#speach

In the beginning I had no expectations. Now I have a lot of expectations so my anxiety told me to stop and do something else with my life. There was so many things not taken care of. I broken up with my best friend ( no we didn't date , we were best friends). It broke my soul heart brain and life meant like there was no flavor even the little mundain things felt heavy. So I drawn into inzoi I quit that friend , quit my ambitions , understood I was poor ! Wished to be rich , felt the need to do a big cleaning in my life , I did and now I am emptied.

Now things are starting to flourish , but by bit the flower is opening but the process of opening hurts , it's painfull like birth but your stuck in your mother's womb with one feet out.

I've been told so many things, to be positive , to hold on. But nobody knows how hard that must have been for me. It's ok that nobody does because nobody is me. They don't have to deal with it or live with it, maybe it comes easy to them and that's cold , love that for them.

I love that some can take a chill pill and relax , I'm not like that. I prefere to feel something than to be numb. Because what I am now is an empty glass that is trying to find a drink to be poured into.

I don't know what a mirror is , beautiful is , loved is , life is ... I took peace with the fact that I will be forever in this unknown zone. And that's how that goes.

Some will read this and feel bored , attacked , irritated or actually will feel the need to help.

Just read the words I am telling this with a purpose.

Meaning is : the more empty you feel the more you search the wrong things in your life to fill, but if you stay focus on your objections? Somehow...things slowly falls in places. Keep being focus, even if you think that this newyear has to be entered with all the rituals ready , it is never ever enough preparations.

You and I should just try and keep on going , dying seems to be long far , and tempting. But know that it will come. And when your at your end , no matter how hard it was to endure, how much you've cried and sweat over being heard and seen. There were also many times youve tried to see yourself. And that you got to be proud of !

Because at least there was somoene trying this year, the heavy 🪨 that you carried will always feel heavy but when you sit and look back on all the years you've said " happy newyear!" Many wishes and blessings? Those were already executed in the small amounts of our lives.

But at the end... it's to hard sometimes to admitt it was, so I'm here to remind you to keep going and sometimes ...just put the stone down, who said you should Carry it that heavy ?

study on speach progress, 2025