@softtrauma said: ‘ i lie in bed every night and i play our relationship over and over again in my head like a movie. we meet. we fall in love. we can’t stop ourselves. we’re meant to be. i give up everything inside of me and then it stops. the movie just stops. i don’t know how it ends. ’ ( jackson )
Jackson stood rooted to the spot as April spoke. There was an a n g u i s h about her entire being which struck Jackson hard. He felt it too. Jackson felt a lot of things when it came to April. She was still something of a magnet for him, looping him in, realigning his center of gravity.
Jackson wanted to comfort her. He wanted to step forward and take her in his arms as he'd done without hesitation so many times before. Instead he cleared his throat as his gaze drifted over her features before meeting her eyes. “You think I don't do the same thing?” he asked. His voice was tight, his green eyes hinting at a shine that wasn't there before. “You think I don't wonder how we went from being able to share everything to making small talk over Harriet's custody schedule?” Jackson had a million more things to say but he couldn't figure out how to say them. He didn't know which of his myriad emotions to express first or how best to get them across. He wondered if April felt the same thing.
“ Look, April. I never wanted you to give up everything inside of you. I wanted you to trust me. Maybe I didn't know the best way to help you when...” Speaking of Samuel never got easier. It still ripped up his insides to think his name. Some days it was better than others. It never got easier though. Jackson stopped, shook his head. He swallowed. “ I wanted our relationship to build you up -- build both of us up -- but it feels like all we did was take from each other. ”
Some part of Jackson was afraid that's all they would have done if they had stayed together. He was afraid of it. “ Our movie didn't stop, alright? It never stopped. It just turned into something else. ”