#split persona

honorable mentions: emails I can't send fwd: by Sabrina Carpenter, Dogma I by Asterisk*, Circle Takes the Square, How to Disappear by Casey, Static Dress, La Dispute, & On the Might of Princes.

Its a struggle.

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I always stop to think what I want. I often think that what I want is that life I strive to gain. I want to live upstate or in Canada or Maine. I wanted to visit New Zealand, China and PEI. I wanted to do things and be things and to have a large family and explores carnal desires. But, I find more and more that this is just a need. And, needs are unimportant to me. I have no desire to analyze my needs because they are things I can dispose of once the need is filled. But, wants are different. They fluctuate and even if the want passes it still engraves on the person a sense of persona and leaves a remnant of itself to cherish and grow into. And, these wants I think about, they never appear. I have nothing I desire. I desire stimulation. But, I do not want what offers this. And, once stimulated, the need for the thing passes. It grows unimportant and I grow bored and tired. A lie without wants is dull. Its confusing. Now, its no longer who am I but which am I? Because, you need for different reasons. You need basic survival elements and then you need the next tier of life. In it we find emotions and socializing and much more. So, in the end, my need for stimulation is no longer a want. Its on the next tier. So, I fullfill each need and find myself torn between the needs I have retaining to fullfilling others opposed to self needs. I need both equally but which defines me. Which is me? I feel more comfortable in the first but does that neessarily mean that the latter isnt me. Comfortableness is irrelevant in my eyes. So, I dig deeper getting lost in appathy and boredom. I slowly eat myself away not caring and not satisfied. Who am I?

"O-Ok."

"D-don't do that. W-what if you get someone in trouble?" the meek, black-winged angel said.

on skates: I'M GONNA CHEW YOUR FACE OFF, SPIT IT OUT, AND DANCE ON IT! DROP-KICK YOUR BABIES! YOU'RE GONNA BE MY NEW MEAT BICYCLE!