms flung across Sakura’s shoulders, and Team 7’s only female helped her teammates slowly up the stairs to their rooms to recuperate before the third stage began. Kakashi had heard Orochimaru had made a surprise appearance, the damn snake, and it seemed both boys had taken a beating.

Closer inspection showed Sakura wasn’t in perfect condition either, which slightly surprised the jonin. Time and time again, Naruto and Sasuke had proved that they would prioritize Sakura’s safety above their own without a moment’s hesitation. The sheer number of injuries Sakura was sporting proved things had gotten pretty dicey.

Still, though, there was something beautiful about the hobbling trio. Their movements were entirely synced to ensure no member had to put weight on their injured leg for a second longer than necessary. Actually, they seemed more cognizant of each other’s wounds than their own. They were a team, finally.

Eventually the group closed in on their rooms, and Naruto reluctantly left his teammates. Despite the fact that he was leaning rather heavily on his doorframe, his hand lingered on Sakura’s lower back and his brow was furrowed in worry.

Even from several paces behind, Kakashi could hear the sarcastic tone of the last Uchiha, but the words lacked their usual bite. He watched, amazed, as Naruto expression cleared and he jabbed his finger in Sasuke’s direction, declaring that he’d better be ready to get his ass kicked in the next round before disappearing behind his door.

Friendly banter. His team was exchanging friendly banter.

After rolling her head slightly—was that motion part of an eye roll?—Sakura lightly bumped Sasuke’s hip with her own. There was a low chuckle followed by Sakura’s high pitched giggle before the pair continued on their way to his room.

Was, was Sakura teasing Sasuke?—and he was laughing? What exactly had happened in that forest? Getting Sasuke to grin was nothing short of a miracle. Kakashi doubted he had done so more than five times in the five years since his family’s slaughter. Losing family was one thing; as the White Fang’s son, Kakashi knew only too well how bitter that loss was. But losing his entire clan to his brother was nothing short of traumatizing, and the last Uchiha showed it more than he would probably like.

Sasuke had shrouded himself in thoughts of vengeance and a lust for power, and it was this blood-thirsty visage the boy preferred to front. There was still a lightness inside him, but it only showed through in rare interactions with his teammates. This side never made an appearance for long, as Sasuke seemed determine to lock that part of himself up—determined not to open himself to any more pain.

But Sakura had managed to draw it out.

They were half way between Sakura and Sasuke’s room when the bouy lifted his arm from Sakura shoulder. Kakashi could hear Sakura’s squeak of protest even from where he stood, and he saw her turn to argue with him, gesturing wildly at his neck. Sasuke simply shook his head and took another step back from the girl, pointing to Sakura’s ankle and then behind them to her room. His meaning was clear: Sakura was injured as well, so it would be best for them to part ways when they were equally far from their destinations.

Sakura was having none of that, apparently, and she reached out to catch Sasuke’s hand before he was too far away. Instead of pulling away as Kakashi expected him to, Sasuke allowed her to keep ahold of him as she ranted at him tearfully. If he strained he could probably hear them, but something about this moment seemed intimate, and Kakashi wanted to leave them be even if he couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away.

Suddenly, the unbelievable happened. Sasuke tightened his grip on Sakura’s hand briefly, just as one would do to comfort a friend, before smiling tenderly at her. The way his obsidian eyes softened for her was clear even from the side view Kakashi had, and suddenly the jonin’s feet were moving, taking him away from this private exchange and out of sight.

Somehow, Sakura had managed to shed a little light on the self-proclaimed avenger of  Team 7. Kakashi wasn’t sure anything would penetrate past Sasuke’s cloak of malice and bloodlust, but he had placed his bets on Naruto before anything else. He’d completely underestimated the dedication Sakura had to tearing down Sasuke’s destructive walls.

And little by little, Sakura was chipping away the hurt and grief from Sasuke’s broken heart.

---x---

Pink is such an odd color for a ninja’s hair, Kakashi reflected, blinking down at the small girl offering him a red handkerchief. Shinobi were renowned of their unusual, and somewhat exotic, appearances, true. Kakashi himself had claimed snow white hair since his birth, and he knew of a purple haired kunoichi within ANBU’s ranks.

Still, the moment Kakashi had laid eyes on Sakura’s petal pink hair, he thought something was off. Pink was too innocent a color to be stained by the blood of their work. It was a soft color, innocent. Not daring and bold like purple, wise and experienced like white, or energetic and boundless like orange. Pink, especially Sakura’s shade, was too kind. Too nurturing to last long in their world.

He had been partly right. Sakura was innocent. Kindness radiated off of her in gentle waves, and she had spent the better part of her time nurturing the boys on her team and healing the pains and aches the kept close to their hearts. Yes, Sakura was soft. It was in her words and her expressions and even in her stance. But Kakashi had overlooked one of Sakura’s great talents: to persevere and endure like her namesake withstood the harsh snows of winter.

As if determined to highlight his mistake, Konoha’s morning sun pooled around them, and the soft light reflected off the girl’s short strands to create a halo around her head. Team 7’s personal angel.

“Tsunade-shishou taught me how to make these creams yesterday. The purple one helps bruises heal faster, the green one fights infection, and the red one should stimulate your skin to reattach quicker and not scar as much,” Sakura explained as Kakashi unwrapped the handkerchief to reveal three small bottles. “There’s not a lot, but Tsunade-shishou said I extracted the essence of the herbs more successfully than any of her students, so it should be pretty powerful.”

Not even a week had passed since Sakura began her tutelage under Tsunade, and already the girl was surpassing everyone’s expectations. Shame struck him at the same time that pride welled within his chest. He had been so absorbed in Sasuke and Naruto and the baggage they carried that he had neglected his female student. He’d failed her as a teacher, and ignored her potential in favor of nurturing her teammates’.

Despite this, Sakura had continued to hold him in high regard. It should have been obvious what she’d been missing now that Tsunade was guiding her, but Sakura refused to drop the “sensei” from his name. Even further, she was still concerned with his well-being; she still kept track of his mission schedule and thought to give him gifts aimed at bringing him home safe.

“I knew you’d do well under Tsunade-sama, Sakura,” Kakashi complimented her, ruffling her hair. “Thank you.”

The young girl smiled happily at him, but Kakashi saw the sadness that tinged her gaze. Dark circles marred her otherwise vibrant green eyes, and the smile she gave him seemed tighter than usual. Sasuke’s defection was weighing heavily on her.

“I’m sorry,” Kakashi said solemnly, before silently adding: for everything. It seemed all the men of Team 7 been able to do was take, take from the light Sakura freely gifted to them without giving anything in return. They were the product of war—broken and traumatized shells of who they could have been. So when Sakura dedicated herself to them, to their individual happiness, they basked greedily in the light she gave them.

Naruto had received a good friend from Sakura and a shoulder to lean on. Kakashi had been given a ghost of his past. Rin was gone, but something in Sakura’s bright smiles made her loss a little easier to deal with every day. She worried about him just as Rin had, fretted over him before missions despite the fact that he was thirteen years her senior. Sakura was another of Kakashi’s precious comrades.

To Sasuke, though, to Sasuke Sakura had probably given the most. She’d held nothing back from the boy, offered every bit of herself to offer in his healing if he would have it. Although he’d started to reach for her outstretched hand, the reminder of his powerlessness had caused him to snatch it back.

For so long Sakura had gone unscathed; she’d been the one whole person in their team. It hurt to know that both he and Naruto had been helpless to shield her from her first experience with the bitter sting of loss.

“There was nothing you could do, Kakashi-sensei. Nothing anyone could do, really,” Sakura told him dully, her lips a poor mockery of a smile. The dim expression she wore hurt Kakashi like a blow, but, like Sakura had told him, there was nothing anyone could do anymore.

“We’ll get him back, though,” she assured him, her fists clenching in determination, “All of us together this time.”

“We will,” Kakashi agreed after a pause. Even though her heart was obviously wounded, Sakura was standing tall.

Perhaps the softness of pink was best suited to endure the trauma that went hand in hand with shinobi life.

 Sasuke remembered everyone his eyes were used to meet whenever his 7 year old self decided to take a walk. For being the youngest kid of the main couple of the clan, the raven haired boy was basically loved by everyone. His uncles, aunts and cousins would always call for him whenever they saw that smiling face of his. Always so cheerful. Always so innocent. Always looking for that brother of his. That was the Uchiha Sasuke they knew. That was the Uchiha Sasuke that could have a normal life. But that Uchiha Sasuke was dead. Just like all of his uncles, aunts and cousins, his body was also left lifeless in those blood stained streets. His old self had also died along with his family. Unfortunately, for him, he wasn’t lucky enough to remain dead. He returned as an avenger. And only after killing his brother he would be able to rest in peace. 

Taking some steps further, the police station could be seen. The building that had been the clan’s most concrete achievement in the village was no longer that majestic. Like everything else in the district, the time made sure to destroy it. The one thing that gave the Uchihas the power to control the order and the justice of the village. They protected people and they maintained the peace. That was what he has always been told. That was what he had as an ultimate truth about his clan. And that was what he would pass to the next generation of the Uchihas when he started to rebuild his clan. Sasuke was going to return the lost glory of the Uchihas. He was going to spread the legacy of his family. No matter what, he was going to save the name of the Uchihas. 

While the boy was still trapped in his own hatred thoughts, he didn’t realize what his feet had just done. Of all the possible ways he could have followed, Sasuke’s heart took him to his own house. The main house of the district. The house in which he had grown up and been so happy. The house where his family had lived, smiled, laughed and died. It had been years since he hadn’t visited his dear home and, for the first time after the massacre, he was ready to do so. He was ready to come home. 

Feeling his heart beating a little faster, Sasuke took a deep breath and slid the main door opened. As all of the other times, the Uchiha took his shoes off before stepping in the house that he used to call his. He could feel the cold wooden floor and how it felt humid. There were holes in the roof and the walls were scratched by something as pointy as a kunai. After noticing so, he made sure to pay a lot more attention to what surrounded him. If someone had been crazy enough to invade such a haunted place, then the person had higher levels of courage and dumbness than most of the people. Even if he couldn’t really feel anyone inside, he wouldn’t let his guard down. 

Sasuke then decided to take a deeper look around. His steps made the floor cringe in a painful sound that echoed through the whole empty place. There was no other sound that could be considered a response to his own steps and no talk could be heard coming from the other rooms. No voice to welcome him back and certainly no family to be happy for his return. It certainly felt sad to be alive at times like those. 

The first room he managed to enter was the living room. For some reason he didn’t know, entering there felt incredibly warm. That was the place where his family would get reunited every day and, for a brief moment, Sasuke could swear he had seen all of them just like all the other times he had entered that room. His father reading the newspaper with that stoic expression of his and his mother happily smiling at him while she cleaned the picture frames and Itachi… He was there, sitting next to Fugaku with a book on the center table. They were all there. And it certainly made his heart feel a lot happier. It made him feel hopeful and it made him happy to have awakened from that nightmare. But such feelings didn’t last long. The reality quickly hit him hard and, once again, the whole place was dark and empty. Once again, he was alone. Or that was what he thought. 

The one thing that took him out of that sentimental trance was the sound of a slammed door. At first, he thought it could have been the wind but he could swear he had heard fast steps coming from the outside. So there was someone in there, after all. Someone had been stupid enough to invade his house. But that wouldn’t be left like that. Sasuke was about to take care of that stranger. He was going to teach whoever it was never to touch his things again. He would show no mercy. 

Taking a kunai from his ninja case, Uchiha Sasuke ran to the external corridor that connected the house to the garden. His eyes were on alert to any possible move and his ears were ready to detect any possible noise. No one would pass unnoticed by the raven haired boy. That was his territory. His house. His home. And he was definitely going to protect it. 

A shadow danced though the walls and tried to run away from Sasuke. Unfortunately, the one with the cursed name saw that suspicious struggle and quickly started to chase the darkness that had the form of a person. He ran around the whole intern garden until the chasing reached a place with no possible way of escaping: his parents’ room. And that was exactly the place where the shadow had entered. 

With a grin on his lips, Sasuke prepared himself to end that battle as fast as possible. He entered the room like a shark in search of blood and his dark eyes started to wander around. He looked at the walls and at the dark corners and then he finally found what he was looking for. Standing in the middle of the room, dressed in his ANBU clothing and with a sword in his hands; no one other than Uchiha Itachi. His sharingan were activated and they were looking directly at his little brother. What on earth was he doing at the village? What on earth was he doing at home? 

Rage quickly took over his body and he knew what had to be done. The cursed seal on his neck started to burn and, soon, his body was covered in dark dots and his fists were clenched in two furious punches. The time had finally come for Sasuke to have his revenge. They couldn’t have chosen a better place to have that battle. Everything would end in the exact same where it begun years before.

 " you’re finally here, Itachi! I’m going to kill you!“ 

The elder brother didn’t say a thing. He simply blinked those flower shaped eyes of his and remained with that cold expression on his face. The exact same expression from when he killed their parents. There was something really wrong happening at that time and Sasuke knew that when he started to sweat cold. He felt his body paralyzed and his hands were shaking in a mix of fear and excitement. Everything that had happened on that night was happening again. Every single detail was happening again and, of course, it included his parents’ dead bodies on the floor. There was something really wrong happening there. 

 ” w-what’s happening here…“ 

 ” foolish little brother…“ 

 ” I-Itachi you…“ 

A shuriken left Itachi’s hand and made a cut on Sasuke’s cheek. The younger Uchiha’s eyes widened and soon his knees were on the ground. He could see his parents’ blood staining the wooden floor and he saw a smirk forming on his brother’s lips. Sasuke felt his heart almost jumping from his chest and he just couldn’t tell what was really happening and what was a trick played by his mind. It was as if he had just casted a genjutsu in himself and had been brought back to the past. The pain of loosing them was there again and once again he couldn’t do anything.

He was a failure. 

 ” …-kun" 

He was a disaster. 

 " Sas-“ 

He was a shame. 

 ” -suke-k-“ 

He was alone. 

” Sasuke-kun!“ 

His eyelids started to open once again and the first thing he saw were those emerald eyes of hers. They were widened and worried as they were looking at him. He then saw wet pink locks framing a pure porcelain face. A face showing traces of water drops and somehow he feared the cause would be tears. Tears that had fallen from those healing emerald eyes of hers. He didn’t want to see them sad. 

” Sasuke-kun! Wake up!“ 

He felt something cold and wet falling in his tights and he also felt a warm feeling on his chest. There was a hand there holding him up. A delicate hand. A warm hand that belonged to a warm girl. At that moment, If there was one thing he knew, was that that girl was the one real thing in between that whole mess of blood and love. 

After some good minutes, Sasuke finally regained his senses. The cursed mark slowly retreated back to his neck and his heart was slowly beating normally again. His eyes- those bloody red eyes of his that soon turned black again- were showing him his pink haired teammate kneeled right in front of him. Her feet were naked and her whole vestment was soaked. The door behind her was totally opened and he could see that the night had arrived and so had the rain. The clouds were crying and washing away his fear and his loneliness and he knew things were about to get better. Haruno Sakura had that effect on him. She was his hope. His sun. His future. 

The love of his life. 

 ” Sakura…“ 

 ” thank god… Are you okay?“ 

 ” …“ He blinked some times. ” W-What are you doing here…“ 

 ” Kakashi-sensei told me he saw you coming here alone in the morning and I was worried when I passed in front of your apartment and you weren’t there. Damn you’re cold…“ 

 ” Hn… I-I came here and… There was someone…“ 

He looked back to where Itachi was and, incredibly, there was no one there. His parents’ bodies weren’t there either and, for the first time, he was happy to know there was no one there with him. No one other than her. 

 ” someone? And did this person attack you? We need to retreat and ask for help.“ 

 ” I-I’m okay… I-“ 

 ” no you’re not! Look at you! Why didn’t you call for help!?“ 

 ” Sakura… I-“ 

 ” you can count on us, Sasuke-kun! We are your teammates! We are here for you.“ 

 ”….“ 

Her eyes were penetrating him and he could feel the girl literally taking over his heart. She was basically forcing the truth in his brain and it felt good, indeed. He knew they were there. That she was there. And that was all he needed at that moment. 

 ” … I need to take you out of here… I’ll go call Naruto. You stay he-“ 

 ” No!“ He held her arm tightly before she could take any step away. He didn’t want to stay alone in that room again. He didn’t want to be the last survivor. He didn’t want to be the only one alive. ” D-Don’t go…“ 

 ” w-what!? Sas-“ 

 ” don’t leave me alone.“ 

 Her eyes widened and, before she could even think of something, Sasuke threw his body forward stoping only when his head was resting on her shoulder. His grip on her arm was getting tighter and she could feel his fingers being marked on her skin. She could feel that pain but the only pain she could care about at that moment was his pain. That was the only thing that mattered. Easing his pain. 

Once her body relaxed a bit, Sakura positioned her free arm around him. She hugged him closer, making sure his head was comfortably resting on her. Her chin went to rest on his own shoulder and her eyes could only see the cursed mark on his pale skin. That mark was the proof of his suffering during the chunin exam and, ironically, the pinkette saw herself in the same position as before. She wasn’t able to do anything to help him again. She didn’t know what to do just like before. When he was finally begging her for help, all she could do was hold him there and hope he would get better. Sakura felt useless again. Barely she knew that just being there was the one thing he needed the most. In that lonely world he lived, her presence was his salvation. 

When the Uchiha felt her warm body pressed against his in response, his lungs released a relieved breath and all the memories were returning in the saddest way possible. For the first time, he was just sad for his family. He was purely sad without any anger linked to it. He didn’t care about his revenge at that moment. He didn’t care about killing his brother. All he could think at that time was about how he missed his parents and how being alone was painful. Not having anyone was the most painful thing in the world and he didn’t want to be alone anymore. Never again he wanted to feel lonely. And, at that moment, having Sakura by his side, made him happy. Made him happy to have survived and made him feel like someday he would find happiness again. It made him realize that she had been the one to fill his lonely existence. And, with such thoughts in his mind and in his heart, the almighty Uchiha Sasuke allowed himself to cry. The pinkette was shocked when her shoulders started to get even more soaked. It was a warm sensation and, when she felt his ribcage giving small jumps, the Haruno girl knew what was happening. He was crying. 

 ” Sasuke-kun, are you-“ 

Sasuke was crying for the first time in front of someone. She couldn’t really see his face for he was holding her by the scalp of her short hair but, for some reason, she felt like she didn’t need to look at him to know how his face would look like. It would look like a child’s face after losing a precious toy. It would look like a little girl’s face after being bullied because of her wide forehead. It would be pure and heartbreaking. It would be human. For the first time, Sakura understood that even Uchiha Sasuke was a just a human. And, like all humans, having someone by his side was the only thing he would need to get over that trauma.

For the next moments while he sobbed, Sakura didn’t say a word. She simply planted a kiss over his curse mark. That kiss made his heart beat a little faster and it was like all the feelings she had put on that kiss were spreading around his whole body until it reached his heart. Those soft and pure lips of her had felt like a pillow to his heavy head. Sakura kept them there and waited until he emptied his accumulated tears. 

She was sure he had kept them inside for a long time and she was ready to keep them all for him. She was going to take care of his precious tears. 

She was going to preserve them for the rest of her life. 

 ” go on… Put it all out ..“

 She was going to be by his side. 

” I won’t leave you…“ 

 She was going to show him how courageous he was. 

 ” You were really brave today, Sasuke-kun…“ 

Sasuke hadn’t seen this much blood since the massacre.

In hindsight, it was stupid, to be set off by something so petty as jealousy. It was always about Naruto, these days -- Naruto getting stronger, Naruto surpassing him, Naruto defeating Gaara, Naruto saving Sakura, Naruto Naruto Naruto. Sasuke had been so livid for such a stupid reason, enough to try to run him through with a Chidori.

He didn’t count on Sakura getting in the way. She ran between them, screaming for them to stop, but all they could do was continue moving forward, Rasengan and Chidori fully powered. With an almighty yell, Naruto swerved to the right, blasting a hole into the hospital roof. 

But Sasuke had no such luck. His Sharingan captured the moment in perfect detail -- Sakura turned to dodge a fraction of a second too late, tears rolling down her cheeks, and she closed her eyes when the Chidori hit. She didn’t even scream.

Sasuke didn’t know how long he stood there, his hand halfway through her chest, Sakura’s body convulsing with what was left of the Chidori’s electricity. There was so much blood -- pooling around his arm in her chest, dripping to the floor. Sasuke’s chest felt tight, and his eyes burned. Something wet slid down his cheeks that felt too sticky for it to be tears.

They fell together -- Sakura from losing consciousness, and Sasuke from every bit of strength he’d had before disappearing at once. 

“Don’t move.” 

Kakashi stood behind him, his face deceptively calm. Jiraiya stood next to Naruto, frowning at Sasuke contemptuously.

Sasuke opened his mouth to say something, anything, but his voice refused to work. “Don’t remove your arm,” Kakashi said slowly, evenly. “If you do, she’ll bleed out.” But Sasuke couldn’t say anything in return. “Sasuke,” Kakashi said, a little sharply. He gripped his shoulder tightly and gently shook him. “Sasuke, look at me.”

Sasuke couldn’t breathe -- he didn’t have a right to, not while Sakura was dying before him. His eyes were burning so badly that he could barely keep them open. He didn’t register the new Hokage approaching them, one hand wrapped around his arm and the other hovering over the wound in Sakura’s chest with green healing chakra. He didn’t register a group of medics taking Sakura away once his arm was safely out of her chest. 

The Hokage pressed her hand against his forehead much like she did the day he’d first met her. Her expression was closer to pity than disgust as she pushed healing chakra into him, but somehow it made him feel even worse.

When unconsciousness took him then, he wondered why he couldn’t have just died at his brother’s hands before.

When he woke up again, Sasuke was lying in a hospital bed. His body felt heavy, and he couldn’t summon the energy to move. His mind felt hazy and very, very light, and he couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was terribly wrong.

Kakashi sat next to him, calmly peeling an apple. Sakura was supposed to be sitting there -- she always was -- but Sasuke reminded himself that he hadn’t given her much reason to stay.

“You’re awake,” Kakashi said without looking up.

The memories of his fight with Naruto returned at once, and Sasuke soon found his eyes burning again. 

“I have no right to talk,” Kakashi said. “I wasn’t quite as lucky as you. Sakura’s expected to make a full recovery, which is more than I can say for Rin.” 

He began cutting the apple into thin, even slices. “I won’t tell you that what you did was wrong -- you know that well enough already. But don’t think there won’t be consequences for your actions.” He held the tray out toward him, but Sasuke felt too sick to eat. “You’re suspended. No missions for a month, and no stepping outside the village for another three. If the higher ups are feeling particularly vindictive, then they might strip you of your position altogether.”

It was too light a sentence, Sasuke reasoned. He deserved to die for what he did -- he should have died years ago. So all he did was lay there listlessly, staring up at the ceiling.

He stayed in the hospital for several more days. It didn’t quite feel like a prison, though that’s what it likely was, given what he did. He was never alone in his room -- there was always a nurse there, or Kakashi. Sasuke never said a word to anyone, never ate so there was an IV perpetually stuck in his arm, never even got out of bed because what was the point? He was as good as dead -- he deserved to die.

One day, the Hokage herself walked into his hospital room. Sasuke had the presence of mind to turn his head and look in her direction as she approached him, but she said nothing as she laid her hand on his forehead again. “I was worried that you might try to hurt yourself,” she said not unkindly. Warm healing chakra buzzed through his head, clearing his mind ever so slightly.

She had a bowl filled with water with her, sitting on the stand by his bed. She gently propped him up with one arm around his shoulders, dipped a small towel in the water, and then began wiping his face with it. “I don’t know if Kakashi told you this, but she’s going to be okay. The official story is that she was injured in a training accident.”

When she was done, she sat down in the chair next to his bed, folding her hands gently in her lap. “You’ll be discharged tomorrow, unfortunately -- there’s nothing wrong with you physically anymore, but you shouldn’t be alone just yet. You’ll be staying with Kakashi for the time being.” 

"It wasn’t an accident.” It was the first thing he’d said in days, and his voice came out as little more than a hoarse whisper. 

Tsunade raised her eyebrow, disbelieving. “Did you mean to hit her?”

“No...” No one was supposed to get hurt -- not even Naruto, Sasuke realized now, even though he’d been the target of his rage at the time. 

“Then it was an accident,” said Tsunade. 

Everything felt startlingly clear, now that the listless haze clouding everything was gone. Sasuke’s eyes started to burn again, but for an entirely different reason. “This wasn’t supposed to happen,” he said.

Tsunade’s expression softened. “I know.”

She stayed with him as he began to break down for the first time since the massacre four years ago.

He activated his Sharingan for the first time since the fight shortly after he moved into Kakashi’s apartment. His eyes stung almost immediately, and his chakra levels dipped dramatically. But he forced himself to keep his eyes open -- to confirm that his suspicions were true.

Three red ellipses stared back at him, like a six-pointed star in each eye. Isn’t this what you wanted? he could almost hear his brother whisper tauntingly in his mind. You finally have the same eyes as me.

“No...”

The nurses had taken care to remove all sharp objects within reach in his hospital room, and his weapons pouch had spontaneously gone missing when he went back home to pack his things -- but there was a kunai sitting innocently on the dresser. Kakashi must have forgotten to put it away at some point, he surmised.

He held it tightly with both hands. It wasn’t like he was going to do anything with it, he’d later try to rationalize. There wasn’t any conceivable target before him, no enemy -- so there was nothing for him to strike down.

“Sasuke!”

Before he could process what was happening, Kakashi bolted into the room and grabbed Sasuke’s wrist, forcing the kunai out of his hands. Everything somehow jolted back into place.

What was I...?

Sasuke had never seen his sensei look so panicked. “Are you all right? What happened?”

“Nothing,” Sasuke answered dully. “You just left this here.”

“I left this here,” Kakashi echoed faintly, picking up the dropped kunai and quickly pocketing it. “I see... I’ll be more careful from now on.” The smile he gave Sasuke looked fake and hollow. “I brought dinner, so let’s eat.”

Sasuke nodded, grunting in affirmation. He took one last look at the mirror before following Kakashi to the living room, at his newly awakened Mangekyou Sharingan.

There had been a target to strike down at the time, he realized. The target was himself.

Sakura woke up two days later. “She’s healing quite nicely,” Kakashi said over breakfast. “She still has a few broken ribs, but it’s nothing that won’t heal soon.”

“Mm,” Sasuke said quietly, listlessly, as he poked and prodded the egg rolls before him with his chopsticks.

“We should go visit her later,” Kakashi said, just a little too forcefully.

“I can’t,” Sasuke said in response.

Kakashi sighed and set down his chopsticks. “Sasuke...” Then he shook his head. “Never mind. Take your time. Visit her when you’re ready.”

While Kakashi was undoubtedly visiting Sakura in the hospital, Sasuke wandered around the village. He had no set destination in mind -- he just went wherever his feet would carry him. There was something like static in his mind, making it impossible to think clearly.

He stopped by the training grounds, at the memorial stone. None of the Uchiha names inscribed upon it belong to people who had died in the massacre. And if Sasuke lost touch with reality just enough, he could see Sakura’s name inscribed there, too. He could see her turning to face him as his Chidori hit her. He could see his hand halfway through her chest.

“You bastard.”

Like Sakura had done before, Sasuke turned to dodge Naruto’s punch a fraction of a second too late, and he was sent crashing to the ground. It didn’t even hurt -- it was nothing compared to what Sakura had gone through. “Don’t you feel bad at all?” his other teammate ranted, looking furious. “She wanted to see you! You tried to kill her, and she still wanted to see you!”

“Just leave him, Naruto,” said Jiraiya, who stood with his back to the other side of the memorial stone. “He’s not worth it.”

Still, Naruto raised his fist to hit him again. This time, Sasuke didn’t try to dodge. He deserved every blow Naruto wanted to deal him, after all.

But the blow never came. “That’s enough,” said Kakashi, having caught Naruto’s arm mid-air. He didn’t look angry or upset -- just tired.

Jiraiya scoffed. “You’re defending him?”

“I’m not condoning his actions, if that’s what you’re asking,” Kakashi said icily, “but I don’t appreciate kicking people while they’re down, either.”

“Tch,” Jiraiya said contemptuously. “You’re all letting him off the hook too easy.”

There was a spark of killing intent for just a moment, and then Kakashi relaxed. “Sasuke, why don’t you head on home? I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

Sasuke swallowed and nodded. All anger was gone from Naruto’s expression when Sasuke finally collected himself and left -- his teammate looked at him like he was a stranger. 

“Aren’t I banned from missions?” Sasuke asked dully when Kakashi handed him a slip of paper the next morning.

Kakashi’s one visible eye crinkled into a smile. “This will be our little secret,” he said. “Go along, now. You only have until 16:00 to get this done.”

The first step of the mission was to go to the Yamanakas’ flower shop and order a bouquet of daffodils. Then, he was to take the daffodils to a certain patient in the hospital. It was so simple, it didn’t even qualify as a D-rank.

Ino Yamanaka was working at the flower shop. Sasuke hadn’t seen her since the preliminaries for the third part of the Chuunin Exams, but she still looked positively thrilled to see him. “Sasuke-kun!” she gushed. “I’m so happy you’ve finally decided to visit!”

“I need flowers,” he said bluntly.

Ino hung her head. “I should’ve known there was someone else...” But she perked up easily enough. “So, who’s the lucky girl?”

“Someone in the hospital.”

She gasped dramatically. “It’s Sakura, isn’t it?”

“Someone in room 202--”

“It is Sakura!”

But Kakashi had said... he should have known. It was such an obvious ploy -- how could Sasuke have fallen for something so stupid?

The girl before him was obviously going out of her way to be polite. She hated him too, just like Naruto and Jiraiya and likely Kakashi as well. He deserved nothing more.

“Never mind,” he whispered as he turned to leave.

But Ino was faster. “Oh no you don’t!” His reflexes had dulled considerably since his hospitalization -- that was the only plausible reason for how Ino could slip in front of the door and block his way so easily. “It was a training accident, right?”

“No.”

She sighed. “Yeah, yeah, I know. You feel awful because of what happened. But you know what? It’s in the past -- you can’t change it.” She linked arms with him and pulled him back to the cashier counter. “What you can do, though, is try to make things up to her and make sure it never happens again.”

She was right, a small part of him insisted. “It won’t change anything,” he said instead.

Ino puffed her cheeks in annoyance. “Well... yeah! Did you forget that part about not being able to change it, because it’s in the past?” 

But what was the point, if what Sasuke did couldn’t be forgiven to begin with?

“You’ll want daffodils for this,” Ino continued as she made her way to the corner of the store. “She likes those.” 

She all but pushed him out of the door once she thrust the bouquet into his hands without asking for payment (”You guys can thank me later!”) and Sasuke began the long, arduous walk to the hospital. 

But at the front doors, he couldn’t bring himself to take a single step further. He couldn’t face her -- he didn’t have the right. So for what felt like an eternity, Sasuke just stood there, rooted on the spot, only barely holding onto the bouquet tightly enough so that it didn’t fall.

Something clapped him on the back soon afterward, and he startled. “Hey.” The smile Naruto gave him was only slightly strained, but it was infinitely better than his harsh glare from the day before. “Listen. What happened to Sakura-chan... it’s my fault too.”

“I was the one that started it,” Sasuke said dully, staring at the ground.

“Yeah, but I fought back,” Naruto retorted. “You never would’ve used that technique if I didn’t egg you on like that. So...” He pat Sasuke on the back again. “It’s both our faults, okay? You don’t have to face it by yourself.”

They started walking up the hospital stairs together, for the first time without any animosity between them. “Hey, uh...” Naruto started. “Sorry... about yesterday. I kind of lost it, and...” He looked up at the hospital ceiling. “Are you... um... doing okay? Kakashi-sensei went on and on about how you might kill yourself if we pushed you too hard, so...” And then, Naruto jumped back with a shriek. “W-Wait, I wasn’t supposed to say that! Damn it...”

Sasuke stopped. He was a monster that needed to be taken down... right? That was how it had always been, especially since the incident on the hospital rooftop. That was why he had the Mangekyou Sharingan in the first place.

... but why would Kakashi let a monster like him stay in his home? Why would Sakura care enough about a monster like him to actually want to see him after he’d hurt her so badly?

The only plausible explanation was that Sasuke wasn’t a monster to begin with -- but that made very little sense.

“Hey!” Naruto said a little too firmly, a little too loudly. “It’s both our faults, remember? You just... you just got the short end of the stick. It could’ve been me that hit her instead! Or maybe both of us could’ve hit her!”

What you can do is make things up to her and make sure it never happens again, Ino had said to him before.

It’s in the past, he reminded himself. You can’t change it. “This is never happening again,” Sasuke said quietly. He had to repeat it to himself several more times before he could start believing it, and even then, just barely.

“Damn right, it’s not!” Naruto cheered. A nurse glared at him seconds later for shouting in the hallway.

They found Sakura in her hospital room sitting up in her bed, reading a book that rested in her lap. She looked mostly uninjured, except for scars zigzagging up her neck. Whole. Alive.

She looked up as they entered, and her eyes filled with tears. Naruto flung himself at her, pulling Sasuke with him, and Sakura wrapped her arms tightly around them both. “I’m sorry,” Sasuke said before either of his teammates could get a single word in. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry too!” Naruto wailed with a large sniffle. 

“I’m sorry,” Sakura sobbed on her end. Team Seven didn’t stop apologizing to each other for a long time, but when they were done, Sasuke felt as if a weight had been lifted from his chest.

His eyes didn’t feel quite so cursed anymore. Maybe, just maybe, he deserved to live.

Sakura took one of his hands, and Naruto took the other. “Kakashi-sensei told me everything,” she said. “You’ll tell us, won’t you? When you start feeling bad again.”

Naruto nodded emphatically. “Yeah. You’re not facing this alone.”

all this delusion in our head, is going to bring us to our knees . . . august. konoha blooms with summer, and sasuke's in his parents' bedroom, scrubbing away the stains.

or at least, he attempts to. it's impossible, though, if he were to be honest with himself. but he doesn't want to be honest with himself about a lot of things. like his parents being dead. and every known relative being dead. aside from his brother, the person he loved more than anyone else in the world. he should be happy about that, his brother being alive, that is. 

except he's the perpetrator.

and it's the most terrible thing to accept. so sasuke doesn't accept it. he continues to work at the stains. maybe it's a meaningless mess he made, toppling over sauce in a bowl, something equally ludicrous. at least it hurts less to think about that, rather than thinking everything's a mess. which it is.

once he stops scrubbing away in that dissociated, mechanic nature, he'll walk through the manor. maybe his family is out for lunch. he goes to train, once again absent-mindedly, for hours on end. he comes back to the manor, late afternoon. nobody's there. silly sasuke. it wasn't lunch. how could he forget? his family must be out for a meeting with the village. yes, that's it. alright.

the weekend passes. it's time to go to the konoha academy. if he makes the bento perfect enough, he can almost pretend it was his mother who made it. he'll pack it in a firm box, fix it with a lovely bow. except he can't do it. he's horrible at it. in frustration, he slings a bag over his shoulder, storms out of the manor and walks to the academy.

sasuke can tell everyone knows. it's in the pity of their eyes. the whispers tell him of sorrow for him and disgust for itachi. regardless, he doesn't need it. he has enough of the first, and one day he hopes he'll have enough of the second. it's not a way to live, he knows. it'll start to rot away at him, probably drive him crazy one day. so as long as he can bear it, denial will be his next best friend.

denial has a single arch enemy, however: reality. it comes in the strangest form for sasuke. more specifically, it comes in the form of sakura haruno. a silly girl his age, with petals as hair, leaves in her eyes and a sun for a smile. if she were to be spring, he would be winter. he's always been aware of the crush she has on him. it's been a long time since he's gone through a day without an offering from her.

the hours pass, and sasuke almost thinks this'll be the first day he doesn't receive an offering. she might be just like the rest, after all. too intimidated to approach him, because what can you say to a boy whose family has all just been murdered? they can act like they're sorry, sasuke thinks, but they don't actually care. not enough, anyway, to do something.

but, he's wrong. after his classes finish and he departs from the academy, wondering what sort of excuses he can make to himself again about coming to an empty home, sakura appears in front of him. 

a blush fanning over her cheeks, she's holding out a bento box. "h-here, sasuke-kun," she says, struggling to look at him. "i saw you didn't eat anything in the lunch break today. um, i mean, it would make sen-" sasuke snaps his eyes to her, and she stops short. silence floods between them. he lowers his eyes to the bento box again. he could break. everything is coming crashing down on him.

the fact is, his mother will never be there to make a bento box ever again. and he'll run out of excuses to why he's coming to an empty home. and he'll even start to miss the way his father was never proud. and his brother is a murderer. 

he can't be the same anymore, he realises. he can't be the same. sacrifices have to be made, just to limit the pain, just to survive. he has to take care of himself, even if it means eliminating all things possible.

the warmth in his heart will be the first to be erased. you can't survive with warmth in your heart, he tells himself. it's an opportunity to hope, and then a certainty to be hurt. and with warmth in his heart comes all the other things he embodied before the event - from shyness to generosity. it's ironic. in order to survive all he has lost, he has to lose things of himself.

so sasuke forms a tight line in his lips, makes his eyes become ice. he'll have to make sure this is cutting as possible. he smirks cruelly, and dismisses the bento box like he's above it. he can already see the beginnings of sakura's crestfallen expression, wilting like a flower frozen by his scourge. 

"you're annoying," he sneers. perfect. he shoves his way past her, hands in his pockets. he doesn't look back. he can't look back. but it doesn't stop him, for when he turns around the corner, catching sakura's hunched over form in his periphery. 

he walks faster after this, but it follows him every step of the way home. even as he collapses onto the wooden floor of the manor, one cheek against the permanent stains. even as he cries to sleep.