#sorryneither

cillian murphy. the only person i’ve been attracted to for a long period of time tbh

nikolai nikolaeff as vladimir ranskahov. i don’t... even know how to explain this

rami malek. ummmmm. ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

rinko kikuchi. same explanation as above

lee pace

kristen stewart

PEDRO PASCAL.......

alfie enoch

bellamy blake from the 100? never even seen that show but

colin morgan. rip

my utopia is my kitchen not being full of dirty dishes with old food crusted on and not minding washing out the blender and sunshine coming in and flowers and a fruit bowl that doesn’t have rotten bananas at the bottom.  it’s being able to throw out food when it goes bad so it doesn’t stink up the fridge.  it’s walking outside and knowing my neighbors, waves and winks and nods, spending a few hours on the neighborhood detail street sweeping or sorting recycling or washing the windows on the library and then swinging by our pharmacy and hopping on my bike and delivering prescriptions for people in town that need or want them delivered, then spending eh 3 hours at the library or wherever we keep our communal computers and working on coding up some useful software to fill some void or other or just fixing a bug in the software we use to run the discussion forums for our community maybe, and then coming home and saying hi to the cat and the dog and maybe a housemate or lover or child or two and stepping into my kitchen and the windows are open and it smells like soap and fruit and flowers and instead of making me feel sad and angry and guilty and ashamed and stressed out i stand barefoot on the linoleum and i smile.

this year i want to not get sicker.  i want to heal enough from my shock therapy that i can work again in some capacity or other, and i want to find a way to work that doesn’t take a toll on my mental health so large that it makes me crazy again.  i want to survive without having to move back in with relatives.  right now i have a rented room and a few friends and a bf and i’m finding ways to occupy my time and working on getting solid, regular mental healthcare and i want this to be my baseline.  i don’t want my situation to get any worse.  that’s my goal.

something i’m glad is in the past but at the time was good?  being in the psych ward.  i mean at the time it sucked tbh, psychiatric inpatient is boring as hell and it really really blows when the mental health issue that got you pink-slipped in the first place isn’t being treated effectively yet and you’re just locked in this boring place with bad coffee and worse food and you're still fucking crazy and it’s terrible.  but the hospital saved my life.  getting shock therapy saved my life.  i don’t think i would have made it through the winter otherwise.  so that panned out.

i wear speed stick men’s unscented deodorant on my pits for two reasons.

i have pit hair and men’s deodorant can handle it; women’s deodorant rly rly cannot

men’s unscented deodorant is ACTUALLY UNSCENTED, unlike all women’s deodorant in the history of TIME which inevitably reeks of something or other; like talk about false advertising right

OHHh man this is really tough they wld both work so well

i will do all these things

♥ divorce lawyer in love, fka twigs, flashedit, iris west, rurouni kenshin, splendid politics, westallen 

OMG