#special human

Him and I, we like to write lewd poetry in upscale hotel bathrooms. It’s fun, I go in and leave him some sort of rambling that ends with a pretty girl having brutal anal sex. He finds it a few days later, and leaves me a story about seldom sodomy becoming a deeply penetrating addiction. We don’t care who reads it, and I like the looks on peoples faces when they run from the bathroom in disgust. 

He wears a cheap suit and tie and looks boss as fuck in big black boots and a trenchcoat, I wear nothing at all, preferring to be naked than assume any identity for too long. He’s on fire, he’s boiling, releasing impulsive little bubbles of thought and magic. He’s running, always working, hammering home an idea, winnowing down to a point. Even if it’s just the knife he uses to kill himself, and the world. He’s in love. If you’d meet him, you’d think it was with himself. If you read him, you’d think it was with a million girls, and maybe just the one. But if you knew him like I do, you’d know all things are true, but more than that, he’s in love with creation. He likes to make these thoughts dance. He loves to make them manifest. And he needs to make it. Make it real.

He only ever stops long enough to meet me in the murk and mire. He slips out in quiet moments and even then, only long enough to fulfill some basic violent ideal, some need inside his mind can’t find reason behind. Why go to this bathroom, why write me these stories. Don’t you have better trash to write, and better people to be? Why would you keep coming down here to spend time with me.

He’s a well-deserved spanking after bad behavior, like having tears wiped away by a big hard cock, like being lovingly held by your murderer, and your best friend. He’s ugly and empty, he’s armored and hardened, he’s lost and looking to be found, and he just wants to be left alone.

I hope you get to do something fun to celebrate!!

Pernahkah kau memperhatikan? Ketika kau mengenal seseorang, kemudian seiring waktu berjalan, kau mulai mempercayainya; ketika kau merasakan kepedulian atau mungkin sebuah kasih sayang terhadapnya; ketika kau merasa nyaman saat Ia sedang berada dekat; ketika kau menghabiskan banyak waktu bersamanya, kau begitu hapal dan mengerti hal-hal kecil tentangnya, kau secara bertahap akan menyerap hal-hal tentangnya.

Nada bicaramu menjadi mirip, kata-kata yang kau ucapkan menjadi mirip, caramu berpikir menjadi mirip, pilihan film-film favoritmu menjadi mirip, pilihan makanan dan minumanmu menjadi mirip, hal-hal yang kau senang lakukan dan tempat-tempat yang kau senang kunjungi menjadi mirip. Banyak hal tentangmu menjadi mirip dengannya. 

Pernahkah kau memperhatikan hal tersebut? Sebuah transformasi -yang terjadi sedikit demi sedikit- yang telah mengubahmu menjadi mirip dengannya, bahkan mengubahmu menjadi dirinya. Sampai-sampai pada titik tertentu, terkadang kau merasa bahwa kalian sebenarnya adalah satu sosok yang terbagi menjadi dua tubuh. 

Mungkin itu mengapa ketika suatu hari mereka pergi -atau karena sebab apa pun kalian berdua menjadi terpisah- rasanya akan menjadi sangat amat sulit dan menyakitkan. Dan seperti hampir semua orang, saat hal itu terjadi, kau akan mengatakan, 

“ Aku merasa hampa. “ “ Hatiku terasa kosong. “ “ Sesuatu yang besar telah hilang dari hidupku. “

Karena faktanya, apa yang sebenarnya kau rasakan ketika orang itu pergi, adalah kau seperti kehilangan dirimu sendiri.