#specialkam

Where’s my hat :V

Me: What? Why?

Boyfriend: It shortens to Bae, so it's hip! Also it has something for sexuals and asexuals.

Me: *laughing* What?

Then you hear them or read them and remember, "Oh yeah, that's the person I first liked." And you kinda fall in love all over again?

Awh! Thank you. I'm lucky that I can put things into words sometimes. But a lot of it came from other thinking. With my first serious boyfriend, meeting him was this giant rush. The entire relationship was. So, looking back, it's not a shock it crashed and burned so explosively (for me at least, I still don't know about his feelings).

My current guy and I just kinda click. It's not to say that we don't have this big emotions, just that the center of them is like...this normality. That we feel right together. When I met him for the first time, we had six days together. Just six. After twenty one years without ever being in the same room. But those six felt normal. It wasn't a rush. It wasn't this big exciting thing. It...just was. I could see forever feeling like that. He's my normal. Even though I rarely get it, I know that right now, living the life I've always lived, it's still abnormal. Because he's not here.

Sorry for the late reply. I was in bed when you sent this.

Orange: 6 facts about my home town

1. I still live there. If you consider where I grow up my home town. If it's the place that I was born then I have no clue because I moved away when I was five. I'm asuming the former.

2. I have gone to the same grocery store since I was a small child, not exclusively but regularly.

3. I have no real attachment to this place but no plans to leave. I'm not sentimental about it but I don't see a reason to go either. I kinda wish I had feelings on this place.

4. I have kinda already run out of facts, because I just don't really care.

5. Uhhhh, we have Voodoo doughnuts a 20-40 minute drive from my house? People seem to care about that place.

6. My favorite thing about Oregon/Portland area is how many trees we have. We have trees everywhere, all the time. We will make roads wider so we can include a strip of trees and I think that's super cool.

Red: 5 facts about my best friend

This is going to be my boyfriend, sorry.

1. He's SUPER TALL. I love how tall he is, it's great. I can be in 4 inch heels and he still leans down to kiss me.

2. He's handy but not in a traditional way. Or more, he's handy because he's methodical, patient and has internet access, so if he doesn't know what to do he Google's it and goes on from there.

3. He's deceptively inactive. It's easy to think there's nothing there but grump, but he's such a still waters run deep kind of guy. Though he's also someone who puts on a show of happy/extroversion for people, so I don't even know how many people see the grump. He's layered. <3

4. He has great hair. It's thick and soft and falls just right around his face. Our kids are going to have HOT hair.

So. Three years ago (ish, we don't actually know our exact anniversary date, so we picked one in the correct time), I accidentally asked my best friend to be my boyfriend. It was something that, at the time, both felt inevitable and impossible, terrifying and comforting.

I've said before the most romantic thing my boyfriend has said to me. It was in the first week or so when we dated, and he was raw from his breakup. So for someone else, it could be mean but it calmed so many of my fears.

"If you play girlfriend games, I will dump you. I need you as my friend. Everything else is secondary."

And that has defined us. We need each other as friends first and last. Everything else can be given up, if necessary, for that friendship. I love him, deeply. But he's my best friend first and my boyfriend second.

I'm a romantic who has problems with concepts like "True Love" and "soul mates" in real world context. So I don't want to use those for us. Fate and destiny could be why we're together. Or maybe I was dealt a good hand. Or maybe we just stumbled along the same path for so long, we had no choice but to be who we are. Or maybe we fought harder for each other than we realized.

But there's one thing he's always done for me: made me feel special. I was always precious to him, needed. He gave me what I needed, his trust, his weakness, his loyalty. And I try so hard to give him what he needs, steadiness, stability, a promised tomorrow that's never going away.

The sex is nice too.