#sparklefarts

You are [y/n], existing in [current location]. A miniature cheerleader, with poofy pink hair and your full ass name written over their nongendered tits, spawns on your shoulder. Kind of looks like Pinkie Pie?

"Hello, [y/n]!" they cheer. "I am Sparklefarts the Almighty! I have come to take you on a journey!"

"Totally. Before we begin, I need to ask you a question... Have you drunk any water recently?"

A: Eh... [go to 1]

B: Absolutely, you might even say I'm drinking it right now! [go to 2]

[1] "TOWARDS THE NEAREST WATER SOURCE!" the cheerleader bellows. "DRINK. OR PERISH BY MY POM POM."

A: "OF COURSE LET'S GOO!!!!" [go to 2]

B: "Due to unfortunate circumstances, there is no water source..." [go to 3]

[2] "GOOD JOB GOOD JOB Goooooood job that's amazing I love you," the cheerleader gushes. [go to 3]

[3] Ready to move on, you face the cheerleader, anticipating another question. You're pretty sure you know where this is going.

"Okay. Now we are ready for step 2. I need to know... have you eaten anything in the past 4 hours?"

A: "I have eaten today, but not in the past 4 hours." [go to 4]

B: "I haven't eaten today at all. Worst case, maybe it has been a few days since I ate? Hmm..." [go to 5]

C: "Yup, I totally have!" [go to 6]

[4] "Ah, so it's time for a meal then? Based on how hungry, tired, etc, you are, you can choose anything from a small fruit to a proper meal. Yoghurt? Oats? There are many easy to prepare things you could go for, and if you need a full meal but can't prepare it, it's okay to eat many small things instead of one big thing."

"Thank you for reminding me. I'll go get something right now." You go to the food source of your choice, do the necessary preparations, and put it in your mouth. Chew chew. [go to 6]

[5] "Oh, I'm sorry. You must feel very tired. Maybe it's just that you haven't had time for breakfast yet, but, if going more than a day without food is a regular occurrence for you, your body might be in starvation mode, and you should ask a medical professional how best to get back into eating without triggering refeeding syndrome. I don't want you to do something that can be dangerous, I only ask that you give your body a little bit of fuel so your brain can get you through the day. Brains without fuel can get very depressed, more than they otherwise would be, as they cannot think properly."

A: "Actually, I just haven't had time for breakfast yet." [go to 4]

B: "You're right, I either don't have access to food or choose not to eat it on a regular basis. I can't or won't change that right now. [go to 7]

C: "I have access to food right now, and while it is common for me to not eat enough, I think it is medically safe to have a meal and I am going to choose that right now." [go to 4]

[6] "YOU'RE AMAZING. YOU PREPARED A FOOD AND ATE IT?! That's so cool of you I'm envious I also want to prepare a meal and eat it, but I am deathly intolerant of everything except glitter glue."

A: "What a coincidence! I happen to have a tube of glitter glue just lying around." [go to 8]

B: "Oof I'm sorry, I don't have anything like that for you..." Or at the very least, you don't think it's a good idea to give it to them. [go to 7]

[7] "You probably want to get on with this now," the cheerleader nods solemnly. Their pompoms rest on their hips. "Have you done the BBs? Brush HAIR and Brush TEETH?"

A: "Truthfully, neither." [go to 9]

B: "Only 1 of them." [go to 10]

C: "1 or neither is applicable, but I have done what needed doing!" [go to 11]

D: "Yeeees I have!" [go to 11]

[8] The cheerleader chugs glitter glue. It pours out down their chin and everything is covered in glitter oh god oh no what have you done.......... Anyway. [go to 7]

[9] "BB TIME. LET'S GO. Give me a B!" the cheerleader strikes a pose, but doesn't wait for you to answer. "Give me a B! What does that spell? BB!"

A: "I can't fucking do it I'm sorry" [go to 12]

B: "I managed to do 1, but I don't think I can do another, not right now at least. This is as good as it gets right now." [go to 11]

C: "I managed to do 1, but I need some extra encouragement to be able to do the second one." [go to 10]

D: "I DIDS IT!! WEEEEE!!!!!" [go to 11]

[10] "Yooooo that's so cool, take a moment to celebrate that victory before we get a move on this second one. You did so well," the cheerleader calms down and it's clear they really are happy for you that you got this far.

You celebrate by striking a pose that makes you feel good, and tell yourself that you did a good job.

"I did a really good job with that, tbh. Maybe it wasn't perfect, or maybe it was, but it was worth doing regardless. Nice."

The cheerleader pulls you by the hand towards the unused brush.

It occurs to you there are ways to make it easier, like for example using a toothpaste you don't hate, or combing your hair a little bit at a time, or only doing it for a short while rather than all the way to completion.

"Ready?" they ask.

A: "Ready." You take the brush and get to action. [go to 11]

B: "I'm sorry. I'm not ready, and I don't think I'll be ready anytime soon. Can we go to the next one?" [go to 12]

[11] "YOU DID IT!!!!!!!! HELL YEAH HELL YEAH HELL YEAH THE BARE MINIMUM MAINTENANCE IS THE BEST FUCKING THING YOU CAN DO YOU RULE!!!!!!!!" The cheerleader throws their pompoms so hard they explode, bam bam, and new ones materialize in their hands.

"My teeth are feeling so happy right now," you say. "My hair too."

"Awesooooome," they say.

"Awesooooome," you agree.

Such success. Much celebration. [go to 13]

[12] "That's okay," the cheerleader pats your back. "Maybe today is just a kindness day, and you forgive yourself and move on? No need to beat yourself up when you're already down. Let's accept that sometimes we can't do things, and that is morally neutral. Sure, there can be consequences for it, but to be equipped to handle those consequences you need to first be gentle with yourself you can cooperate with yourself and problem solve."

You take a minute to think neutral thoughts about yourself. No judgements or opinions, only facts. You have a face. You're looking at your phone with your eyes, this is neutral. There are tasks that you could do, or not do, or do halfway, a little bit, there are many options in the world.

"Do you feel ready to try only only 1 of those things, or would you rather try something else?" The cheerleader asks.

A: Try 1 thing. [go to 10]

B: Try something else. [go to 13]

[13] "Now, the thing we've all been waiting for!" a mysterious drum roll accompanies their voice. "It is time to do something that YOU want to do."

"Me? But isn't this your quest game thing?"

"Yeah! And my quest is to make sure you were prepared to do something you like."

"Oh. That's nice. Thank you, Sparklefarts." You almost forgot their name, after everything you have been through together.

"No need to thank me. This is what cheerleaders were born to do!"

"I see. How do I know what I want to do now that I get to choose, though?" The world is much more complicated when you have free will. There are infinite possibilities. You could crawl into bed. You could run to the nearest bungee jump station or die on the way. You could draw old men making out with each other. Your head spins.

"There are many ways to decide," they take you to a whiteboard where they draw their suggestions. "Either the first thing that comes to mind, or pick 3 things and choose the one that makes you feel best, or set a timer for your first choice so you can have time to do the next one too, or use a randomizer, or roll dice."

How do you choose a method ?!

"First method that pops into your head!" Sparklefarts shouts. "Go go go!!"

You are GOING!!!!!!

WOO!!!

As soon as you are on your way to your activity, Sparklefarts bursts into a ball of glitter. They're on to new adventures as a cheerleader.

Their power lingers in the air.

SO EXCITED I CAN'T EXPRESS MYSELF

ME TOO! LIKE IT’S GONNA BE SO GOOD I HOPE PEOPLE DON’T SLEEP ON THEM ><

@elvencantation replied to your post “everyone pls tell me ...”

I CANT FUCKING WAIT

ONLY 5 MORE DAYS!!

@sparklefarts replied to your post “everyone pls tell me ...”

I'm Hyde Hongbin running face first into a tree.