#solasmancemeta

the way solas returns the inqusitor's early flirtations... this, to me, is in line with the game of arlathan. it is so smooth, so eloquent, and so quick. someone approaches him with interest and he knows how to respond to that interest immediately

this isn't to say there's no truth in it at all, either. just that it's a learned behavior. and he gets a bit of a kick out of totally turning the tables and flustering them. but it's not anything super serious at that point

i think the fade kiss is one of the bigger, realer moments for him, but at the same time, he's still leaning on learned behavior. i truly think he wants them at this point and that there is an element of the intuitive, the reactive, the instinctual in the way he slots their legs together, in the way he deepens the kiss into something very intense, but it's also leaning a bit on what he's learned to do. it's hard to do otherwise! countless centuries of participation in these activities in arlathan, so much of this is deeply internalized

but the way he approaches them afterwards, wanting to talk... i think that's him trying to draw a veil (heh) between them, yes, and to minimize the pursuit he fell into, yes, but it's also because he doesn't want to play the game with them. he wants to know them. he's full of conflict, and is at his best, in a way, when any one behavior can have multiple benefits. in this case, he's distancing himself from the kiss, quickly steering the conversation away from physical intimacy and his own true and performed desperation, and into a much safer territory... while also being able to indulge in his own developing interest

and, lbr, this man likes to converse. i know the fandom jokes about how he talks so much, and he does, to a degree... but it's conversation that he enjoys, not monologuing. he relishes the chance to have a deep discussion with someone. he does not share his stories with the inky randomly, only when asked, and he approves of them asking him to tell him these things, but also asking questions afterwards, about keeping an open mind

but the absolute turning point in the romantic relationship is not in haven. it's not in the fade. it's on the balcony. it's after wisdom.

the inky can show solas that they understand that a spirit is his friend. that he cares about it. they can try and help him free it. (note: i haven't done alternative playthroughs of this particular quest because I Don't Fucking Wanna)

and that is the big shift. for many reasons! one of which is, of course, the fact that solas himself is a spirit. or was, but truly, i think he still is in many fundamental ways. but it is also about the inky being open-minded, not just in words, but in actions. because when they arrive, there is no gentle spirit waiting for them... there is a demon

the inky can choose to trust solas, to trust that even though it is a demon in front of them, that there may still be something they can do. that is the turning point for solas. that is why he approaches them on the balcony. that is why he brings up the kiss again. that is when he first tells them he loves them

because he does. he does

now, this is a meta about sex, and i haven't forgotten! things are left up for interpretation on whether or not solas and the inquisitor had sex. but setting that aside, i think it's worth considering what sex with someone he has fallen in love with would mean to him

now, i write him as demisexual. to be clear, this wasn't something i set out to do intentionally, but the more i wrote him the more clearly his demisexuality manifested. so he's had sex. he's also had sex with mythal, a woman he genuinely loves and is loved by (at least in my view), so intimate sex with a physical desire for the other person is not entirely unknown... but it was not something he thought to ever have again

and i think arlathan ruined sex for him for a long time. instead of a form of intimacy, it became a tool. a weapon. i suspect he and mythal's sexual relationship slowed until it was all but nonexistent, because it just felt fraught and complex

so to find his way back to it again...

i think he's fighting with himself. boldly leading, his body a tool... and he has to stop himself, because he doesn't want that. not with them. if it's during inq, he probably allows a certain amount of that. because he still has to manipulate them. he doesn't want to, but they still can't know who he is

but after... or even after veilguard, in the fade... confident hands on their arms turn to clutching ones, trembling, and his breathing sharpens. he's trying to bury the learned behavior. he wants to be here, to feel this. i can see it going many ways.... starting only to stop, maybe a bunch of times... or letting his partner lead, try to ease him into just reacting instead of guiding, to soften his learned behaviors until they eventually fade away and let something more sincere emerge

they could talk it out. they could feel it out. he could force himself to perform until the performance drops away (i doubt any partner would want that, but it could be solas' choice to do that anyway without consulting them)

and i think this is why being dommed is easier for him, in my view. and why especially being pushed all the way into subspace is easier for him. because suddenly the barriers drop and he's a raw nerve and he's all reaction. there's no performance left. and the fact that he's safe, that he's held afterwards, that as he shakes he's comforted, it makes all the difference

(because i like to explore him being in subspace in arlathan... and it being a vulnerability. whether it's used against him or not i tend to keep intentionally vague, but he knows it is a vulnerability, and any vulnerability can be exploited)

but i also think him finding his way towards his own desires - and particularly any desires around domination or sadism - would be very, very important and cathartic for him as well. anything he does with his lover is going to be completely consensual, but if they want to be dommed by him, if they are a masochist, then he can explore those desires in himself, too, in a safe way

because i do think solas probably has... a lot of kinks. ppl can have kinks for any reason, but ppl can also develop kinks based around their own traumas. so i think he'd have some where that is the origin. and that doesn't make them bad! but it's something i think he'd struggle with, and struggle with the morality of them

sex as a tool is easy. you use it to meet your own ends. you know how far you are willing to go, and that's how far you go. you're in control, even when you're play-acting at vulnerability, unless you're not in control because someone's using the tool on you instead...