#some rants

Ok, later rants! I took some time away - that I'll explain soon! - but today I finally found a way to watch episode 5 and episode 6 of Vikings and now, the trailers with the goodbyes we just saw in my timeline. So, time to speak! I'll try to resume it because fuck! Things got huge too fast! So, let's start small...

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Dear Torvi Poor woman... She's passing through so much loss. Björn's betrayal, her first son, her second child, now Lagertha... Man, for the gods' sake! Someone please let me hug this woman! She needs it! And yet, she was wise enough to spit some truth on Ingrid's face... Torvi matured a lot from that child we used to think was so fluffy when trying to convince us she was Viking. She grew into a strong woman, able to endure things that many others wouldn't have with a whole mind. I have to clap my hands and admit that Torvi evolved into a whole new character and if there is someone to """replace""" Lagertha in this show, it will be her.

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Ingrid Speaking of replacements... Am I too cruel to say I laughed out loud of this woman at the docks waiting for Björn like that? The honey-dick attacked again and the girl is melting for him. Poor sucker... To be honest, from all the women Björn cheated on, fucked and let go like trash in this series, Ingrid is the only one who I won't feel a single drop of pity for. She searched scab to scratch herself and now I'll sit and watch as she realizes her stupidity. Know your crime, pay your price. That's what I have for her.

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Harald Or should I say King Harald? Man, I have to say: Harald was low. It was pretty low to manipulate things the way he did to win that election over Björn's favoritism and he stroke pretty lower by going there to provoke inviting Björn to be his counselor that drunken way of his. Even more to order the killing of someone who risked its life to save his ass when he was locked by Olaf, trusting the word of a man that he barely knows (Flatnose will be pointed here too... that bastard!). But once again... Am I too cruel to say I laughed OUT LOUD the whole process of election?? Man, it was HILARIOUS to watch Björn's teeth clenching to every single vote Harald had over him! It was ORGASMIC to see all that arrogance of someone who carries nothing but his father's fame in his shoulders being dissolved by noticing daddy's fame won't hold his back anymore! Ragnar's name is fading - despite he'll always be a legend - and whether Björn starts walking for himself or his papa's actions won't hold his butt up forever! And Harald did me the beautiful favor of kicking that white blonde ass to see if Björn will wake up and become the man he should have become since the first episode of this series (To the ones who don't remember, Rites of Passage was the mark of HIS DAY TO BECOME A MAN and receive his armring). However, I think Harald screwed up and got tangled up with a bunch of bad promises he will somehow have to honor. The thirsty man is drinking seawater and will end up dehydrated. It is better for Harald to find a way to manage the whole Norway, or else, the King of All Norway will end up in a pole, impaled, like a beautiful flag for everyone to see...

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Gunnhild She looks miserable in the next episode, but her acting was beautiful during the battles. I just wanted we had seen more of the huge Gunnhild we were habituated to see. I felt they kinda lowered her light to put the spotlights on Lagertha for the scenes and I can understand the need for it to happen, but Gunnhild was really pale in these episodes and I hope Hirst doesn't follow this thread to wipe her off slowly until there is nothing of our precious Gunnhild to be seen. She's too huge to be forgotten or changed this way. I hope it changes in the next episodes.

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Amma I hope someone takes care of the bruise in her face cause fuck... Things didn't go well for this girl. She was delegated "two" Ragnarssons to protect. Magnus is dead. Hvitserk is doing shit. Poor girl is in bad sheets here... But more than that, I really would like to see her slapping Ubbe's face or stopping him from treating her as a slave. It's only me, or did someone else noticed how the bastard is ordering her around as if she was his fucking maid? She would be, imo, the perfect person to throw some truth in this man's face cause man... He's needing a slap. OHHH HE IS...

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Kjetil Flatnose You freaking fucking asshole motherfucker bastard son of a bitch! There are no words in the human language to define how big of a bastard you are! Man, I HATE THIS GUY and I hope Ubbe does one single fucking shitty thing right in his pitiful and dismissable life and KILL THIS ASSHOLE! PAINFULLY! There is not too much to be said about this asshole. I just want him to die. Slowly.

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Now... let's start with the big ones, right?

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Ivar x Igor Once again, I cannot tell you guys the size of the love I feel for these two and their relationship. Everything they do together, no matter how dangerous is it, seems to be a big huge game and Ivar seems to be having so much fun beside this boy that I can only pray the gods it lasts forever. Igor brought back a side of Ivar that we weren't able to see in years! A good side that I was missing so hard! I hope this boy doesn't stab him behind his back, cause if he does, then it will be the end of the Ivar we know and maybe that serpent Hvitserk fears so bad will come out for good...

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Ivar x Oleg (plus Katya?) Is it my impression or the bromance is over? I saw lots of sadness in Ivar's eyes (a point for Alex! Fuck, the boy is good!!) but something tells me that Oleg is messing with fire and will end up veeeery burned... He's playing with a recent wound, making it bleed again with that brunette bitchy version of Freydis and something tells me that Ivar will bury Freydis' memory along with Oleg's and Katya's bodies. And this will happen pretty soon... If I was him? I would destroy that mausoleum in front of Oleg's eyes and say things like "It's good for you to watch it" while breaking his ex-wife's statue in tiny little pieces (using Katya's face like a hammer, of course). But I'll wait and see. Ivar's plans will surely be better than mine!

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Alex Yes, Alex, not Ivar. The boy deserves a whole topic only for him. It is not that I'm surprised, I'm not. Alex has been proving himself an amazing actor since he first dragged himself on screen as Ivar the Boneless for me. With Adrian and Jacup and Viktor and even that crazy-ass Liam, he already had proven himself a multitalented artist and a phenomenal actor able to conquer our hearts with any kind of character. But I have to point out that his expressions as Ivar are absolutely incredible! He can pass complete feelings and whole threads of thoughts without a single word! I can only congratulate him for such a beautiful job! The same goes for the actor who plays Igor. Boy... you rock!

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Björn More momma's boy than never, boy is being forced by the gods to raise his butt up from other people's backs and walk by himself. BEAUTIFUL! I cannot say how happy I am by seeing Björn finally being slapped by reality: papa and momma's fame won't hold your butt up forever, bitch! Grow fucking up, grow some fucking balls and go fucking make your own shit! And I'm not here saying he didn't shit in the whole series. He did, but all he did since this series started was under the weight of his father's name. Björn Ironside, SON OF RAGNAR. It was always something heavier than anything else in his life and now, whether he raises his own name before his blood history or he'll end up fading quicker than his shadow. Yes... shadow. Cause that's what Ubbe has become... I just really wanted him to stop this drama and to remember that mommy was murdered by one of his brothers who had THEIR MOTHER murdered by his mommy, so it was a fair death, a fair kill. No one should be allowed to punish Hvitserk for this especially because the woman would die anyway! Hvitserk shouldn't even be guilty of her death since Whitehair had warranted she wouldn't see a new sunrise before Hvitserk's hallucinations would end up getting his hands dirty.

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Ubbe Who the fuck are you and where the fuck is my daddy? I cannot say he was brainwashed. Who paid attention to the details will remember pretty well the scene when Ubbe, Hvitserk, and Sigurd were speaking right after Hvitserk arrived from the trip to the Mediterranean Sea. They discussed about Ivar's need for avenging their mother and Ubbe was clear saying they would have to kill Björn to reach Lagertha and that's was something he didn't want to do. Ubbe gave up avenging their mother as soon as Björn arrived in Kattegat. But there were better ways for him to show his will to avoid fighting his brother without adopting his stepmother and forgetting all the shit she did like that! He could have accepted fighting beside her with caveats, leaving clear he was there to go against Ivar not to support her. He could have left clear that he was there because of Torvi and Björn, not because of her. He could have rejected Lagertha without creating any problems within him and Torvi as long as he was able to put his own mind out through those beautiful lips saying clearly that he was giving up on the fair revenge because he loved Torvi and didn't want to fight his older brother. But no. He just forgot everything, started treating Lagertha as if she was his mother and now he'll bid her the farewell we didn't see him bidding to his own mother! What kind of an asshole does this shit? And for the ones who want to come here ranting about how shit of a mother Aslaug was, I would like to remember that she starting being a shitty mother AFTER IVAR WAS BORN! This means Ubbe lived THE BEST of her motherhood longer than ANY OTHER OF HER SONS! He had a fucking perfect mother and he didn't have the respect to keep himself away from her murderer once he chose to respect his loyalty to his brother and avoid killing her. I lost all my respect for Ubbe in this season and I cannot say I'll ever be able to really respect him again. Not only he left Margrethe to die (she was ambitious? yes. She was crazy? Yes, but she was HIS WIFE and HE SWORE THE GODS he would protect her!) but he abandoned Hvitserk when he most needed his older brother making himself unable to forgive a simple bad action when worse things were forgiven in his heart, he mistreated the woman that is beside him and declared to go wherever he goes for love by using her loving words against her to keep her from looking after her children's safety, he's mistreating and disrespecting Amma who's a free woman by treating her as if she was his personal maid and his brother's babysitter throwing on her the responsibility of taking care of Hvitserk that should be his own... Ubbe disappointed me so many times in so many ways that he must thank the gods he's played by Jordan and I love Jordan, otherwise, I would have no reason not to spit on his face at all!

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Hvitserk Speaking of pain, there is a picture of Hvitserk beside this word on the dictionary. Shit, he's so hurt, so pulled down, so ragged, so disposed. Poor him is walking around like a ghost himself! I wish so much Amma wasn't so afraid of taking pulse in this situation, but I cannot blame her. She fears she would fail and Ubbe would be harsh on her so she doesn't go further than calling Hvitserk's attention or his name to wake him up. But the truth is that someone should put this boy in its lap, hug him tight, and never let him go. The gods are being harsh on him breaking him in tiny pieces and offering him to Fenrir's jaw to be chewed. I really hope now that he fulfilled his "purpose", he can find a way out of this endless well of self-destruction or, at least, he can start walking for himself once again. It pains my heart to see my beautiful puppy like this. I hope he gets better from now on...

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Marco Once again, a topic for another actor that fully showed his talent here! I've seen other works with Marco, like Kriger and Fasandræberne, and his talent is undeniable, but the interpretation of a man in pieces he's offering us is really perfect! He plays with the scenes of Hvitserk's addiction amazingly not only showing the eagerness for more drugs but the perfect portrait of how this doesn't really change his fear or pain and even more the way Hvitserk keeps longing for more, searching for relief and numbness while hiding all those traumas behind his bloodshot eyes. Marco is a complete show all by himself and I can barely wait to see more of his amazing work around the world.

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And to finish... Lagertha I didn't like her. Everyone here knows I started disliking Lagertha when she cowardly killed Aslaug in a murder that shouldn't exist. There was no need for her to back shot Aslaug like that especially because that battle was won. Some understood that she gave Aslaug "safe passage" to find her son in Valhalla since Aslaug thought Ivar was dead along with Ragnar. But for me, there was no reason for Lagertha to go further and kill Aslaug like that especially when she could have used many other ways to get what she wanted. Yet, I always admitted and will admit until the end that Lagertha was a hell of a character: a shieldmaiden and a strong woman who could have a better ending after all. Despite the fact that I'm still here trying to figure out how did Björn reached the adult life with her TERRIBLE pieces of advice for children, she was a huge character and I think she deserved to die better than being murdered in the middle of nowhere like a homeless woman by a drugged rag of a man. She was a shieldmaiden. She was the most famous shieldmaiden of her age. She deserved to have died by that wound Whitehair made and her death should be more than just an emotional moment. Now her beautiful and epic fight with Whitehair will fade face to the anger Björn will drive towards Hvitserk. He won't learn from his mistake because, in his head, Hvitserk killed his mother and not Whitehair - who was her actual murderer. Lagertha was fated since she left that battle and Hvitserk was nothing but an accelerator of a destiny that was already sealed. She would die. He just made it quicker. We can even say if we look straight that it was almost a mercy kill. I didn't like her end but I have to say that battle against Whitehair was phenomenal so I'll close my eyes to the rest and believe she died strong and majestically after that fight, as the hero who saved that village from the bandits. And not like a homeless old woman, thrown like trash in the middle of the square, under the rain, murdered by a drugged rag of a man, forgotten in the middle of the mud. She was pretty more than just Ragnar's wife - so I wasn't touched by the words towards this. She was pretty more than just a woman... And I was expecting a better ending for her - and also, something better than hallucinations for Hvitserk to fulfill his destiny.