It's not that personal really. The truth is it's mostly been where we're at in life. When Kevin and I first started dating, it made sense to not rush forward. We were both, well, young. It has been three years, going on four, and those were growing years for us both. I had to graduate college, he had to heal from his last relationship and we didn't even really know what we were doing relationship-wise. We were best friends, who loved each other, and wanted sex, and that dating was just like...came attached.

For a while, there was a lot we couldn't hammer out. He didn't want to leave Florida. I didn't want to leave my mom (and also hate everything about Florida, not the people or the culture but the weather and the heat and ugh). We'd need an apartment, and I'd need a job. We had no money and he needs to move all of his stuff when he comes. (He is not a "ditch everything and get new stuff" kind of guy.)

But we realized Oregon worked best for us, and he even agreed that living with my mom makes the most sense financially and emotionally. And I graduated college. I got a job.

Then our house was put in foreclosure. Kinda hard to ask someone to move in with you when you literally don't know where you'll be living in six months.

And that's where we are now. Our housing situation is not so stable right now. (Though my mom has a possible job and if she could get it, literally all of our major problems could be solved. We're hoping hard.) All my money is going into the house and not into a moving fund. My guy is in a similar situation, with none of his paycheck actually hitting his hands. So we're just kinda stuck.

So. Three years ago (ish, we don't actually know our exact anniversary date, so we picked one in the correct time), I accidentally asked my best friend to be my boyfriend. It was something that, at the time, both felt inevitable and impossible, terrifying and comforting.

I've said before the most romantic thing my boyfriend has said to me. It was in the first week or so when we dated, and he was raw from his breakup. So for someone else, it could be mean but it calmed so many of my fears.

"If you play girlfriend games, I will dump you. I need you as my friend. Everything else is secondary."

And that has defined us. We need each other as friends first and last. Everything else can be given up, if necessary, for that friendship. I love him, deeply. But he's my best friend first and my boyfriend second.

I'm a romantic who has problems with concepts like "True Love" and "soul mates" in real world context. So I don't want to use those for us. Fate and destiny could be why we're together. Or maybe I was dealt a good hand. Or maybe we just stumbled along the same path for so long, we had no choice but to be who we are. Or maybe we fought harder for each other than we realized.

But there's one thing he's always done for me: made me feel special. I was always precious to him, needed. He gave me what I needed, his trust, his weakness, his loyalty. And I try so hard to give him what he needs, steadiness, stability, a promised tomorrow that's never going away.

The sex is nice too.