#spiiledink

walking around dressed up as a human being // perfect in its synthesis of failing fake feelings // I am prone to kindness for this apparition of self

in a body that’s been good to me when all else had left //

these manifested streets, this simulated town // to compose and arrange and reassert a life falling down // or a smile, comfort or denial // everything I should be feeling comes out in faceless crowds //

here, the reckless whisper of a life gone unloved // there, the tricky termination of all below and above //

I cross the road without a second glance // pray for my deer in headlight moment // so I can fully inhabit the existence I’ve been trained to as a ghost //

never one for human skin, a stranger to decrees of love //

Social gatherings providing an uproar of high energy, for everybody was having a good time. You could feel it in the air.

I stood there in comfort, basking in the enjoyment of the nights good vibes.

A sudden feeling of high energy took over me, followed with lines of inquiry as I wanted to know the reasoning behind this energetic phenomena.

As I turned my head, it was within seconds I had found that reasoning.

It was her.

Instantly I was infatuated with her beauty. Her bodily and facial configuration was mesmerizing.

My infatuation with her beauty was replaced with curiosity for her mind once she spoke using such profound creativity and intellect.

She began to speak and like a student in lecture I listened, hoping she’d allow me into the deepest corners of her mind.

She would speak and after each sentence vocalized from her lips, I would stand there picking her apart, dissecting her mind.

From the beginning I could tell she was guarded, for she has mastered the art of self-protection.

Here and there she would reveal tiny gems from the depths of her being,

And each time, I could feel my existence amplify.

The more she would reveal, the more thankful I became for that very moment.

Analyzations of her behavior allowed me the ability to decipher and understand the encrypted code in which she used for protection.

I understood, for she wasn’t new to the experience of people using ulterior motives and falsified intentions to enter her sacred space.

But I knew my intentions were pure and if I could break her walls of protection, I could roam the beautiful depths of her immeasurable mind.

Eventually my analyzation paid off. I became fluent in the metaphorical language of secrecy in which she used.

Like a computer analysis specialist, I began breaking her code of protection while simultaneously writing algorithms that would allow me to break her firewall of safety even further.

After meticulously sequencing of precise formulations, followed by careful execution, the entrance into the deepest crevices of her mind was before me.

Her emotional patterns, mental dialogues, spiritual perspectives, and neuronal wiring of pathways within her brain lay before me.

Initially, I hesitated making such a profound decision, for the entrance into the depths of the sacred feminine provides beauty and intelligence beyond comprehension.

Beyond that, a female allowing a male into her mind on both a mental and emotional level is something sacred, something I would not take for granted.

I watched as she consciously revealed the mathematical equation that governed her existential order

And with her permission, I patiently and conscientiously entered her mind.

There I stood inside her mind, enveloped by beautiful geometric grids of vibrational pathways, followed with visuals of intricate patters, spirals, and sinuous rivers of thoughts and emotions, all of which made up her personality.

At first glance, I was intoxicated by the beauty and density of her mind, it was as if her mind went endlessly into eternity.

The immeasurability of her mind revealed the infinity of her being, she was one with everything, engaged in everything but detached appropriately hence her engagement of intellectual conversations with me but only revealing so much.

I begin feeling irritable, wanting to know everything within her mind but I let that attachment go gracefully and just absorbed the present moment.

I returned to touring the depths of her mind with the curiosity and enthusiasm of a child, enjoying the beautiful creations of her core.

After diving deep enough into her mental capacity, I could literally see her mind, both her subconscious and conscious. They looked like ancient creations hand crafted by the gods.

Her mind was more beautiful than the creations of God & deeper than the deepest oceans.

The dark aura within her mind couldn’t go unnoticed, it enveloped me quickly, she wasn’t new to darkness.

From the mental scares etched into her subconscious and conscious mind, she wasn’t new to the devils wrath.

But her illuminating aura of high vibrational frequencies proved her experience with the divine light.

She was a majestical paradox, and authentic beautiful contradiction; created from the illumination of God and gained experience through the devils work.

The matrix of her mind contained sacred scribes, ancient books of wisdom, and letters from her higher self, all of which served as constant reminders of her infinite potential.

Her mind looked like paintings of angelic expressions, that only the angels of God could of created.

Here and there the paintings of her mind would have nefarious creations of darkness lingering.

She was the embodiment of both the devilish and angelic presence, she felt the full spectrum of darkness and illumination.

After opening the sacred seal of her depths and gazing at the phenomena within her, together we flowed through the densities of the colorful portals within her,

Arriving In the the base chakra and ending in her crown chakra.

From there she allowed me deeper into the depths of her core and at first we were bombarded with a multitude of complexities but something was approaching. Something created from her depths.

Naturally our eyes caught each other. Our subconscious minds synchronized and begin formulating matrices of geometric frequencies of sound, all of which came originally from her creations.

These majestic vibrations of sound began dissolving the complexities we previously faced.

This inhumane beauty of sound is something I’ve never heard.

It was as soulfully pleasing as experiencing the growth of ones child,

Or as majestic as watching a rare Arabian stallion roam the apache terrain freely.

These were sound waves she created from the depths of her creative core and they dissolved all barriers we faced.

Internally, she was an artist of engineer and sound but externally she was an artist of human existence and living

And she painted beautiful images of life on the daily through the style in which she lived.

The end of this journey was approaching so I methodically scanned her depths all once again, attempting to capture the entirety of it all.

I turned my focus inward gathering the intangible gifts from my journey, redirected my focus externally and thanked the universe for the experience.

I saw the intricate creations within her mind dripping with robust color one last time.

I felt the vibrational frequencies of love in which her heart pulsated, one last time.

I traced the rigor contours of her being using my mind and together we sparked the transcendental state of growth between the sacred feminine and the divine masculine.

We then arrived in a higher dimension than before, a place of complete acceptance without judgment.

She was one with the earth and I to the sun. Together we would birth creations.

As I begin to exit the depths of her being, I filled my depths with thanks for the opportunity.

I looked back one more time, attempting to grasp the depths of it all even though I knew its full understanding was beyond my comprehension.

She was rare.

That’s the only way I can describe my journey with her.

I kind of fear that I will lose what I feel for you,

send me five times kissed for a drabble about five times our muses kissed 

                                                                                    001.

       it worried him, how much he liked to spend time  with  her.  how  he  would       selfishly pray to a  god  that  he  didn’t  even  believe  in that her car would       continue  to  break down, just to give him an excuse to see her more often.       & it  worried  him  that  he  preferred  to  be  alone with her, because being       around when jesse  was with her irritated him far more than it should have.       but he continued to act normal around her,  because  he  didn’t  even know       what he was beginning to feel.

       so when he was finished working  on her car for what felt like the twentieth       ( but hopefully not the last ) time,  he  gave her the same cocky smirk that        he always did, knowing better than to try anything.  not  because  she  was       in a relationship —  that  never stopped him from making a move on other       women, but because she was in a relationship  with  his  best  friend.  had        she been with anyone else, he wouldn’t have cared, but he couldn’t do that       to someone he cared about. bros over hoes, after all.

       but he didn’t have to  do  anything,  because after thanking him, she kissed       him — on the cheek. normally, such a kiss would have left him completely       unaffected, but now was different. it stirred something inside of him, some       thing he’d never  felt  before,  but  had  seen  enough  ( parts  of )  romantic       movies to know about.  the  feeling  of her lips against his cheek, even if it       had only been for a moment, made his heart go crazy within the confinem-       ents of his ribcage, his breath catching in his  throat.  but  it  also  left  him       feeling utterly disgusted with himself for wishing that it had been on his lips.

                                                                                    002.

       the next time they kissed, it was he who initiated it, pressing his lips to the       wound on her finger. it was nothing serious — just a paper cut,  nothing that       was actually deserving  of  being ’ kissed better, ’ but it  was  an excuse to       kiss her, no matter how  little  the  gesture was. he knew that he’d never be       able to feel her mouth on his, so  he  had  to  take  advantage  of  such  rare        moments, even when he  was  filled  with  such  distaste  for  himself  each       time.

       & when he pulled  away,  he offered a small smile, rather than the smirk he       was best known for. her hand was still in his, for he’d taken it in order to lift       her finger to his lips, & he wanted nothing more than to keep it that way, but       he made himself let go, voice cracking when he spoke.

                                              ’ all better. ‘

                                                                                    003.

       jesse wasn’t around — out  of  town  with  his  family,  &  so  axle  had  very        willingly volunteered to substitute as bonnie’s date to the dance held by the       university, even if he didn’t even attend himself. dances were  never  really       his thing. the only reason he’d gone to prom back in high school  had  been       because he was nominated as prom king, & he was too vain to miss out on       a chance to bear a crown on his head. but now, he was t here  for her, not a       stupid piece of plastic.

       he hated dancing. not because  he  was  bad  at  it,  but  because  he  never       found much enjoyment in it. but that didn’t  stop  him from holding his hand       out, & asking with a smirk if she wanted to dance. & when she said yes, he       raised the hand that she’d set in his own to his lips, grazing his lips against       her knuckles, eyes kept on hers the entire time. and god, he  felt  so  damn       grateful for the fact that he’d told her he would go with her,  because for just       a night, he could pretend that she could be his.

                                                                                    004.

       the third time he’d put his lips on her, it had  been  on  the  top  of  her  head,        after she’d fallen  asleep  while  watching  a  movie that he’d paid little to no       attention to, being far more distracted by how close she was the entire time.       although he was completely comfortable, he couldn't find it in him to fall into       a state of slumber as well, the guilt of falling for his best friend's  girl  eating       at him, constantly in fear that jesse would enter the room & believe that they       were up to something, when really, they'd  never  done  anything  wrong.  at       least, she hadn't. he, on the other hand, had broken bro code entirely, though       no one knew, really, because to him, admitting such a thing was just as bad       as admitting to murder.

       but she wasn't awake, & no one was around, so he kissed  pressed  his  lips        to the crown of her head, feeling absolutely miserable as he did so, because       he wanted her so bad, but  he  knew  that  she  was  unattainable,  forever off       limits to him,  because  no  matter  how  strong  his feelings were for her, he       still couldn't  hurt  the person he'd  known since  elementary school. even he       was a better person than that.

                                                                                    005.

       he loved her, & he hated himself for it, because he knew nothing good would       ever possibly come of it.  she'd never be his, & if jesse even found out about       axle's feelings for bonnie  bennett,  his  best friend would hate him almost as       much as he did himself. but he couldn't help the way  he felt  when  she  was       around him, the way just the sound of her laugh brought a grin to his face, or       how making her smile made him feel as though he  were  on  cloud  nine. no       one else had never made him feel this way -- before bonnie, axle's heart was       locked up, hidden from all other  girls,  because  he  feared all that he wasn't       experienced with, but she'd found the key to it without even  trying.  it scared       the hell out of him, being in love, because the whole concept  was  foreign to       him. his love for her was different than the love he had for any type of car, or       any slice of pizza. & it hurt, because he loved someone he couldn't have.

       there were moments when he could almost believe that, maybe, she felt the       same way -- like now, when their gazes were locked on one another, gravity       seeming to pull them closer to each other. & he wanted to kiss her, to  know       what it would feel like to have her lips on his own, but he couldn't. instead of       pulling back entirely, he just turned his face to the side  slightly,  his  mouth       pressed to her cheek, only mere  centimeters f rom  her lips. ' i have to go, '       he whispered against her skin  before  staggering  back,  stumbling  out  the       door, a part of him hating himself for not kissing her.