#splatoon enemies

Name: Octarian

Debut: Splatoon

Splatoon is almost bittersweet, in a sense. It’s one of the few games out there that lets you play as a mollusc... and That’s Great! You know that we here at Gonzo Mario Goons LOVE ourselves some molluscs! But it’s bittersweet, instead of just plain old sweet, because you spend MOST of the time just looking like a human anyway! It’s very excellent that these humanoids are technically molluscs, of course, and they have enamored millions worldwide, but let’s face it! Molluscs can and SHOULD be much sillier than that! I mean, seriously!

What the heck is going on here!

...But not all is lost, as it turns out, because while they may still not look like the molluscs we know and love, it turns out, there’s another batch of molluscs that retains ALL the silliness we know and love!

You see, in Splatoon Lore, humanity went extinct due to rising sea levels and like, five world wars, so once we were gone, it was time for sea life to shine. And while squids evolved into People, octopuses just evolved into Whatever The Heck They Felt Like! Enter, the Octarians! They’re tiny! They’re toony, they’re ALL a little loony, so let’s talk about all of them! Every last one!

Name: Octotrooper

Debut: Splatoon

First and foremost, the Octotrooper, and my, what a strong entrance! Look at that wide-eyed stare! Those goofy lips! That is one Grade-A Silly Face, I’d say, and it’s all just plopped right there onto a single severed tentacle! It’s actually pretty rare that we see just single tentacles used as a design for an octopus character, and for all that’s worth, the Octotrooper absolutely delivers! It’s a tentacle, with a goofy face, and also li’l legs right there! With tiny black boots! How precious!

The Octotroopers are by far the most common Octarian, but it’s okay, because it’s a face you’ll be delighted to see over and over again! I love the little lever they use to move around the little stand they move on, which as you can see, is made from recycled materials! Octotrooper shows great care for the environment.

Octotroopers aren’t very strong, and can only fire slow-moving ink blobs that are easy to dodge, but I think their biggest strength is their charm! Why would you want to kill something that looks so wonderfully delightful?

Look, look, look! Octotrooper CULTURE! Or, don’t look, because it’s Octotrooper near-nudity! Oh my! I don’t like the implications of where those leaves are placed.

I still think this painting is lovely, though. Do you think it exists as a real painting out there? I hope so. I hope it gets hung in a museum. I hope it gets hung in Museum d’Alfonsino.

Sexy Legs Octotrooper

Name: Twintacle Octotrooper

Debut: Splatoon

What makes an Octotrooper stronger than having one tentacle? Having TWO tentacles! Quite literally! Twintacle Octotrooper is maybe one of the best-designed enemies in ALL of gaming, even if its face is a little less silly (but still pretty silly!)

Look a bit closer at the machinery the Twintacle Octotrooper operates! You’ll notice it is not recyclable, because Twintacle Octotrooper is a filthy capitalist who is fine with burning fossil fuels. Boo!

But it also has a button, that was not there with the regular Octotrooper! Since Twintacle Octotrooper has two tentacles, it can use one to move the lever, and another to push a button, allowing it to shoot rapid-fire ink shots! That is SO great! Not ONLY is it making an enemy looking more menacing to signify that it’s stronger, but it is justified in-universe as well!

It’s very much possible that Twintacle Octotroopers were added later on in development than so many other variations, as the first trailer showing off the single-player campaign has REGULAR Octotroopers firing the rapid-shots again, with the slow ink blobs being fired only by Octocopters! And thank heavens! Twintacles are kinda difficult when you’re a new player.

Both normal AND Twintacle Octotroopers can appear as Shielded Octotroopers, which, you guessed it! Come with a shield! In the first Splatoon game, this shield was invincible, but in the second, you are able to brute-force your way through them with enough effort. Maybe they had to recycle the metal used for the shields, as well. Maybe the scrap metal just isn’t as tough.

Regardless, most of the time, your optimal strategy is to take them out from behind, instead! If you throw a bomb, they’ll get distracted, leaving their soft, squishy tentacles in the open for an attack, or you can silently swim through your ink, and ambush them from behind! Ker-splatter! Just don’t get hypnotized by their charm again, something I think is a weakness for all of us!

Regular and Twintacle Octotroopers ALSO come in Octodiver form! Picking up from your “swimming around in ink” shenanigans, these guys show the player that you can in fact be ambushed from anywhere, by anyone, which includes a funny octopus with a snorkel mask.

Why the snorkels? I have no idea! Squids and octopuses in this universe are very clearly shown to be capable of swimming in their own ink, and I have no clue why these guys would be an exception. Probably for fashion reasons. Splatoon is a game all about fashion! Why leave the Octarians out of the fun! You rock those snorkel masks, Octodiver! Looks good on you!

(It really does!)

Deluxe Twintacle Octotrooper! No, this is not just a random Nintendo Switch port of Twintacle Octotrooper, calm down. Darker tentacles, big ol’ thrusters, you must’ve typed “trickedout” in Plants vs. Zombies to get this guy to appear! Congratulations! How about some flame decals, huh Deluxe Twintacle Octotrooper? Really, everything that applies for Twintacle Octotrooper goes here too, but the thrusters allow this one to rapidly move side to side, likely meant to emulate the dodge rolls that dualie players use! Both were introduced in Splatoon 2, so it makes sense to me!

You aren’t satisfied with Octotrooper variants? Okay, one more.

Name: Octohopper

Debut: Splatoon 3

At a glance, Octohopper might not look all that different from your average, everyday Octotrooper.

"But Mod Hooligon?” you ask. I look over, to see you right there. “What about the hair?” you say. “And also the feet?”

I nod, sagely. “Well you see,” I say, “Octohopper debuted in Splatoon 3, where every Octarian has hair. And also feet. It’s for plot reasons that we will not discuss, because the person behind them being hairy isn’t an octopus and therefore doesn’t matter. That or maybe Octohoppers are just always hairy and we will never know because they were not in the first two games.”

You nod, satisfied with what I just said.

Anyway, what makes Octohoppers special is that they come equipped with pogo sticks! Have you ever wanted to see an octopus that can Jump? Well here’s your chance! Savor it while you can! You’ll be sorry you missed it!

Besides jumping, Octohoppers have a Special Attack, where they shoot out volleys of ink instead of ink blobs, likely referencing the Slosher weapon class, which has lobbed projectiles and is encouraged to jump around to make the most of them! Oh Splatoon, how you love silently asking us to play multiplayer when we are playing singleplayer instead!

Name: Octocopter

Debut: Splatoon

Of course, there are still plenty of enemies other than Octotrooper variants! What happens when you cross an Octotrooper with a helicopter? One of these guys, I guess! Octocopters are the main soldiers for the Octarian army’s air force, and are just as delightful as ever! Same, goofy face, but now they can fly! And they have skis, too! Octocopter loves going on ski trips in their spare time between Splatoon games.

Octocopters, noticeably, have a backwards body compared to the other Octotroopers. Maybe this is how their fates are decided? Maybe if an Octotrooper is born with a tentacle as a tail instead of hair, they are immediately enlisted to become an Octocopter, instead. That is sad, but at least they all get some nice skis. I hear the slopes are awful nice this time of year.

Octocopters also fire slow ink blobs at the player, much like an Octotrooper, but obviously, they can fly around, giving them a little more mobility. But are you asking for more mobility?

(Because there’s Deluxe Octocopters too!)

Name: Octobomber

Debut: Splatoon

Of course, Octocopter had two skiing tickets, and had to invite SOMEONE on their skiing trip, so they picked Octobomber, which I think is a lovely choice, even if they are able to vomit up bombs. While that could be a disaster, I think Octobomber is too busy having the time of their life to focus on vomiting up bombs. Octobomber loves the slopes.

When Octobomber isn’t skiing, however, they don’t have anything else to focus on, so yes, they will take to the skies, vomit up bombs, likely at you, the player. You have a moment to get out of the way before the bomb explodes, but if you’re not careful, being exploded is a one-hit KO! Fortunately, despite being able to fly, Octobombers are pretty slow, albeit a little bulky, but since they’re so large, they’re a pretty easy target. Just make sure to keep your distance when they throw up a bomb!

(They have a deluxe version, too. Now on the Nintendo Switch!)

Name: Octostriker

Debut: Splatoon

Octostriker really wanted to come on Octocopter and Octobomber’s ski trips, but the truth is Octocopter actually doesn’t like Octostriker all that much, especially since they are able to vomit up missiles. Octocopter can handle bombs, but not missiles. Octostriker isn’t resentful, but a little sad. They think they have a lot in common with Octobomber. I even hear Octobomber is a little jealous of Octostriker’s cool goggles.

Octostriker is disappointed that so few people know about their backstory. Most of what people know about Octostriker is that they appear during UFO levels in the first game, firing giant missiles at the player from anywhere across the stage, which they have to repeatedly dodge until they get an opportunity to kill them.

But since they have their own levels dedicated to them, they do have their own theme song!

Splatoon 2 introduces the Missile Octocopter, which is pretty much the exact same thing, but it fires many small missiles at a time instead of one big missile, due to the Inkstrike special being removed from the game and the Tenta Missiles being added in. Why is it “Missile Octocopter” instead of “Missile Octobomber?” No idea. Why is it blue da ba dee da ba dai? We’ll get to that! We’ll get to that!

There’s also Speedy Missile Octocopter, because the “Deluxe” label was just wearing kinda thin at this point.

Name: Octosniper

Debut: Splatoon

If you haven’t figured it out by now, the single-player mode is built to be kind of a tutorial for the main multiplayer experience, and these guys are meant to introduce you to the charger weapon class! They hit from a long range, they do a lot of damage, but it’s all in a single, concentrated shot!

I feel like I’ve been leaving the Octosnipers underappreciated. Take note of how their Tool of Sniping is just a blowgun! And look at those legs! Until literally just right now, I didn’t even notice that Octosnipers HAD legs! Truly, the Octarian army understands the absolute and divine importance of silliness. It is one of the best things in the world, behind creatures, but I think the Octarians count as creatures, too, so I think they might be the best thing in the world.

In the same trailer for Splatoon I talked about earlier, we see this mysterious Octarian, that some believe might be an early version of Octosnipers, but we just can’t be sure... Nice armor, though!

Name: Octocommander

Debut: Splatoon 2

We got somewhat of a variant of the Octosniper as well in Splatoon 2, called the Octocommander. Octocommander is to Splatlings what Octosniper is to Chargers, and retains all the silliness, but now with a cool hat, and sunglasses! And of course, instead of a blowgun, it has a gatling gun!

Though, it’s powered like a blow gun, which I think is incredibly funny. A blowgun being used as a long-distance, hard hitting weapon? Sure! A blowgun being used as a gatling gun? What!!! This is why the Octarians are so wonderful. They are always this delightfully silly. Even when they try to look serious with sunglasses, they’re still delightfully silly.

Name: Octostamp

Debut: Splatoon

D’awwwww! D’awwwwwwwww! Look! Look! Look! It’s Octostamp! It’s precious! I want one. I want five. All of the Octarians are wonderful in their own special way, but I think Octostamp might be the cutest. It looks especially precious in-game, I’m not sure if any one picture can do it justice, especially the little squeaky noises it makes! Eeeeee! I love you Octostamp!

Aside from being absolutely adorable, Octostamp is among the most BAFFLING of the Octarians. You see, most Octarians we’ve seen up to this point are some variation of “severed tentacle thing,” but Octostamp? It turns out that octopuses can just. Evolve into stamps! But these things aren’t machines, oh no. There’s a tentacle that pops out of their back. Octostamps are very much alive. Octostamp needs to breathe and eat and poop like the rest of us.

I want to give this thing a big ol’ hug, but I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Octostamp is perfectly capable of jumping up in the air, and slamming down on you at full force, which deals some damage. Their weak point is the tentacle on their back, but good luck shooting at it when you’re so busy admiring their absolute adorability.

What’s this? Headphones? Why this must be an Amped Octostamp, introduced in Splatoon 3! That’s right! Octostamp is listening to Sick Beats! It’s also sending out shockwaves whenever it tries to crush you, but that’s just between you and me. If you don’t wish to be Mauled by Music, you can make like an Octohopper and jump over the shockwaves, though if you choose to get hit, I don’t blame you. Dying from Awesome Music is probably the best way to go, especially given how good Splatoon music is.

Listening closely to the shockwaves though, they sound pretty similar to the Wave Breaker special you see in multiplayer matches... do you think the same principles apply...?

If you wanted a really big Octostamp, then Splatoon 2 introduces Octostamp DX, which isn’t even half as adorable, but that’s okay. We can’t all be Octostamp, Octostamp DX. I think that instead of being jealous about what you don’t have, you should be proud of what you do, which is a whole lot of silliness! Even if not the most precious face in all the world, the Octarians are pretty much guaranteed to be absolutely silly. Look at that face! This guy is a big square, am I right? It’s also possible that the Octostamp DX is a machine and not an Octarian, but I’m not sure. I think imagining this thing as being alive is the better option here.

Name: Octoseeker

Debut: Splatoon 2

Also squarely in the “Octostamp” family is the Octoseeker, which really blurs the line between whether or not these are living creatures or funny machines. Octoseeker has propellers and all, and is very clearly piloted by a Twintacle Octotrooper, but who knows! Maybe it’s just a very big and square Octarian wearing a specialized suit of armor. I hope it is.

Octoseekers have giant, bulging eyes, and hover around a small area of a level, looking for any intruders on their turf. If they see you, you better watch out, because they’ll use this opportunity to slam down and attack you!

The Twintacle pilot? Who knows, maybe they’re there to help fly this guy around, maybe they’re just there to spectate and press buttons. Both of those things are very fun activities, I think.

Name: Octopod

Debut: Splatoon

Speaking of silly things octopuses have evolved into, bombs! Some octopuses have evolved into bombs! While some have questioned if this is an Octarian or an Octarian machine, people believe that Agent 8′s poem on Octopod suggests the former, which is great because it only adds More Silliness in this already silly game.

“But what if Octopod was also really big?” you ask? Well then it would be an Oversized Octopod, which debuted in Splatoon 3 and acts pretty much the same as any other Octopod, but much tougher, and with a much bigger explosion! But all Octopods in Splatoon 3 gained the ability to FLIP OUT when defeated, letting you knock them back into crates, or maybe other Octopods if you feel like it...

Take note of Oversized Octopod’s sneakers. The plot of Splatoon 3 is about octopuses being turned into mammals. While most Octarian machinery doesn’t change at all, Octopods get new sneakers with a sort of leathery texture, implying their sneakers are biological and affected by Fuzzy Ooze. Epic!

Obviously, Octopods have some armor, and some really snazzy sneakers as well, but this is a living creature that is also an octopus! May I remind you, this is what octopuses look like in real life:

Everything we’ve looked at so far is meant to be one of these things.

By all this logic, that means Octorpedoes also count as an octopus, probably a closely related sub-species of the Octopod. I think Octorpedo is jealous of Octopod’s snazzy sneakers.

Name: Octomissile

Debut: Splatoon 2

For some reason, they felt they needed another projectile-themed octopus, because I dunno, it’s funny. This one, as we can tell, is definitely alive, since it has the tentacle and everything. I think Octorpedo thinks that Octomissile is cramping their style, especially with the whole buckle there. I might kind of have to agree, though it’s good to have a version that’s more explicitly an octopus. I think that Octorpedoes track the player down, while Octomissiles fly in a straight line. Think Bullet Bill and Bull’s-Eye Bill! Plus you get to ride them in Splatoon 3, just in case you always dreamed of riding on the back of a hairy octopus missile.

In the end, I guess it’s another Funny Octopus for the Octopus batch, which isn’t a bad thing, all things considered.

Name: Octozeppelin

Debut: Splatoon 2

And it’s a good lead-in to the Octozeppelin, which I think is delightful. Octopuses can evolve into many, many different things. One of those things is a blimp. Well, it’s either that, or this is an octopus-POWERED blimp, which may as well be just as delightful. The Octarians, they recycle, they use renewable energy, plus they’re just funny! What’s not to love, here!

Since Octozeppelins either evolved to be rubber, or wear a suit made of rubber, you can’t damage them, aside from their weak point which is you guessed it! The tentacle! But you gotta watch out. Octozeppelins are pretty huge. I mean, have you ever seen a small zeppelin before?

...Actually, scratch that. Have you ever seen a zeppelin at all? In real life? There’s not very many of them. I think we need more. I think we need Octozeppelins in the real world. Maybe that’ll show us.

And Splatoon 3 shows us how we could ride Octozeppelins... by giving them wings to stand on! One of the levels that uses the wingèd Octozeppelins is called “Flying Worst Class,” which feels insulting. What’s more luxurious than flying on the back of a giant octopus blimp? Just don’t try and pop the tentacle while you’re there, no matter how tempting it may be...

Name: Octoball

Debut: Splatoon

u.nhnnnnnnnnnnhhhhhg ghhhhh octopus baaallll

HUYUUU

Tentacle Bouce.

Tentacle Bouce.

Unfortunately absent from Splatoon 2 (but not forgotten) is the Octoball, which my goodness is just absolutely SPHERICAL! It has one eye, a round body, and a whole lot of personality! They spread ink by rolling around, and you can’t just shoot at them (the force from your gun just pushes them away), no you must submerge them in your own ink to slow their roll, THEN splat them! Maybe they cut these guys because they thought that mechanic was too confusing? And not particularly useful outside Funny Octopus Levels? Regardless, they will be missed. At least they get a cameo.

Why is it green da ba dee da ba dai? I said we’ll get to it!

Eventually!

What I want to know is what the little lid on their back is for. Can you unscrew it? Do you have to pour ink into these guys? Who knows! The world of octopuses has many great mysteries.

Mysteries we’ll solve some other day, because surprise, Octoball Comeback! In Splatoon 3, Octoballs get a funky new set of armor, and a new name to match, now becoming the Octodisco! Octodiscos have pretty much nothing in common with Octoballs except the design, instead flying around and summoning forcefields to protect their octopus brethren, but that’s okay because maybe their octopus brethren deserve that protection. Maybe it’s rude of you to be attacking them. Not only is Octodisco great at parties, but they’re also a great bodyguard!

Name: Octoballer

Debut: Splatoon 2

Octoball, of course, shouldn’t be confused with the Octoballer, introduced in the Splatoon 2! Is it called Octoballer because it is one who Octoballs? Or is it Octoballer as in “Yeah, this is pretty Octoball, but this is Octoballer!” In that case, what is the Octoballest?

My guess would be the Kingpin Octoballer, which is like an Octoballer, but much much larger. These two enemies are protected by giant, invincible bowling balls, and can only be hurt in their weak points. For regular Octoballers, it’s all exposed for you to shoot, but for Kingpins, you gotta use a cannon.

In one of the levels these two appear in, I think Marie says something about how fun they are to watch, and I gotta agree. Just watching them rolling along, tucking their heads into the ball as they approach the ground. I just want to know where they get so many of them! They’re constantly being shot out of cannons! I think at the end of the stage, maybe past the game’s death barrier is one of those contraptions that brings the bowling balls back to you after you throw it. But that’s just my theory.

I think the Octoballers are some of my favorite Octarians, maybe just behind Octostamp.

Name: Octohurler

Debut: Splatoon 2

Another Octarian that falls into the genre of “hurls things out of its mouth,” but a very different entity than the Octobombers, is the Octohurler! They vomit up bundles of Rolonium (not to be confused with baloney-yum) and roll ‘em right at you! Of course, you can whack them back and take them down! What are these guys supposed to teach you? No idea! Rolonium only appears in one multiplayer stage, and it’s a stage you can only access through private battles.This is really just a silly mechanic that’s there for the sake of being a silly mechanic, but I can respect that.

I think my favorite thing about Octohurler is this brief note about it from the Splatoon 2 artbook.

“Was feeling troubled by the gap between their interests and how everyone around them perceived them as a boring salaryman. Since taking up this new job, they’ve been pretty stress-free.”

I love this description. It reminds me very much of the Plants vs. Zombies almanac entries, where they describe things that are definitely a full species as if they are a single character with a backstory and everything.

Or maybe there is only one Octohurler! I mean, they’re a rare enemy! Maybe each time you splat them, they move to a different location, and maybe each time there’s more than one on screen, it’s just the one moving really, really fast. You can’t prove me wrong, here!

Name: Tentakook

Debut: Splatoon 2

Another silly variation of Octarian introduced in Splatoon 2, and this one comes with rollerskates! Tentakooks are very fast enemies (thanks to their rollerskates) that you just gotta chase into a corner! But be careful, they drop bombs as they run around! How do they drop bombs?

Hey, good question, because I’d like to know too! They don’t really have appendages to throw a bomb with (since their legs are covered in rollerskates), they don’t seem to spit out the bomb, it just kinda appears, and they throw it. Do they store them in the helmet? Do they store them... elsewhere?

Who knows! But this enemy sure is kooky!

Name: Octoling

Debut: Splatoon

And finally, rounding out the main Octarian enemies is the Octolings, which is yes, Octarians that evolved into humans. Unfortunately, these are the ones that probably get the most attention, but in the end, I don’t mind too much, since there’s so many absolutely wacky variants of Octarian, that this one just feels like a crowd-pleaser. Besides, if octopuses can evolve into stamps, blimps, and bombs, who’s to say they can’t evolve into a human?

The enemy Octolings are some of the toughest enemies in the game, thanks to the fact they get all the same skills you do. They get weapons, bombs, decent mobility, and can even turn into an octopus!

Octopus, baybee!

You usually fight them on levels that are just repurposed versions of stages already in the game, which I suppose is to train you for the actual multiplayer battles. But you better watch out! Especially for the ones with seaweed on their heads, those ones are super tough!

Say it again, Marie Agent 2!

Since the Octolings are much more humanoid than say, an Octozeppelin, I suppose there’s a good reason that most of the Octarian characters in Splatoon are all Octolings. Let’s talk about them next!

Name: Marina

Debut: Splatoon 2

Marina is the Octoling you’ll see the most of, probably, because you see her whenever you boot up the game! Unless you’re playing Splatoon 1. I’m glad there are still people playing on a Wii U in 2020, I suppose. But Marina! She’s nice! She’s an octopus! She’s a lesbian! And she has a surprisingly sordid past!

You see, something about Octarian society I haven’t really talked about yet is that they live in a heavily militarized society, since they were forced to live underground thanks to the Great Turf War, and so most Octarians serve in the Octarian Army from a very young age, which includes Marina, who was actually a genius who quickly shot up through the ranks, and designed the Flooders,

This is a piece of Octarian technology (unless it is also an octopus itself)! Marina designed it and it can kill you!

But anyway, Marina was living under the militaristic Octarian society, until she heard the Calamari Inkantation, which apparently slaps SO hard that anyone who hears it realizes that society is bogus and escapes to live in a more ideal world!

...At least that’s the in-universe lore. Calamari Inkantation slaps pretty hard, but I’m more of an Ink Theory gal myself, thank you very much! But sure, I’d overthrow the government to any Splatoon music.

Getting sidetracked again. Anyway, Marina escapes Octarian society, meets Pearl (she’s a squid so she’s not really on this post, but she’s Marina’s girlfriend for reference) and forms the music duo Off the Hook, which makes even MORE music that slaps and apparently saves the world!

...WE’LL GET TO THAT.

But for now, what you have to know is that she has had a successful music career, nowadays being part of Damp Socks feat. Off the Hook, and making music that bangs just as much as ever.

BUT WAIT, WHO’S THAT?

Name: Garris

Debut: Splatoon 3

YOU! OCTOPUS!

Garris is a very minor character. Really good at being blurry and in the background. But just LOOK AT THEM! Unlike Marina, who is basically a person, Garris from the same band is All Octopus All The Time, Baby! Or at least, that’s what we can infer based on this one screenshot... Does Garris have a humanoid form like most Octolings? Or is Garris the brand of Octarian that is just Constantly silly? We just don’t know because we don’t know anything about this character.

Let’s talk about a character we do actually know things about, okay?

Name: Shiver

Debut: Splatoon 3

Like Shiver, from Deep Cut, who canonically uses she/her pronouns but will always use they/them pronouns in our hearts. Shiver says that they’re so cool, sharks call them cold-blooded, which should be a normal trait for an octopus but given we’ve seen mammal octopuses, I wouldn’t rule out anything at this point. While Shiver projects something of a cool and collected image, they’re arguably the most wild member of Deep Cut. Which is kind of what I expect from a group of podcasters with Team Rocket energy!

Unlike Marina, who spent much of her life in the Octarian underground, Shiver seems to come from a long line of shark tamers in the Splatlands, which comes in handy, because...

Shiver actually has a Boss Fight, the first of many we’ll be covering on this post! Shiver rides on the back of Master Mega, a huge shark who is not an octopus and thus is irrelevant to this post, but I can’t not point out their ridiculous sunglasses. Whose eyes are those supposed to be covering?

While Shiver may be a Boss Fight, that doesn’t mean they aren’t a hero! In their spare times, they rummage for treasure in the Splatlands, but only keep a Shallow Cut of the profits, and give the rest to people in need! Not only is Shiver cold-blooded, they’re also just plain Cool!

And also their music slaps. As is to be expected.

Now, let’s get some of the less plot-heavy characters out of the way! They’re all musicians, too!

Name: Mashup

Debut: Splatoon 2

There’s Mashup, from the band Diss-Pair, whose music I think also slaps. Really, as a rule of thumb, Splatoon music slaps, capisce?

Much like Shiver, Mashup was never part of the Militaristic Underground Octarian Society. Instead, he spent time traveling the world with his parents, letting him pick up many new fun musical styles. He got really into EDM when he was in high school, which eventually became his main musical style. He was trusted by Quinn (who is also a squid and so will not be on this post) to keep the tension tight in their band. Oh my. According to Quinn, you just can’t make good music without tension!

Yeah, I’m pretty sure they’re having gay sex. It feels wrong to say that on a weirdmarioenemies post but I don’t know how many people have bothered to read this far anyway.

In his official bios, he’s stated to have wild demands, but actually be pretty clever and intelligent! I didn’t know how to tie that into the rest of the post but also there’s like one paragraph of information on this guy so you may as well get all of it.

Name: Paul

Debut: Splatoon 2

And then there’s Paul, from SashiMori! You know the drill. He’s an incredibly young DJ, who provides the vocals for the band, but not by singing, oh no, he provides the band’s vocals by splicing together voices from ancient records, YouTube Poop-style! He’s also like, ten years old, or at least he was when this picture was taken. That picture was taken in like, 2018. If he returns in Splatoon 3, he might appear in kid form, which we all need to be prepared for.

Paul loves kelp and biscuits, and he remixes the music of DJ Real Sole and DJ Octavio. Who’s DJ Octavio?

WE’LL GET TO THAT.

He apparently met the rest of the band over Twitter (yes, Twitter), and despite being so young, he’s also impressively talented! Here he is beating a grown man at chess.

We don’t know too much about his backstory, but there’s a logo on his hat similar to Dedf1sh (another character we’ll get to) implying there may be some link between them... Or maybe they just love the same brand! We just don’t know.

But why focus on speculation when we can focus on canon connections? The Japanese Fam vs. Friends dialogue has Marina say he’s friends with her and Mashup, showing that no matter what, Octoling DJs gotta stick together!

Name: Orion

Debut: Splatoon

People aren’t sure if Orion counts as an Octoling, but let’s face it. They are a humanoid, anthropomorphic octopus. They absolutely count. Or at least, I feel like counting them for the purposes of this post. They are apparently the composer for the band, and surprise of all surprises! The music they compose? It slaps! They also play the bass! They’re also apparently the reason the band has its chiptune sound, but they are not responsible for actually providing the Chip Tunes. That is Harmony’s responsibility.

(she is a sea anemone, and thus not included on this post)

Orion is shy and they dislike performing in front of large crowds, which I guess is a shame from them because of the obscure Splatoon bands, the Chirpy Chips (or ABXY, if you stick with the original Japanese name) appear to be by far the most popular. You won’t find that much Ink Theory fanart online! Fortunately for them, everyone seems to ignore them because they prefer the lead singer and guitarist anyway. Outside the band, they compose their own music, which they publish online anonymously. They’re also the first of two characters on this post that seemingly canonically use they/them pronouns, and it feels so awesome that I just got to type that sentence.

Orion also looks like Frisk, from Undertale, but that’s probably a coincidence, because Undertale wasn’t out yet when Orion made their debut.

...Undertale wasn’t out yet when Orion made their debut. I mean they came out in the same year, but that still catches me off guard.

Name: Tao Blu

Debut: Splatoon 3

Blue-ringed Octolings? In my ska band? It’s more likely than you think! Unlike Orion who is only questionably an Octarian, there is no questionably that Tao Blu is an Octoling! And this has some exciting ramifications for Octarians Lore. Can any species of octopus become an Octarian? Can Octolings truly be considered a singular species, or are they an entire taxonomic order? Are there blue-ringed Octotroopers and Co.? (At least one concept sketch suggests yes!)

We don’t know! We know next-to-nothing about Tao Blu besides her name, her design, the fact she’s a blue-ringed octopus, and the fact she plays trombone. I mean, we know that she was part of a jam session in the Splatlands that Yoko from Ink Theory joined to test her abilities, but besides that? This picture is about the extent of what we know about her. At least she’s cute.

She's part of the band Yoko & the Gold Bazookas, and I mean, if you’ve collaborated with at least one member of Ink Theory, that’s a good sign as far as I’m concerned. And she’s collaborated with three! (This is also the closest I can get to talking about any member of that band, because none of them are octopuses. Their loss.) And would you look at that, banger alert! Splatoon music never misses.

Name: Lionel

Debut: Splatoon 3

The day I added this guy to the post, we got a transparent render of them, so there it is! I could go back and get transparent renders of some of the others, but ehhh, this post takes enough work to keep up to date as is. You’re lucky I’m bothering to put the Splatoon 3 characters on here at all. But I love you. Or alternatively I hate you, and make you want to scroll for even longer. Either works!

Lionel is one half of a musical duo called H2Whoa, and serves as the band’s vocalist. They’re a group from Greater Inkopolis known for having a style that people in the Splatlands consider pretentious and annoying, but ultimately they’re willing to excuse it because the music slaps. And who can argue with that?

Like other minor musicians introduced in Splatoon 3, we don’t know an awful lot about Lionel, but I want to take a moment to pause and say that out of every character featured on this post, Lionel easily looks the most like Scott the Woz. Though, I guess every white boy with glasses looks at least a bit like Scott the Woz, so I don’t know if Lionel is really special here. Still figured I should point it out.

The other half of the duo is an anchor coral named Cory, who is not an octopus and therefore not part of the post. Their loss.

Name: Turquoise October

Debut: Splatoon

There’s also Turquoise October, and they compose the music for the single player stages, which sounds like this. We know literally nothing about them other than that their manager is DJ Octavio.

FINE I’LL GET TO HIM JUST GIVE ME A SECOND.

Some theorize that Marina was a member of Turquoise October, which would make sense, she has turquoise hair, and the demo of Ebb & Flow appears to sample their music. Maybe Turquoise October remains anonymous, because the title kinda shifts around to whoever’s available to make the banger of the day.

Name: DJ Octavio

Debut: Splatoon

And here we have the big cheese. The other Octarians are mere tentacles, or stamps or blimps or humans, but Octavio is a full-fledged octopus.

Nah, I’m kidding with ya’, he’s a human too.

We just never see him like this because he realized there’s a much better form he can stay in all the time, and I can respect that! I can also respect his music!

That being said, DJ Octavio is (or maybe was?) the main antagonist of the Splatoon series, stealing the Great Zapfish twice and hypnotizing Callie (who is a squid and therefore irrelevant to this post) to fight alongside him, which is decidedly less respectable. Sorry! But you know what I can respect?

The fact he has one of the COOLEST boss fights in all of history!

He gets this giant robot with fists, and there’s this giant obstacle course you gotta chase him down, but he’s constantly punching you with his robot fists, and firing Octorpedoes at you, and sometimes he’ll summon the other Octarians to fight for him, sometimes he’ll fire a huge sonic laser at you, and more and more keeps on happening as the battlefield gets more and more narrow, and it’s GREAT. This boss fight is GREAT. Eventually the Squid Sisters show up and play the Calamari Inkantation and it slaps so hard while you play tennis with this giant octopus eyeball and then he goes down and he’s upside-down and he’s talking into the microphone upside-down so the text displays upside-down

It’s a really good boss fight.

He also has a boss fight in Splatoon 2. It’s alright. He gets a giant robot with fists again, but the battlefield is a mere circle, and there’s not nearly as much escalation. It’s alright, but clearly he’s losing his spark...

So much so, that by the time Splatoon 3 rolls around, he’s demoted to the first boss, right after the tutorial! Step up your game, my man!

If it’s any consolation prize, this is a great first boss. It’s just the right pace to ease new fans into the game while still being fun for long-time players, and it introduces a couple of the game’s new specials as well!

At first, Cap’n Cuttlefish (Squid, Unimportant) suspects Octavio of stealing the Great Zapfish yet again, but in a surprising turn of events, it’s not him this time!

No, Octavio is out picking fights because someone’s been turning his soldiers into Mammals (which means they look the same but with Hair, and feet???), and he wants to get to the bottom of this! But just as you’re about to learn more, the floor collapses from beneath you, and Octavio is not seen again until the finale, which is so ridiculous and over-the-top that I don’t want to spoil anything except the fact that Octavio may very well be on your side now. Congratulations, Octavio! Redemption arc achieved!

...What, you thought we were done after DJ Octavio? Pfffft.

You wish.

Name: Octoplush

Debut: Splatoon 3

Because what’s the point of turning an army of octopuses into mammals if you can’t let them compose more bangers? Octoplush seems to consist of many of the members of Turquoise October after being turned into mammals, given they have pretty similar musical styles, and I’m here for it. They composed that Bang Bing song that became a whole meme in the Splatoon fandom, for reference.

...There’s not really much else to say about them, besides one pretty noteworthy thing that I’ll get to in a moment.

Name: Acht

Debut: Splatoon 2: Octo Expansion

Meet Acht (aka Dedf1sh), an up-and-coming beatsmith who isn’t necessarily alive anymore. They make the music in the Deepsea Metro, which has numerous lovable goons we can’t talk about because they aren’t octopuses. We can talk about Acht though! Though, there may not be much to say, considering that they’re, ya’know. Dead.

Well, dead and living at the same time. It’s complicated. They are still able to move and everything and and make bumpin’ tunes, but they has no vital signals, and no free will. They’re essentially a zombie.

...And why are they blue and also green da ba dee da ba die?

Well, it’s because they’re Sanitized! You see? I told you we’d get around to all of this! Sanitized Octarians are the main, lovable goons in the Splatoon 2: Octo Expansion, the same buddy baddies as before with a fresh new coat of paint! Octo Expansion spoilers ahead, if you have not played it!

And what is the paint they’re coated with? Primordial ooze! After being submerged in the Glop, they pretty much stop actually living, with their remains being piloted by Commander Tartar of the Kamabo Corporation, who I can not talk about on this post.

Not an octopus.

Anyway, to circle back to Acht for a moment, they apparently willingly got sanitized so she could devote herself to nothing but music, which is Messed Up! One of the Octoplush songs also has the exact same naming convention that all of their songs do, which has some interesting implications. Is Acht a mammal now...?

Seemingly not, given they’re slated to have a major role in the Side Order DLC of Splatoon 3! They seem to be somewhat familiar with the Spire of Order, and mention going Way Back with Marina... There’s probably more important Acht lore we don’t know yet, but Side Order isn’t out yet, so we’ll just have to wait and see.

The Sanitized Octarians are meant to be the “perfect lifeforms,” which is disturbing considering that they are pretty much dead, and also made of other octopuses that get thrown into a blender.

Octopuses like...

Name: Agent 8

Debut: Splatoon 2: Octo Expansion

It’s You! Or at least, the character you play as! The character you get to project onto while playing through the Octo Expansion!

Agent 8 is an Octoling who finds themselves without any memories when they wake up one day in the Deepsea Metro, no memories other than that they heard a song that slaps and have to leave society now. Unfortunately, leaving society led to this train station in the middle of nowhere and now an old man is trying to pick a fight with you.

Eventually, you and the old man decide to work together to get yourself the heck out of there, which means playing a variety of fun and challenging levels as you collect each and every one of your memories, in the forms of those little erasers that look nice, but can’t actually erase anything at all.

You’re given the task to find the four thangs, which open the gate to the promised land!

The gate, which is actually a blender!

Anyway, you escape the blender, escape the facility, beat up a statue (with some help from Pearl and Marina, hence the whole saving the world part earlier), and then you can finally play as an octopus.

And so that’s pretty much everything you need to know about all the Octarians in Splatoon...

Except for the bosses!

Name: Octostomp

Debut: Splatoon

The first boss in the series, and the one with the most appearances, is Octostomp, which is another extension of the LOVELY Octostamp family! Is Octostomp an especially large Octostamp? Or is it the other way around? Regardless, we all love Octostomp, here.

Octostomp attacks you the way any other respectable stamp-themed enemy would, which is by smashing you with his large face! Every once in a while, Octostomp will charge at the player, and try to fall down on them, face-first! However, since Octostomp’s head is pretty large compared to his legs, it takes him a moment to get back up, which you can use to ink the panels on the sides. Be careful, however, as each phase leads to Octostomp removing some of the panels on the sides, making it tougher to attack the tentacle on the back!

But it’s okay. Octostomp gets better after the fight, and returns for an encore in Splatoon 2!

Now as Neo Octostomp, the first phase goes by more-or-less the same, but afterwards it’s revealed: Octostomp is fashionable!

That’s a joke. We’ve all known that Octostomp has always been fashionable.

Obviously, you can’t ink an Octostomp wearing a coat, so you gotta hit him in the belt buckle, all while he is trying to lay the smackdown on you! Throw in the new Splatling gun he has, as well as the two extra faces he can summon, and what you’ve got is... a fight of about the same difficulty? You can duck on the sides of the stage, you get a bit of extra armor, and he no longer removes the panels on the sides of his face.

At some point, however, he got sanitized, but he actually doesn’t seem to mind at all. In the boss fight you fight him as Octostomp Redux, where he says he’s back like he never left! Does this mean Sanitized Octarians retain some of their memory? Or is Octostomp just a special example? Regardless, this is the hardest Octostomp, he starts with the coat now, can blow bubbles to block your path, gets more belt buckles in later phases, and when he’s down, he gets up quicker! This is an Octostomp that isn’t holding back!

Unfortunately, that may have been the last hurrah of Octostamp, since as of Splatoon 3, he is no longer with us. His body has been hollowed out, and this husk is all that remains. But since when has being a hollow shell of an Octostomp stopped Octostomp from being a boss fight? Octostomp is now the home of a happy family of eels controlled by Frye. None of them are octopuses and are therefore irrelevant, but I’m guessing you’ll be happy to hear you’ll be able to climb the Octostomp shell’s sides, just like any other respectable Octostomp Boss Fight!

Rest in peace, buddy. You’ll be missed.

Name: Octonozzle

Debut: Splatoon

The second boss in Splatoon, and maybe the most delightfully designed, is Octonozzle! There is not a single thing here that isn’t perfect! While I love the usual buggy Octarian eyes so much, the Actual Octopus Eyes that Octonozzle has are just precious, and plus it has a cute little siphon-mouth, and it is just so lovingly decorated with stars and seaweed! And look at the little sneakers! I love those little sneakers!

The boss fight has shoot large balls of ink at you as you circle around it to find its weak points. Pop ‘em all, and you’re able to ink its side to swim up and attack the tentacle on its head! Each phase, however, it gets more weak points you gotta pop until you can defeat it, but over all, it’s not an especially hard boss.

But look at those SNEAKERS! They’re cute! What are they even there for!!! Is this thing supposed to walk around on those?!

Name: Octowhirl

Debut: Splatoon 2

And up next is Octowhirl and -- I’m sorry. I don’t like this angle. Let’s try that again.

And up next is Octowhirl, which is like a GIANT version of the Octoball (not to be confused with Octoballer) enemy seen earlier! It may look like a clam, but make no mistake! Octowhirl is 50% machine and 60% octopus. That adds to 110%, because Octowhirl is here to give 110% during its boss fight!

So does it? Well, I dunno! It’s actually the only boss that never gets any stronger during its fight, instead making the arena more dangerous by removing bits of the floor, so you can’t ink them! Much like Octoballs, you gotta submerge the Octowhirl in your ink, so get to inking that floor, squiddo! And get out of the way when Octowhirl is rolling, or else you will be dying! Once Octowhirl gets stopped by your ink, though, there’s nothing really stopping you from attacking the tentacle, which like all these bosses, you gotta do to beat it.

Name: Octomaw

Debut: Splatoon

The fourth boss in Splatoon is Octomaw, which is a big ol’ fish with big ol’ teeth.

Nah, I’m kidding. This is an octopus too. Why else would it have “Octo” in the name? Why else would it have a tentacle? As I said. These are all octopuses.

Octomaw is a classic example of the video game enemy trope “enemy that sneaks under you and pops up to eat you,” and since Octomaw is a lot bigger than you are, that means it’ll probably succeed. The only way to escape is to knock its teeth out, then throw a bomb in its mouth to reveal its weak spot! Each phase, however, its teeth become tougher, so there’s a bit less room for error for you!

It seems to be the inspiration for the Maws enemy in Salmon Run in the sequel, which attacks in a very similar method, minus the “knocking out the teeth” part, but it actually is a fish, and not an octopus, so I can’t talk about it here.

What I can talk about is how Octomaw has frog legs. No. That doesn’t make it any less of an octopus.

Name: Octo Oven

Debut: Splatoon 2

I’ve mentioned on this post a few times that you have to remember that all of these are octopuses. For a refresher, here is what an octopus looks like:

This is what the Octo Oven looks like:

At some point in the history of Splatoon, octopuses evolved into bread. How did they evolve into bread? Why did they evolve into bread? I dunno, just work with me here. An artbook shows Octotroopers inside the bread, but that begs different questions, like “why are they baking Octotroopers into bread.” Nothing is being clarified. Sorry!

Octo Oven is the first boss in Splatoon 2, and probably one of the most delightfully weird things in all of Splatoon ever. We actually have Octo Oven lore, which is that it was built by the Octarians after learning about Inkling bakeries, and they slowly upgraded it to meet demand. Eventually, however, it made bread so fast that it shot out when cooked, and injured people it hit. Due to this, they repurposed it for a boss fight, instead.

Why the breads are made of octopuses? I dunno. Why would I?

The boss fight consists of the oven repeatedly turning around, trying to fire octopus bread at you, eventually producing a full batch, which you must climb up to reach the top and splat a tentacle. Afterwards, some of the panels fall off, to make it tougher to climb, and eventually the bread is armored. Because armored bread. Marie expresses the exact same confusion you do.

Octo Oven has also been sanitized, now becoming Octo Oven XXL, which adds delicious chocolate swirls to the octopus bread! Yum! The fight’s pretty similar, but the tentacle is now heavily guarded, first by Octotroopers, then Octobombers, then Octosnipers, while the rest of the boss follows the same patterns as before. It’s octopus bread! It’s baffling, but I love it!

Name: Octo Samurai

Debut: Splatoon 2

Octo Samurai is interesting, because he’s the only Octoboss which isn’t predominantly mechanical. He’s just a big ol’ octopus-type dude riding around on a unicycle. He has a roller, which is a type of weapon you can do two things with in Splatoon: roll over turf with, and whack people with. In your first fight against the Octo Samurai, you face off against him in Roller-to-Roller combat, to find out which of you is the more mighty warrior! Do you have what it takes?

Of course, Octo Samurai’s roller is much larger, much stronger, and much more mechanical than your own, and the only real disadvantage he has is that he’s slower, so when he attacks, it’s best you get out of the way! And you better watch out for his Octocycle attack, where he merges the roller and unicycle to dash across the stage! He’s briefly immobilized afterwards, so that’s your time to strike!

The roller is actually the hardest weapon to do this fight with. Otherwise, it’s bringing a gun to a knife fight.

The Splatoon Wiki has pictures of the Octo Samurai from every angle possible.

I mean every single one.

The Octo Samurai also got Sanitized. Doesn’t change anything about him, save for maybe his color scheme and the fact that he was alive a few seconds ago, but otherwise he’s the same. What’s changed is YOU, who now has to do the fight with a baller! And his attacks all have a lot of knockback, so do all you can to stay in the ring! The Splatoon wiki also has pictures of this guy from every angle possible, but I won’t make you look at his butt again... ...unless you want to?

Name: Octo Shower

Debut: Splatoon 2

The last of the series’ bosses is unfortunately the worst one, the Octo Shower. This boss fight just isn’t fun. I’m sorry, it’s just not. Especially on rematches. On the first fight, you gotta face this one with a charger, but when you’re new to the game, aiming with a charger is hard, and even when you’re good at the game, it can still be hard.

Octo Shower is carried around by Octocopters, and later Deluxe Octocopters, and you just gotta pray your aim is good enough to hit them. All the while, the Octoshower will be raining on your parade with a Splatling Gun, a Sting Ray that can fire through walls, and literally raining on your parade!

And unfortunately, since this boss was designed with a long-range weapon in mind, this only makes the rematches tougher. They try to add bounce pads, and this Rolonium that doesn’t really work, but in the end, trying to hit the Octocopters is just really, really tough. Unless you’re good at games.

I’m not good at games.

The sanitized Octo Shower, known as Octo Shower Supreme, is comparitively a walk in the park! You get the Inkjet, which can fire high-range explosive projectiles, so really the “aiming” is more-or-less removed from the equation now. Your only real struggle is survival but like, so much of the pain of this fight has been removed that it’s really a cakewalk now. The original though? I think needed a little more time in the Octo Oven.

...Am I done? Is that seriously every octopus in the Splatoon series? Took long enough! I mean, all that’s left is a little bit of Octarian machinery, but I’ll make it snappy, for you.

Squee-Gs! They’re small, they’re cute, they clean up ink off of walls, but otherwise? They’re pretty much harmless. Just make sure you’re able to feed them and swim away fast enough.

There’s also Industrial Squee-Gs, same thing, but much bigger. You can ride around on top of them! They are frustratingly imprecise to control!

No, I threw a bomb THAT way, I say THAT way!

Ink Pistons! They pop out of walls and hurt to touch! There’s a version that’s always extended called Ink Sticks! They aren’t that interesting!

And finally, Octowashers, which will totally trip you up when you’re trying to pop those balloons. They know.

And that I think is every Octarian, Octoboss, and piece of Octarian machinery out there! It sure was fun! And exhausting! It took me all day to write this post, so I hope you enjoy it and--

My goodness! I forgot to put a Read More on this post! Well, I can fix that! Here!