#sshepardcommander

Since I was asked for headcanons a million years ago and never had time to do it... here you go @sshepardcommander merry crisis

I think the first time Ava uses Bea as a pillow happens on their way to the Alps. After Lilith teleport them to safety, after they meet up with mother Superion and agree that Beatrice will take Ava away to one of the OCS's hideouts in Switzerland. After Bea and Ava hastily change out of their bloody combat clothes, and make their way to a bus terminal in the southern suburbs of Rome - "less crowded than the train station, less risks that someone will notice us" Beatrice explains, as they buy tickets for the last bus to Milan. It's a night bus, not too full, but all the passengers are talking about the Vatican attack, and Bea and Ava sit in the back, both exhausted and vibrating with adrenaline, tense and silent the whole journey, unable to even close their eyes. From Milan, in the early morning, they take a train to Interlachen, then hop on a slower, older, smaller train that takes them into the Swiss Alps proper - and it's in this slow, small, old train, in the middle of the day, that Ava finally passes out from sheer exhaustion.

They're sitting next to each other, Ava near the window, Bea by the aisle. Beatrice is still alert despite her fatigue, standing guard, focused and professional, until suddenly there's a weight on her shoulder : Ava's head. For several minutes, Beatrice doesn't dare move. Ava's breath tickles her neck, displacing the small strands of hair that have escaped Bea's bun. Ava's nose bumps against her skin, her lips too close to Beatrice's pulse. Then the old, small, rickety train shakes and rattles and jostles them both as it passes through a tunnel, and Ava lets out a tiny disgruntled whimper of discomfort as she startles awake, and Beatrice doesn't even think before she gently guides Ava down to lay her head on Bea's lap. She doesn't need to say anything - Ava doesn't resist. Simply curls up on the train seat, feet tucked under the armrest, one hand resting on Bea's knee, her cheek on Bea's thigh. She mumbles something that sounds like sorry, or thank you, or good night. Beatrice hesitates this time, hand hovering above Ava's body, before she places one arm around Ava's shoulder, then brings her other hand to Ava's head. She strokes Ava's hair softly. There's a little contented noise as Ava snuggles deeper into Bea's lap. Maybe Beatrice's heart skips a beat, maybe her chest tightens suddenly - who's to say, really.

23. The most missed of your old fandoms

this honestly might be Rizzoli and Isles? at it's peak for me it was just enjoyable tv and no fandom drama and you knew what you were in for (queerbaiting and so thoroughly gay it's unreasonable, procedural with humour, etc etc). Also Maura Isles the woman that you are

15 What’s a bad habit you picked up this year?

it feels like it might just be an increasing awareness of persistent bad habits

20 What’s something you learned this year?

I’ve stumbled into some introductions to psychoanalysis that happened to be asides or unspoken assumptions of reader competence in the stuff I’ve been reading at work this Fall and now I have an actual basis to understand What The Fuck psychoanalysis is, which has all been a very pleasant surprise. I have a mass market paperback collection of Freud lectures that I’m now tempted to dig out from the box it’s hidden in.

25 Did you create any characters (in games, art, or writing) this year? 

kinda surprised I can answer in the affirmative to this one, cos it’s usually just poetry for me. I have some intimations of a girl who is sick of being a character in a short story. more concretely, I have a man who works as a movie reviewer and decided that he’s going to get fired without getting arrested by using an enormous chunk of newspaper real estate to talk about his views on art and morality and his relationship with his father. and because he hates his boss and his readership he talks like this:

at work we had this sandra Bullock rom com called while u were sleeping to use to test macbook DVD players with anyway I watched the whole movie across 30 laptops and it’s very sincere despite being ridiculous

WHAT CHOICES WHAT BRILLIANT CHOICES HOLY SHIT SHEP

hmmmmmmmmm

slow burn- kianna the keen. i can imagine it like a coming into her shop every day and gradually seeing her beautiful soul. dear gods why

fake dating- Nott, absolutely