#source: death note

Brad: a top?

Frank: An aggressive top... I have never once been submissive. One of the few things I can boast about. I have never even been submissive to a traffic signal

Brad: You really should

*Nicholas chuckling at the list of names he found*

Krampus: You've taken quite a liking to it.

*Nick screams and falls over.*

Krampus: No reason to act surprised. I am the demon, Krampus. That used to be my list. Judging by your laughter, you've already figured out that what you have is no ordinary list.

Nick: A demon, huh? Well, I'm not surprised. In fact… Krampus, I've been waiting for you.

Krampus: Oh?

Nick: I've already figured out that this List that I've found is real. It didn't take me long. And now that I've witnessed the proof of its power, I only feel more confident in what I'm gonna do.

Krampus: That's interesting. I certainly wasn't expecting this. Several Lists have made their way into the human world in the past, but you're the first to have written this many names. Look at how many people you’ve labeled in only five days. Most are reluctant to write this much.

Nick: I've already prepared myself, Krampus. I used the List even though I knew it belonged to a Demon, and now that Demon has come. So what will happen to me? You're here to take my soul, right?

Krampus: Hmm, what do you mean? Is that some fantasy you humans came up with? I'm not gonna do anything to you. The List becomes part of the human realm from the very moment it touches the earth. In other words, the List is now yours.

Nick: This… is mine?

Krampus: If you don't want it, just give it to someone else. But if you give it away, I'd have no choice but to erase your memories of the List.

Nick: So, then, you're saying I can use the List all I want and I won't be punished?

Krampus: Let's just say this, you will feel the fear and pain known only to humans who have used the List. And when it's your time to be deemed Naughty or Nice, it will fall on me to write your name in my List. Be warned, any human who's used a List can neither go to heaven nor hell for eternity. That's all. *Laughs* Now you have something to look forward to after you die.

Nick: I just have one more question I wanna ask you. Why was I chosen for this? *Krampus devours two candy canes* Hey, are you even listening?

Krampus: Candy Canes in the human world are worth the trip. What's the best way to describe these? Minty?

Nick: Just answer my question!

Krampus, scoffs: I didn't choose you. Don't you see? This is all just an accident. You actually thought you were chosen because you're so smart or something? Don't be so vain. It just happened to fall around here, and you just happened to pick it up. And that's all there is to it. That's why I wrote the instructions in English, the most popular language in the human world.

Nick: Then why did you drop it in the first place? You even wrote down specific instructions, so don't try telling me this was an accident!

Krampus: You're asking me why? I did it 'cause I was bored.

Nick: You were bored?

Krampus: The truth is Demons haven't got much to do these days. Most of the time we're either taking naps or gambling or occasionally kidnapping bad children. If you take the time to write names in your List, the others just laugh at you for working so hard. Even if you wrote the name of another Demon, it'd be pointless because they don't celebrate Christmas. And since we live in the Demon Realm, it brings us no amusement to punish those in the human world either. So I figured I'd have more fun if I came down here myself. Anyway, I'm surprised at how many names you've written, but I wanna know why you only wrote that the kid who hit the other with a toy truck was naughty and not the reason why.

Nick: If you don't write down the reason, the kid just gets coal and nothing else happens to him, and that's probably the best thing about the List, Krampus. You see, I've already exhausted the list of the worst kids in my town, and eventually, I'm going to cure them all.

Krampus: What's the point of doing that?

Nick: It's only a matter of time before people figure out that these kids are getting coal from someone. I want the world to know of my existence. That there's someone passing righteous judgement on the wicked!

Krampus: Why even bother? What are you trying to achieve by passing judgement on them. I mean, why do you care?

Nick: Because… I've been bored too. I wasn't ready to believe it at first, but it's obvious now. There's something about the List itself that makes humans want to try it out at least once.

Nick: Besides, who am I to pass judgement on others? Uhh… no, no wait. Maybe I'm wrong. This is exactly what I've been thinking about lately. This world is getting naughty, and those who are making it so deserve no gifts. Someone has to do it, so why not me? Even if it means sacrificing my own mind and soul, it's worth it. Because the world can't go on like this.

Nick: I've wondered… what if someone else picked up this list. Is there anyone out there, other than me, who would be willing to fix the brats of the world? If I don't do it, then who will? That's just it; there's no one, but I can do it. In fact, I'm the only one who can. I'll do it, using the List, I'll change the world.

Nick: At first, I wrote the names of the worst kids I could think of. Like I was cleaning up the world, one name at a time, so that eventually no one will ever do anything naughty again. And while the truly guilty ones who deserve to be punished for their crimes get coal for Christmas, the people who are less guilty but who still make trouble for others will slowly be cured through gifts of itchy sweaters and socks. That's why I check the List twice. Then and only then the world will start moving in the right direction. It'll be a new world, free of injustice, and populated by children who I've judged to be honest, kind, and hardworking.

Krampus: But if you did that, it would make you the only naughty person left.

Nick: Huh? I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm a hard working toy maker considered to be one of the North Pole's best and brightest. And I… I will become the Saint of this New World.

Krampus: It's just as I thought, humans are so interesting...

Jane: Yeah, of course I am. I have to be in this family of cynics and sociopaths.

davey: yeah, of course i am. i have to be in this group of cynics and sociopaths.