Speak to me about Stem, Bristle, and Gray. Do you think Spotfur talks to them? Do you think she cares about them? Or do you think she looks at them and feels nothing but dread, and shoves it down because of how Sparkpelt was treated for being depressed?
oh thank you so much for asking.. i think spotfur always had complicated feelings about being a mother one day, shes not a "motherly" person or whatever but it was expected of her of course and she liked the idea of raising kids one day, just not having them or being their mom if that makes sense. at least thats how she felt when she was younger
even in the best of situations where stemleaf was alive she would have had an awkward and stilted relationship with her kids i think she would have treated them more like her friends than anything else. but because she had them during the worst time of her life, all on her own, and while she was still very young, she sees them as a product of all that pain and misery rather than their own people. as they grow shes able to have a more friendly relationship with them but she feels so little personal connection to them. she cant even recognize them as people who she loves, raising them just felt like she was on autopilot.
it doesnt help that, as you said, i think spotfur was very afraid of the clan ostracizing her again. and she really really wanted to be strong enough to keep up appearances. she just kind of completely detached herself from any feelings towards them when she was around others and played the mom role the best she could. i think her clanmates could tell she wasnt being genuine but no one really did anything because spotfur wasnt too obvious about it.
when with her kids in private well shes not a good mom! not cruel but not nice. she tried to get herself to love them really she did but she'd just end up crying and then they'd cry and shes so very alone and these tiny things are all she has. she doesnt want to hurt them she really doesnt and she never would. but she cant bring herself to do anything but the bare minimum while raising them and not perusing any serious relationship with them after they cat graduate. she curses around them a lot as we've established
fun fact she named her kits after those dead people because she was too tired to think of anything else and because it would make the clan happy
