Soul Searching (Is Harder If You Have Different Maps)
Riddle (meeting timer) - Yuu (heartbeat match)
When youâre escorted back into the Hall filled with floating coffins and at least four hundred people all turn to stare at you, your heart makes an odd skip-flutter-ker-thump.
Youâve had many, many anxious responses to crowds of strangers scrutinizing you throughout your life.
That was not one of them.
Well. Great. Wonderful! Youâve somehow ended up at a school for magicians after dreaming about (maybe actually?) dying to a, a monster, and nearly being barbecued by a talking, fire-breathing tanuki. Of course youâd meet your soulmate here as well! In a crowded room where you have zero idea which of the many, many people it is! Sure! Why not?
Itâs almost enough to distract you from the talking magic mirror telling you that you have no magic and that Japan apparently doesnât exist.
Youâre so busy trying to find a way home, then defeating ghosts, then trying to catch Ace, then Grim, trying to get the magistone, not dying to the weird ink monster, then trying to keep Grim in line and make him attend classes, that you all but forget about your soulmate conundrum.
Until youâre at lunch with Ace, Deuce, Clover-senpai, and Diamond-senpai, and Ace complains, âWhat the hell crawled up his ass and died? Seriously the dorm headâs as narrow minded and strict as they comeâhe bit my head off for eating just one slice of tart!â
Clover-senpai and Diamond-senpai trade a Look.
âYou know Ace-Chan, everyoneâs fighting a battle that you canât see!â Diamond-senpai chirps. âPlus Riddle really, really likes eating the first slice, soâŚâ
âHe can be a bitâŚâ Clover-senpai trails off, dropping a hand to his wrist. His thumb smoothes over the fabric there. âBut heâs also dealing with someâŚpersonal issues on top of all of his responsibilities, so try to be understanding, okay?â
Your mind is racing at the sight of Clover-senpaiâs hand on his pulse, wondering, half-hoping, half-dreadingâ!
âWhat did his Timer drop off or something?â Ace scoffs, lifting his arm and twisting his hand so his sleeve slides down. âBecause, newsflash! Heâs not the only one to have his Timer reach Zero at the entrance ceremony! Iâm pretty sure most of our year did!â
Deuce is also saying something, disagreeing you think, but you canât concentrate at the sight of what Ace has exposed.
On his wrist, right over his pulse, is an ornate clock face. It looks like a weird cross between a tattoo and an actual stopwatch, if stopwatches had intricate detailing, five hands, and mostly Roman numerals except for a O replacing the 12.
âWhat is that?â You breathe, peering closer at it.
Ace gives you a bewildered stare. As do Deuce, Diamond-senpai, and Clover-senpai. And Grim.
ââŚThatâs his Timer, Prefect.â Deuce says, at last. At your confused look, he continues, âYou know, how you find your soulmate? It counts down untilâŚyeah.â
âIt counts down until you meet your soulmate?â You ask, equally unnerved by the concept and the Looks youâre receiving.
âUsually itâs until you and your soulmate lock eyes.â Clover-senpai says tactfully. âBut yes, that is the general gist.â
âThat soundsâŚâ You try to digest this. ââŚthat sounds awful. Like, how does the clock know when youâre meant to meet, let alone who? Is it watching you? Is it sentient somehow? And you donât even get any explicit confirmation when you do meet? How do you know itâs actually your soulmate? Is it just picking the most convenient placeholder? How do you not go mad second-guessing everything?â
Thereâs an unsatisfactory silence from the boys around you.
âIâwhâ?â Clover-senpaiâs glasses have gone slightly askew. âPrefect, do you not have aâŚ?â
You tug your sleeves down a bit, showing off your bare wrists. âThatâs not how soulmates work where Iâm from.â
Your heartbeat picks up.
âWait, wait, time-out for a hot sec.â Diamond-senpai holds up his hands to make a t-shape. âYou said thatâs not how soulmates work where youâre from. But you do have soulmates?â
You nod. âWell, yeah.â
The idea of a place existing where people donâtâŚwell, it doesnât bear thinking about.
âSo how do you find them?â Deuce asks. âIf your world doesnât have Timers.â
âOur heartbeats.â You rest your fingers over where your pulse is growing faster, trying to take deep breaths and think calming thoughts. âWhen you lock eyes with your soulmate, your heart begins beating in time with theirs. Youâll feel their joy and fear and love until the day you both die. Though itâs hardly a failsafe method eitherâŚâ
âWhoa.â Grim gasps, a tiny paw resting on his own chest.
ââŚThat is creepy as all hell.â Ace says with a shudder.
âNo itâs not!â You protest, scandalized, heartbeat quickening yet again in spite of your efforts.
âNo, you look at somebody and one of your organs gets a signal to begin acting like itâs not even in your freaking body anymore!â Ace argues. âAnd, oh yeah, itâs the one that kind of controls whether you live or die.â
âOh, and I suppose some creepy voyeuristic watch embedded into your skin is so much better.â You retort.
Ace opens his mouth, ready to fire backâand freezes. You notice his face paling, his expression going from irritated to terrified.
Your heart is pounding like youâre running for your life again.
You slowly twist around on the bench.
Dorm Head Rosehearts is standing behind you.
âOff With Your Head!â
The benches for the cafeteria tables should have backrests, you reflect from your new position on the floor. Itâd make it much harder for undignified, flailing backwards falls to happen when surprise collars are magickâd onto your person.
Dorm Head Rosehearts doesnât even explain what youâve done to merit this punishment.
Just storms out of the cafeteria, you and your racing heart in prime position to view his (tall) (sharp) (step on meNO) heels clicking away from you on the tile.
Ace and Deuce help you struggle back upright in time to see Diamond-senpai and Clover-senpai exchange another Look.
Youâve got a sinking feeling thatâs only partially inspired by their plan for you and Ace to âmake it up to Riddleâ by baking him a Mont Blanc.
So the Mont Blanc tart doesnât go well.
The probably-not-custodian of the greenhouse laughs you out of the building when he sees the collar around your neck. Grim eats far more raw chestnuts than can possibly be good for him, even after saying they âtaste badâ. Ace almost puts in oyster sauce because heâs not entirely convinced Clover-senpai was messing with him. You give Deuce an existential crisis over unfertilized eggs.
And thatâs before you even get to the Unbirthday Party.
At the sight of you, Dorm Head Roseheartsâ lips thin. But he continues directing the Unbirthday Party as though nothingâs happened, so you take it as win.
That is, until the tart is presented.
It could be you imagining things, but youâd swear for a moment that after you and Ace present the Mont Blanc that his eyes flicker to you and his expression is almostâŚpleased?
Things go downhill from there.
Rules are quoted. The tart is rejected because of a particularly idiotic one. The words âidiotâ and âtyrantâ may get thrown around, though in fairness you didnât mean to say it out loud at first. You all end up with collars and exiled from the Unbirthday Party in disgrace.
The attempted duel doesnât go well either.
As it turns out, even with the plan you, Ace and Deuce tentatively workshopped to try to subvert his insane levels of magic power wonât work if heâs too fast for them to even put it into action.
Your pulse remains calm and steady throughout the entire âbattleâ.
âHuh.â Dorm Head Rosehearts says brightly. âIt didnât even take five seconds. And you thought you could challenge me with those skills. Arenât you embarrassed?â
His expression darkens as he folds his arms across his chest. âThis just proves that rule violators are always in the wrong. Just as mother said.â
When you were little, youâd often wonder about what your soulmate would be like. Whether they would make your family like you more, make every day more bearable to the point of being fun, or if they would just like you for you, giving you the chance to escape together.
You never thought it would be possible for you to experience such intense feelings of dislike towards the boy youâre (at least 80%) sure is your soulmate.
Admittedly, most of it is towards his mother, and the fact that he had to develop this mindset to survive in the first place. You can even sympathize with that, hold it as a potential point of rapport between you, though the two of you diverged in your coping mechanisms. But the collar thatâs hanging heavy around your neck and the way he insists on flaunting his presumed superiority over those heâs beaten leaves a bitter, ugly feeling in your stomach.
Youâre brought out of your musings by Deuce proclaiming, âYouâre right that rules should be followed. But enforcing absurd ones left and right makes you a tyrant!â
âHa?â The sneer on Dorm Head Roseheartsâ face has no right to make your blood boil like it does. âRule breaking has consequences. And in this dorm, I am the rules. Those who refuse to obey donât have the right to complain when I take their heads!â
You canât keep your scoff inside any more. âYou donât get to do whatever you want because âitâs the rules!â Thatâs the kind of logic a child uses.â
Especially, you think to yourself, as that mindset will only go so far before a bigger fish comes along and the ârulesâ change to benefit them instead.
You learned that the hard way.
âA childâs logic? I could say much the same of how you choose to behave.â He turns to you, eyes thinning as a cruel smirk grows. âIf you canât even follow a simple rule, just what was your education like? You were probably born of parents that can barely use magic, if at all, and didnât receive much in terms of schooling before coming here. Not worth anyoneâs time to correct, because how can you nurture talent in the talentless? Youâre utterly inadequate.â
It doesnât hurt.
You tell yourself it doesnât hurt. Even as your nails bite into your palms. Youâve been told this before. Youâve been told worse before. It doesnât hurt, coming from him. It doesnât.
âSomeone magicless like you.â He hisses, venemous, âCould never hope to pretend to be partnered to a soul like mine.â
Thereâs a sharp, fierce pain in your chest.
You suck in a breath, because this doesnât hurt, it doesnât, youâve had worse, you have, youâve spent your meager life getting rejected, not being enough, who cares if the other half of your soul does it too, you, you canâtâ!
âSHUT THE HELL UP!!â
You donât quite understand what youâre seeing at first, too caught up in the sensation of a slow tearing of your very being.
A flash of black uniform, ginger hair. Your soulmate stumbling, nearly falling from the force of the blow thatâs snapped his head to the side.
Grim cheering on what is admittedly a beautiful right hook while the rest of the dorm screams about Ace punching out the dorm head.
âAah, I donât give a shit. About the dorm leader, about the duel, about your sad upbringing, none of it.â Ace growls, shaking out his fist. âKids arenât their parentsâ trophies, and a kidâs achievements donât define their parentâs worth, but you refuse to get that. I finally understand that the reason youâre such a bastard isnât just your parentsâ fault! Itâs because you push away anyone who could tell you what youâre doing is wrong! This whole situation is your own damn fault! Youâd even fuck over your own soulmate, just because youâre still scared of the impossible standards your mom set! âMama thisâ, âmama thatâ, try thinking for yourself for once! Youâre no leader, youâre just a baby whoâs good at magic!â
âYouâYou donât know anythingâŚYou donât know anything about me!â The way your heart is pounding in your chest is making you slightly worried about his blood pressure.
âLike anyone could, with that attitude.â Ace backs up until heâs level with you and Deuce again, slinging one arm round your shoulders. âI do know that even the Prefect deserves better than a whiny baby tyrant.â
âAce!â Deuce hisses, admonishing, in the same breath as you mutter, âEven?â
âENOUGH, ENOUGH, ENOUGH!! SHUT UP!!â Rosehearts howls, and oh, youâre not sure people are meant to go that red in the face. Especially not when heâs leveling a magic pen at the four of you. âMy mother was in the right! That means that I AM DEFINITELY IN THE RIGHT!!â
âRiddle, calm down. The duel is already over!â Clover-senpai barks.
âTh-thatâs right!â The useless bird of a headmaster finally steps between you. âItâs as Mr. Clover says. The challenger is disqualified for his outburst! Continuing to escalate will violate school regulations!â
Which is when the egg hits the side of Dorm Head Roseheartsâ face.
To say itâs horrifying to watch your soulmate turn into the same kind of monster that broke your ribs and nearly killed you in the Dwarf Mines is an understatement.
Itâs like a nightmare come to life. You watch as the foul, inky substanceâblotâ swallows Riddle Rosehearts whole, a grotesque shadowy thing looming behind him and almost puppeting his movements.
You feel the thorns from the rose trees bite into you. Itâd be stupid to pretend you didnât, that you were so consumed with devotion to the other half of your soul that all physical aches and pains seemed to vanish. No, you definitely feel it when an extra-thorny briar wraps around your ankle, hoists you into the air, digging in and tearing before Trey-senpai can vanish it with Doodle Suit. At least one of Cater-senpaiâs copies catches you before you hit the ground.
But even with all the powerful magic flying around, and your injuries that youâre certain will put you back in the nurseâs office again, you canât deny that you throw yourself headfirst into coordinating Ace, Deuce, and Grim against the overblot, yelling out directions even as Crowley, Trey-senpai, and Cater-senpai tried to get you to run, before the latter two stopped fussing and started helping.
Especially as through the entire battle, you notice that your shared heartbeat is gradually slowing, as if the life is being leeched away with every pump.
Your soulmate may not like you. He may hate you. The moment Riddle Rosehearts comes to his senses, he might reject the bond anyway, cast you asunder. And it will hurt. Of course it will. But itâll at least be him doing it.
Youâre not going to lie down and die quietly to the monster eating through his magic and life any more than youâre going to let it take him.
Itâs kinda weird to see him cry.
Dorm Head Rosehearts has spent all the time youâve known him (which is admittedly only a few days) being this indomitable force terrorizing Heartslaybul dorm. Prone to flying off the handle, yes, but youâve come to expect anger and yelling more than tears and apologies.
It makes you feel weirdly disarmed, wishing you had a tissue or a handkerchief to offer or something.
Still. Itâs better than kneeling there, waiting for his eyes to open with one hand pressed to your chest so youâll know if his heartâs still beating.
Youâre almost glad when Ace yells, ââIâM SORRYâ CANâT FIX THIS MESS!! THERES NO WAY IM JUST GONNA FORGIVE YOU LIKE THAT!!â
Even though most of you wanted to forgive him the moment the waterworks started, having Ace complain about all the stuff youâve gone through and wrangle a tart in return helps settle the part of you thatâs still sore and aching from the rejection you received.
You and Dorm Head Rosehearts are told to go straight to the nurseâs office, as you suspected. Trey-senpai is all but carrying Riddle, while what you think is one of Cater-senpaiâs clones supports your weight and helps you hop down the path out of Heartslaybul and towards the mirror that will lead into the school.
You leave Grim with Deuce, Ace, and what you think is the real Cater-senpai to help clean up, with strict instructions not to let your monster-cat-tanuki eat any more of the lawn.
For most of the journey, youâre turning over the information youâve learned almost feverishly. So, what you fought was called an âoverblotâ, and it happens when a magician reaches a certain threshold of magic use or stress. So was the monster you, Ace, Deuce and Grim fought in the mine also a person at one point? It produced the same black rock that Grim ate off the ground then too. Was there anything left of the original person at all that couldâve been saved? But when it happened to Dorm Head Rosehearts, it was killing him, you could feel it. So whatâ?
âI, I am sorry.â
You blink, momentarily stunned.
Dorm Head Roseheartsâno, Rosehearts-senpai?âis staring at you in earnest as he says this. You think you see his gaze flicker down to your bleeding ankle, your blank wrists, but itâs on your face again by the time you blink.
âIâm sorry for what I said, beforeâŚbefore.â He actually hangs his head. âIt, it wasnât appropriate for me to say, and, and it was. Untrue. And cruel. I donât expect you to forgive me, but I want you to know that I regret it. I always will.â
âRiddleâŚâ Trey-senpaiâs getting the coddling look in his eye again.
Cater-senpaiâs copy stares meaningfully at you. If he werenât supporting your weight right now, you think heâd give you an elbow nudge.
âWell.â Your breath hitches as a misplaced hop jars your ankle again. âIâd like to say that Iâve heard worse, but. It didâŚit did hurt. Coming from you.â
âO-oh.â Rosehearts-senpaiâno, Riddle-senpaiâs shoulders round, as though youâve added a weight to them. If youâre being emotionally honest with each other, youâve earned given-name status, you think. âThatâsâŚthatâs fair.â
You all get a little further down the hall, before you blurt. âI, Iâm sorry too. For calling you, you know. An idiot. At the Unbirthday party. It was uncalled for.â
You hear Riddle-senpai make a small huff that you think might be a laugh. âBut not a tyrant?â
âWell if the shoe fitsâŚâ You shrug before catching a glimpse of his indignant face. âIâm kidding. But, I will let you know if you start getting, you know. Like that. Again. We all will.â
âThatâs fair.â His voice sounds much quieter than before. âThank you.â
Out of the corner of your eye, you catch Cater-senpai making a gagging motion to Trey-senpai who rolls his eyes in response.
Your motley band continue down the echoing stone corridors.
âSakura mochi.â
Riddle-senpai twists to look at you past Trey. âI beg your pardon?â
âMy favorite food is sakura mochi.â You say, keeping your eyes forward as you limp towards the nurseâs office.
âIâm not going to ask you to make it like Ace, because I donât know how and Iâm not sure you even have all the ingredients here. But if weâreâŚâ You make a gesture thatâs as inexplicable to you as it must be to your audience. ââŚgoing to try doingâŚthis, whatever this is, itâll be better to start with a clean slate. Or, well. As clean as we can make it. So. My favorite food is sakura mochi. Whatâs yours?â
Thereâs a long silence.
Youâre kicking yourself, opening you mouth to say that he can forget about it, he doesnât have to do anything he doesnât want toâ
âStrawberry tart.â
His voice sounds small, almost timid.
You snicker a little. âReally? No wonder you got so mad when Ace ate your slice then.â
âWell,â He shrugs, leaning more against Trey-senpai. âA lot happened that day. Someone desecrated the statue of the Queen of Hearts. I tried to go and talk to the magicless person who made my Timer Zero out, but they were nowhere to be found and Headmaster Crowley told me he was preparing to expel them, along with two first years from Heartslaybul for breaking a chandelier. And then one of the second years forgot his pink while feeding the flamingoes, and Crewel-Sensei gave us more homework because Floyd Leech played up in Alchemy, and Draconia-san didnât show up to the Dorm Headsâ meeting again, andâand then I went for a midnight snack.â
You let out an undignified snort. âYou know that doesnât excuse everything that came after, right?â
âI know that!â Riddle-senpai shouldnât be so pretty when he blushes. Itâll be no good for you whatsoever. âNow. Now I know that. It was just. It was a long day.â
âIt sounds like it. Still. At least youâll get to have another one soon. With all of us, this time.â
You smile at him, heart pounding.
And, miracle of miracles, he smiles back.















