These Strings That Bind Us
first chapter; previous chapter
So this is the first chapter of this fic that Iâve posted since a few of my irl friends have started following me and now they get to see the crazed fanfiction maniac I am and I donât know if theyâre ready.
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Nico scanned the room he was left in. He knew logically that he was safe. That he was allowed to be⊠gay. And that the people that just overheard his conversation with Percy likely didnât hate him for it.
They probably do hate you though. Even you canât like yourself.
He just⊠didnât like that knowledge to be floating around.Â
It was then, after observing all the sleeping and uninterested patients that he saw the face of a particular blonde peering through a corner.Â
âHey. Sunshine. I see you.â Nico said trying to mask his worry.Â
How long had he been there?
Will exhaled a laugh. âSorry. I didnât mean to⊠stalkâŠ? I was going to check up on you but you were talking with Percy and I did to want to interrupt.â
âHow much did you overhear?â Nico asked, deciding to cut to the point.Â
Will turned pinker. âNothing! I swear I wasnât trying to listen into your conversation. I was just watching,â he said getting redder. âI mean-! I wasnât like âwatchingâ watching. But I was also not listening. I was just waiting for an opening is all. So I could check up on you. Because thatâs what Iâm here to do right now. Check up on you that is.â
Will snapped his mouth shut, trying to stop the word-vomit from getting worse. He had a flight-or-flight look in his eyes, as if how Nico responded would be the deciding factor in how this interaction went. He wished Will hadnât stopped. He couldnât pin down the exact reason why he liked hearing that incoherent mess of speech, but he did. It took a bit longer for him to realize that while he was brain was occupied by the rambling of the boy across from him, it was too full to waste energy on worrying.Â
Nico tried -really tried- to think of something comforting or cringe-reducing to say but he could help it when a laugh slipped out.Â
And another. And one more. And five seconds later he was miserably failing to stifle his giggles with his left hand.Â
âWha-â Will started. âWhat is it? Are you ok?Did one of my siblings but you on laughing gas or something? It was Kayla wasnât it?!â
This made Nico laugh even harder. âOh gods no. Youâre just really weird. In a good way. You kept on saying more and it made it get worse and worse.â He laughed again. âThank you for that. Holy hades I needed a good laugh.â
Will didnât even flinch when Nico described his little speech as pathetic. If anything, it seemed to make him more confident. Composed. âWell Iâm glad you feel joy at my expense,â he said rolling his eyes. âAnd you have a pretty laugh too. I like hearing it.â He smiled at Nico, his gaze moving to the glow between them.Â
Stop getting comfortable. Especially with him.Â
Nico shifted in his seat, moving so his arms are crossed with his left ring-finger covered by his arm. He failed to avert his gaze from Willâs disappointed eyes.Â
See? Even if it werenât wrong, you could never be with him. You fail everybody, and Will is no different.Â
âSo uh⊠checkup?â Nico suggested.Â
âYes! Right. Let me justâŠâ he trailed off. Something about clipboards and procedures that Nico did not have to energy nor interest to pay attention to.Â
Will got the information he needed. Apparently a lot of Nicoâs story was already in the documents.
âLike I said: I know your history,â Will stated with faux-intimidation. Nico rolled his eyes.Â
When they got to the physical checkup Nico started getting jittery. He felt awkward saying something to Will about it, but he really didnât like being touched so much. Especially because Willâs hands were so⊠methodical. It was bringing him back.Â
To the times of your torment? Good. Revel in it. In the feeling of pain. Relive it all. Maybe if you look tortured enough somebody will even pity you. Why do you think you want that so badly? You know how hard it is to be yourself. Trying to share that burden with somebody else is plain selfish.Â
Will noticed. Probably. He didnât point it out, but he tried to lighten the mood, albeit with terrible references to things Nico did not have the current cultural knowledge to understand.Â
Something about Nico being âMr. Perfectly Fineâ when asked about he was feeling. Or responding to Nicoâs remarks about his werewolf scratches with saying, âoh! âTis but a flesh wound I see!â (He seemed really proud of himself with that one). And he kept calling Nico a âpadawanâ?  What even was that?
Yet, despite the utter confusion that had overtaken Nico, it was a good distraction. Will had or hadnât brought a laugh out of him a couple of times. Nico was or was not starting to feel a lot more comfortable, especially with Will around.Â
And the string they shared absolutely was not glowing more warmly with each passing moment they spent together.  Of course not. Never.Â
After that checkup, Nico offered to help around the infirmary. He did this, of course, hoping that his complete lack of any medical knowledge and âaura of deathâ would be enough for Will to refuse the offer.
What Will did do however, was introduce anyone and everyone imaginable to Nico. Whether that be random patients, his siblings, his Roman siblings that he (being the social-magnet-golden-retriever that he was) had gotten close with after the war, or some poor soul that happened to be within the vicinity of the two of them. It was weird. Nico didnât know how to feel. Nobody had treated him like a person they could show others to. He was usually hidden away. Chose to keep himself hidden away.Â
Nico was starting to like being seen though. It helped that Will was there too. Unlocking the prison of isolation Nico had made for himself and dragging him into interactions when they were in the middle of filing paperwork. When he introduced Nico to a new person, he almost sounded proud. Like knowing Nico was something they could envy about Will.Â
âOh hey [person] have you met my friend Nico?â Will would say. âYeah heâs the coolest kid in camp! Go on Nico say hi,â pride radiating from his voice. âWe met a few days ago when he almost stabbed me haha. He really saved my skin out there. Even if he was seconds away from passing out while doing it.â
Nico would never admit it, but he kind of liked the attention Will was giving him. It was as if Willâs words of affirmation were able to fight off the self-doubt demons would otherwise occupy much of Nicoâs thoughts.Â
Not only that, but he also liked meeting people.Â
Yes. Him. Nico di Angelo. The son of Hades. Well known social recluse. Enjoying the communion of others.Â
Was that new? He thought he was an introvert to the core. The idea of people was supposed to make him want to hide under a rock a perish. Was it just that he was so much of a social outcast that he fooled himself into thinking that?
Dear gods, he was not going to spend the time going down that rabbit hole any further.Â
Nico felt a tug on his string finger. Will had started doing that in order to touch Nico without touching him. Nico hadnât decided yet how he felt about it. Well, his heart obviously had, but heâs choosing to ignore that stubborn organ in all matters pertaining to Will. He looked up, slowly bringing himself back to reality.Â
Back to the storage/office room they were (as Will had put it) âchillinââ in. Back to the smell of antiseptic spray and old files. Back to the blonde idiot staring into his soul, seemingly trying to solve a puzzle.Â
ââŠwhat?â Nico broke the silence.Â
Will stared for a beat longer. âYou were staring off into space for a while. Are you ok?â
He thought for a moment too long.Â
âYes,â was the response Nico decided on.Â
Will stared even deeper with a curious look. ââŠok⊠sure. What were you thinking about then?â
Nico was just about to bark out a basic response of âoh nothingâ, or something like that, but he stopped himself. He didnât need to hold himself back. Not when Will was looking at him in that eager and open way that he does.Â
âI was thinking about how much in my life has changed,â since you entered into it, âin the past few days.â
Maybe he didnât say the whole truth, but Will was enough to make him no outright lie.Â
âReally?â Will backed off some, face turning from questioning frown to genuine smile. âHow so?â
Oh. So this was gonna be some cheesy heart-to-heart, was it? Nico was not opposed to that idea. He looked back up at Willâs bright expectant eyes.Â
He actually rather liked the idea.
He talked to Will. He was trying to keep it short (Will was always busy) but the more he talked, the more they kept talking. And talking. And talking. Somehow they moved from life the last few days to life in the past few years. Family, in all possible definitions of the word. Friends, in all their shades, hues, and complexities. Enemies, in all their surprising humanity.Â
Willâs voice changed depending on what he was saying. He slurred together his words when they were talking about old interests. He would pause or stutter when they transitioned to deep topics, and slowed down when they got comfortable there. His voice got all jittery and slightly more high pitched when he was excited about something.Â
And the way he listened⊠the way it felt like he hung onto every word Nico said like it was written in scriptureâŠ
Nico kept wondering when Will would leave. He would find some excuse about having to check up on a patient, or outright say he didnât want to stay there.Â
Wouldnât want to stay with you. Why would anyone want to spend time with you. Youâre boring him and he will leave youâ
But Will hasnât left. How long has they been there? They sat down on a nearby desk a while ago. Will was still with him.Â
Will, talking about his mom and how much he misses her. Will, listening to Nicoâs stories of his childhood in Italy. Will, leaning into the beats of silence that would occasionally fall between them with a rare comfort. Will, inching closer to Nico with each passing second. Will, making their string glow impossibly brighter with the effect he had on Nico. Will, coiling the string around his fingers until there was no space between his and Nicoâs hands. Will, cutting himself off mid-sentence just to graze Nicoâs hand.Â
How long had it been? It was dark outside. Not that Nico cared. In the moment all that Nico cared about was right by his side, chatting animatedly, listening with care, leaning against Nico as he got more tired. Nico couldnât imagine falling asleep now. His heart was beating so fast one would think he was about to be killed by some monster.Â
For some reason this moment felt more important than any of those past life-or-death experiences. He was safe. Nobody was in danger. But all those times he was fighting to live. Now heâs living to be alive.Â
He looked over at the boy now resting on his shoulder and smiles. His mouth slightly open and heâs just barely snoring. Itâs adorable. Nicoâs heart warms with affection.Â
Affection. He liked using that word in this moment. He smiled.Â
He liked using that word for Will.Â
The Apollo Cabin did not cut him any slack when he brought a sleeping Will back in a bridal carry late into the night.
âHey! Itâs Mr. Perfectly Fine!â Will exclaimed to his siblings when Nico had entered the infirmary office.Â
Nico had caught a glimpse of Will hunched over his desk, with an exhausted expression written on his face just as Nico had walked in. It seemed like he was talking to his siblings, Kayla and Austin, about how he can âtotally handle all this workâ and that heâs ânot burnt outâ. They however, were willing to drop that conversation to snicker at Nico regarding whatever it was Will had just said.Â
âSeriously? You have no other jokes,â Nico retorted. âWhat is that referencing? Iâm convinced youâre making it up at this point.â
âOh please, at this point itâs your fault for not being a part of the Taylor Nation,â Kayla chimed in.Â
âIâve been here for two days!â
Kayla crossed her arms. âThatâs two whole days of Taylor Swift that you could have been listening to.â
Nico rolled his eyes and looked to Austin, the one person left who hadnât taken a side against him.
âWhat?â He responded. âTheyâre right. All the effort youâve made to avoid Taylor Swift is really some Kanye behavior.â
Nico hated his past self. Why did he decide to start hanging out with the Apollo Cabin? They were one mess of snarky comebacks joined together by their obsession over various musicians.Â
âIâve been helping out! Would you really rather have me be wasting oxygen while listening to Swift?â Nico asked the cohesive mass.Â
âYes!â They all shouted in (a partially harmonized) unison.Â
Nico groaned and sat on the chair he had placed next to Willâs desk the last time he was in this office. Heâs only been here for three days and yet he has a spot for him. Next to Will.Â
The siblings talked about some infirmary stuff. Work schedules, post-war stuff, some new Roman ailments they learned about. Nico tuned it out, picking at his hangnails.Â
Some time later, the door Nico had just come through slammed open with an uninterested Drew Tanaka on the other end.Â
âHey shitheads! I need drugs!â She said.Â
Nico raised an eyebrow at her and turned to look at Will, hoping he would translate.Â
Without looking up from his desk, Will rolled his eyes and said, âSweet baby Zeus, canât you just say ibuprofen like a normal person?â
He pushed back on his chair to get up, but Kayla pushed him right back.Â
âNuh-uh. Iâve got this. You stay here and take a break with your,â she looked at Nico, âdude-best-friend.â She winked at him. Â
She headed out the door, with Drew on her heels.Â
The three left in the room looked at each other. A silent conversation played out between Will and Austin that lasted for much longer than a silent conversation has any right to last. Nico was glad to not be involved in it, whatever it was.Â
Austin sighed. âI guess Iâll go with them to make sure they donât blow anything up.âÂ
âAgain,â Will added.Â
With a quick finger-gun-snap to his brother, Austin left.Â
The door creaked it as it closed.Â
âWait,â Nico put his elbows on the desk. âHow many explosions have they caused?â He thought for a second. âHow do they even cause explosions to happen?â
He waits for a second more. Will is writing something down. Nico probably shouldnât have interrupted by talking. He needed to be more conscious about his actions. Especially now that he is friends with Will. What was it Kayla said? âDude-best-friendâ? Yeah. He needed to be a better dude-best-friend. Not that they were âbest friendsâ. It was probably just some slang or something. If they were even considered to be best-
Will face-planted onto his desk.Â
âShit.â How long had he been working? âAre you ok?âÂ
Will held up a hand to give a thumbs-up before dropping it back down to his desk. Will started snoring.Â
Nico knew there was a right way to react to this. Will probably had the answer for him. But Nico couldnât find it in himself to do anything but stare. Stare and think. Like he was moving in slow motion but the rest of the world wasnât kind enough to take note.
Was this normal for Will? Did he just collapse at his desk from time to time? No. He was always preaching his gospel of âtaking care of yourselfâ and whatnot. This had to be a one-off thing.Â
Heâs probably fine, right? Sure, heâs probably a little bit burnt out, but itâs not life and death or anything.Â
Yeah good idea. Bury your problems. Maybe one day youâll share a grave with them.
How could he even think like that? âNot life and death,â so many things are not life and death but they are still worth worrying about.Â
Nico is a terrible friend. He needs to be worrying more about Will. Will needs help.Â
And how the hell do you expect to help him? Name one time you werenât a burden to somebody. Every time you try to do something it fails. Just stop.Â
Gods. He was pathetic. His friend was passed out in front of him, and he was standing there, frozen. He should do something. He needed to do something. He just. He- he had to-
You always let people down. Youâre too pitiful to help anyone.Â
Will laid there fully unaware of the warfare happening in Nicoâs mind. Someone looking in would likely find his state of rest to look peaceful. He was just a tired kid doctor in a tiny room filled with papers and files.Â
Outside that room was a couple of teenagers bickering about ibuprofen and explosives. It was a conversation severely lacking in context for the onlookers not in said conversation.Â
Even further beyond there were children doing dangerous and mundane activities. Somewhere a kid first encountered a monster. A man proposed to his girlfriend to the joy of an entire restaurant. A man proposed to his boyfriend to the shock, disgust, and joy of a small park. A child wrote a letter that never got read to her father fighting in a war. A species that was never discovered went extinct. A group of teenagers got high on the roof of a parking lot. A tired mother decided to quit smoking for the third time that year. A grandparent met their first grandson.Â
And back in that small room with too much paper and a sleeping boy, a damaged kid sees nothing but the worst of it.Â
Nicoâs mind is a tunnel with no light at the end; flashing horrors crowding it out and letting no logic or hope in.Â
This was life-or-death. If Nico didnât do something, he would be responsible for whatever happened to Will.Â
Will would know what to do. If Nico just knew Will better. If he just payed a bit more attention while Will worked. He must have been a terrible friend, having not cared enough to know how to handle this.Â
Finally, something youâre right about.Â
Gods! How could he even be drowning in this self pity now? Will needed help. He needed⊠caffeine? An intervention? He needed something and Nico needed to help. He could help. He needed to help. He needed-
His hand met a warmth. He looked down to see his and Willâs hands touching. Nico didnât know when he started reaching for his hand. He let it sit there for a few beats of tense, heavy, warm silence.Â
His fingers moved without his consent to gently coil their string.Â
People say that, for soulmates, strings are able to pass emotions. The way one touches their string and the feeling they have while holding it are felt by the person on the other side.Â
Nico could⊠send some comfort? The thoughts would have made him laugh in any other circumstance. Him. Being the bringer of comfort. But in this instance, he could. There wasnât anything else he coulddo.Â
No you cannot. You will lead yourself to heartbreak.Â
Will groaned. Nico flinched.Â
His hand twitched to reach out. To let Will know that âIâm hereâ. That âyou can talk to meâ.Â
He couldnât do that though.Â
You donât know how to comfort people.Â
He didnât even know how to comfort people.Â
Just look in front of you, you let this happen under your watch.Â
And here you are thinking to yourself instead of doing anything.Â
Gods! He just needed to focus. Think of some solution.
Just think! Just think! Just think! Just-
A door opened and Nicoâs throat dropped, feeling like he had been caught doing something he shouldnât have done. Which was stupid. He knew that.Â
He uselessly held his hands up and backed up, turning to the door. His body was frozen as thoughts of the thousands of ways the next few seconds could go all competed for his attention. He was a deer in the headlights, weakly looking past the person who was on the other end of the door. They looked at the scene in the room and raised an eyebrow.
âNico? What happened?â Austin asked.Â
Austin! Thank the gods! He can-
âHelp.â Nico creaked. âI donât know what happened. Will, heâŠâ Nico cut himself off. His throat was so choked up it was barely letting him say anything. It hurt. He didnât realize he was this close to tears.Â
Austin rushed to his brotherâs side and after a few moments sighed a breath of relief. âHeâs fine. Just exhausted.â He took a few moments to give Nico a worried look. âAre you fine?â
Nico couldnât respond. His body was still in fight-or-flight mode. He could only hear the pounding of his heartbeat, so strong it was like it was coming directly from his ears. There was to much happening. He just needed to calm down. He also had to respond. He had to look normal. He had to help with-Â
âEverything is fine.â The mantra he repeated in his mind. âHeâs just exhausted. Heâs ok. Iâm ok.âÂ
No youâre not. No heâs not.Â
Austin just confirmed that there was nothing to worry about.
You just donât care enough about Will to keep worrying for him.Â
âIâm ok,â he finally responded, voice even more shaky.Â
Austin made a doubtful look and walked over to a shelf, pulling out some ball. He handed it to Nico, placing it in a hand he had not realized was shaking until then. He squeezed it and it was cushiony, but firm.Â
âBreathe with me,â Austin said simply.Â
And they breathed together. Slowly in.  Holding it. Slowly out. Holding it.Â
After a minute or so he asked âwould you mind if I brought Kayla here too?â
Shrugging, Nico lied. âI donât mind. Iâm fine really.â Although he didnât know why he was still trying.Â
Austin steps out of the room and sticks his head out the door, peering down the corridor. âKayla!â
Nico heard a muffled, âWhat?! Iâm busy!â
Again shouting back, âJust come over here please!â
Some shuffling. Some footsteps. âWhatâs up?â
Austin stepped aside and let her view the scene. Her eyes softened and she walked over towards where Nico stayed standing.Â
âOh Gods Nico, whatâs wrong?â She asked him.Â
He tried for a dry laugh. âNononono Iâm fine. I was just a little-â he choked. He hopelessly tried to steady his voice. âJust a little worried for Will is all.â
Kaylaâs eyes immediately went wide with panic at the mention of his brotherâs name. âWhat happened? Is he ok?â She looked over to his desk.Â
Austin stepped up to his sister, putting a hand on her arm. âHeâs alright Kay. Just a little exhausted,â he said. They looked like they were having a silent conversation for a moment after that ended when they both looked back at Nico.Â
âDo you want to sit and talk for a bit?â Austin eventually asked.Â
âIt doesnât have to be about anything important,â Kayla added. âOr anything at all. Like, if you need silence with company we got you. Or silence without company. Or company without silence. Or any other combination. Or some other secret option. Or-â
âCompany without silence is just the first choice you said,â Austin interrupted
Kayla thought for a second. âIt is, isnât it? It feels like there should be more combinations of those words though.â
âNo company with no silence.â
âOk but does that actually make any sense? Unless you talk to yourself professionally you wouldnât be alone and without silence.â
âI would say that I can be alone without silence. Iâm an interesting guy, I have fun talking to myself.â
âYeah well, youâre just lonely so-â
A laugh escaped from Nico. They both looked at him.Â
âSorry,â he said, for once with a steady voice. âThe way you guys talk to each other is really funny to watch.â It reminded him of how he was with Bianca when they were younger. They used to argue all the time, sometimes escalating into screaming matches. Their mother would always step in and say something wise and meaningful that completely went over Nico and his sisterâs heads. If Bianca were both alive now, would it be like this? Would their arguments not be out of malice but sibling love? What would that have looked like with them?
Kayla rested an arm on her brotherâs shoulder as he looked at her with fake disgust. âWe are, arenât we?â She asked him.Â
âI really donât think youâre âfunnyâ. If anything funny looking.â
Kayla walked over to a circular table and sat down. âOh please. Iâm the hottest sibling. No contest.â
Austin followed her, taking a seat for himself. âIf thatâs what you want to believe, I will let you continue living with that lie.â
Kayla scoffed and looked back at Nico. âWanna join the order of the round table?â
âI uh⊠Are you sure it wonât get in the way of,â he waved his hand around at the general vicinity, âinfirmary duties?â
âNot really,â Austin answers. âWe did rounds this morning and everybody just needs more time to heal with the meds and magic,â which he embellished with spirit fingers, âand we already gave them their afternoon doses. Unless thereâs some random emergency-â
âOr Drew comes back demanding drugs again,â Kayla added.Â
âOr that, then weâre just chilling.â
Donât fool yourself kid. They donât want you there. Youâre just being a burden. They seem to be having a great time without-
Nico squeezed the ball. He moved to the table. He smiled and they smiled back.Â
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Authorâs Note:
thank you so much for reading!! To that one person who commented on my last fic saying they needed more: thank you specificially. And Iâm sorry specifically for you because the wait for the next one is going to be worse than a cartoon hiatus. Tho Iâm actually going to be spending that time writing instead of feeling guilty for not writing to thatâs a win.
also I have an Ao3 now so thatâs cool
