Okay so this is all kinda generalised and non of the math is TOO specific, but I spent like a solid 2 hours walking around yesterday purely thinking about this. I tried to explain it to one of my friends today (@complakei) but it wasn't really making sense as I didn't have the time to explain the whole theory, so they told me to write it in a Tumblr post (which is probably what i should have done from the start but anyways!!) So here are some drabbles about Spamton and how time works in Deltarune.

A lot of this theory is me rambling so use this to practice improving your attention span!!

OKAY so as I was wandering around yesterday I was thinking about one of my all time favourite blorbos: Spamton G. Spamton from Deltarune Chapter 2. Now, I'm kinda obsessed with this guy and I love making theories around him and his past. Yesterday though, I was thinking about how old spamton would be when we meet him in the game. I've thought about this before and have done some basic math to conclude roughly what age he would be based on some of the dates we've been given and assumptions about the time between certain events. But I wanted more. I wanted to figure out just how old that conniving conman really is. Why? ...Great question.

SO, I started with the basics. The majority of the fandom already has a decided birthday for Spamton: the 3rd of May 1978, the date that the first spam email was sent. While this is only a headcanon, it is canonically plausible. If Spamton was born in 1978, then in 1997, the year when his career was at it's prime, Spamton would have been about 19 years old. Now, you may be thinking: "But Jam!! 19 years old is way too young to be having a high-stress, knowledge-heavy career like that!!" Well, maybe by YOUR standards, but by the standards of the Addisons (Spamton's monster species), that would be considered pretty normal! Think about it: when you talk to the Addisons in Cyber City, they claim that "all they do its advertise". It's what they exist to do. It's what they're expected to do. So naturally it wouldn't be too much of a stretch to believe that Addisons probably start practicing merchandising during their teenage years, likely at around 16-17 years old. If Spamton started his first job at around this age, this gives him a couple years to fail at his job before becoming a BIG SHOT. So at this point in time, Spamton would be simply 'the email guy', failing to sell any of his products to anybody...

...except for one. Spamton in the Spamton Sweepstakes (yes, I know that nothing outside of the game is considered truly canon, but much of this theory is based on Spamton Sweepstakes lore so shut up) Q and A tells us that Noelle was the only one who ever read and responded to his emails. This is backed up by several of Noelle's blog posts on the holidaygirl1225 blog. The way that Noelle writes her blog posts (as well as how casually she mentions Dess) we can conclude that Noelle was still quite young when she wrote these posts, probably around 11-13 years old, as she is around 17 during the events of Deltarune. This means that while Noelle was a preteen / young teenager, Spamton would've been in his mid to late teens.

"BUT WAIT, THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!!!" you may be screaming at me through the screen, "Noelle is only 17 at the time of Deltarune Chapter 2, while Spamton is a fully grown adult implied to be older than much of the cast!! If you say that Spamton was only in his teens when he first emailed Noelle, then how does that work?!!?"

Yeah... this confused me as well. I highly doubt toby was thinking this deeply when writing Spamton's lore, but I can't live without overanalysing things, so that means that, in true game theory fashion, we have to come up with a solution to this!!

My proposed theory?: Time moves faster in the dark world. Yeah, it's not an insane proposition, but just hear me out for a second. If around 4-5 years have passed for Noelle since she first emailed Spamton, while around 20 years have passed for Spamton himself, then that means that time in the dark world must move must faster. if you've ever watched Interstellar, or are just aware of the theory of relativity, then this should make sense for you. Still, what does this mean for the dark world? By doing some general math, we can conclude that days in the dark world are around 6 hours long (4 x 5 = 20, 24 ÷ 4 = 6). Because it is always nighttime in the dark world, Darkners wouldn't have based their time system on a day-night cycle, but rather just as a way to organise the timelines of events, calculate ages, and other such needs. So, Darkner years are the equivalent of around 91 real-world (light world) days as 91 x 20 = 1820 days, which equate to roughly 5 real-world years. Do you see it?? Do you see my vision???

Now that we've established how time moves in the dark world compared to the light world, we need to answer our original question: How old is Spamton G. Spamton?

And the answer is...

(Drumroll)

...

...

...

We Don't Know!!!

As it turns out, even if we have a plausible birthday, and even if we've figured out how time works in the dark world, we can't figure out how old Spamton is because we don't know when Deltarune is set!! Most of my theory was based on this assumption that Deltarune takes place sometime in late 2018, when the first chapter was released, so if Deltarune truly does take place then, that would mean Spamton is about 40 dark-world years old. Still, because we have no idea what year it is in the plot, I can't really tell you anything for certain. I mean, this entire theory is based off a headcanon birthday and evidence that the great Mr. Fox himself doesn't even consider to be fully canon.

If you're still here by the end of this, thanks so much for reading!! Please don't take this theory too seriously as it's really just a bunch of random mini-theories I had stitched together into a Frankenstein's Monster of hypotheticals.

What are the lyrics to BIG SHOT?

You know it! You love it! The fandom has probably listened to it a million times by now.  And yet the lyrics of “BIG SHOT” are still heavily debated. 

A disaster given they tell of Spamton’s lore! 

After hours of listening to this video, which slows down BIG SHOT 64% I think I can definitively say what the lyrics are, with lore implications I will discuss. 

Follow along with the video!   

BIG SHOT detailed lyrics:

([Heaven]ly choir in the background, new voices sing along with Spamton’s motif on the second verse.)

(Beat drops, “Spamton” motif begins in earnest.)

(WOW!)

(WOAH!)

(WOW!)

(WOW!)

(WOW!)

"NOW!"(Starts off distorted and becomes clear, x8, switches ears, "WOW! WOAH! WOW! x3" continues)

"NOW'S YOUR CHANCE TO BE BIG! -SHOT TO BE BIG!" (”BIG” x8 is distorted to sing along with Spamton’s motif)

([Heaven]ly choir returns, intensifies on the second verse)

("WOW!" x16, increasingly distorted as it goes on x2)

"NOW'S YOUR CHANCE TO BE A BIG SHOT!"

"BE A BIG- BE A BIG- BE A BIG SHOT!"

(Fireworks sfx) 

"NOW'S YOU CHANCE TO BE- (x2 + Distorted, unintelligible, laughter.)

(Fireworks sfx) 

"NOW'S YOU CHANCE TO BE BIG- (Spamton Laughter) -SHOT!" 

"NOW'S YOUR CHANCE TO BE A BIG SHOT!"

"BE A BIG- BE A BIG- BE A BIG SHOT!"

(Fireworks sfx) 

"NOW'S YOU CHANCE TO BE-” (x2 + Distorted, unintelligible, laughter.)

(Fireworks sfx) 

"NOW'S YOU CHANCE TO BE BIG- (Spamton Laughter) -SHOT!"   (Power of NEO + THE WORLD REVOLVING + Choir/Organ duet breakdown) (Voice, whisper)   "I think it's coming for me!"    "Answer the phone!!"  "I can't explain until you're all alone!!!"  "It pulls the strings and makes them ring!"  "Can't tell you how much it's ringing!!!!!" (*Ring, Ring* sfx)  "I think it's coming for me!" (Echos)  "Answer the phone!!"  "I can't explain until you're all alone!!!-o!!!-o!!!-o!!!-o!!!" (Distorts into bomb beeping sfx)  "It pulls the strings-!" (”And makes them ring!” Echo)  "It pulls the strings-!" (”And makes them ring!” Echo)  "It- DoN't yOu WaNnA BE A BIG SHOT?!" (Voice normalizes)    (WOW!)  (WOAH!)  (WOW!)  (WOW!)  (WOW!) "NOW!"(Starts off distorted and becomes clear, x8, switches ears, "WOW! WOAH! WOW! x3" continues) "NOW'S YOUR CHANCE TO BE BIG! -SHOT TO BE BIG!"  (Robotic Mad Dummy breakdown)  "NOW'S YOUR-" (HEY!)  "NOW'S YOUR-" (HEY!)  “NOW'S YOUR-" (x4 + HEY! x2)  "NOW'S YOUR-" (HEY!)  (EVERY! BODY!)  (Mad Dummy Ska break)  (Choir + "WOW!" x16, increasingly distorted as it goes on x2)  "NOW'S YOUR CHANCE TO BE A BIG SHOT!"  "BE A BIG- BE A BIG- BE A BIG SHOT!"  "NOW'S YOUR CHANCE TO BE A BIG SHOT!"  "BE A BIG- BE A BIG- BE A BIG SHOT!"  (Power of NEO breakdown, the sample modulated to sound like Spamton's motif, normalizes for a short moment, before modulation returns, it starts skipping + background Organ.) "I think it's coming for me-!" "I think it's coming for me-!" "I can't explain until you're all alone!!!-o!!!-o!!!-o!!!-o!!!"  (Pitched up and distorted to sound like cartoony Telephone chatter noise [In Game version only!] + Mad Dummy ending sample cut off.)  Lyrics over! What a banger! This song is so interesting!!! The details are absolutely incredible! Toby is such a genius! We can tell that the use of “Mad Dummy” with the robotic remix is supposed to represent how Spamton is a literal dummy. And now a robot.  As a fan whose read many theories I’d like to throw my hat in the theorist ring! The lore implications for this are interesting. 

(WARNING: LONG)

The lyrics, particularly the hidden lyrics, the whispering voice that is cut off suddenly!

 It’s reminiscent of how Spamton switches from a normal speech pattern to TALKING LIKE [This]. It’s a lot like that “FEAR” scene in the shop where he seems to be somewhat possessed...  Ignoring his own call for help, though also hinting at it.  

“Help...HUH??? WHAT?? NO, I DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING JUST NOW!!!

 ...BUT IT SOUNDED LIKE THEY WERE TALKING TO YOU.“

Spamton appears to be trying to warn Kris about an “It” (Reflecting the narration) that is coming for him.  The very same “* It pulls the strings and makes them ring.”  It. 

(I have to wonder if this may also represent his final moments before he vanished with the receiver hanging.. “I think it’s coming for me! Answer the Phone!”)

This adds to doubts that I have that Gaster is the one that turned Spamton into a puppet.

(Before I go on with this I’d just like to add that this song is chock-full of motifs and not one of them is Gaster’s theme &/or ANOTHER HIM...) 

Gaster is always referred to as “him” either as such in the sound test of Undertale or the Deltarune track “ANOTHER HIM” 

“It” can’t be Gaster. 

Especially when you consider Gaster’s role in the plot. (Yes that is Gaster. A post for another time.)  Bringing us here to save the world of Deltarune from the ANGEL’S HEAVEN (No other [heaven] in the game), why would he be trying to make a salesman puppet (Gaster doesn’t turn anyone into puppets... He just seems to turn them greyscale + creepy) reach it?

A man who calls characters like Kris, Susie, and Noelle “VERY, VERY, WONDERFUL” supporting a guy who says he wants to “TURN THOSE [Shmoes and Daves] INTO [Rosen Graves]???”

(Important to note that Gaster does not respond to Darkner names in the GONERMAKER sequence. He has yet to acknowledge any Darkner’s existance. Yes, that includes JEVIL. .  A post for another time on what Secret Boss lore can be determined from the game. )

So what about the theory that “It” is Mike?  

Well, assuming Mike is a television (Certainly a Darkner, as Spam E_mail explicitly doesn’t have any Lightner friends), given “KRIS!!! DON'T BELIEVE [[Anything You See On TV!]]“ + TV deals and big commercials(Remember, Addisons mainly advertise to Lightners), Mettaton’s pre-chapter 3 sidequest for entertainment, and given Spamton is based on Spambot puppets (Another post for another time, but it should be obvious, well, Spamton’s transformation into a Spam-bot isn’t complete until he gets NEO.  Clever Toby.) it doesn’t make any sense a TV would do this. 

Takes like “Mike’s Big Showdown” are neat, but conceptually inconsistent. 

“AND NOW A [[Public Service Announcement]] FROM EV3RY  BUDDY  'S FAVORITE [[Number 1 Rated Salesman1997]] ! !”

"LET THIS BE A [Lesson] [Kids!]"

"NO MATTER HOW [Desperate] YOU ARE!” "DON'T CLICK ON SUSPICIOUS [[Hyperlink Blocked]] FROM [Haunted Puppets] TELLING YOU IT’S YOUR CHANCE TO BE BIG!" "OR ELSE YOU'LL [[Lost control of your life]]”  “AND TURN INTO A [Spam]BOT!"  HAEAHAEAHAEAHAEAH!!". “...” "... Can anyone hear me? Help..." “THIS HAS BEEN A [PSA] FROM YOUR OLD PAL SPAMTON ! !” 

Spamton makes a clear distinction between [Mike] and “It” saying that his “Amazing Transformation” was the result of a [Communion] with [[Unintelligible Laughter]]. 

Communion, an interesting religiously loaded word (makes sense given Deltarune’s explicitly religious plot) meaning to connect with the divine.  

Interestingly, this matches what the Yellow Swatchling told us about Spamton, that, after a while, he stopped using his room and started praying in the basement.  

This gives us an important clue as to who “It” is, but we’re not there yet.

While Spamton seems to be absolutely terrified of “It”, when it comes to Mike he seems to miss him. Someone he needed but is no longer present. “WE DON’T NEED [Mike]!” Getting sad in his normal voice for a moment. “...Mike.” but he also calls him a criminal. 

But at the same time Mike seems to be someone he wants to see him when he becomes a big shot.  If we “kill” Spamton NEO, he calls out to Mike in his “Final Moments” 

“ARE YOU GETTING ALL THIS [Mike]!? I'M FINALLY I'M FINALLY GONNA BE A BIG SHOT!!!“ 

He seems to hope Mike is proud.  And thinks he’s recording??? He does act as if he is on TV during the fight.  Even though there is no Audience and the stagelights are shattered.

(The man is full of references to TV and gameshows in both fights. Not just the MTT reference one.  Why it’s almost certain Mike will be the TV boss, with the landline phone nearby, Mike TV. Like the joke! But that’s a post for another time.Concept by Modtro64) Though it could also be spite, he imagines Mike recording the moment he becomes a big shot!

If Mike is the [Gameshow Host] mentioned, connecting his association with recording and Spamton’s constant TV and gameshow references, it’s clear Spamton shows abandonment issues because of him...

Snapping at Kris for betraying him in the weird route, 

“TO [$!$!] ME OVER RIGHT AT THE [Good part]!? WHAT ARE YOU, A [Gameshow Host]!?“

This matches exactly with Spamton’s backstory, as everything was looking up, the Addisons tells us Spamton’s benefactor suddenly vanished, and everything came down.  Right at the [Good part]. 

This (along with the transformation comment) helps confirm without a DOUBT, that what is puppeting Spamton is not equal to who was helping Spamton. And with TV connections, we can theorize that the helper and friend was Mike.

To Spamton, that friend, Mike, is gone.  But “It” is still here, still warned about in the song, still mentioned by the narrator.

* It pulls the strings and makes them ring. 

Spamton is bitter, but deep down, still misses Mike very much.  He seems to have been a father figure almost. A mentor.  It’s sweet.  Someone make art of that!

Wonder why he vanished? Is it because Toriel unplugged the TV... Or, like the Addisons, did Spamton’s ambition and ego drive him away? 

In anycase, who else could “It” be then? The Knight is often referred to by “It” but according to Queen it had already taken it’s leave before the heroes arrived, so it cannot be “It” though both are related to [Communion] and religiously charged, the Knight making “THE HOLY” fountains. 

But we’re still no closer to who “It” is...  Actually, it’s pretty obvious.  It’s the mysterious character with Spamton’s eye colors!   The one that appears in the basement. 

(Well, to clarify, normal Spamton’s eye/glasses colors are the opposite of IMAGE_FRIEND’s, barring when he [[Unintelligible Laughter]] and they switch, however Spamton NEO’s eye colors are exactly the same! As we saw, seeking this body did not give him more freedom, if anything it made him fall deeper into it’s control...  “OR... so... I... thought. WHAT ARE THESE STRINGS!?”  Couldn’t be anything more than a simple puppet.)

Where he prayed...  And where it prayed...on him. 

Something haunts the mansion basement, a “Strange Force” according to one maid, that takes over during the Weird route.  

(Seems Toby originally planned for it to be referenced further, given this unused Berdly Coaster dynamic) 

But what?  

(It’s again not Mike TV boss, their smile is thinner and eyeless. All the bosses seem to lack visible eyes, the biggest imperfection with Modtro64′s take. ) 

Given this is “A CYBER’S WORLD?!” let’s see if computer things can give us an answer. 

The vine-like strings/wires.  You know what controls bots? Strings of code. 

According to Ralsei, prince of Darkness, Spamton was nothing more than a “Corrupted Program”, according to Swatch, the basement is full of all sorts of corrupted data.  

So this is likely what we’re dealing with in some form.  A corrupted or corrupting program/malicious code Darkner.  Spooky.  I wonder if we’ll ever see it again. 

The dice enemy we don’t fight in Chapter 1 tells us in the Dojo to watch out for it’s friends so, if we can see more toys in the future, we can also see more computer stuff!

Of course it must be said, why is it’s sprite different from the other ones? “IMAGE_FRIEND”.  Organized with caps, which is usually associated with the “DEVICE” which seems to associate with Gaster and his “SURVEY_PROGRAM” chapter 1 Demo which had a True Lab-esque old computer aesthetic. 

It’s an image placed there by the device... But why? 

Is this a friend of his? He never mentioned such a thing. Doesn’t seem to be Spamton’s, or ours. (Though, speaking through Spamton, he does call himself an “old Pal”)  Or is it something of interest he wants us to see? Hard to say.   

I suppose one could sort of salvage the Gaster-Spamton connection theory using this, however it’s more that It/FRIEND is connected to Gaster rather than Spamton. And even that is dubious. 

The events concerning Spamton and “FRIEND” occurred before the events of the game. (202X according to the unused manual images, so somewhere around now.) 

(Back in 1997, it seems, though hard to imagine Queen being there for so long since she’s “state of the art.” Unless it was another of “my Kin.” 

It has to be 1997 though, because late 1997 corresponds to the real world rise of “Mail Abuse Prevention System” which was the first system to block Spam from marketers who realized E_mail was a new way to advertise outside of TV.

This was abandoned as Spam was blocked due to it’s problematic nature & it mainly became the domain of bad actors and computer worms instead...

Which is likely what “It” is, assuming a theory I have that Queen’s mansion is also the computer, and the basement is the harddrive, is true.  “A strange force has taken over the mansion!”  Computer worms, malicious code, take over computers using Spam E_mail and use them to spread. ). 

I doubt Gaster could have played a role. 

I also doubt “It” is the same person that talked to Jevil, as Jevil is not a puppet. In fact, while Spamton and Jevil share the same theme of Freedom (Though in entirely different contexts) and the lust to commit genocide. 

“AFTER YOU, I”LL PLAY WITH EVERYONE ELSE TOO!” “OH, IT’S JUST A SIMPLE NUMBERS GAME! WHEN YOUR HP DROPS TO 0 YOU LOSE!” - Jevil

“WE’LL TURN THOSE [Shmoes and Daves] INTO [Rosen Graves] THOSE [Cathode Screens] INTO [Cathode Screams]”  “A HEAVEN-PIERCING [Workout-Ready Body]” “TRY A LITTLE [Friday-Night Workout]... THEN I’LL SHOW YOU MY THEN I’LL SHOW YOU MY 5 LEFT.” “GET STRONGER!”-Spamton.   (With this being Spamton’s way into heaven it all seems to reference the Angel of Death prophecy from Undertale.  Spamton telling us that making [Frozen Chicken] with Noelle is the path to Freedom. Then there’s the official Japanese localization Spamton who makes a spam-ton of death/die based puns... Not that english Spamton doesn’t mention death casually “TAKE THIS DEAL AND YOU WILL [Die]!! IT’S THAT GOOD!!!”)

Hold ShadowCrystals.

And have mysterious contacts (But these contacts are not implied to be the same person, and neither is likely to be Gaster either, since this is Pre-Fountain when they were objects + What I proved with Spamton.) 

There are no explicit links between them. Aside from them having known each other and sharing similar goals. 

“THE TRUE AND NEO CHAOS” - Jevil.  (Final Chaos attack)

“BUT JUST LOOK, KRIS. LOOK AT THE [Power of NEO] AND ASK YOURSELF... WELL, DON'T YOU? DON'T YOU WANNA BE A [Big Shot]!?” - Spamton NEO.

As well as religious knowledge.  Jevil knowing about the Roaring, which he told Seam, making his view “Darker, yet Darker.”  (Both ENTRY NUMBER SEVENTEEN and this line reference the Roaring, when the LIGHT is subsumed by SHADOW.)

Confirmed when Seam says: 

"One day soon..." "You too, will begin to realize the futility of your actions."

"Ha ha ha..."

"At that time, feel free to come back here."

"I'll make you tea..."

"And we can toast... to the end of the world!"

This is what makes him a Nihilist.  (Not any meta knowledge, when Seam says Jevil sees the world as a “Game” he means the “Games we used to play” “I JUST WANTED TO PLAY A GAME, GAME!” - Jevil. He can “DO ANYTHING” because he’s the wild card, the fool/Joker, matched only be the second wild card the magician. His theme is called “THE WORLD REVOLVING” as they are on a carousel and * Everything’s spinning, spinning.  Also due to his relativistic world view which he uses to say “I’m not in jail, everyone else is, and only I am free.” so “WHO KEEPS SPINNING THE WORLD AROUND?!”)

Spamton, meanwhile, knows about Kris’ ability to save the world, saying so if you fall for a scam and seeking out the [[LIGHT.]] inside their [HeartShapedObject] to cast away the “IT’S STILL DARK...SO DARK!!(...) I NEED YOU!!”

  He also knows about the ANGEL’S HEAVEN which he seeks to usurp and become [God] in a storyline often quoting Isaiah 14:12-14. 

“STAND UP WITH OUR HEADS IN THE CLOUDS AND LOOK INTO 

H E A V E N” - Spamton

When the twitter video scrolls away from advertising his fun pak, the text says “WAIT, DON”T GO! COME BACK!!“

Then he complains that you’re using commercial to advertise someone else’s face instead of his, and then everyone’s faces get covered up except for him and Kris.