#tbom

bc connor's character is derived from internalized homophobia, the gay person's direction of negative social attitudes toward the self, which can lead to the rejection of one's sexual orientation. and i doubt he'd ever think to make the first move or ever ask to be loved by another man. and if a man approached him with that attitude, i believe he'd turn it down and turn it off, calling it "unnatural," a "sin," or just "not right" because that was how he was raised. such habits are hard to rewrite, especially when emplaced for a long time, for connor that being his whole childhood.

but kevin is different. his character has never been about him being gay, because that isn't even confirmed, but rather about religious trauma and guilt. sure it may take a while, but after coming to terms with his religion - or lack of, for better words - he no longer has a god he has to worry about being disappointed or ashamed of him. there's no longer a god to tell him what he's feeling is wrong. connor, however, still has that god to impress and obey, so while kevin will find it easy to love another man, connor will continue to struggle.

in my vision, kevin is the one who has to fight for connor's affection and convince him what he's feeling is okay. kevin is the one who faces rejection and has to beg. he's the one who has to coax connor out of the internalized homophobia, not the other way around. and it takes time; such restraints placed on yourself - and at such a young age - are hard to break.

btw i have no issues with the first version i mentioned. this is fiction, and people are allowed to interpret it in any way they see!! and i have seen a lot of great work involving that version :) i just wanted to share my thoughts and see if anyone else agreed

is this highkey lowkey giving mission connor looking at his future self being able to live truthfully or am i losing it