For me its not just negative emotions its EVERY emotion.
It's violently shaking because I'm so depressed and suicidal my body wants to just hurt myself and I'm PHYSICALLY trying to hold myself back from snapping.
It's crying so hard you can barely see. Hands shaking chest feels like it will explode.
Its hearing voices in your head constantly screaming over you. You try to disagree you try to fight back but thats all it is an internal war you learn to live with.
When I'm happy? Which is extremely rare btw.
I am floating. Euphoric. Manic sometimes.
Which sounds amazing right? Wrong. Its overwhelming. Its exhausting.
Knowing at any moment. Knowing anything could snap your emotion to something else.
People compare being sad because they lost something.
Or because they were depressed for a bit when they were younger but its not the same.
People with bpd feel EVERY emotion at 100× strength.
What makes me suicidal and a danger to myself isn't even just the depression or loneliness.
Its the unending bombardment of extreme emotions that absolutely consume your soul and crush you from the inside out.
Never knowing what emotion comes next.
Never knowing what will fill your personality.
Never knowing yourself or how you "should" feel.
Always fighting for some resemblance of control over the hurricane inside your mind.
After you realize this is your life. This is what you will deal with for the rest of your life its hard not to turn to the idea of death because the truth is it really seems like the only escape I have.
baratheonpilled
turnnoffyourmind
ellievsbear
theartofmadeline
annaxmalina
gummygunk
izzy806
