#spacedirk

It's one of the first things he does, finding out if his church is still, well, his church. St. John the Baptist Catholic church is still there, and he aches at the sight of it. He goes into mass, and though it's not pew to pew Irish and German anymore, and the sermon has changed, it's still the same. Faces turned up at the priest, looking at their hands in the lap, at the windows; kids sitting in the back of the church, barely paying attention, trying to whisper to each other without getting caught.

He wishes was wearing his mothers rosary beads, had gone into the ice with them in his pocket; they were too fragile to be touched, to be used, now. He buys a new set, a plain one for all the money he now has, and as it settles against his chest it reminds him of his Ma, of Bucky.

He goes every Sunday he can, goes to the bake sales, loiters after the service to talk to the other parishioners. And then, after the events of D.C, he disappears. He doesn't come to church on Sundays, doesn't attend church events. Only Mrs. Martinez talks the congregation down from a panic, receiving a call every week or so from Steve, same as before he left, paired up through the churches TeleChat program for the elderly.

"Coming to church, Buck?" Steve asks a few months after they arrive back in New York. The ex-assassin doesn't move, doesn't respond, but Steve doesn't mind. Healing is a long process, and Steve isn't going to push him. It sets a pattern, though. Every Sunday after that, Steve asks Bucky to go to church with him.

The weeks stretch into months, and Buckys reply stays more or less the same; silence.

Eventually, though, when the question has become so ingrained into his routine that he doesn't even think before asking, Bucky snaps.

"What the hell would I want to go to church for!" He snarls, whirling around from where he's sitting near the window. A huge improvement, since when he first arrived he refused to walk past the large open windows of their set of rooms in the tower.

Steve doesn't know how to respond, doesn't want to assume anything about his friends train of thought, so he approaches Bucky, slowly, and lays a large hand on a tense shoulder, asking,

"What do you mean?" Bucky shakes his head, hair flying, as he scowls at Steve.

"Whaddya think I mean? I don't belong in a god damn church, Steve." Steve opens his mouth to argue, forehead creasing into a shape Bucky knows all too well, so he knocks Steves hand off his shoulder and pushes him towards the door.

"I don't want to go to church, Steve! Stop asking!" He shouts, turning and walking from the room.

"Buck." His voice makes the brunet pause at the doorway.

"All those people, everyone who goes to church, have done something bad or have been lost in their life, Buck. Otherwise they'd stop going." There's silence for a few moments, Steve staring at the broad planes of his best friends back, Bucky staring at nothing, before Steve takes a step towards the elevator.

"But I'll stop asking." he concedes, and Bucky can just imagine the look on Steves face, doesn't turn around to check before the elevator dings and Steve's gone.

The rosary hangs heavy around Steves neck, weighs him down. No one comments on his withdrawn face, but he can tell they're worried for him. It makes him feel better, that they're concerned about him, that he's part of a community again, but he wishes Bucky could experience it as well. Though, he's still happier now, with Bucky by his side again, than he was before he'd rediscovered his friend.

Steve keeps his word, and stops asking Bucky if he wants to come, though it's a close call once or twice, sounds halfway out before he can clamp down on them.

Almost two and a half months after Steve stops asking, a large, warm body settles next to his halfway through the service. He looks over out the corner of his eye, and can't help the grin that spreads across his face. He's ditched the large coat he normally wears when he leaves the tower, and is dressed in nicely pressed trousers and a crisp white shirt, gloves on and hair brushed and neatly tied back.

He shoots Steve a look back, smirk tugging at his lips when Steve reaches over to bat at the new rosaries hanging from Buckys neck. Bucky settles more firmly against him, muttering 'punk' out the side of this mouth. Steve settles his foot against Buckys and the spend the rest of the service leaning all over each other.

Mrs. Martinez winks at him when he introduces them, at the regular impromptu social gathering that happens after service. Steve can't help the blush that spreads over his face when she pats his hands, smirks at an awkward Bucky, says,

i was tagged by my bae johnnymrr

1. This Too Shall Pass - Danny Schmidt

2. Too Close To Love You - Alex Clare

3. Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High - Arctic Monkeys

4. Flawless - The Neighbourhood (I'm surprised this is the only neighbourhood song that came up, because i have tons of them on my phone)

5. No Angels - Bastille (This is a cover of No Scrubs and Angels)

6. R U Mine? - Arctic Monkeys (I have the full AM album on my phone ugh)

7. Latch - Disclosure 

8. Big Houses - Squalloscope (You might have noticed that some of these songs are the Night Vale weather, including this one)

9. No One's Here To Sleep - Naughty Boy (This one features Bastille so like yea)

10. All Eyes - Imagine Dragons

Most of the songs on my phone are something by Arctic Monkeys, Bastilee, and The Neighbourhood. Idk give them a try i guess????

I TAG: