Integration is officially done! Iâm really happy with how this fic turned out. Itâs meant to be read as a one shot but itâs also 23k thereabouts haha.
Thanks to ssjohnkat2014 who organised this. Thanks for all your hard work and your understanding, sorry for taking so long!
Thanks to crabapples97, my giftee, for giving me free reign to do basically anything I wanted, and for the nice comments in the tags! Sorry this took so long, and has spun madly out of control. Your patience is much appreciated and I hope you enjoyed this ride!
Thanks to tonguerocker! For listening to my complaints, for going through the story with me, for pretty art that keeps me motivated, and for being hands when I had no hands ability. I am honoured to put this kid through school w you rayrayl and I promise to start your commission soon im so sorry. I literally could not have done this without you, you were a gr8 help <> <> <>
Thanks to everyone who read, liked and reblogged this! Integrationâs been a great run!Â
There are 2 sequels and 2 same verse oneshots planned but they wonât be so nice. Theyâll be less cute/fluffy and more jaded if anything because I will feel much less obligated to have a happy ending. My sadstuck trash friends will love/hate me for the sequels if I write them. BUT no promises because I already have people out for my blood for two of my longfics, haha.Â
Will very happily take asks on this verse still though!
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Part 7 (END), length: 3260 words
Author: codedredalert
On Ao3. Part 1, Â Part 2, Part 2 notes, Part 3, Part 4 , Part 5 , Part 6 , Part 7 (end)
Warnings (this part specific): canon typical abusive language,interspecies relationships, alternate universe-freeform, universitystuck, both these boys are terrible role models, please emulate neither
Summary: The university that John Egbert attends has recently decided that if he wants dorm accommodation for the next four years, he has to share with a troll. He gets Karkat Vantas, who is decidedly annoyed with the new policy, really weird about romance, and apparently in love with him.
A/N: for crabapples97,my giftee in the ssjohnkat2014. Betaâd by tonguerocker. This is the last part for this fic! Thank you all for your patience and I hope you enjoy(ed) reading.
===/\===
.
Karkat is a digital kind of guy. The only analogue he has is a red marker, a black pen and a couple of really beat up paperback novels, with Renaissance like cover illustrations of busty troll ladies and buff troll dudes.
Everything was so quiet you thought he was already packed. Then, the night before he's set to fly, you hear a lot of clattering from Karkatâs room and pop your head in.
âHey,â you say. âWoah, what happened here?â
Karkatâs pile had been completely flattened, and stuff is all over the floor.
âLast minute packing because past me decided to be such a goddamn smartass,â Karkat replies, picking his way through his stuff to a suitcase. He shoves some stuff away with his foot, then opens it.
âWant a hand?â you offer.
Karkat takes a moment to think about it.
âMany hands, light work?â you add and you wiggle your fingers at him. He gives an amused snort.
âOkay,â he says and points out three spots on the floor. âBreakables, clothes, hard items.â
âSure thing,â you say and get to sorting.
The room is dim, as usual, but you leave the door open and have more than enough light to identify what a thing is, even if you canât tell details like words.
Itâs mostly clothes, but heâs got other things too. A plush toy dragon with no arms. Postcards. A wooden box with seashells on them. A sand bottle glass thing. Magnets. Pretty rocks⌠geodes you think theyâre called? Jade got you some too and theyâre sitting in the bottom of your drawers somewhere.
âOh man, this is so neat,â you say, holding them up where you could see them in the light. The outside was really boring and grey, but it was but open and the inside was a deep, rich red that sparkled like cut crystals.
âThanks,â Karkat says. âI didnât expect there to be so much.â He has this pensive look as he puts a Christmas Starbucks tumbler in the âhard itemsâ pile. You suddenly feel like you have to hold the rocks with both hands, maybe over the clothes pile just in case youâre a klutz and drop them.
âI didnât know that youâre supposed to bring the entire thing with you,â you tell him. You very carefully and slightly nervously put the rock down on the âhard itemsâ pile as well.
Karkat blinks.
âWhy the fuck wouldnât I bring everything? Thatâs not only colossal stupidity seeing as about half of these are my clothes, but it is also kind of a fucking asshole move to just throw gifts away.â Â
He gestures with a Frisbee. Itâs green with a ghost busters sign on it, and underneath is a permanent marker scribble. Itâs too dark to read but youâre the one who wrote it, so you know it says âhey karkat, now you have no excuse not to play, haha. take care of this, itâs my favourite disk, okay? :)â.
âOh,â you say, feeling a bit dumb for not thinking of that. It seems kind of obvious after he said it. âSo theyâre all gifts?â
âMostly,â he admits with thinly disguised pride, like a housewife saying âdonât mind the messâ when the room is spotless. (Wow where did that analogy even come from? Now you have the image of Karkat in a flowery apron in your head.)
âI had the suitcase underneath,â Karkat continues. âIn a permanent hive youâd make your pile solid. Still, it got a lot bigger than I thought it would. I didnât expect to know so many people.â
âYeah,â you say, from where you were sitting cross-legged on Karkatâs floor with all Karkatâs stuff. âYeah, itâs been fun.â
.
===/\===
.
You remember the geode Jade got you, pretty and blue-ringed and just the size of your palm. You joked that she got blue because she liked it and then realised she had nothing to give you so she gave you hers.
Helping Karkat pack made you super nostalgic, so you look for it. You brave your bottom drawer, and after a bit of digging, you give up and up end the whole thing on your floor.
Something skidders out into the corridor, clattering.
âCrap!â you chase after it.
You have it in your hand before you even realise what it is.
Itâs Karkat's phone.
Not the one heâs using now, duh, but the old phone. The one that he flung at you that one night, the one that's like an inside-out sandwich of circuitry and broken phone pieces.
Wow, that was two years ago.
You run the pad of your thumb over the rough circuitry edges and look over at Karkatâs door. Heâs not there because he had last minute errands to run and he said heâd be back super late.
âShit,â you mutter to yourself, turning the phone over in your hand. You said youâd get it fixed, and then you were waiting for the next model, then it was exam period, then you went back home for Christmas, then it got dumped into your drawer when you came back before Chinese New Year and you completely forgot about it.
Wow, youâre actually kind of a crappy friend.
You feel bad. Karkat is really great for putting up with you. Karkat deserves good friends.
Hm, what can you do to make it up to him?
It has to be special too! If it was just store bought stuff, he could totally get it on his own. You bite your lip and wish you had an oven in your apartment.
Probably best you didnât, you didnât know recipes with no sugar anyway.
Well, you could write him a note. It wasnât super nice, but you could do it quick and it would still be meaningful.
You grab some paper and scribble a border with a blue whiteboard marker so it wouldnât look so sad. Then you sit down and writeâ
âhi karkatâ
--and then it hits you that youâre writing goodbye.
That you might seriously never see Karkat again.
Your pen stills, and your hand feels numb. Your head feels numb. You have no idea what to write that wonât be super lame and utterly inadequate.
You continue with âthank you so much for everythingâ and it means so little and this is so. Stupid.
You rip your glasses off, throw them on your table and rub at your eyes, your face.
You donât know what to write. You donât know anything.
Thereâs an indistinct need under your skin like an itch, like a food craving except you donât know what you want.
Youâre crying.
What the fuck, why are you crying?
You scrub your tears away with your sleeve and get back to writing. Youâre only going to write happy things! (Karkat is leaving and it hurts, it hurts right in the middle of your chest so itâs hard to breathe.) You donât want Karkat to leave but itâs what he wants and itâs good for him! You would be a terrible friendâthe worst friendâif you told him not to go.
(But itâs so far away, he wonât even have pesterchum or facebook because Alternia sucks.)
This sucks. Everything sucks.
You were okay with this!
You were really okay with this. Until now, when youâre trying to put a lifetimeâs friendship into half a page of words and write happy things because you want him to be happy. Your chest hurts and your nose is blocked and you have tears running hot down your face but you want Karkat to be happy with everything you have.
You write Karkatâs letter and put it in your wallet so you donât forget.
.
===/\===
.
Karkat is practically a zombie when you knock on the side of his âcoon the next morning. He sleeps through the drive to the airport, and you have to really shake him awake. He grumbles incoherently and drags himself out of the car.
You grab lunch and talk about a ton of trivial things. You talk about sending each other legit snail mail, holy shit. You havenât done that since you sent Dave, Rose and Jade presents when you were kids. You manage to keep the conversation light, and Karkat makes not-frowny faces, which are as good as youâre going to get when heâs this sleep-deprived.
You walk him to the glass gates where you canât get through without a ticket.
He turns and you think âthis is itâ. This is the big goodbye.
âKarkat,â you say.
âYeah,â he says. âHold on.â
You frown and stare as Karkat fishes his phone out of his back pocket and very delicately pops the SIM card out. He holds the phone out to you.
âUh,â you say. âWhat?â
âThis is yours,â Karkat says. You blink and the phone gleams back at you, pristine and super well taken care of.
âOh,â you realise. âOh, that phone. Itâs yours! I broke the other one, so you can have this one, remember?â
Karkat snorts. âJohn, we both know that phone was my own fault.â
He offers the phone again, and you suddenly remember.
âWait, wait, wait, keep that and I have something for you!â you tell him and pull your wallet and the letter from your pocket.
âThis!â you say and tuck the letter into his hand.
âOkay,â Karkat says, and he starts to open it.
âNo no no no no, donât read it now!â
âItâs my letter now, so Iâm going to read it!â Karkat shoots back, and he mock-growls with teeth at you.
âNoooooooo,â you groan, and he actually starts reading it. You canât look at him and you bounce your weight on the balls of your feet while looking everywhere but him reading your super sappy writing.
âThanks,â he says when heâs done. He sounds so far away and you donât even care that hugging is some weird thing to trolls, you hug the stuffing out of your buddy Karkat.
âAw man, Iâm going to miss you so much,â you say and your voice kind of cracks a little near the end and dies before you can say âtake care of yourself okayâ.
âJohn,â he says, and itâs the way he says your name, âZhannâ, all buzzy and distinctly Karkat. âYouâre going to break my goddamn vertical support column you panrotten shit.â
He hugs you back though, and you can feel his hands through the back of your hoodie, curled with claws into his fists and the insides of his forearms pressed against your back. Heâs pressed against you and heâs warm and breathing with his face buried in the front of your hoodie and youâre still not close enough. How can you get close enough to make up for him being miles and miles and whole, entire continents away possibly forever?
Heâs so perfect and you kiss him, quick across the lips.
Karkat blinks.
âI thought youâre ânot a homosexualâ?â he asks dryly.
âIâm not!â you respond instantly, indignant.
(You want to kiss him again.)
âThen kindly enlighten me as to what the fuck that was, John.â
Heâs getting mad. Shit oh shit oh shit, you would get mad too, in his situation. Maybe. You think. You arenât thinking very much right now. Karkatâs red and gold eyes are super close and heâs glaring and his claws are in your hoodie and you couldnât run if you tried.
âI donât know,â you say, running a hand through your hair. You canât meet his eyes, so you look just over his shoulder, off to one side. âI justâsorry, man. Haha, Iââ
âYou are the biggest fuckass,â he says and he leans forward. You meep.
Karkat sighs and pulls back, but doesnât let go of your hoodie.
âMake up your mind, John,â he says. âIf you want me, all you have to do is fucking say so. Iâve been panfucked stupid over you for two sweeps now. Youâre the goddamn stars and moons to me in case you havenât noticed, numbnuts. You and your fucking blue eyes and imbecilic faceââ
Heâs got that look again, where heâs going to cry and heâs tired and heâs angry and heâs tired of being angry and he wants to cuddle you and watch a movie until both of you fall asleep and he runs his fingers through your hair when he thinks youâre asleep but youâre not.
You canât breathe. Heâs so close if you breathe youâd be breathing together.
âPeel your aural shells and fucking listen to me this one time, because I sure as fuck am not repeating myself here,â Karkat orders, right in your face.
You give him a nervous smile and the grip on your hoodie tightens.
âI love you, John Egbert,â Karkat says, and he means it. âI love you, and Iâm fucking miserable and I canât stop. I donât even care if you canât love me back, I just. I just want you to be happy because Iâm a laughable shit whoâs horns over heels red for a human. Thanks for tolerating my existence. The last few years were⌠nice.â
He takes a shuddering breath, and his hands uncurl, leaving heat over your shoulder blades.
(Youâre so close to crying again, and youâre horrified because last night was one thing but now youâre in public.)
You canâtâ
âIâm so sorry,â you say. âIâm so sorry.â You hug him again, crushingly tight, saying it over and over again. âIâm so sorry, Karkat, Iâm so sorry.â
âGoddamnit John, Iââ
Heâs shaking a little and heâs probably crying and no, you donât want Karkat crying, no no no no â
So you kiss him, kiss him on the mouth, kiss his cheeks and his eyelids like that would kiss his tears away. They taste bittersweet, like cherry cough syrup that doesnât taste like cherries at all, but canât be anything else.
âKarkat,â you say, whispered against his temple. âKarkat, youâre important to me. Youâre so, so, so important. I⌠I canât imagine what life was like before you, Iâ seriously. Iâm going to miss you. I already miss you. I miss you so, so muchââ
âBut you donât love me.â
He says it like a death sentence and your insides cringe.
âKarkat, itâs not that. Itâs just⌠I donât know. I donât know what this kind of love is? Like, I know I love my dad and my friends, Rose, Dave, Jade, theyâre important. And youâre important. And I like you. I really like you, and we like the same things and youâre funny and cute and you care and I just.â
You take a breath.
âI feel like I could?â you say tentatively.
In your arms, Karkat goes very still.
âI think I could like you in that way,â you say again with less question in it. âI really do. Iâm just not sure whether I can call it that just yet, but I really like you andâ arghhhhhhhhh why is explaining things so hard! Iâm trying, I swear I am!â
You put your chin on his shoulder and glare at the floor.
âRight,â Karkat says next to your ear. âIn small words, John. What do you want from me?â
âI want what we had,â you mumble into his shoulder.
Karkat tenses minutely against your chest.
âI canât do that anymore,â he says, clipped.
âIâm sorry, Karkat, I donât know what to say!â you push away. âWhat do you want me to say!â
His hands are just above your elbows now, holding you there and he stares at you and you feel dumb and awful. Itâs so simple, you just want him to stay. Why must things be so complicated?
âWhat do you want?â you ask again, this time in your indoor voice.
He looks at you and you feel that horrible tightness in your chest coming back again.
âCan I kiss you?â he asks very solemnly.
You donât think thatâs whatâs important now but you nod anyway.
His hands come up to your jaw and neck, and he presses his lips to yours. Heâs so gentle itâs like he thinks youâre going to break if he so much as twitches wrong.
âWas that okay?â he asks when he pulls away. You give a nod again, and you have the question âhow is this helpingâ bursting right under your skin, and you canât say it.
He looks down, at your chest. (At your heart.)
âItâs your choice to make,â he says, without looking at your face. His hands are back on your arms, right above your elbows, curled into the fabric. His hands are trembling. âIâm not asking you to fall in love with me right now, or to love me forever and a day or die for me or some shit like that. Real life isnât like that, I get it. I know. All Iâm asking is that you give me a chance. If you can promise me that, Iâm yours.â
Oh.
Okay. Wow. Thatâs ⌠so serious.
You donât know what to say. Karkat holds onto you, and the digital numbers on the wall past the glass doors flicker another minute closer to when Karkatâll have to leave.
You donât want this choice. Itâs heavy, itâs important and so huge that youâre not even sure what the borders of âthisâ are, you canât even begin to fathom what this step would hold. Itâs like youâre standing at the edge of a chasm where you canât see the bottom, except thatâs never scared you before.
You think maybe Karkatâs scared of your answer. You donât know what to think.
You can only imagine what itâs like to hold something an almost-secret, never say it, never do anything about it, for two entire years or more. You wouldnât be able to.
The clock flickers another minute away.
What is a chance? You donât know. You havenât thought about it before, except maybe to laugh about people doing dumb things in movies with Jade when you were younger. Rose might have mentioned âgiving nice guys a chanceâ with scorn, or was that Roseâs girlfriend?
Would it be worse to do that? But this is different! You like Karkat. You always have.
Youâre taking too long to decide. Karkatâs sort of⌠deflated, shoulders slumped in, like if he made himself small enough, you wonât see thatâs heâs right in front of you. Something in your chest shrinks along with him, and thereâs this knee-jerk urge to âmake it betterâ, make him ânot hurtingâ.
You love all your friends, and Karkatâs your friend. Maybe one day you can grow to love him the way he wants. And if he thinks thatâs good enough, then itâs good enough for you too. You can try. You want to try.
In the end, you always were the type of person whoâd jump the edge, and have faith in the air rushing past you.
(Have faith in him.)
Another minute goes.
âYeah,â you say. âYeah, okay. Letâs do this.â
Karkat stops breathing. He looks at you like you arenât real, like heâs about to cry, but theyâd be happy tears. Or at least not sad-tears. Sometimes thereâs not that much difference, when youâve been hurting for a while. Wow, you arenât making sense! Your relief is so strong you just want to start giggling, laugh forever.
Itâs great. This is great. Yeah, you definitely made the right choice.
You kiss him and break into a smile at the end.
âHi Karkat,â you grin.
.
.
===/END\===
 On Ao3. Part 1,  Part 2, Part 2 notes, Part 3, Part 4 , Part 5 , Part 6 , Part 7 (end)
 Sequel is a maybe, thank you post will happen soon. Askbox is always open for fic questions, if you have any. Thanks for reading!
On Ao3. Part 1, Â Part 2, Part 2 notes, Part 3, Part 4 , Part 5 , Part 6 , Part 7 (end)
Warnings (this part specific): canon typical abusive language,interspecies relationships, alternate universe-freeform, universitystuck, drunken shenanigans, please don't try any of this at home, when in doubt think What Would John Do and then DO NOT DO THAT THING, john egbert is not a role model you should aspire to be
Summary: The university that John Egbert attends has recently decided that if he wants dorm accommodation for the next four years, he has to share with a troll. He gets Karkat Vantas, who is decidedly annoyed with the new policy, really weird about romance, and apparently in love with him.
A/N: for crabapples97,my giftee in the ssjohnkat2014. Betaâd by tonguerocker.
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===/\===
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When you started university, you thought wow, six years is a really long time. Then suddenly four years are gone and everyone but you is graduating and everything is just so fast!
You attend everyoneâs graduation ceremony after joking insistence that they have to attend yours in two yearsâ time as because fair is fair.Â
The ceremony itself is kind of anti-climactic. Itâs a lot of waiting, mostly. People go on stage as their names are announced, get handed a scroll thing, get their photo taken, then get off stage. You barely have time to cheer and take photos from all the way behind the graduating massesâ seats before Karkat, Dave, Rose and Jade are already off stage.Â
But the afterparty is AWESOME.Â
Thereâs music blasting from the speakers and itâs not your sort of music except tonight it totally is, heavy beat and trashy in the good way, the best way.
âJOHN!â Dave yells in your ear, pushing another plastic cup of whiskey coke at you. The dark liquid inside sloshes so almost all of it spills over your hand and you laugh. Dave leans heavily on you and laughs too.
âDUDE!â you yell back, and still barely hear yourself. âYou are SO wasted!âÂ
âNo,â Dave insists. âYOU are wasted!â
âNo, YOU!â you shout back and tackle him.Â
Dave staggers backwards because he weighs practically nothing and then flails and grabs you andâWOAH you drop and roll and go thump-thump âthump down stairs like a cartoon pinwheel of cat and dog.
You land on your back and look up at the open night sky.
âI fucking WARNED you about the STAIRS, bro!â Dave shouts at the sky, from somewhere near you. He doesnât even need to shout, the music is far enough you could hear him if he talked loud, but you still feel the thudding beat in your bones and heart.
You snicker.
âYouâre SO LAME, Dave!â You shout back, only slightly turning your head in his direction. You guys landed kind of like that teenager cancer movie Karkat forced you to watch, only more out at an angle so you canât see him anyway. Maybe a 160 degree angle.
âLAME,â you repeat when Dave doesnât answer. âGet it? Because we FELL DOWN.â
âGodDAMN Egbert,â Dave groans dramatically, but then he ruins it by giggling.
âWHAT?â you demand because thatâs the drunk version of the choked snorfle Dave does when he has a comeback so bad itâs hilarious.
âI KNEW you WERE TROUBLE WHEN YOU WALKED IIIIN,â Dave shouts.
You grin, you know this song!
âSo SHAME on ME,â you yell back. âAND NOW IâM LYING ON THE COLD HARD FLOOR!â
âGOG JOHN, THOSE ARE NOT THE LYRICS. You pop music PLEEB, holy fuck I am losing coolness points just by being near you!â
â⌠GRASS! âCause weâre lying on GRASS, not FLOOR.â
âYOU TWO ARE EMBARASSING!â Karkat yells from far away. His voice is great, it cuts through the heavy beat and the crowd and really booms over the grassy field.
âWE LOVE YOU TOO, KARKAT!â you yell back, hands cupped around your mouth for maximum loudness.
Dave groans and you see him kick and roll in your peripheral vision.
âJohnnnnn, noooo,â he says.
âDaaaaaave, YESSSSSSS!â
âNooooo! HEY KARKLES, FOR THE RECORD, ITâS JUST JOHN.â
âShut UPPPP DAVE. YOUâRE DRUNK.â
"HEY, LOOK WHOâS THE TALKING TEAPOT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK LIKE A RACIST ASSHOLE DOUCHE.â
âYOUâRE BOTH DRUNK AND GODDAMN FUCKING SHITSTAINS ON THE REPUTATION OF THE GENERAL PUBLIC AND YOUR LUSII,â Karkat contributes from the top of the stairs. You turn your head but you canât see him.
âYOU SHOULD JOIN US,â you shout, and in the side of your vision, Dave kick-rolls again and you see him jolt up.
âAw HELLA no, Iâm not staying here for THAT. GOODBYE, EGBERT.â
He staggers to his feet like the floor is a ball pit, and you grab him round the knees and he tumbles.Â
âI DONâT WANT TO BE FIRST ROW TO YOUR YAOI SLOPPY MAKEOUTS BRUH, LEMME GOOOOOO.â
Your face is hot and you blame the whiskey.
âSHUT UPPPP, oh my GOD, THAT IS NOT TRUE. KARKAT! DONâT LISTEN TO DAVE! DAVE IS A LYING LIAR!â
âEXCEPT THE PART WHERE ITâS FUCKING TRUE.â
âNO NOOOO NOO ITâS NOT! WEâRE NOT HOMO, ITâS ONLY CUDDLES!â
âOH YEHH? WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING P A N C A K E S BRO.â
"NOOOOOOOOO THAT DOESNâT COUNT! THAT WAS LIKE ONCEEEE, AND LIKE, TWO YEARS AGOOOOOOOO!â
âBUT YO MOVIES BRUH, THAT WAS LIKE. YESTERDAY.â
âAaaaalright guys!â Jade says and suddenly Dave is dragged away and Jade has him under the arms in an incomplete master lock. âStudent union peeps say that people are going to call security on us, so letâs get you home, kay?â
âJade, did you have stuff?â you frown at her.
âYeh Jade, did you even drink?â Dave asks.
âOf course!â she says and she hefts him higher, her face half disappearing behind his shoulder. âHey, Karkat, can you get John home? Kanayaâs taking Rose, Iâve got to take Dave since Tavros canât andââ
âAnd Gamzee and Terezi are godfucking knows where,â Karkat says dryly, and heâs suddenly standing next to you, sneakers by your hair. Hehe, you can see up his nose from here.
âOooh, gonna take me home mister Vantas?â you say and wag your eyebrows at him.
He snorts.
âYou think youâre so clever, but youâve already flogged that joke of a hoofbeast a million fucking times,â he says as he crouches and Dave makes distressed whale noises and Jade cheerfully offers to haul his unconscious body back to his apartment if he doesnât stop flopping about.
âDid you drink?â you ask as Karkat gets a hand behind your back and pushes you to a sitting position.
âYes, but I could drink a literal fountain of human alcohol and it would do approximately fuckall, John,â he says and he slips an arm around your waist and pulls you up.
âWooooow, Iâm swooning,â you snicker and you drop your weight against him all at once. Karkat sways and recovers a step but you canât get him to stagger because heâs built denser and solid-er than he looks.
âSee you, Harley,â Karkat says.
âYouâre walking back?â Jade asks. She opens one hand and she has keys. They jangle prettily. Jadeâs pretty and cool and the best cousin ever and also the best car person. Jade is so great.
âShut up, John, you need the walk. Yeah, thanks but weâll walk.â
âOkay,â she says and she drags Dave away. Not fair. Jade drives a freaking truck, it could totally have taken all of you.
But hey, on the bright side, youâre used to walking home and you have a nice campus. And a nice Karkat. Karkat so great too.
You pat Karkat on the side of his head and he makes a face, all scrunched up.
You donât remember much from the walk back except stopping Karkat on the field where you always play Frisbee and telling him about the awesome game you played with Dave against Terezi and Vriska. You suggest Karkat play. You suggest Karkat play right now. Karkat calls you an idiot and points out neither of you have a disc. You try and fail to think of a clever reply to that. Karkat laughs the way Karkat laughs, a small heh he tries to hide but canât, and his face lights up like a different person. Â He drags you back to the dorm.
The lobby of your dorm is deserted and the wall piano looks lonely so you dig your heels in.
âWhat the fuck, John.â
âHey,â you say. âI have a great idea.â
âOh god,â Karkat groans and you dig your elbow into his side and he flinches away.
You run to the other side of the piano.
âGimme a hand, Karkat!â you grin.
He eyes the piano.
âWhere are you bringing that?â he asks warily.
âYouâll see!â you say, throwing your weight back. The piano drags and Karkat does a tiny growl at the noise. âCâmon, Karkat!â
âDammit, John,â he says, but he goes and lifts the other side.
.
.
By the time you got to the roof, you were panting and sweating but as soon as you got the piano out under the sky you gave a whoop and jogged a half circle to tackle hug Karkat.
He click-swears and takes a swipe at you but you dodge away.
âHahah, I told you it would be great!â You say and the night air is nice on your skin. Itâs summer so itâs cool without being cold.
Karkatâs breathing hard and the yellow-white light from the next two blocks shows the sheen of sweat on his face.
âFuck you,â Karkat growls and stops talking to breathe.
âWhat songs do you like?â you ask, and lift the fall board. The keys are a little yellowed, like bone, only white against the darkness of everything else.
Karkat waves a hand and leans against the piano.
You start playing one of Karkatâs songs, or what you think you remember of Karkatâs songs. You remember it because it started pretty and pensive, then got some very emotional tones. Â You donât remember the words, and you probably mess up the tune a little, but you remember the feeling of it and it felt right. It felt blue and black like the sky above you, and the gentle breeze against your back.
Karkat props himself up with a hand on his cheek and an elbow on the piano. When you glance up at him heâs looking very seriously at your face instead of your hands and he grudgingly answers with a tiny smile when you grin at him.
ââSup Karkat?â you say when you canât remember how the song ends.
âDonât you need a chair?â he asks.
âHm, thatâd be nice. How about⌠that box!â
Karkat spins and looks where youâre pointing and frowns at you.
âAre you sure?â he asks.
âYeah, grab the box!â
He gets you the box and looks at you funny.
You sit but misjudge and yelp as the box collapses. Your legs go out and scrabble against the concrete and you slam into Karkatâs knees. He curses and grabs the piano and falls on top of you, elbow landing smack middle of your ribcage.
âOww,â you wheeze.
Karkat clicks and slips his elbow off and searches your face, eyebrows scrunched together.
âAre you alright?â he asks.
âYeah.â
âGood,â he says and grabs a fistful of your shirt over your belly and you shriek and knee him in the solar plexus and Karkat goes flop beside you.
âKarkat, are you okay!?â you ask, sitting up.
âFuck you, Egbert,â he grunts and gives you a middle finger.
You laugh and flop down next to him.
âYeah, youâre okay,â you say and Karkat makes a funny warble.
âThis is why I hated you so much in the beginning,â he groans.
âYou hated me?â
âIn the beginning. For maybe two months before I despaired before your general barkbeast nature.â
You roll so you can see his face.
âKarkat, I need to know,â you say very seriously.
âWhat?â he asks, frowning.
âDo you still hate me?â
Karkat snorts and pushes you so you flop again.
âObviously not, you dumb shit,â he said and thatâs good. You donât want Karkat to hate you, thatâd be awful.
You lay on your back on the cool concrete, and above you the wooden underbelly of the piano cuts to where the lacquered black blends with the cloudy sky. Thereâs too much light pollution to see stars.
You wonder if Karkat can see the stars.
âHey Karkat,â you say and he hmms. âIsnât this kinda like camping?â
âI hate camping,â he says.
âWhyyy?â you give a scandalised gasp. âCamping is fun!â
âI hate it on principle. The concept is a terrible idea.â
âAha! So you havenât been camping!â you say with cartoon villain triumph. âWe need to fix this!â
âNo John, you do not need to subject Karkat to sleeping at the mercy of the elements when technology, civilisation and more importantly running water and thermostats exist.âÂ
âYou should come to my house,â you decide, because Karkat is always a wet blanket and has to complain about everything even though he has fun. âI have this balcony thing and we could totally do the tent thing on it.â
âJohn, stop. Listen to me. That does not make the concept sound anything less than a terrible idea. In fact, it makes the entire exercise redundant.â
âBut it would be fun.â
âIâve heard these lies before. Remember the baby featherbeast video?â
ââŚbird video? What bird video?â
âThe bird video. The video wherein an innocent, tiny, fluffy baby bird fucking bounces down a cliff of death. It is forever burned into my memory, John. It is burned into my memory because of the bulgewilting trauma of watching it, cheerfully inflicted by you.â
âOh, the barnacle gosling. Iâm sorry, but that was two years ago! How many times do you want me to say Iâm sorry, sheesh⌠Oh.â
âI do not like that âohâ. I have learnt not to like that âohâ from three and a half years of conditioning. What was that âohâ.â
âSpeeeeaking of dead babiesâŚâ
âOh god, what.â
âWhen you werenât looking, I kinda tried your grubflakes. It wasnât that bad, and thatâs what scares me. It doesnât taste like dead babies but itâs DEAD. BABIES. I mean, where do all these dead babies even come from!?â
âAlternia,â Karkat answers literally. He shifts and thereâs a whisper of cotton on concrete. âGrubs donât gain sentience until six perigees though. Theyâre just mindless killing automatons, and fucking millions get killed in the trials every sweep anyway. Itâs more of a waste not to eat them actually.â
âThatâs fucked uuuuuup.â
âThatâs my culture, you insensitive fuckwit.â
âIâm sorry, but itâs still fucked up!â
âDuly noted, John. I will notify the Empress personally as soon as I get back and enter into Her glorious propaggrandisation team. Would you like me to croon a soulful melody and lead grubs into the streets like some demented Pupa Pan come to life while Iâm at it?â
You break into hysterical laughter at the image of Karkat in green tights skipping into town and he thwacks you with the back of his hand.
âShut up, John. Itâs not that funny.â
âYes it is! Like a Disney princess leading a flock of animals, except itâs like that movie you made me watch with the cartoon princess who turns into a real person in New York, so itâs like roaches, PFFT. Youâre the Disney princess, Karkat. Specifically that Disney princess.âÂ
âNo, I refuse.â
âNo choice, buddy! Even from the first time we met, we were like, yeah, Karkat is the Disney princess! âŚOr a small dog. ⌠Or⌠Paris Hilton?â
âIt was Strider, wasnât it. That was not a question. I will make him eat his fucking shades.â
âDonât do that, it was funny. We wouldnât be friends if it werenât for that.â
âReally?â Karkat asks softly and then he swallows loudly. âI find that exceedingly difficult to believe given your introduction,â he said, and itâs a little crickety.
You snicker.
âOkay, we would still be friends but that pesterlog with Dave definitely helped.â
âI see,â Karkat says, and you both stare up at the bare shapes of grey clouds on blue black sky with no stars.
The breeze picks up a little and you breathe with it even as most of it goes over you. Where your skin is uncovered, you feel a chill.
You cross your arms over yourself.
âHey,â you say. âWhatâs Alternia like?â
Karkat shifts.
âThatâs a first in four fucking years,â he comments and you feel a little bad for not asking, but it never really came up before. âWhy suddenly?â Karkat asks.
âI'm curious, that's all. Maybe I'll visit.â
âYou can't.â
Karkatâs reply isnât mean and isnât sad but itâs clipped a little at the corners and simple. An inconvenient truth.
âWhat, why?â
Karkat sighs and thereâs a low hum behind it.
âGetting around the intranet is a cullable offence, letâs not even contrive to think of smuggling in a human. You'd be eaten alive in approximately four seconds anyway.â
âWhat? Whatâs wrong with being human?â
âSomeone doesnât read the news.â Karkatâs voice is the same, scratchy amused-derisive it is when you canât find the light switches.
âBut- but why?!â
âSpace constraints, the security of the oxygen dome, maybe the fact you have a political party intent on assassinating the Empress, oh I don't know John, why would trollkind deprive itself of your company.â
âWe have a political party intent on what?â you repeat in horror.
Thereâs a silence and Karkat breaks it with a âpfftâ. He knocks the back of his hand against your forearm and you let that arm fall to the floor with his. He lets his arm stay there, and your fingers just about make contact, but not quite.
Itâs probably your imagination, but you think you can almost feel his warmth. Â
âRead the fucking paper once in a while, dumbass,â Karkat says, but not in a mean way. Karkatâs too nice to be really mean.
âSorry.â You mean for it to come out funny but it just ends up small. You clear your throat. Try again.
âWhenâs your flight?â you ask.
âNext week, Wednesday, two in the afternoon because I hate myself,â Karkat replies, like itâs a route phrase like âplease take a queue number and have a seatâ or âhow are youâ.
Itâs Friday.
âThatâs pretty soon,â you say, not knowing what else to say. Your mind draws a blank.
âI have a job interview that I want to be there in person for,â he explains and you take a while to process that. Oh, thatâs good right? Having a job, growing up, being busy. Theyâre meant to be good things.
You smile up at the sky and it takes a little more effort than usual. Youâre kinda tired and floaty.
âThatâs great, Karkat. Congrats.â
âThanks,â Karkat says.
He doesnât say what job, and you donât remember if you talked after that.
.
.
===/\===
On Ao3. Part 1, Â Part 2, Part 2 notes, Part 3, Part 4 , Part 5 , Part 6 , Part 7 (end)
On Ao3. Part 1, Â Part 2, Part 2 notes, Part 3, Part 4 , Part 5 , Part 6 , Part 7 (end)
Warnings (this part specific): canon typical abusive language,interspecies relationships, alternate universe-freeform, universitystuck, gam<>kar, the untimely demise of a much beloved mobile phone, a lot of pesterlogs
Summary: The university that John Egbert attends has recently decided that if he wants dorm accommodation for the next four years, he has to share with a troll. He gets Karkat Vantas, who is decidedly annoyed with the new policy, really weird about romance, and apparently in love with him.
A/N: for crabapples97,my giftee in the ssjohnkat2014. Betaâd by tonguerocker. Polyhedral dice were rolled to determine the outcomes of certain events in this chapter.
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--turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering ectoBiologist [EB]. â
TG: ping
TG: yeah my ping brings all the fuckin boys to the yard
TG: except you apparently Â
TG: were meant to be diamz john bby dont leave me in my time of need
EG: hey dave.
EG: ⌠grooooooooan.
EG: i canât believe that youâre doing the quadrants thing too!
EG: isnât it bad enough that all the people in school think weâre together?
TG: what you sayin egbert are you saying you donât love me no more Â
TG: such hurt very ow
EB: daaaaaaaave.
TG: joooooooohn
EB: what did you want to talk about?
TG: right you wanna tell me why karkles has a fucking truckton of empty carbs in a candy empire bagÂ
EB: no idea.
EB: but i guess everyone goes on a junk food binge once in a while?
TG: dude so not the point here
EB: am i missing something?
EB: i feel like iâm missing something.
TG: who is the one studying to become a doctor here me or you
EB: we havenât done troll modules yet, give me a break.
TG: right break given like fucks arent
TG: sugar is to trolls what alcohol is to people
TG: faygo is the shitty neon troll bacardi 151
TG: now that you have been enlightened courtesy of yours truly take a moment to think about what i opened this convo for
EB: ⌠oh my god, whyâs karkat binge eating sugar!?
TG: yeah that was the thing i was just asking you but hold on i might get divine inspiration any second now
EB: i canât think of anything.
EB: he was still okay yesterday and this morning.
EB: ohhhh wait.
EB: heâs freaking out a bit about your paper.
EB: but still, âdrinkingâ is kinda irresponsible.
TG: we dont have a paper
EB: wait, what?
EB: but he kissed me this morning and said it was for his cross cultural research paper thing! Â
EB: also we watched a movie last night in my room and he cried but i fell asleep and stuff.
EB: but thatâs not the point.Â
TG: jegus where do i even start with that john
EB: start on what, dave!
TG: excuse me i think i need to walk outside and find a literal palm tree to smash my face into
EB: knock it off. Â
EB: so a friendly bro planted one on me in the name on science.
EB: iâm cool with that.
EB: neither of us is gay.
TG: and the nile is just a river in egypt
EB: denial of WHAT.
TG: john
TG: johnathon egbert
TG: john my man my dudebro
TG: karkat is fucking in love with you
EB: what?
EB: no way!
TG: and while im at it let me just take this another notch up
TG: put it all out on the table like a dealer in vegas
TG: you like him back so thats why you get mopey and ask me where he is
TG: sheesh its like im air flight control central and youre the guy with the delayed connecting due before you can leave
TG: like when is the planekat coming back dave i need to know for non homosexual reasons
EB: youâre just imagining things, karkat and me are just bros.
TG: uhuh
TG: and your movie dates?
EB: sheesh canât two bros watch movies without being called gay?
EB: i mean, he likes movies, i like movies.
EB: itâs a good way to de-stress.
TG: i know another thing you guys could do to de-stress
EB: ⌠did you justâŚ
TG: eyup
EB: grossssss!
EB: i would send an emoticon but pesterchum has nothing that fits. :(
TG: my one mission in life oh hella yeah go dave who da man you da man
EB: okay, besides all your totally wrong conjecture, is karkat going to be alright?
TG: i dont know all he does is hiss alternian at people today and cradle his sweets and a bottle of maple syrup like a sugar addicted dragon guarding its hoard
EB: let me know how he is?
TG: ye gotcha live update kat watch at your service
--turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering ectoBiologist [EB]. â
TG: houston we have a problemÂ
EB: that was fast.
EB: what happened?Â
TG: the clownrail picked your boy up from class
TG: kat watch is cancelled due to weather conditions being hella fuck off with a ninety five percent chance of murder
EB: hmm.
EB: okay i guess iâll message karkat directly.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG].â
EB: hey karkat you okay?
EB: i heard from dave that youâre feeling down and stuff.
EB: wanna watch a movie when you get back?
EB: i know itâs saturday but hey, that means youâre okay after your makeup class right?
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is an idle chum.â
EB: right, youâre probably still writing your paper.
EB: sorry for disturbing.
EB: hope you feel better soon, buddy.
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is online.â
EB: karkat!
EB: heyy!
CG: sup brother
CG: you are a brave motherfucker
CG: SHOW ALL OUT HERE YOUR BOLD MOTHERFUCKING FUCK YOUR FACE
EB: uh, what?
CG: i say you break down on the side of the corner of my diamond break your motherfucking head
CG: YOU GUESS HOW MOTHERFUCKER
EB: okay.
EB: if karkatâs with you, can you just tell him we hope he feels better soon?
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is online.â
CG: WHAT THE FUCK, JOHN.
CG: WHO THE FUCK IS âWEâ.
CG: ARE YOU USING ROYAL PRONOUNS NOW?
CG: IN WHICH CASE, WHO THE FUCK DIED AND MADE YOU KING OF ANYTHING.
EB: hi karkat!! :D
EB: is that a reference?
CG: NO.
CG: I
CG: GODDAMN IT IS.
EB: hehehehe
EB: anyway, are you okay?
CG: YES.
CG: IâM FINE.
CG: IN FACT, I AM SO âOKAYâ THAT I COULD GET KNOCKED OUT AND IT WOULD DO A REACHAROUND TO COME BACK TO THIS PLANE OF CONSCIOUSNESS REVERSED.
EB: �
EB: uh, okay, thatâs⌠good, i guess.
EB: anyway, when are you getting home?
CG: âŚWHY.
EB: because itâs DEFINITELY my turn to pick a movie this time, haha.
You wait at the kitchen table with your laptop that night, but fall asleep before Karkat gets back. When you wake up, his beat up grey sneakers arenât there and the floor between his room and the bathroom is dry.
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===/\===
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-- ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG].â
EB: hey karkat, do you have your keys with you?
EB: i noticed you didnât come back yesterday, and well, there are a set of keys on the table.
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is an idle chum.â
EB: yikes i need to leave now, but if you need the house key, well, you have my number.
EB: see you!
-- ectoBiologist [EB] an idle chum.â
.
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-- ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG].â
EB: noticed youâre not back yet, so uh, donât know if you got my last message.
EB: itâs got the little blue ticks so i guess you did but maybe forgot?
EB: haha, i totally get it, man, i forget to reply all the time.
EB: proooobably not a thing to be proud of.
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is an idle chum.â
EB: idle still, huh.
EB: anyway, if you need the keys, lemme know?
EB: iâll be in class, but prof mann is really cool. if you message me i should be able to pass my keys to you first if you need to get home.
EB: just promise not to lock me out, okay?
EB: heheh
-- ectoBiologist [EB] is an idle chum.â
.
.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG].â
EB: hey buddy, you there?
EB: iâm starting to get kinda worried.
EB: like, youâre okay right?
EB: i mean, dave said you didnât go for classes today.
EB: okay, so more like last night, but the point is, thatâs not like you!
EB: and you have a class part component to max out.
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is an idle chum.â
EB: plus it would be nice to hear that youâre okay.
EB: get back to me soon?
EB: iâll leave my phone on and everything.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] is an idle chum.â
.
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-- ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG].â
EB: karkat iâm getting seriously worried here.
EB: like iâm going to call you and probably wake you up and iâll feel REALLY TERRIBLE about that but i think iâm still going to go ahead and do it anyway if you donât reply soon. D:
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is online.â
CG: KEEP YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, JOHN.
CG: IâM FINE.
EB: KARKAT!!!
EB: :D :D :D
EB: oh man, am i glad to hear from you.
EB: i was starting to think you were kidnapped or something.
EB: ⌠trollnapped?
EB: mm that sounds kind of dumb.
EB: but heyyyyyyyyyy!! :D
CG: OKAY, FIRST, YOU ARE NOT, NEVER HAVE BEEN, AND NEVER WILL BE MY HUMAN KEEPER. I AM PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF LOOKING AFTER MYSELF AND THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE, HOLD ONTO YOUR CARTILAGE NUB, BUT THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I DID BEFORE WHATEVER POWERS BE DECIDED HARDEEHARHAR LETâS THROW KARKAT AT THIS BLUE EYED HUMAN FUCKER AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. Â
CG: SPOILER, MY ABILITY TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF DID NOT MAGICALLY UP AND DISAPPEAR.
CG: POSSIBLY ATTRIBUTABLE TO THE FACT THAT MAGIC ISNâT REAL.
CG: BUT I DIGRESS.
CG: SECOND.
CG: ONE WOULD THINK, BEING AT THE TOP 99TH PERCENTILE OF ENTRANTS TO THIS ESTEEMED UNIVERSITY, YOU OF ALL PEOPLE WOULD *INFER* THAT I WAS AT MY MOIRAILâS HIVE.
CG: THE STUDIO AUDIENCE IS TORN BETWEEN LAUGHTER BECAUSE YOU MISSED THIS HIDEOUSLY OBVIOUS CONCLUSION, AND SCANDALISED GASPS AT SOMEONE REMAINING UNCONTACTABLE AT THEIR MOIRAILâS HIVE FOR THREE DAYS.
CG: HINT FOR THE CULTURALLY IMPAIRED FUCKASS, IT WAS *SCANDALOUSLY PALE*.
CG: *THIRD*.
CG: I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT ITS REALLY FUCKING RUDE TO DEMAND MY ATTENTION LIKE A HUNGRY LUSUS THEN IMMEDIATELY GET DISTRACTED BY THE NEAREST SHINY OBJECT, ALSO RATHER LIKE A LUSUS.
CG: THANKS A LOT FOR THAT, FUCKASS.
EB: what?
EB: no, iâm here!
EB: i was just thinking that you were on a roll and that itâs been a while since i saw one of your text rants, so i kinda let it grow.
CG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT.
CG: DO YOU SECRETLY PUMP YOUR BULGE TO VERBAL ABUSE OR SOMETHING BECAUSE HOLY FUCK JOHN, IF THE ANSWER IS YES, I *DONâT WANT TO KNOW*.
EB: oh yeah, please shout at me some more mister vantas.
EB: iâm swooning sooooo hard right now.
EB: (heheheheh)
CG: YOU LITTLE *NOOKSUCKING SHITSTAIN*.
CG: EVERY GODDAMN TIME YOU ATTEMPT TO âPRANKâ SOMEONE, YOU PUT THAT DUMB LAUGH IN CURVED CONTAINMENT SYMBOLS AND FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME, *I CAN SEE THOSE*.
EB: yeah, i know, but itâs funny so i have to laugh but i donât want to laugh without the brackets because then itâs loud and kinda ruins the joke. Â
EB: so!
EB: you coming home today buddy?
CG: IâLL THINK ABOUT IT.
EB: okay neat, i can make dinner for you too if you want?
EB: well, my dinner, your breakfast ish meal?
EB: câmon, yeah? :D
CG: I SAID IâLL THINK ABOUT IT, OKAY?
CG: JEGUSFUCK, JOHN.
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is offline.â
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You leave the grubflakes, a bowl and a spoon on the table. You think about leaving a welcome back note, but you donât.
The next morning, when youâre half falling over yourself to get your shoes on because youâre late as usual, you trip over very familiar grey sneakers. You take a moment to put them back as they were, then you haul ass to get to class.
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That evening, Karkat leaves glistening green footprints on the floor as he scurries to the bathroom from his room. Â He sits next to you as he crunches his way through breakfast before he leaves for class.Â
Youâre glad heâs back, but Karkat only looks at you sideways when your eyes are on your laptop, so you do the thing they taught you in that extra module on bedside manner, where you smile and think âeverythingâs okayâ until you hope he gets it.
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===/\===
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Friday is cold, too cold to be at the table so bury yourself under your blankets and wear long sleeves and two pairs of socks and try to focus on your essay over your chattering teeth.
You hear the main door, and Karkatâs door, and you check the time in the bottom right corner of your screen and welp, you just spent four hours writing three paragraphs and dicking around on Facebook and pesterchum. Â They werenât even very long paragraphs.
The bathroom door shuts and the water runs.
You still really want to be friends with Karkat.
You get that Karkat needs space. You totally do! Everyone gets snappy sometimes. There was a time when you were fourteen and Rose didnât talk to anyone for nearly a month, and you were cool with that.
Itâs just⌠different with Karkat somehow, probably because you live with him and heâs always there. Even though you run on completely different schedules, itâs super obvious when heâs suddenly gone. Therâs a Karkat shaped hole in the way everythingâs exactly as you left it, and the end of the corridor where his room is.
The point is you donât like it. You want things to go back to the way they were.
Todayâs Friday.
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-- ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG].â
EB: hey karkat, youâre home! :D
CG: HOLY GRUBFUCKED HELL JOHN, WHY ARE YOU STILL AWAKE?
EB: i was doing an essay.
CG: I DIDNâT SEE YOU DOING AN ESSAY.
CG: IMAGINE ME LOOKING AT YOU SUSPICIOUSLY.
EB: imagining it right now!
EB: wow karkat, why do you have to look so suspicious, donât you believe me?
EB: iâm so hurt karkat, i am all the hurt.
EB: but really i was doing an essay.
EB: it was just cold so i made a pillow fort ON my bed.
EB: itâs awesome and once you sit in it for a while itâs nice and warm.
EB: not super conducive for work though, i hardly got anything done, haha.
CG: I WILL ACCORD THAT INFORMATION THE IMPORTANCE IT IS DUE, WHICH IS TO SAY I INTEND TO FORGET IT IMMEDIATELY AFTER CLOSING THIS WINDOW.
CG: IS THERE A REASON YOUâRE HARASSING ME THE SECOND I STEP BACK INTO OUR SHARED HIVE?
CG: IS THIS YOU INFORMING ME THAT I AM DUTY BOUND TO TAKE THE TRASH OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREEZING, BULGEBITING NIGHT?
EB: nah buddy, i wouldnât do that to you.
EB: plus itâs my turn to take out the trash and it can wait til tomorrow when the sun is up so itâs less brrrrr.
CG: THEN BY ALL MEANS, PLEASE ENLIGHTEN ME AS TO THE REASON THIS CONVERSATION HAS TO BLAME FOR ITS SORRY EXISTENCE.
EB: right, do you wanna watch a movie today?
CG: I SUPPOSE I WOULD NOT BE COMPLETELY OPPOSED ON THE CONDITION THAT I GET TO CHOOSE WITHOUT A SINGLE HINT OF A COMPLAINT FROM THE EXPLOSIONS AND CARDBOARD CUTOUT CHARACTER DEPARTMENT.
You grab your laptop like a waiter tray, with your phone and your hard drive on top and basically take your pillow fort with you. The blankets drape over your shoulders like a cape and you take two pillows under your arm.
You get your door open, but the pillows slip when you quickly shuffle to Karkatâs room and all the door knobs are round.
You drag your forearm against the knob and slam the door open with your shoulder.
âOH MY FUCKââ
Something flies at you.
You dodge and grab for it, but the blanket slips off your shoulders and your phone and hard drive start sliding around. You slam your hand over your devices and hear the sharp smack and clatter of glass and circuitry hitting tile.
âWhat was that?â you ask even as you turn to look.
âFuck!â Karkat spits. His phone is face down on the floor.
âOh,â you say. You turn back to the roomâitâs too dark to see Karkatâand smile guiltily.
âOops?â you offer meekly.
Karkat sighs heavily and thereâs a hint of a rattle in it.
âDammit, John,â he growls and you can tell from his voice that heâs facepalming.
"Iâm sorry!â you say and you put your laptop down by the wall, hopping over the bunch of pillows and blankets to get to the phone. âHere, Iâll get it for youâuh oh.â
âWhat. The fuck. Was that âuh ohâ for,â Karkat asks. He still sounds like he has a hand on his face.
âWell,â you say. âUm. It looks like youâre going to need a new phone?â
You hold up the phone to show him and the screen literally falls off, exposing battery and processors and delicate circuits.
Thereâs a super heavy silence. You wince and smile at him.
âFuck you up the wastechute, John Egbert,â Karkat says flatly.
âIâm sorryyyy,â you⌠okay so maybe you whine a bit but itâs like two in the morning and cold and Karkat threw the phone in the first place. Hey, thatâs a good point. âBut I canât believe you threw your phone. That would have seriously hurt if it hit me!â
âWhatâs the rule on personal space?â Karkat demands.
âRoom is off limits unless we get invited in or itâs an emergency, I know, I know. I just got really excited about movie night and Iâm really sorry about your phone. Iâll split repairs or the new phone cost, or hey, Iâll just buy you a new phone? You can even use my spare phone in the meantime!â
â⌠stop making that face at me. Donât you fucking dare use that face.â
You blink.
âWhat face?â you ask.
âDonât bullshit me, John. We both know that you know that you are using the disgustingly cute face you are making right now to try and appeal to my non-existent better nature in a futile attempt to avoid the spew of rage that is building up in my gullet.â
âKarkat, thatâs my normal face,â you say and then to prove the point you pull a face and he goes pfft.
âSo Iâll get you the other phone and weâll watch, kay?â you say and pop into your room. Karkat says something, but the tone of it is still amused so you donât ask him to repeat himself. You pop out his SIM card and the SD card and transfer it to your spare phone, and hurry back. Your teeth are chattering again.
âHere, you know how to use Android?â you offer the phone to the darkness and Karkat appears.
âProbably better than you can,â he replies, and he takes the phone delicately, not letting his clawtips touch at all.
Itâs cute. You grin.
âOkay, neat. What movie?â you ask, dipping to pick up the blankets and your laptop.
âThe Notebook,â he says with half a defensive hunch.
âOkay,â you say, and he discretely guides you by the arm so you donât trip over the edge pieces of his pile.
.
.
===/\===
On Ao3. Part 1, Â Part 2, Part 2 notes, Part 3, Part 4 , Part 5 , Part 6 , Part 7 (end)
On Ao3. Part 1, Â Part 2, Part 2 notes, Part 3, Part 4 , Part 5 , Part 6 , Part 7 (end)
Warnings (this part specific): canon typical abusive language,interspecies relationships, alternate universe-freeform, universitystuck, JOHNEGBERT IS A DUMB BUTT, KARKAT YOU DUMB WHY YOU CHOOSE THIS BOY
Summary: The university that John Egbert attends has recently decided that if he wants dorm accommodation for the next four years, he has to share with a troll. He gets Karkat Vantas, who is decidedly annoyed with the new policy, really weird about romance, and apparently in love with him.
A/N: for crabapples97, my giftee in the ssjohnkat2014. Betaâd by tonguerocker, who knows e x a c t l y how invested I am in this chapter.
.
===/\===
.
Movie nights become a Thing. You watch on Fridays when youâre done with school work and heâs back from the early night class, and you take turns picking out movies and cringing through the ones you didnât.
.
âcarcinoGeneticist [CG] started pestering ectoBiologist [EB].â
CG: WHY ARE MY CLASSMATES PANROTTEN SHITS?
CG: DID THEIR LUSII STEP ON THEM WHEN THEY WERE YOUNGER?
CG: IF THIS FUCKASS OPENS HIS MOUTH ONE MORE TIME, I WILL GIVE HIM A STANDING FUCKING OVATION THEN PROCEED TO RIP OFF HIS BULGE AND MAKE HIM EAT IT WITH A SIDE OF THE LECTURE NOTES HE OBVIOUSLY DIDNâT READ.
CG: YOUâD THINK HEâD LEARN TO *ACTUALLY READ THE MATERIAL* IF HEâS GOING TO SHOOT HIS MOUTH OFF IN CLASS.
CG: AT LEAST DAVE HAS THE DECENCY TO DRAW HIS SHITTY DICK COMICS WITHOUT FORCING EVERYONE TO RECAP BASIC CRAP THAT WAS ALREADY COVERED JUST YESTERNIGHT.
CG: THE PARTICIPATION GRADE SYSTEM IS NEARLY AS PAINFULLY FLAWED AS THE INTEGRATION POLICY.
CG: AND I HAD SUCH HIGH HOPES THAT WE WOULD END ON TIME TODAY.
CG: JOHN?
EB: sorry for the late reply, was in the shower.
EB: give me a minute to read that.
EB: aw, alright.
EB: i have an essay to do anyway, so i can wait.
EB: weâre going to watch season of the witch tonight.
EB: itâs a nic cage!Â
EB: so nic cage is a knight and heâs gotta transport a witch because they think her powers are causing the plague and itâs spooky and stuff.
EB: should be pretty cool.
CG: JOHN, LET ME REPHRASE MY EARLIER PLAINTIVE DESPAIR INTO A MORE DIRECT SENTENCE.
CG: IN A SHORT, EASY TO UNDERSTAND PHRASE:
CG: THIS GRUBFUCKING CULLBAIT MAY NEVER SHUT UP, DONâT WAIT.
EB: i really donât mind waiting though.
EB: like i said, iâve got an essay to do, and iâm kind of on a roll.
EB: though i donât mind starting first once my brain goes bluh on me.
EB: so you can just join me whenever if iâm still watching by the time you get back.
CG: ITâS BEEN FOUR ENTIRE HOURS.
CG: STRIDER VERIFIED.
CG: CLASS IS *STILL* DRAGGING.
CG: I AM *THIS CLOSE* TO STABBING MYSELF WITH A RULER SO THAT MY NOBLE FLESH WOUND CAN BUY ME A TRIP TO THE INFIRMARY, AND ALSO A TICKET OUT OF âBEAT THE DEAD SOCIAL JUSTICE HOOFBEAST UNTIL IT MIRACULOUSLY STANDS UP AND STARTS PRANCING AROUND AGAINâ LAND.
CG: I COULD HAVE FREEDOM FOR THE SMALL PRICE OF PAIN, BLOOD, AND ETERNAL SHAME.
CG: AND BY ETERNAL I MEAN PROBABLY FOR THE TWO YEARS LEFT UNLESS GRADUATION OR LESS.
CG: THE PROSPECT BECOMES MORE APPEALING WITH EVERY PASSING SECOND.
EB: haha, hang in there buddy.
EB: if it makes you feel any better, iâm working on a research paper and itâs really painful too.
CG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD HEARING THAT YOU ARE MISERABLE MAKE ME ANY LESS MISERABLE.
EB: dunno, some sort of solidarity?
EB: brothers in suffering, that kind of thing.
EB: schadenfreude?
EB: anyway, I guess Iâll see you when you get home.
CG: IF I EVER FUCKING GET HOME.
EB: pfft, no need to be so dramatic karkat.
EB: okay, need to work on my paper.
Karkat isnât back by the time your brain stopped processing words as meaning instead of black letters on your screen. You start the movie without him, and it opens with the hanging of three witches. Spooky stuff. SoâŚ
.
You wake to the door slamming and muffled cursing.
âSâat you, Karkat?â you ask. Gosh, when did you drift off? Youâre going to have to start the movie again. Itâs okay though, because Karkat hasnât seen the beginning anyway.Â
Karkat appears at your door.
âFuck,â he says. Itâs a reflex, you donât think he notices he swears as much as he does. âYeah, did I wake you up?â
âMmm yeah, but I didnât mean to fall asleep,â you yawned and sat up in your bed. âWhat time is it?â
âAlmost three am,â he frowns. âWe ended at one. Fuck, I thought youâd be asleep already, so I ate with Gamzee.â
âSâokay. You wanna go shower and Iâll set up the movie?â
âShouldnât you sleep?â he asks, sceptically.
âNah, I slept a little. Besides, thereâs no school tomorrow. Weâre good. Everything is good.â You give him a thumbs up and he makes his tiny âI AM GRUMPY KING I am trying not to smile oh no I canâtâ smile and shakes his head.
âFine. If youâre sure.â
âI am sure, Karkat. I am all the sure.â
He rolls his eyes and you hear his room door and then the bathroom door and then waterâŚ
âŚ
⌠and Karkat knocking on the drawer next to your bed.
âIâm awake,â you groan. He snorts.
âYes John, youâre awake now, after I woke you up. If youâre going to sleep, you should unplug your laptop. Youâre going to burn your bulge off.â
âWhat? No, since Iâm awake, we should-â you yawn and the yellow of Karkatâs eyes gleam in the low light. âWe should thing.â
âRight,â he says and he lifts your laptop up, holds it in one hand. âAnd you wonât fall off your chair while watching, assuming that youâre willing to walk to the table.â
Bluh, heâs right. Table was far. Floor was cold. You were soooo comfortable. Why was the bed so comfortable.
âWe can watch here,â you suggest, shifting over to make space for him. âProblem solved. Câmon.â
Silence.
Karkat blinks down at you.
You pat the bed and look at him meaningfully. And sleepily.
âAre you serious?â he asks, like heâs expecting a whoopee cushion when he sits. Hey, thatâs actually a good idea. A little bit mean to Karkat though. Karkat takes a lot of things waaaay too seriously.
âItâs kay,â you say, and you pull his shirt so his knees touch the bed. âOh, you might want to grab my fan table thingy so you donât, what, âburn your bulge offâ. Heheheh.â
âJohn,â he starts but then he stops.
âFan thingy,â you prompt. âJust stretch and grab it from next to my bag.â
He grips your laptop and the profile of his face is nervous.
âHey,â you say, and he turns his face a little. âYou alright?â
âYeah,â he says, and he grabs the fan thing. âBut I categorically refuse to watch Niklas Kaydje horror with you if youâre just going to fall asleep.â
âI wonât fall asleep!â you protest. âBesides, itâs my turn to pick.â
âYeah, no. Thatâs what you say but half an hour into this disaster, youâre going to be snoring like a beached whale with laryngitis.â
âWow, rude,â you say, and you elbow him a little. âI donât snore.â
 âYou donât know that because youâre asleep,â he shoots back. He holds out a hard drive. âIâm not going to suffer for nothing. And I so happen to have the cinematic masterpiece that is âThe Vowâ with me right now. Serenfuckingdipity, John. You donât fuck with serendipity.â
âCheater,â you grumble. âYou planned this!âÂ
âYou can sleep instead,â Karkat replies.
âNoooo, itâs movie night. Câmon and lie down properly already. Cheater.âÂ
He settles carefully and sets up his movie.
Your bed is meant for one, but youâre both not very big guys and you fit just fine when your shoulders press into each other, and you fit even better with an arm around him.
Of course Karkatâs movie is a romcom with no action at all. Karkat grips your hand during the car crash and makes sad cricket noises a lot.
Karkatâs a cuddler, which is really unexpected, especially since heâs weird about hugs. He hugs you and looks at the screen from the corner of his eye. You donât really get why he likes these movies if they make him sad, but youâre okay with hugs. Hugs are nice and Karkat is super huggable, cause heâs just a tiny bit smaller than you, and compact and warm.Â
You donât remember the movie ending but you remember his four beat pulse under your palms when you hug him back, and thinking that it was rhythmic and soothing.
.
.
You wake up to early morning sunlight under your curtains and Karkat breathing on your collarbones, hand on your waist and leg half over yours.
âHey Karkat buddy,â you say. You try to extract your arm and your torso but nope.
âHeyyy,â you say again, and pat him on the shoulder. âKarkat.âÂ
âZhann,â he says without opening his eyes. His accent is really thick when heâs half asleep, and your name comes out all buzzy. He pats your chest then his hand comes up to thumb your jaw and scratch the back of your neck. He has claws, actual rip your skin off claws, pricking into the knots in your neck, not enough to hurt, but enough to remind you that they exist. Tingles run down your spine, all over your skin.Â
Karkat breathes something thatâs all soft crickety noises, and your name. You donât know what heâs saying but itâs quiet and heavy and fragile. Important.
He shifts and holds you tighter.
âKarkat?â you ask.
âMmmnh?â he goes, and he breathes and his lips brush the side of where your neck joins your shoulders, gentle and fleeting.
Youâre suddenly, devastatingly terrified.
âHey Karkat, uh, your hair is tickling me so, yup. Anyway, itâs morning. Hi. Get up?â
Karkat doesnât move, and for a second you think maybe he was still asleep, but then he shifts again.Â
âCan I stay?â he asks.
His voice is so quiet and desperately hopeful. Heâs not looking at you but his eyes are open now, and heâs staring straight at the slivers of light under the curtains. Heâs tense, and he sounds like your answer is the only thing in the world that matters.
You couldnât break that much gravitas even if you tried.
âYeah,â you say.
.
===/\===
.
You eventually extract yourself from Karkatâs hug to run to the bathroom (cold floor coldfloorr coldfloor coldcoldcold) and get breakfast.
Very sadly, there is no more cereal. You only remember that when you open the cupboard and donât find the box. Well, you were related to one of the biggest baking companies in the world, so you put on your metaphorical pants (because you were already in pj pants) and started whipping up pancake batter.
Karkat emerges from your room, squinting and trailing a hand along the walls.
âJohn?â he asks the kitchen.
âHey!â you greet back. âWant pancakes? I really hope you say yes because I already made you some. Maple syrup and butter are on the table.â
Karkat finds his way to the table and peers at the newspaper.
âYou keep feeding me junk food. Iâm going to get sick,â he says, but itâs just a token protest. Still, you wave your spatula at him in an offended manner.
âExcuse you, did you just call my pancakes junk? Iâll have you know they are delicious and nutritious.â
Karkat snorts and you break into laughter.
âDelude yourself whatever way you want, John.â
âItâs the truth! Look, butter is great. Maple syrup is also great. And I made the batter from scratch! You have to try it.â You cut a square piece off your own plate (you have the bad habit of eating while you cook) and cross the two steps to him.
âSay aah,â you instruct.Â
Karkatâs eyes nearly cross to look at the little square of pancake on the end of the fork. He opens his mouth and takes the piece delicately.
âWell?â you ask as he chews.
âGood,â he says with great (and fake, youâre good at telling now) reluctance and you grin.Â
âGreat! Here, this plate is for you, help yourself to the maple syrup and butter.âÂ
You hand a plate to Karkat and he takes it. He looks down at it, places it on the table, then looks you in the eyes. His expression is solemn and gentle like youâve never seen before. You think this isnât too bad a look on him, even thought it would be even nicer if he smiled more, and Karkat leans forward and brushes his lips against yours.
He tastes of butter and syrup, and the edges of his teeth press against your lips.
Karkat is so close his nose touches yours, and his lips are soft and cool and a little stickysweet and youâ
canâtâ
breatheâ
canât thinkâ
Karkatâs eyes open and he pulls back. Your heart is racing and you feel a little dizzy.
Heâs watching you with a careful eye, the softness melting into suspicion with every passing second. You crack a smile, but your mind is whirling colour and numbness.
âOkay,â you say. âWow, haha, I⌠was not expecting that.â
Karkat doesnât say anything, he just watches you and his eyes become sharper, harder.
âWell,â you carry on, taking half a step back and half a turn away. âThis is awkward. But, uh, jeez. Okay, so, I donât know if I told you before, but Iâm not aââ
âHomosexual,â Karkat finishes for you, with a hard click to the word. He draws back and swallows, breathes. âYeah, I remember.â
âUm well, yeah,â you add lamely. âRight, trolls donât have that right? I could, I donât know, explain if you want?â
âNo need.â
Karkat takes half a step back away too, turns a little away.
You touch his shoulder.
âHey,â you say and make a small smile. âWeâre cool, right?â
He looks down at your hand and the hardness in his expression snaps away suddenly and he gives you the smallest smile back.
âWhat the fuck kind of question is that, John?â he says and youâre so relieved.
âOkay, thatâs good,â you say. âBut like, for future reference, bros donât kiss bros in human culture, kay? Especially not suddenly like that. Itâs kinda not cool, you could get into trouble for harassment and stuff.â
âSorry,â he says, and he curls his fingers over the back of the chair. âNote taken, and my shitastic word it wonât happen again.â
He sounds really distracted and you frown.
âKarkat, seriously though. I donât want you to get into trouble just because of some cultural differences or anything. You could go to jail.â
He tosses his head.
âI understand intimately and painfully, alright, John?â he snaps. âThank you for your concern. Yes, why donât we just attribute this mass locomotive transport vehicle wreck to âsome cultural differencesâ. Now if youâll excuse me, I have a thesis on this very topic to write. It will be long and have enough exposition to perforate a lusus gallbladder and make said lusus cry a goddamn river.â
Karkatâs back to grumpy, and though itâs not what you like seeing from your buddy, grumpy is normal and you relax.
âWell, if itâs for your research paper, you could have asked,â you suggest. His eyes scrunch tight and he shakes his head sharply.Â
âThank you for that offer,â Karkat says lowly, his accent coming in to contort the syllables and truncate the vowels. âYour selfless contribution to the frontier of human-troll interspecies interactions is so. Fucking. Appreciated.â
His hands hover over the pancakes you made for him, and he snags the plate, the entire bottle of maple syrup, and a butter knife.
He takes a step away from the table, hesitates and turns. The light from the window on the far end catches the gentle curve of his cheek and horns. He looks you in the eyes with his hands full and his expression is somewhere between accusatory and broken.
âIâll be in my room,â he says. âThanks for the pancakes.â
.
===/\===
On Ao3. Part 1, Â Part 2, Part 2 notes, Part 3, Part 4 , Part 5 , Part 6 , Part 7 (end)
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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On Ao3. Part 1, Â Part 2, Part 2 notes, Part 3, Part 4 , Part 5 , Part 6 , Part 7 (end)
Warnings (this part specific): canon typical abusive language, interspecies relationships, personal failure, alternate universe-freeform, universitystuck, hugs are a big deal in troll culture okay
Summary: The university that John Egbert attends has recently decided that if he wants dorm accommodation for the next four years, he has to share with a troll. He gets Karkat Vantas, who is decidedly annoyed with the new policy, really weird about romance, and apparently in love with him.
A/N: for crabapples97, my giftee in the ssjohnkat2014. Beta'd by tonguerocker . Red Johnkat endgame starts now (like finally amirite).
.
===/\===
.
--carcinoGeneticist [CG] started pestering ectoBiologist [EB].â
CG: THIS CHAT CLIENT IS WOEFULLY INFERIOR TO TROLLIAN AND I CANNOT, FOR PITY OR FOR HATE, UNDERSTAND WHAT LAPSE OF JUDGEMENT WOULD MAKE YOU CHOOSE TO USE IT.
EB: âŚkarkat?
CG: NICE DEDUCTION, HUMAN SHERLOCK.
EB: iâm confused.
EB: like, i donât THINK i gave you my pesterchum handle.
EB: and karkat doesnât do sarcasm.
EB: AND troll names have six letters!
EB: who are you and why are you impersonating my buddy!
EB: (heheheheheh)
CG: JOHN, JUST BECAUSE YOU PUT SOMETHING IN CURVED CONTAINMENT SYMBOLS DOES NOT MEAN IT MAGICALLY DISAPPEARS FROM THE SCREEN ONCE YOU HIT âENTERâ.
CG: SHERLOCK IS *CLEARLY* AN ADULT TITLE AND THEREFORE HAS EIGHT LETTERS AS PER REGULAR CONVENTION.
CG: AND WE DO HAVE SARCASM. ITâS JUST ALSO CALLED TREADING A THIN LINE BETWEEN TRYING TO BE FUNNY AND ASKING FOR A FUCKING SUBJUGGULATOR CLUB TO THE PAN.
CG: DO YOU WANT HIPSTER COFFEE?
CG: YOUR MOIRAIL DRAGGED ME INTO THIS PAINFULLY TRYING TOO HARD ESTABLISHMENT AND NOW ASSURES ME THAT YOU WOULD APPRECIATE ONE OF THESE SUSPICIOUSLY FLUFFY BEVERAGES.
CG: BEVERAGES ARE NOT MEANT TO BE FLUFFY.
CG: I NOW MUST LIVE IN FEAR OF STUMBLING ACROSS ONE OF THESE GREEN LABELLED MONSTROSITIES IN MY SHARED HIVE.
CG: HOWEVER, IF IT GETS YOU AWAY FROM THE RAISED HORIZONTAL NUTRITION PLATEAU, I AM WILLING TO SUFFER IT.
EB: oh, so youâre at starbucks?
EB: also daveâs not my moirail, karkat.
CG: john honey y u deny our relationship i am so sad
CG: also karkles is getting you your caramel mocha thing so i grabbed his phone
EB: hey dave!
EB: did he lose a bet or something?
CG: surprisingly no
CG: mentioned you love the stuff and he started making funny faces
CG: he said you havent seen light of day for like two weeks now
CG: think you got him worried bro
EB: has it really been two weeks already?
EB: urgh i havenât been keeping track of time.
CG: havent been answering my texts either
CG: but answering tokyo mewmews
CG: i see so thats where we stand john
CG: heads up you can expect the divorce papers any day now
EB: haha yeah gotta study hard and get a good job.
EB: i know itâs hard on you but think of the children!
CG: the children miss you john
CG: the children need their father
CG: whens the paper
EB: next week, saturday.
CG: good luck
EB: thanks.
EB: i should get back to studying, bluh.
CG: YES, AS OPPOSED TO FLOODING MY MOBILE COMMUNICATION DEVICE WITH INANITY DURING THE INTERVAL IN WHICH I PURCHASED THIS UNHOLY UNION OF CAFFEINE AND SUGAR.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG].â
EB: hey karkat, is the kfc for me or�
CG: JESUSFUCK JOHN, CANâT YOU FUCKING READ?
CG: OR DID I WASTE ONE SIXHUNDRETH OF A TREE CARCASS LEAVING A GODDAMN NOTE FOR YOU.
EB: note?
EB: oh, i see it now.
EB: it fell off the table.
EB: awww, nice note, thanks buddy. :)
CG: YOUâRE WELCOME, DUMBASS.
CG: ALSO, YOU COULD ACTUALLY TALK TO ME NEXT TIME INSTEAD OF TEXTING.
CG: SEEING HOW IâM ABOUT A GRAND TOTAL OF TWENTY FUCKING STEPS AWAY.
EB: wait, youâre home???
CG: NICE OF YOU TO NOTICE.
CG: YOU SAID âHEY KARKATâ WHEN I GOT BACK.
CG: WE HAD A CONVERSATION REVOLVING AROUND THE TOPIC OF âHOLY GRUBFUCKING HELL, HAVE YOU EATEN OR SLEPT IN THE LAST THREE DAYSâ.
EB: we did??????
EB: gah, might be time to sleep then.
CG: NO SHIT.
CG: YOUâRE GOING TO WORK YOURSELF TILL YOU CONTRACT SOME DISEASE OTHERWISE.
EB: woah, donât say stuff like that!
EB: itâs bad luck and my paper is like in four days.
CG: EAT THE DAMN CLUCKBEAST AND HIT THE SOPOR, FUCKASS.
EB: already on it, haha.
EB: wow, i did not realise i was this hungry.
EB: or that it was this late.
EB: this chicken is really good.
EB: thanks karkat.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering turntechGodhead [TG].â
EB: emergency.
EB: heâs being nice, help.
TG: what the fuck john i nearly had a heart attack
EB: hey, donât blame me!
EB: youâre the one who thought it would be funny to put a police siren as your message alert tone.
TG: yeah past me is a dick lets move on
TG: shit its too early for this
EB: itâs noon?
TG: im running on the same sleep schedule as karkles remember
TG: noon is to me what four in the fucking am is to you
TG: and apparently four in the fucking am is a good time to text your friend on how nice your roommate is
TG: not that its not okay but just gogdammit john couldnt it wait a couple of hours
EB: oh man, i totally forgot, sorry!
EB: iâll text you at about six then?
TG: nah its kay im already awake might as well get the down and dirty
TG: sup eggbutt my brodude
TG: is karkles suddenly sprouting a backdrop of shojo manga flowers or some shit
TG: has the sleep deprivation gotten you yet
TG: am i gonna find first class front row tickets to an interspecies bl in my inbox
TG: because if the answer is yes then congrats keep those tickets to yourself and mind the teeth goodnight
EB: what????
EB: iâm not sure if itâs me or you, but i didnât understand any of that.
EB: i guess weâre both sleep deprived haha.
TG: ye
TG: so what happened with the resident nubbymcshouty
EB: so itâs really weird how nice karkatâs been lately.
EB: at first i thought it might be because he felt bad about scratching me.
EB: but itâs been nearly three weeks.
EB: and like today he went to help me buy lunch.
EB: as in he woke up and showered and went out to buy food and came back and watched me eat then went back to sleep.
EB: itâs weird right???
EB: he used to throw my food out and mix bugs in it and stuff!
EB: did i scare him or something?
EB: i got a little mad but i donât think it should have scared him into being this nice to me.
EB: especially not from three weeks ago.
TG: its less scared than holy shit john is a sad lil fucker when hes a zombie
EB: urghhh okay i know i look terrible.
EB: i havenât actually slept in my own bed the last two nights because I fell asleep at the table.
EB: or on the floor.
EB: actually, i think he tripped over me last week.
EB: alternian swearing is really funny, he sounded like a grasshopper and a gecko fighting a pair of castanets in a tree.
TG: pfft
EB: so yeah, itâs just that he did a one eighty and itâs just really weirding me out.
EB: i was thinking about just letting him know weâre chill, but thatâs really awkward out of the blue.
TG: nothing to worry about
TG: just get more sleep before your exams
EB: i have a really bad feeling about this paper too, bluh.
EB: this sem just completely bulldozed me.
TG: mm
EB: haha, you sound barely awake.
EB: iâll let you go back to sleep.
EB: talk to you later.
tentacleTherapist [TT] opened a memo on board Public service announcement.
TT invited ectoBiologist [EB] to memo.
TT invited turntechGodhead [TG] to memo.
TT invited gardenGnostic [GG] to memo.
TT: Hello all.
TT: A gentle reminder that results are out today.
TT: Also, a reminder that you are all invited to Kanayaâs and my dorm for dinner tonight, in presumptive optimism regarding abovementioned results, and for commiseration if otherwise.
GG: thanks rose!!
EB: yeah, thanks rose!
EB: oh man, i am so not prepared to see results for this sem.
TT: I have every confidence that you will do well, as you do every other semester, John.
TG: dammit rose id just managed to forget how could you do this to me i thought you loved me i thought we had something
TT: Alas Dave, I could not bring myself to impeach on your transcendental homoerotic broship with John.
EB: woah, woah, where did that come from?
TG: yeah im only the mistress his waifu is crabmeow
TG: i is so sad
TT: What a shame.
TT: However, I believe that neither of us is qualified to deny the appeal of interspecies relationships.
TG: true story
GG: oh???
GG: does that mean what I think it does? :)
EB: yeah, whatâs this, whatâs this?Â
TT: I had intended to save the news for after dinner, but I suppose there is no harm in telling you now.
TT: However, I request that you all conduct yourselves with appropriate demeanour of surprise and approval upon my repeat announcement tonight.
TT: I also request for you to keep this information private, as we are not quite ready to expose our relationship to the masses just yet.
TT: Kanaya and I are going out, in the romantic sense of the phrase.
TT: And of course, I called you out on your own soirees, dear brother.
TG: yeah
GG: alright fess up dave!
TG: so im seeing terezi
TG: shes a p cool troll chick whos doing law
TG: fucking brilliant and also batshit crazy
TG: yeah
EB: wow, when were you going to tell us?
TG: it was exams bro
TG: was trying that being considerate shtick
TT: Ah, but our examinations ended a good two weeks ago or more.
TG: mine ended only ten days ago kay not all of us take pure lit
TT: My apologies.
TT: So you only neglected to tell us that you have been dating for three months over the last ten days.
EB: THREE MONTHS?
GG: three months!!!!!????????
GG: that is super long!
EB: that is waaaaaaay before exams started, man.
TG: jesus christ rose announce my entire fucking life why dont you
TT: That is my sole mission Dave, and i endeavour to do it to the best of my capabilities.
TG: okay
TG: so like
TG: yeah weve been a thing for a while
TG: but it was never a super concrete thing yknow
TG: its just hey shes cool and we hung out a lot
TG: and people were saying we were dating and we lol at them
TG: then she says why not
TG: and im like well fuck i cant think of why not
TG: then she swept me off her feet with her shitty obsession with the colour red and her slaughter lawyer wiles
TG: but it was a gradual thing at the same time
TG: fuck this is not making sense it made sense when it happened i swear
EB: suuuuure it did.
TG: dammit john youre supposed to be supportive in this relationship
EB: iâm supportive!
EB: iâm really happy for you!
TG: yeah thanks
GG: yeah dave, congrats!
TG: thx
TT: Alright, now, with those pleasantries out of the way, shall we adjourn to check our results?
TT: Additionally, we have yet to prepare dinner, so I should probably start on that promptly.
GG: right!
GG: see you all later!
GG ceased responding to memo.
TG: yeah gonna do that thing
TG: casually ollie the fuck out of this friendly interrogation
TG ceased responding to memo.
EB: yup, bye rose!
EB ceased responding to memo.
.
.
Wow, your friends are all getting together with troll girls. You feel so proud of them. All like, yeah, my friend is totally awesome and Iâm glad you recognise how amazing they are!
Huh, so maybe this is what Dad is always getting at when he asks you if you have a girlfriend yet.
Heh, what if you got together with a troll girl? Man, people would stare. Your neighbourhood didnât have a lot of trolls. Or any trolls, really.
You suppose thatâs why Karkat had major problems with you when you first started sharing a flat.
In hindsight, there were moments you were kind of a huge asshole. Like the bucket on door thing. And the lights thing. And the startle-thing.
In your defence, you used to find it really funny when Karkat ended up on the ceiling all fluffy and clicky-swearing at you. Heâs gets so creative it never gets old.
Still, kind of assholish. Especially since Karkatâs been so nice. You feel kind of bad about it.
You log into the school portal and enter your name and ID. Student record, student record.
Loading.
Yup, so these were your grades and...Â
Oh.
âŚ
Shit.
.
The door clicks open. You minimise the window and smile weakly over your shoulder.
Karkat shuffles out in a towel, hair plastered down with green goop. He grumbles something and looks toward the window. His words are lost in the whisper of rain just starting up.Â
âHey,â you manage.
âNnnrh,â he grunts and he halfheartedly flips you off as he trails slime to the bathroom.
The door slams and you hear water.
You open the page again. Refresh.
You open an excel page, to plug in the values.
You check the functions twice.
âŚ
Hahaha, youâre so fucked.
You fucked up.
But
where.
Where did you fuck up? How did it go wrong?
You tried.
You tried really hard.
.
The bathroom door snaps shut and Karkat takes the chair next to you and melts onto the table, eyes closed and cheek pressed to the surface.
âSo fucking tired,â he grumbles.
You force a smile.
âThen why are you awake? Itâs like, two.â
âThe nookfondling pisssack I call my best friend called to very snidely inform me that heâd post my grades on the school website if I didnât wake up and check them for myself.â
âWhat a fricking asshole,â you say, and it came out with more venom than you intended.
Karkat cracks an eye open.
âYou alright?â he asks.
âYeah,â you respond.
His gaze flickers to your laptop and you snap it shut.
âReally,â he says flatly.
âYes,â you bite out, and you regret it immediately when Karkatâs eyebrows shoot up. âSorry. Maybe not all alright, but still okay enough. Bluh.â
âGrades?â he asks.
âMm.â
âCan I see?â
You open your laptop and shove it vaguely in his direction. He drags himself up and squints to read. His pupils contract against the white of the screen.
âYeah,â you say to break the silence.
âArenât these good?â Karkat asks, confused, and suddenly, youâre unbelievably annoyed because thatâs notâ
âYes! No! No, not in med! I âarghhhh!âÂ
Karkatâs eyebrows go up even further.
âBreathe, fuckass,â he says.
âDonât fucking refer to me with a swear word!â you snarl and youâre this close to socking him
Itâs terrible. You know itâs terrible, somewhere in the back of your mind, but youâre so mad and you donât know at what and heâs really not helping.
You feel like trash. The kind of trash that isnât funny like the way Dave uses the word. You feel like the kind of trash that takes out their failure on their friends.
Like youâre doing right now.
Karkat blinks and he has his hands up, palms toward you, between you, like heâs surrendering except heâs concerned youâd punch him.
You actually might and you hate it.
Karkat leans back and he looks at you with surprise and you canât look at him.
âRight,â he says, lost. âJohn.â
âKarkat.â You respond snidely. Itâs a dick move and you know Karkatâs being nice, but you want to shout and kick things and throw your notes through a shredder. You need to punch a wall or do something but itâs not like youâre twelve anymore so you donât. Instead you sit there and be an asshat to your really awesome roommate.
You know and you canât stop yourself so that just makes it worse.
Ugh ugh ugh ugh ughhhhhhh.
âRight,â Karkat says again and this time itâs vaguely businesslike. âSo, concisely, whatâs the problem?â
âMy frikking grades,â you groan through your teeth and you bury your face in your hands.
âYour lowest grade is a B minus, John.â
âYeah, I know.â
âItâs not the end of the world.â
âI know.â
âYour GPA is still ridiculously high compared to the rest of us.â
âI know, Karkat, thatâs not the problem. None of that is the problem!â
âYou just said âmy frikking gradesâ, square containment symbol âare the problemâ close square containment symbol.â
You kick away from the table. The chair drags loudly across tile and Karkat winces, baring teeth at the volume.
âI fucked up, okay?â you announce. You still canât look at him without feeling bad at the faces heâs making. Heâs worried for you, his expressions are so easy they hurt. âI shouldnât be getting Bs, I donât get Bs, and I donât know! I donât know.â
âBs are good, John.â
Heâs not listening.
âItâs different, weâre different, B is below average, who the fuck even gets Bs, this sucks.â
âItâll be alright,â Karkat says, and his hands are still between you, but slightly out to the sides now, a little more open and a little less defensive. âYou have the entirety of four years to pull up your cap.â
You bury your face in your hands. Your glasses get in the way. You pull them off with one hand and throw them on the table.
âOh my god, I need to drag my cap back up and oh god I have to tell Dad, heâs going to text and ask and fuck my life. Why.â
You hear Karkat straighten and lean forward a little. You hear the wind hurtling rain through the dorms.
You feel like youâre made of sparks and about to burn, but youâre cold.
The air is so cold and the apartment is dark.
âWill he be pissed off?â Karkat asks very seriously, like Dad would everâ
âNo!â You drag your hands up your face and through your hair. âNo! Heâs going to look at his phone, go really quiet thinking about it, nod and type back, âson Iâm proud of you as long as you tried your bestâ. But inside heâd have been expecting better! Itâs justâjustâ rnghhhhhhhhh!â
Karkat shifts.
âI see the exact opposite of a problem here,â he says slowly.
âNo, no,â you say and you drag your hands over your face and through your hair again. âYouâre not getting it, Karkat. I could get literal Fs and he would still say the same thing.â
He rests back of one hand on the table inside your field of vision.
Rod photoreceptors donât pick up colour. Itâs dark enough that everything is almost grey, and all the edges are blurry too because your degree is ridiculously high. The edges of Karkatâs hand merge into the table.
âThatâs okay,â he says slowly, firmly.
It gets colder. You feel small.
You grip his hand like youâre arm-wrestling but youâve already won.
Heâs warm.
âItâs not okay,â you say. âDonât okay me, I could get literal Fs, F for massive failure and he would still. Say. The same. Thing. He wonât get mad, heâll be disappointed, and then heâll try not to be. I wish heâd get mad. Iâm mad. This sucks.â
Karkat takes in a long breath through his teeth.
âAlright, this is the point where Iâm going to stop trying to understand. John,â he says on the exhale, and he pulls you to face him. âDo you need a hug.â
(The first time you tried to give Karkat a friendly brohug, you got head butted in the solar plexus and a rant on personal space and how trolls are naturally violent and thus need more.)
You smile at him. It takes actual effort because your face keeps twitching a frown into place.
âPersonal space?â you try to joke.
âIâll live,â Karkat says drolly.
Karkatâs so nice, all the nice, you donât deserve this much nice. Your heart swells but itâs cold and tingles cold on the back of your shoulders and your arms.
You launch yourself at him, and he nearly falls out of his chair and thereâs this awkward scuttling of legs and yelping. You both stay standing only by a miracle. Heâs warm even through his long sleeve shirt and his wet hair prickles against your face and ear.
Karkatâs hug starts off really terrible. Heâs tense like a cardboard cutout and you feel a little bad, but then he slowly relaxes and sinks into the hug too. Heâs just a bit shorter than you and he turns his face into you, so his cheekbone flattens your ear.Â
Karkatâs arms settle around you.
Out the window everything is white, and loud like sandânot the pitter-patter of kindergarten movies but sha-sha-sha, the torrential downpour of Chinese legend.
The apartment feels like another place, somewhere strange and distant and lonely. Except you have Karkat, whoâs patting your back and making halting clicking noises and hugging you tighter every time he realises his grip is slipping.
Somewhere in the back of your mind, you think itâs going to flood for sure.
.
.
Karkat shifts his shoulder a little and you realise resting your chin there couldnât be comfortable for him.
âSorry,â you mumble and pull away a little.
âItâs fine,â Karkat says gruffly. He ruffles your hair and pulls you back.
You let him, and hug him tight once more, then let go.
âSorry,â you say again. âIâm okay. Thanks.â
You stand apart, but he holds you at an armâs length, hands on your waist and eyes searching your face.
âOkay,â he says. âHereâs what weâre going to do. You are going to sit here, and not move. That shouldnât be too hard. Donât fucking move and I mean it, I will know.â
He looks so serious about it, itâs hilarious.Â
You snicker and he makes this face like he doesnât know whether to get mad or to be relieved.
âThis is the plan, so listen up. I am going to get ice cream and make coffee, and then we are going to watch your dumb shit Niklas Kaydje movie for the hundred millionth time and you will be fine, got it fuckassâ⌠John. Fuck, sorry. John.â
âWe donât have ice cream.â
âWe will in forty minutes.â
âYouâre going to buy ice cream now?â
âThatâs what I just implied, yes.â
âItâs raining.â (A generous understatement.)
"So Iâll bring a water resistant protective covering.â
You want to protest but he pats you on the arm and well, ice cream would be nice.
âThanks,â you say.
He nods.
âSit here and watch meowbeast videos or something,â he says like itâs a war mission and you laugh.
You donât watch cat videos, but you listen to the Piano Guys and read through the daily devotions your Dad sends you but you usually only glance at.
He comes back with four pints of Ben and Jerryâs New York Super Fudge Chunk, and he only starts taking jibes at Nic Cage forty five minutes into Con Air.
(You canât thank God enough for him.)
.
===/\===
On Ao3. Part 1, Â Part 2, Part 2 notes, Part 3, Part 4 , Part 5 , Part 6 , Part 7 (end)
Summary: The university that John Egbert attends has recently decided that if he wants dorm accommodation for the next four years, he has to share with a troll. He gets Karkat Vantas, who is decidedly annoyed with the new policy, really weird about romance, and apparently in love with him.Â
A/N: for crabapples97, my giftee in the ssjohnkat2014. Red Johnkat endgame I swear. Also, a ton of extra language notes separately here.
[Translations of Alternian in square brackets.]
.
===/\===
.
âHey Karkat, Iâm turning on the lights, alright?â you call as you pull your shoes off. No response, so you switch on the small lights first.
You nearly trip over a pair of shoes that have four sizes on yours. Karkatâs grey converse are next to them.
âKarkat?â you ask again.
âHey motherfucker,â someone says from your left. You turn to see a face all white with huge empty sockets and a gaping smile.
âGAAAAAAAAAH,â you yell. In a very manly way. While falling over backwards over shoes and into the door.
The empty black sockets flicker open, showing yellow, before shutting again.
Now that you have a moment to look, itâs a really, really tall troll, with upward, slightly twisting horns like an antelope. Heâs wearing white face paint, and a baggy shirt and pants.
The troll waves languidly and growl-click chitters something at you, all low and reverberating.
âWhat?â you ask.
ââSup motherfucker,â the troll says cheerfully, then he continues growl clicking in a friendly way, if that made sense.
âUh,â you interrupt. âI donât speak Alternian, but Iâm guessing youâre Karkatâs friend?â
âMotherfucking yeah,â the troll says with a bright, if lopsided grin. âKârrkât ss.â [Karkat is mine and Iâm his.]
The bathroom door opens, then slams shut.
âJESUSFUCK, Gâmze, hrrst tnnshâii god fucking damn it!â Karkat yells through the door. [JESUSFUCK, Gamzee, turn off the lights, god fucking damn it!]
âHey,â the tall troll replies, not bothered by the yelling at all. âSya rst, best friend.â [I didnât [turn on the lights], best friend.]
âLhrei rst, diâmna skârri!â [If it wasnât you, who was it!]
âUh, hey Karkat, Iâm home?â you volunteer cautiously. âThe prof had an emergency and wonât be here this week. I think I mentioned it yesterday?â
â⌠Fuck.â
âMotherfuck,â the new troll adds way too happily.
âJohn, look the fuck away from the space between where I currently am, and the door of my room,â Karkat orders.
âUh what?â
âOh, I donât know, unless you actually actively want to see my naked gluteals making their way back to where my clothes currently are. Maybe Iâll shashay on the way, and get another scream of horror from you while Iâm at it. My ego could use the second trip down the fucking metaphorical stairs.â
âOh uh right!â you turn around, pronto. Sheesh, it wasnât that you screamed a lot, you just didnât expect your roommate to walk to the bathroom naked while dripping with radioactive glowing green slime at six in the evening!
âSo motherfucker,â the tall troll says conversationally and WHY ISNâT HE TURNING AROUND oh god donât think about it. âLhrei mhrr au get your hating on my main motherfucker Kârrkât yeah?â [You wanna get your hating on my main motherfucker Karkatyeah?] Â
âI donât think I understand?â you say.
âLhrei hh Kârrkât,â [You and Karkat] the troll explains patiently. âMhrr au make like all hiâtmrregâm, yeah?â [Wanna make like all pitchfuckbuddies, yeah?]
âLike⌠roommates?â you hazard and the troll makes some funny lawnmower sound which you guess is affirmation. âYeah, well, he was kinda mean in the beginning, like, three weeks ago? Or at least I thought so, but after I understood a little of why he does things like get slime everywhere and totally making a huge fuss about warning him about the lights, itâs okay? Like, weâre cool now.â
âGâmze, hrrst fucking lhrr srrmahglbâng mâkkurra au Zhann. And John, donât fucking encourage out that shit either!â [Gamzee, actively stop fucking talkwaving your facegash at John.]
âAww, but hhneizhâanssh lhrei mhrr ynn zhann lhrr pitchbro yeah?â [Aww, but palediamond you want John as your pitchbro yeah?]
âHRRST NO, NO, FUCKING NO AND ALSO SHUT UP.â
âMotherfucking yes,â the tall troll insists. He edges over to Johnâs line of sight. Just leans, really. His body is long enough, and his spine is a lot bendier than you expected for some reason. Karkatâs friend is so stretched out, itâs like someone took him before he set and just pulled him by head and foot till he was twice as long as he should have been.
âGâmze Mâkkra,â he says and uses one long spindly hand to trace the looping purple sign on his chest. âDiâmn au?â [Gamzee Makara. Who are you?]
âIâm John Egbert.â
âZhann Egbârt.â
âClose enough,â you smile and he smiles back. Gamzee has a mouth full of fangs, with several eyeteeth coming down over his lips. Theyâre really long when heâs smiling.
Karkatâs elbow meets your ribs and he pushes against Gamzeeâs chest with an open hand.
âAlright, you both stop talking NOW. You both talking at each other is the worst idea in the history of ideas, even worse than when Eridan tried speed dating. Thatâs the hugeass level of disaster we are talking about. Gâmze, sya au lhei lânhhnei dttân sya mhrrshree au lhei sskrangzhh mângalkarrâsn.â [Gamzee, I pale-love you but I need you to leave now.]
Karkat, with his hair dripping wet onto his black long sleeve shirt, is standing so close to Gamzee that he has to crane his head up to look at the taller troll. He looks small without the usual fluffiness to flare around his face, and even smaller next to the clown troll.
Gamzeeâs smile drops a little.
âSure thing, motherfucker,â he says.
He ruffles Karkatâs hair in both his huge spider hands and kissed the base of each tiny horn. Karkat gives you a quick look daring you to say something and kisses him back, once, quick, between the collar bones.
âLhrei ynn keemânân hnyyninsin syrrân. Sya sseeânginrhr ynn sskrâgzhh Zhann lhrrân nssiâpsainng.â [Peace to you, brightest star mine. I hope John becomes your kismesis soon.]
Karkat cracks a smile and bumps his forehead against Gamzeeâs chest.
âOh my god, get out right the fuck now you giant moron,â Karkat says, but this is the closest youâve ever seen him to laughing. He looks really happy. Itâs a good look on him, so much better than his grumpy yelling face.
Gamzee laughs and grabs Karkat around the waist, and just short of nuzzles him, eyes closed. Karkat lets him.
And this is⌠kiiiind of uncomfortable to watch. Especially from this close.
âUh yeah, okay, bye?â you say.
âBye,â Gamzee agrees and unwraps himself from Karkat.
âKmân,â Karkat mutters and closes the door behind the other troll. [Bye.]
Wow, awkward silence.
Ahah. Hah hah.
âSo,â you start.
âSo,â Karkat repeats dryly.
âI mean, so you and him?â
Karkatâs eyebrows do the scrunchy thing.
âYouâre making dumbfuck faces at me, John. What do you want, in small words, if that is what it takes for your primate derivative thinkpan to process the idea.â
âUm, so uh, you,â you try to start and fail, and Karkat has his âwhat the fuck Johnâ face on. âWow there is no graceful way to segue into this is there? Hahah. Is Gamzee âŚ. Are you and Gamzee well, dating? Yâknow, romantically?â
Karkat snorts.
âUh, NO. He is, as you SHOULD have figured out if you had working oculars, my moirail. We arenât testing.â
âWait, moirail? Is that like, troll boyfriend?â You cut him off before he goes into a rant you have no context for. Like the sopor rant, gosh that one was so bad.
Karkat actually has a moment of speechlessness, and you could see the twenty different things he wanted to say but couldnât decide on.
He settles for facepalming with both hands and an anguished clicking so fast itâs almost a whine.
âYouâI⌠sit. You park your fucking gluteals on the poor, longsuffering chair which, to the surprise of our non-existent audience, is a mere second contender in comparison to how fucking done I am with you at this particular moment.â
âKay,â you sit. âWhatâs going on?â
âI,â Karkat says dramatically. âAm going to schoolfeed your ignorant human ass on quadrants.â
âŚ
(Holy cow, Dave was not kidding when he called it a thesis.)
===/\===
.
Karkat sets his bowl of insect cornflakes on the table and all but falls onto the chair. He pokes at it with a spoon and you hear it crunch.
Yuck.
Itâs not polite to make faces and Dad always said your face would freeze that way but you canât help yourself! Your alien roomie seriously eats dead alien bug-babies for breakfast on the same table you eat at. Thatâs got to give you a free pass or something.
Karkat sees your expression and casually eats a spoonful. A jointed leg twitches near his mouth.
Double yuck.
You go back to the videos for your animal bio module and try not to watch Karkat eat, but he chose the chair right next to you, so you keep getting snatches of movement in your peripheral vision and then you have to just⌠glance over for a second and ughh.
Karkat looks like heâs won a facebook game achievement every time you do that. Itâs a really petty, smug face, and heâs been doing this for nearly two months now. You can tell heâs being smug even if he has his dumb, grumpy expression on.
âHey, do you want to watch this with me?â You say, to get an excuse to listen to something other than chitin shell cracking between Karkatâs teeth. âItâs for my animal bio module.â
He raises an eyebrow.
âIs that what humans call watching lolmeowbeasts jumping into cardboard containment squares now? We just call it a fucking waste of time.â
âHah hah,â you roll your eyes. âThis is legit for my extra hall mod. Itâs a documentary clip about geese. Câmon, I hear itâs cute.â
âYou see, Egbert, that is the exact opposite of an incentive for me to watch it.â Karkat pauses and jabs at the bottom of his yellow grub mush food. He bites his bottom lip for a split second before continuing. âBut come to think of it, you are not above a goddamn reacharound via your colourless douchebag moirail, so Iâm listening.â
⌠Moirail was the best friend quadrant right? But still romantic. Romantic best friends.
Who sometimes kiss and touch each otherâs faces and cry a lot.
Troll romance is hard.
âBluh Karkat, stop shipping me and Dave! Thatâs racist. Speciesist. Thing.â
He makes a vaguely disbelieving face at you.
âWhatever!â You say, shifting your laptop so both of you could see it, but he was a bit too far for the screen to be easily visible. âJust scoot over and watch this. Câmon. Iâm going to be really annoying until you do.â
He snorts.
âYou imply that you are ever not annoying, which is a blatant lie,â he says but he drags his chair closer to yours.
âRight,â you say. âLetâs do this!â
You press play.
The video goes to a baby bird standing on a cliffside. Thereâs orchestral music and the camera pans down.
Itâs a long way down.
You glance at Karkat quickly to ask him âis this video what I think it isâ, and heâs looking at you too, eyebrows scrunched together and smug pull of his mouth completely gone in favour of confusion and dawning comprehension.
The baby bird cheeps and both of you turn back to the screen without saying anything.
Thereâs a crescendo of strings and brass.
The gosling throws itself off the cliff.
You and Karkat jerk forward in sync. The camera cuts out to a distance and a low, David Attenborough-ish voice drones in the background. âThe perfect launch and a controlled drop. This is as good a descent as is possible to make.â
You barely hear it. Karkatâs stopped breathing and is just staring at the screen with this horrified expression, mouth open and not breathing as the sound cuts and the gosling falls and fallsâŚ
Holy shit the baby bird was still falling.
Karkatâs clawing at his own jeansâgrip, relax, gripâ in your blurry peripheral vision.
Itâs still fallingâ
OH MY GOD.
The gosling makes a tiny cheep as it glances off the cliff.
Karkat flinches and grips your knee, hissing curses in Alternian. His claws dig in hard enough to prick your skin and you bet theyâll be bruises later. You donât really care right now.
âDammit John, what the,â he says, mouth hardly moving and eyes not leaving the screen.
The baby bird hits the cliff and bounces.
You both wince and Karkat loses the second half of his sentence.
The gosling is still falling.
How is that even possible???
It hits the rocks again, tumbles. Thereâs no sound, not even background music.Â
You can barely see it. Itâs this tiny dark grey and white thing tumbling over the cliff side the same colour as the rocks around it, so tiny andâ
You both wince as it bounces off another rock.
When will it ennddddddddd, oh GOD pleasestop.
The gosling hits the rocks again, and itâs not making any more noise.
Itâs not making any more noise.
Oh god, why isnât it making any noise.
It hits the bottom.
Itâs like watching a train wreck, you barely dare to blink.
âIts parents are there to meet it,â the narrator says.
The camera cuts to the baby goose, pudgy and alive and it makes tiny cheeps and looks perfectly okay.
You both sigh in relief and slump back against your backrests.
âFuck you, John,â Karkat says weakly.
âOh man, I didnât think itâd be like that,â you laugh, just all tension escaping in a breathy nervous noise. âWhen it made those little cheeps when it hit the rocks, I swear inside I was going ânooooooooooooooâ.â
He whacks you on the side of the head and you swat back at him all friendly bro-like and he growls and hauls you out of the chair.
 âWHY the fuck do you pull this shit,â he snaps, barely an inch from your face.
You bring your hands up and he gives you a bit more distance, but also more teeth in his snarl.
âChill, Karkat itâs just a video alright? Sorry, I already said I didnât know.â
âAnd I said I didnât want to watch it, yet here we are!â he shouts.
âThen why did you!â you yell back.
Karkatâs all up in your face and you know what? Itâs your apartment too, why should you have to give in over everything?
âOh, so itâs come to this,â Karkat relishes the phrase, turns it over the points of his teeth with his tongue, and normally youâd laugh because itâs such a clichĂŠ villain line but not this time. Not with the yellow of Karkatâs eyes looking like hazard lights.
âWell, John, why did you fucking ask? In fact, just generally, why are you an annoying bulgechafing parasite? Itâs like you can never give me a moment of the fucking night! Seriously, itâs ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Karkat, Karkat, Karkat this, Karkat that! Karkat, youâre so weird! Karkat your culture is fucking dumb, heheh fucking heh!â
âWow, rude! I donât sound like that!â You put a hand between you and he grabs your wrist and sinks his claws in. They catch your skin and go deep.
âHey!â you snap because it hurts.Â
His eyes are almost all black now and he growls, deep. Itâs not human at all, it rattles in his chest, harsh and resonant. It makes your hair stand on the back of your neck. He steps in. Youâre about the same height, youâre maybe a little taller, but heâs looming.
âKarkat! Seriously, what the heck!âÂ
You pull back and heâs still buzzing, alien and strange and intimidating.
Blood beads from your skin and Karkatâs not taking it in at all, his eyes are fixed on your face. The red in his irises is just starting to come in, like little veins, almost deranged.
Bright red drips on the hem of your shirt.
You try to yank your hand away but his claws catch further in your skin and drag and you grit your teeth.
âHey, seriously.â You frown. You snap your fingers just by the side of his face and he snarls some more, but his eyes refocus, go off to the side, go back to you, go down and catch on the bright spatter on your shirt.
âCan you please let go of my arm so I can disinfect it, thank you.â
Heâs still staring your blood and his irises and pupils have gone small, but his fingers slowly uncurl and you extract your wrist from his claws.
You suddenly remember the one class you had so far on eye anatomy, and how troll irises contract weirdly, the muscle itself drawing some more elastic protein and harder plating in to protect the optic nerve in case of attack when shocked.
His lips move like he wants to say something but instead he makes this really small click sound. Just one, then he stops. Goes still.
Karkat looks like he woke up from a dream to find out he drowned a puppy, nauseous and lost. He doesnât need to feel that bad. Youâre bleeding but youâre hardly going to need a hospital or even a doctor.
âHey,â you say and you tap his shoulder, and he blinks. âHey, Karkat. Hello?â
âNn,â he acknowledges, a little dazed and mostly confused. âIâŚâ
He makes a small motion in the direction of your wrist and your shirt and he draws his arms closer to himself. He looks a little bit scared and a lot worried.
âHey, itâs okay,â you reassure him, and you pat him on the shoulder with your not-scratched up hand. Instead of snapping out of it he grimaces and looks even more confused.
âHey, wanna snap out of it?â you ask.
âYeah. I⌠I wasnât expecting that. What should IâŚâ
âJust pass me the tissues and Iâll go get the first aid box or something. Itâs okay, itâs just a scratch and lucky, you got my left, so Iâm still good for paper notes.â
He stays quiet and helps you disinfect and stick gauze over the wound. Heâs still quiet and thoughtful and contrite when youâre done.
âWhat were you expecting anyway?â you say, to try and break the solemnity.
âWhat?â he says, distractedly.
âYou said you werenât expecting that. So, what were you expecting?â
âOh,â Karkat says, and heâs breathing normally again but he takes time to think about this.Â
âYou act like youâre blue so,â Karkat says, and you get the feeling that thatâs just a filler, and heâs not sure what it was or he wonât tell, so you decide to just let it go, so you say your piece too.
âHaha, nah, humans all have red blood! Haemoglobin.â
âI know, itâs just weird to see.â He makes a face, and itâs almost normal, and you grin.
âHasnât Dave bled in front of you though? I heard you guys filmed a shot with live blades the other day.â
âDave is already red,â Karkat argues.
âYouâre so weird, Karkat,â you say without thinking and then you bite your tongue because this is what set him off, urgh.
âHumans are weird,â he responds, but thereâs no bite to it.
âSorry, I guess you were right, I didnât mean it like that.â You try to explain. âI mean, trolls are different, but you are like special weird. I donât mean it in a mean way, okay? I call Dave and Rose and Jade weird all the time too! Not bad weird, but like, just weird.â
âSure. Yeah,â Karkat says. Itâs back to being bitter and sad and serious.
You just give the excuse that you want an early night and abscond to your room.
.
===/\===
On Ao3. Part 1, Part 2, Part 2 notes, Part 3 , Part 4 , Part 5, Part 6 , Part 7 (end)
Gosling video
tonguerocker / davesprites did art for the gosling scene! It's amazing. Ray is amazing!!