#spring 6

Spring 6 brought us some closure, but not without adding more to The Mess too. But that's probably what you expect by now, hey?

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The vulnerable nature of the day inspired a family meeting at the Ward lake house. Richard leaned forward and started things off with: “Heavy day. I feel heavy. What about you guys?”

Ben, Amy and Annie all nodded in quiet agreement.

Max answered, “I feel grateful.”

Everyone turned to him, so he went on: “I mean, yeah. I’m real grateful to be here right now.”

“Ben?”

The family started laughing together as they happily and eagerly piled on Max.

“Okay, okay, sheesh!”

“I love you too.”

On Lilibet Clarke’s birthday, she wasn’t worried.

She had her family, which seemed to only get bigger these days; the Rousseau boys grew like weeds, they were nearly as tall as her now! To think that she raised a daughter that would raise these two good boys practically all on her own just as Lilibet had done for Sophie — it made her heart sing seeing her life come full circle like this. What joy! What a gift!

So, no, she wasn’t worried about growing old on her birthday in the same way she wasn’t worried about lost time or lost loves. She did have one wish, though: to whisper into the past and tell the frightened seventeen-year old girl she once was that everything would be okay. Despite what everyone told her — even Rhonda, the wise older sister who berated her worse than the Barbers did when she found out — Lilibet didn’t ruin anything. Everything she sacrificed would be worth it for the peace she had now.

Long after Sophie and the boys had gone home and she was crawling into bed alone, Lilibet thought about him briefly.

She pictured a lavish birthday party that his perfect Barber family would no doubt throw in his honour. A fine collection of accomplished people all praising his good name.

And he’d go along with it…

…for exactly as long as he had to.

Then he’d step out, tell himself he was just getting some air. Can’t wander too far with a house full of important people, but a short distance away from them was all he ever needed to feel free from all the Barber-attachments holding him back. Lilibet knew this. There was a time when she begged him to leave it all behind so he could really find himself, but he never found the courage.

As Lilibet drifted into sleep, she wondered if he would ever find the peace she did. They had many breakups over the years but their last one had shielded her from even a Happy Birthday voicemail. That was a first, he always wished her a happy birthday in some way, shape or form. Maybe this was proof that he had found whatever he needed to be contented with his family, his life.

Once the service for Beth had concluded almost everyone scurried inside the funeral home to avoid the rain that just wouldn’t quit. But for Max, Amy, and Richard, it was a lot harder to ignore the gravestones of their other deceased relatives.

“Hi Dad. Laddie. You guys lookin’ out for each other? That’s good.”

“Hey, Mom. I don’t know if you were right about everything being ‘okay’ like you said, but I can still dream about you.”

“…”

“We’ll leave only when you’re ready,” Max told her.

“We’re with you,” Richard assured.

Later into the night, Amy whispered, “Benny Bear, can you take your sister up to bed for us?”

He whispered back, “Yup.”

The teenaged boy sang sweetly, “Come on Annie, time for bed.”

She pouted loudly.

“Shh, it’s okay, just bed time.”

Once the kids were upstairs, Max turned to Amy with a grin. “So since both our parents are dead now, you must be pretty jazzed that we’re not step siblings anymore.”

“Ugh!”

“Come on, after all these years you still can’t see how funny this is?”

“Was, maybe.”

“It’s still pretty damn funny now.”

“Rich,” Max laughed, “come on, help me out here.”

“I’m staying far away from that jazz.”

Amy shuddered. “This town is too small. I’m going to bed.”

She stood, but then realized: “Um, I don’t know if I want to be alone tonight.”

“Don’t worry. Between the two of us, we wouldn’t let you,” Max replied.

Richard nodded along seriously.

She asked them, “Are we okay enough to sleep in the same bed? Just sleep, I mean.”

“I think so,” Richard answered optimistically.

But Max answered, “I don’t know.” He paused to sit up right and swallow. “I’m sorry, I’m just bein’ honest.”

Richard looked up at Amy.

“Okay. It’s—okay,” she said. “Today was a lot already, just forget it.”

When Amy was upstairs and out of ear shot, Richard also stood. He said in a low voice, “I’ll sleep in the guest room tonight, you two go be together.”

“What?”

“Max, you heard her, right?”

“Yeah, but—”

Max didn’t come here with bad intentions. He didn’t mean to record-scratch their party. Well, maybe a little.

For Max, this happy family crap was getting out of hand. He figured Rich provided Amy and Ben a life he could never afford, but finally seeing it in real time hurt Max more than he had mentally prepared for. It was more than he thought possible. Didn’t they miss or love him at all? They really were living their best lives without him!

Fragments of their messy past pricked his mind as he watched the kids play below him: “Can you see yourself moving in with Rich and me?” “The beard suits you.” “En-core! En-core!” “Ben – remember your son? – he actually asked me if you died.” “I just hope you make her happy because so help me I will come back here and destroy all of this if it was all for nothing.”

Amy found him leaning over the rails dangling an empty beer bottle. Against her better judgement she decided to just ask him point-blank, “Why’re you here?”

“Someone’s not too happy to see me.”

“It’s not that — it’s Ben. You’ll break his heart if you leave again.”

“Who says I’m leaving?”

Heading back into the house he reminded her, “Isn’t this what you wanted?”

“Max, wait!”

“Jeez, where’s the bathroom in this place?”

“What I want, Max, is for Ben to have his father back.”

“And it’d be nice to be able to talk like adults for once, but—”

Max spun around once her pestering had pushed him up the stairs. “You wanna talk? Okay. Why’d you do it to me, Amy? Huh?”

His abruptness momentarily stunned her…

…so he moved in closer. She tried to get a read on him: his eyes were sad but his tone was aggressive, and his body language — was he coming onto her?

He asked again, but lower this time: “Why’d you do it, Amy?”

“I—I—”

“Didn’t I do good by you? Didn’t I do you good?”

She was quickly and completely overcome by this new, darker Max in front of her.

Then he tilted his head back and smirked to himself, satisfied. He gestured to the double doors behind them and asked, “That the bedroom?”

She nodded.

Max whistled at the size of their three-person bed. “You’ve come a long way from your dorm room.”

Her cheeks turned bright red at the memory, but then she was still a bit flushed from the hallway.

Max turned around just to laugh at her. “Aww! A bashful Amy? I’m starting to think you want me here for another reason.”

She glared at him. “What the hell happened to you?”

“You should know. You were there.”

“No, wait, you were here! I’ll bet he knocked you up right here. I’d also bet I can beat his high score any day. Just put me in, coach.”

Richard found them then. “Hey, we’re about to do the—presents. What’s goin’ on?”

Max pushed past his so-called friend and spat, “I was looking for a toilet.”

It would seem that RBU was mostly about balancing fun and study.

“You’re not going to cheat again, are you?”

“Mon frère! I would never!”

For some, that balance was a little harder to achieve than others.

“What?” Deryck’s cheeky smirk said it all. “I can’t help it if the ladies like me.”

Pretty soon the freshman year would close out with Deryck Rousseau being the most popular guy on campus. Wherever he went the party was sure to follow, even if he was far away from it.

Meanwhile…

Deryck hopped over the couch and grinned. “Well, well! That certainly didn’t take us too long, hey? What was it this time, did he hit you over the head?”

“Dere,” Jon sighed, annoyed. “Where did you even come from?”

Naomi laughed, “You’re surprised? Your brother is everywhere on campus.”

“Yeah!” he beamed. “You ‘eard her. I’m everywhere.”

“In that case, mind finding some other place to be?”

“Oh sure, plenty of people out there to see and to do. You were right Jonny Boy, college is fun!”

Then Deryck left the dorm lounge room giggling to himself, so Jon turned to Naomi. “Moment’s long gone, huh?”

“Yeah, for now,” she mused. “You and your brother are pretty close, huh? I think I’m finally starting to see you two more like a package deal.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“Sure, why not, Deryck’s harmless. But you might consider investing in a door lock.”

Amy ended up deciding to take Annie on a girls-only birthday trip to Feverfew for part of the upcoming summer. Despite the brave, feigned smiles and goodbye hugs, the women leaving sparked uneasiness among the three boys stuck at home.

“It’s just a couple of weeks,” Amy reminded them. “Maybe a month if the weather’s good.”

Harold Ward, Richard’s father, had offered up his house for them to stay in so Richard was quick to trade reminders: “Dad’s workin’ on the Care Home with Ethan ‘til the grand opening anyway, stay as long as you want to. It’s a totally different scene in Feverfew, enjoy it.”

Max wanted to fall at their feet and beg them to stay but he held his nervous composure fairly steadily. This would be his first time alone with Richard so he figured it was safer to say something non-committable until he felt better about their living arrangement. What was stopping Rich from kicking him out once Amy was gone? So, “Have fun,” was all he said.

“We will,” she smiled at both of them. “Seeyah boys later!”

Amy and Annie had caught the afternoon train to Feverfew and arrived in town around supper time. Once they dropped their bags off at Harold Ward’s old house they wandered down Fore Street with its many shops. When Annie said she was hungry, her mother pitched that they have ice cream for supper since they were on vacation and all.

They stopped at a park bench with their dessert when Amy asked, “This is fun, right? Are you having fun?”

“Mhm. Are you having fun, Mum?”

“I think so.”

“Daddy looked kinda sad when we left.”

“Yeah, he did, didn’t he.”

“Are you sad, Mummy?”

“Maybe a little. But, remember?, it’s okay to be sad sometimes. Are you sad?”

“I guess I miss Daddy and Ben.”

“Me too.”

Her mother’s intuition told Amy that Annie had wanted to say, “So why didn’t they come with us?” but she was too scared to ask. It hurt Amy to think that her daughter would already start hiding her feelings like this. Had she really raised Annie to be just as prematurely mature like Amy was at her age? Was she doomed to repeat a toxic cycle just because Amy didn’t always get along with her own mother? She suddenly became acutely aware of the physical distance between them on the bench.

Amy wasn’t sure if this was the most appropriate thing to confess, but she felt compelled to say something to quickly bridge their emotional gap with more than just ice cream: “I think my heart has been quartered. There’s you, your father, your brother, and—”

“Max, right?”

Annie was learning fractions in school recently, so she knew a quarter meant four sides to one whole. And she already sensed that Max was more than just Mummy and Daddy’s friend.

“Right. So, I’m feeling a little sad because it feels like there’s nothing left for me in my own heart, if that makes sense. I can’t remember the last time I did anything just for me. That’s why I’m so happy to be on this special trip with you right now, Annie.”

It made perfect sense to the young girl. “Me too, Mummy!”

After Amy had tucked Annie in on their first night away from the Ward lake house, she had to routinely remind herself of her mission while here in Feverfew. Contrary to what their trip might’ve looked like, she wasn’t running away. Amy remained committed to both Richard and Max, and she was determined to keep working on their messy polycule co-habitation-ship, or whatever their relationship could be called. She refused to start over like her mother Beth did with her second marriage to Ted Green.