I got a fanfic request for a fic about Ryan getting scared/grieving/being attacked/etc and ghost Shane basically protecting him and Ryan seeing him and fluff with angst please? This all probably doesn't make sense but I tried :')
Itâs officially been a year since Shane left Ryan.Â
âCheers,â Ryan whispers dully, raising a glass with one of the most expensive bottles of whiskey Ryan has ever bought. âto another year, right?â And Ryan downs the shot, Shane deserves only the best. The burning attacking his throat makes Ryan hum in comfort. Pain now seemed like the only way for Ryan to feel normal again.Â
Itâs been a year since Shane got into a car crash with a drunk driver who was too busy playing fuckin candy crush rather than paying attention to the damn road. The worst thing about it was the fact Ryan rested in the passenger seat right next to his friendâs soon-to-be death bed.Â
Ryan poured himself another drink with shaky hands, heâs trying so hard to follow his therapistâs advice and think about the happy moments of Shaneâs life except for his finals. But it wasnât working.Â
Ryan remembers the screams, not from Shane, but from him. Crying for Shane to watch out as the driver drove into their lane. He remembers telling Shane to turn to the next lane as he didnât trust the guy ahead of him. He remembers Shaneâs constant reassurance, telling Ryan he was just being paranoid as usual.Â
Ryan chuckles at the last one, âHowâd you like that, Madej? I was finally right about something and you were wrong.â itâs an empty praise and Ryan knows it; he wishes for the other way around but he couldnât have that because that would just be normal. And nothing about that situation was normal.Â
Ryan remembers hating Shane afterwards. Screaming to nobody but the walls in his apartment of how stupid Shane was. How incredibly wrong he had been, how if he had just listened to Ryan for just this once Shane would be alive and Ryan wouldnât have a fractured arm. Because of course, Shane just had to be Shane, his usual smug, know-it-all, typical fucking douche.Â
Ryan had once been afraid of bears but mental pain was something that put a bear attack to kiddieâs play.Â
The whiskey bottle was half gone now and Ryan was crying profusely, his eyes red and puffy, body shaking and mind wrecked. He didnât dare to look at his phone, knowing to only expect messages of fans and friends commemorating Shane;s death and how he was such an âinspirationâ.Â
âWell i just think youâre an asshole,â He sobs to himself, shaking his head as he stood up too quickly. Only to be greeted with a severe dizziness, much appreciated for the distraction. âfuckin, canât be here anymore.â Ryan decided, pouring the rest of the whiskey into a red solo cup.
Ryan stepped out of the refinements of his house, stumbling out drunk deciding he didnât care if his place got robbed while he was gone. His hand was glued to the cup as he walked down the streets and into the void of the night. No stars in sight and the moon was a crescent.Â
âLook how they treat your death,â Ryan mumbled in disgust, âShane deserves more than a fuckin half ass moon.â he continued, his expression hardening.Â
Ryan just remembers. Remembers the guy stopping abruptly on a highway that went on an 80mph speed. Remembers the person behind them crashing into their rear. Remembers Shane, God, he remembers the god awful thud Shaneâs skull made against the closed window. He remembers that Shaneâs first initial reaction was to protect Ryan by throwing his right arm in front of him even though it only gained Shane a glass shard into his bicep. Ryan remembers his arm being slammed against the car door. Ryan remembers only recently being able to go around without the arm cast.Â
Ryan sips on the whiskey, heâs openly crying in public but he doesnât care. âNot so invincible now, are you Shane?â Ryan blinks, looking down at the red cup thatâs almost gone of its previous liquid. âBut looks like neither am I.â
What Ryan remembers the most are his eyes. Shaneâs eyes in his last moments were spent watching Ryan. His eyes tells so much, it was apologetic, as if Shane knew what kind of fucking torture he would give Ryan if he were to past right now. Ryan remembers watching the light drain from Shane as he tried to say one last thing to the man next to him.Â
Ryan fell to his knees and gritted his teeth, âThe one time you could end up speechless you chose it to be on your dead line? Fuck you, Shane!â he cries as he holds himself. Thankful, at least he thinks he should be, for the lack of audience.Â
Shane Madej died on impact.Â
Shane Madej was an exceptional man and an inspiration to us all.Â
Shane Madej will forever be missed, but the work he left here will carry his spirit through.Â
âYou know what I say, Shane?â Ryan inquires, pushing himself back up. âI say, âShane Madej would never know how much Ryan Bergara loved him.â so fuck off!âÂ
Suddenly, Ryanâs pressed against the back of a cement wall hard enough for the wind to knock out of him. The red cup falling from his fingertips and spilling the rest of its contents. Fear overtook Ryanâs hazy mind, instantly gaining some type of clarity.Â
âYou know,â The person who held a knife to his neck started, âyouâre drunk, clearly in some sort of misery. I say I add on. Give me your wallet.â the petty thief grunts. Emphasizing his point by digging the steel tip into his neck.Â
âMust be both of our unlucky days, left everything home.â Ryan states rather cockily than he would usually would had.Â
âYou think this is a fucking joke?â The man bellowed, re-shoving Ryan up against the wall.Â
âYou think I fuckin care anymore man?â Ryanâs voice cracks as he pressed the back of his head against the wall. He swallowed thickly, âI donât. Now let me the fuck go!â he struggles now against the pin, biting his lower lip in dissatisfaction.Â
âMaybe I should do you the fucking honors then.â And with that, the knife that was pressed against Ryanâs neck moved down to Ryanâs abdomen and sheath itself inside him.Â
Ryan falls as the man runs right before he pulls the knife out. Ryan canât screams, he canât move for it hurts too much, and for once during this whole day, his brain isnât concentrated on Shane.Â
Blood began to seep from Ryanâs lips and Ryan thought this was it. That heâd die drunk in an alley way on Shaneâs death day. He really does tend to steal the spotlight from Shane, doesnât he?Â
âRyan,â The voice is soft, hesitant, but caring. âitâs going to be okay. just breathe.â Ryan knows that voice but heâs too scared to open his eyes, especially now.Â
âWas this how it feels?â Ryan questions towards the voice.Â
âUnfortunately, youâll be okay though, you have to be.âÂ
âYeah, I thought the same for you.âÂ
Ryan finally opens his eyes, only to see Shane, he was sitting right next to Ryan too. Ryan could see the side of his head dried with blood and cuts that decorated Shaneâs arm.Â
âAm I going to die with a gap permanently in my abdomen?â Ryan asked softly, a wheeze escaping Ryan as it does Shane.Â
âYouâre not going to die.âÂ
âWhat Shane? You think life is at the best for me right now? Nice ghost form by the way, you owe me 50 bucks.â Â Â
âRyan- fine, you were right, God you were right. Theyâre all real but that doesnât mean you should become one right now.âÂ
Ryan looks over to Shaneâs eyes, he could feel cold but hot, tired but too awake. âItâs not the best to watch your best friend die.âÂ
Shaneâs lips pressed into a firm line, âYeah, and itâs worse to see your lover die too.â and like that, Shane was gone and Ryan passed out.Â
Ryan woke up in a hospital bed, Shane was gone, and he was silent as he read the white board.Â