#somewhat personal

I WANT TO PREFACE THIS by saying that I use mods EXTENSIVELY look at my character list. They cannot all exist in the perfect world in this game. I love mods.

But I played in a time long before them. And I played console. And I wrote fanfiction and I grew and I roleplayed. And I've come to realize. We've all really become... so very lazy. We've taken mods and plug-ins like mare for granted for so long and so much. That when mare fell, I even thought I would retire Antares because he could not be seen for how he really was. So many people around me retired their characters and their venues. And for what???

I don't know. I grew to come to call spaces as immersive, and are they only so because you can see someone wearing a furred cape? Or bruised knuckles, or beard or leather shoes or cravat and button up? Or is it immersive because we stretch our comfort zones and write what we want to see?

When mare went down, I was determined to never use a replacement. Not only because I wanted to give so much attention to the people around me, to give them my theater and my words and my skills but because it was Yoship's wish right?

Ah man, but I failed. I failed out of frustration. I failed and fell to a synchronous plug in because I kept running into misunderstandings and assumptions that I was using one, so I would see certain things, which I could not because I only functioned on PCPs at the time.

Facial scarring.

Weapons not out versus out.

It happened twice at a venue I worked at. The most egregious being my confrontation of some gents I thought weren't adhering to venue rules by havjng weapons out. They'd taken them of in glamourer, but not vanilla. And when I messaged them that thats not what we were were seeing. Because two of us were PCP only, they... I believe, left the server shortly after.

I dunno.

It just felt to me... people assumed you used mods, and used synchronous plug ins and dealt with you accordingly. And it just felt so poor. So no matter what, when I interact with people, you're going to get paragraphs. There will be details, hair color, eye color, physical ticks, and flared capes and ruffled fur and sharp jaw lines.

Crucify me if you want. I'm not saying mods and plug-ins are bad. Just that I think we lost track of immersion for synchronous'.

Anyways.

Whateverrrrr.

I thought life after graduation would be so easy. I should have had so much more time, so much more energy to create and do things exciting, but instead I found myself not really wanting to do anything at all.

I still feel the urge to create, still have ideas, but just not the motivation or energy. While I'm still getting up, going to work, doing everything that's expected of me as a post-grad, sometimes it feels like I'm just going through the motions, and when I finally do have time to sit down and draw, write, or anything creative past playing a video game, I just feel so tired. Sometimes even opening my laptop feels like it'll knock me out lol

This isn't an announcement I'm going to stop; but it is letting you guys know that stuff might not come out as frequently as it used to (which wasn't even that frequently to begin with😭), at least not until I get out of this summer slump.

And yes, I am medicated for this kind of thing 🫠 tho I may talk to my doctor about upping my dose because I'm sick of feeling tired over things that shouldn't do that to me.

I'll do my best to keep checking in! I can't wait to get my groove back <3