#soultwin

You finally stepped up to the door of your apartment and paused, listening first for any signs of your roommate and best friend. Typically, he’d have some kind of music blasting loudly enough to earn shouts from the neighbors. Today, you heard nothing - not the rhythm of his humming, not the exasperated sighs of a writer, and certainly not the singing at the top of his lungs. Quickly frowning to yourself, you unlocked the door and stepped through the threshold into what you had made your home.

You walked carefully, cautiously, through the rooms. First, the living room and kitchen before you headed off to check the two bedrooms. When you found your roommate in none of those spaces, you pulled your phone from your back pocket and started a text to him.

To: Lin

Where are you? I just got home.

His reply came within seconds and brought a soft smile to your face:

From: Lin

On the roof. Come join.

The roof had quickly become a place of solace since you and Lin had moved into the building. The door to the top was rarely locked and you had started sneaking up there as soon as you’d discovered that fact. In the summer, you took lawn chairs and spent your days off with books and writing up extra-credit papers for your summer classes. Lin had spent the last summer with you, countless notebooks and his humming accompanying his presence. You had to admit it had been pretty perfect - swapping sparse questions between the two of you as the sun melted away the worries that your shoulders had felt the weight of for too long. When night fell, you’d sit and point out constellations for him and talk about the distant dreams you both had.

Sighing and then shrugging, you took your bag and tossed it mindlessly onto the worn-out couch. You knew there were papers calling you from the depths of the bag, but you chose to ignore them. Exiting your apartment once again, having been there for no longer than a couple of minutes, you made your way to the rooftop.

When you stepped out onto the rooftop, the first thing you saw were the stars. They traced patterns onto your soul, creating lasting impressions. The milky blue of the early night sky made them brighter and your gaze was stuck on them before you forced yourself to look for Lin. You spotted him quickly, seated in the center of the concrete on a beach towel. His gaze was cast across the area, rested upon the twinkling lights of the city he adored so deeply. You noticed the gleam of something hanging from his fingers and wondered what it was, but let the thought dart away as you neared him, walking up behind him.

He didn’t jump when you sat down next to him, crossing your legs and staring out onto the city just as he. Your eyes flitted over and saw that the gleam of light you had seen before was the city lights reflecting off of an old bottle of white wine you remembered buying a while earlier. It was open, but not much was gone from it.

In a flash, you stretched your hand over and slipped the bottle from Lin’s grasp. You heard him startle, but ignored it as you took a long drink of the wine. You heard him start to protest but watched a smile come to his face instead. You set the bottle down on the ground in front of you and sighed.

Lin spoke first, “Tough day?”

You caught his knowing glance, the raise of his eyebrows in questioning and understanding.

You nodded, still not able to find words proper enough to describe your day. Lin watched you for a silent moment before talking again.

“You wanna tell me about it?”

You now looked over at him, catching his eyes, “Only if you tell me about yours first.”

He nodded as if he was about to start, but reached over to take the bottle from in front of you first. He took a long swig and sighed. Then he began.

“Let’s see… did you know how hard it is to start up a musical? Like honest to god, it’s harder than actually creating the show itself. The funding keeps getting passed by or taken away or some other shitty thing.” He took a deep breath and you now noticed the stress lines on his face, the downtrodden look in his wide eyes, the unkemptness of his hair, and the slight disappointment in the tone of his words.

“Lin…” You started, but he raised his hand to stop you before the words came out. He took his free hand to run through his hair before continuing.

“Just… I really wanted to write Heights. It was somehow just something I knew I had to do, I was obligated by myself. And I know it’s worth it - I really do. But sometimes it’s just so hard, you know? Am I even cut out for this? Is the show good enough for what I want for it? Am I good enough for this? (Y/N), sometimes it seems so far away, all these dreams of mine. Like I’m chasing the stars and I’m never going to catch them. It just looks so… unrealistic from down here.”

He released a deep sigh and you silently held your hand out for the bottle. You felt him pass it to you, your hand touching his for a millisecond and causing a rush of heat to climb up your arm and fill your cheeks with the redness of a blush.

“Lin, I told you this during the summer when you were writing and I’ll tell you this now: you’re perfectly capable of this. In fact, I can’t imagine anyone better for that musical than you. This task was created by the universe for you and there’s a reason you couldn’t escape the nagging feeling that you had to write it. There is no one but you who could do this and do it so well. There are bumps in the road right now and I promise you there will be even more. But you, and only you, will handle them as they come. You will persevere because you’ve done it before and because you believe in this musical more than anyone else. You will succeed because you must and because your passion for this project is unlike anything I have ever seen before.”

Your speech spiraled into something more inspirational and longer than you’d originally intended, but you still took a long drink when you were finished. You looked over at Lin to gauge his reaction and he was already staring at you.

“What?” You asked, a laugh and goofy smile punctuating the question.

Lin shook his head in mild amazement, “Nothing, you’re just… exactly what I needed right now.”

You raised your eyebrows and Lin looked like he regretted his words, wincing at what had just come out of his mouth after only a few sips of wine.

“I meant… that speech. What you said. It was what I needed to hear. Thank you for saying it.”

You nodded slowly, “Anytime. You know I’m full of advice for other people.”

The moment was covered in a shroud of silence when Lin had no reply and you had nothing to volunteer. You both sat, you staring at the stars that now blanketed the dark navy of the sky and Lin’s eyes dancing with the reflection of the lights of the place you lived. It was a thick beat of tranquility before he finally spoke.

“You wanna tell me about your day now?”

You unleashed a quick chuckle, “I guess it’s only fair if I do.”

You ran your fingers over the bottle of wine, trying to connect your jumbled thoughts into sentences. “It’s… everything. I’m barely managing my deadlines, I have to work extra shifts at the diner just for spending money, my mom needs my help constantly since dad left, and I just found out that I am actually shit at what I thought I was good at.”

Lin looked at you, his brown eyes wide. “Are you talking about that piano competition last month? Because I’ve told you a hundred times that you lost because the judges weren’t even born in this century, and aren’t able to appreciate the borderline psychotic beauty of Shostakovich.”

“I lost because I messed up the last few pages, and my tempo was completely off, and I’ve never played on a piano that expensive before, and-” You broke off, taking a long swig from the bottle.

He reached forward and caught your hand in his. “Hey. You are the most talented pianist I know, even more than Lac, and that’s the biggest compliment I can give you. Don’t tell him I said that.”

His grin drew a reluctant laugh from your lips. You shrugged. “It’s just- it’s go big or go home with this music thing. It’s a ninety five percent chance that I’m going to end up broke and homeless. I should just devote my time to college, get a degree, and get a stable job someday.”

You were vaguely aware of Lin’s body moving closer to yours and, a moment later, you felt his arm over your shoulders, “You’re going to sell out Carnegie Hall one day. I’m calling it. Plus, if I’m not allowed to give up on my dream, you aren’t either.”

The knot in your heart that had been around since last month began to loosen. Finally, maybe for the first time in a long time, you let out a genuine laugh. You reached for the bottle, raising it to your lips to take a sip, before you realized there was no liquid left in the container. You were shortly surprised before remembering how it had been passed and the amount of long drinks that had been taken from it. You set the bottle back down on the ground and your ears tuned into a sound coming from next to you, one that you knew all too well.

Lin was singing. It was faint, softly under his breath, but the tone of his voice was unmistakable. The tune, the words, and the reverb washed over you, cleansing you of the day’s hardships. You closed your eyes, allowing your head to nod along to the song.

It was only a minute before you were smiling along, giddiness overtaking your body. Maybe it was the constant positive force that Lin was, maybe it was his words, or maybe it was the bottle of wine you’d split, but you felt free from restraints. You felt truly, unbelievably content in this moment, with the stars twinkling and Lin singing and your head fuzzy of any brooding thoughts.

Before you knew it, Lin had his hand in yours and was pulling you up from the ground. Heat pulsed through your body from any number of factors and you let yourself be led upwards until you were standing in front of him. The beat he hummed was more confident now, making you want to dance.

You got your wish.

Lin put his hands on your waist, drawing you into a closer proximity, guiding your hips to move with the song he created. A laugh bubbled up in your throat and escaped wildly, a sign of your rampant euphoria. You brought your arms up, looping them loosely around his neck. A soft spring breeze kicked up, but did little to calm the fire in your veins. Lin’s head dipped downwards towards your shoulder and you could feel the pressure from his laughter on your skin.

When he brought his head back up, your eyes locked onto his. In this minuscule place, on this rooftop in this vast city, you felt as if you were limitless with him. You felt as if you could touch the stars, reach all of your impossible dreams.