#softengine

Note that this is about band names not their music or members.

Here we go today with Finland! They've hung around in the contest for a while, but really found their footing with rock songs or songs with rock elements. They won in 2006 with Lordi and since then, provided some super fun songs both in pop and rock genres! But trust me, my rankings tend to make a path when Finland sends rock. So with that in mind, here we go to my favorite Finnish entry!

Favorite Entry: Yeah, I totally milked y'all with what my favorite could be by implying it's a rock song. Yeah, there's Blind Channel, there's the Rasmus, but "Something Better" by Softengine from 2014 just struck me for reasons I don't even know. It mixes both pop and rock elements to provide a great song! It's a favorite among my family (we have a playlist on Spotify that we can add songs to and I snuck this one in. Nobody has disliked it so it stays...not to mention my sister had put in the theme to SpyxFamily called "Mixed Nuts" so we literally say "Mixed Nuts and Something Better" because it just slides). And it honestly feels like a crime that this didn't reach the top 10 in the grand final that year....RANK: 11th in 2014 Grand Final/PERSONAL RANK: 5th of 37 Countries

Thoughts on 2023 Entry: Well, everyone, you've already met Käärijä's "Cha Cha Cha" but let me introduce it to you as my biggest grower this year. That's right. I didn't really like it when I first heard it. But of course, like all the other entries, I heard it a number of times (maybe more than is healthy) and little by little I started liking it. I started with "I like the second half" then I found myself grooving to the first half...and now it's on my playlist and I can memorize the dance...and then I was rooting for it during the televoting since I had found a livestream in time. My sister loves it too so sometimes we CHA CHA CHA each other. And sometimes, I am no thoughts, head empty, just CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA EI! RANK: 2nd in 2023 Grand Final/PERSONAL RANK: 15th of 37 Countries

You're right, I admit I've almost never shared pics of this buddy... It's because I've never been into him, I don't find him attractive but I promise I'll keep an eye out on future cool pics!

Something better - Softengine

Finland is one of the unluckiest countries in the contest. They have one victory to their name, but they aren’t normally remembered for this. It is the multiple times they have placed last in the song contest and further more had no points on a few too. That all said, I like Finnish entries. They are always following convention and what all the others are doing.

65. Michael Schulte - “You let me walk alone” Germany 2018

[2018 Review Here] (shared with Eugent)

When Germany revealed this homely carrot top  as their entrant I of course IMMEDIATELY rolled my eyes at it. Discount Ed Sheeran, GTFO!! Idk what the general lowdown on Ed Sheeran is, but good lord that man is responsible for some really BORING and GENERIC music (I will never get the obsession with “Perfect”, ever.) and as you can expect that also bled into my initial opinon of Michael.

However, two things. A of all, “You let me walk alone” is a much better song because it is actually VERY catchy, in a good way. ONE love / TWO hearts /  THREE kids / LOVING mum is among the more memorable hooks in this decade. 

Secondly, Michael’s emotion is *real*. This is a song about his coping with his dead father and well... I am not made from stone. Dude was in GENUINE TEARS during the endgame!! And as someone who deeply loves his father, I can definitely empathize with that message on a personal level.

There are better songs around. There are better performers around. There is better emotional pull left in this ranking. Regardless, Michael was able to stun me into teary-eyed silence and that is a feat which earns nothing less than RESPECT.

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64. Softengine - “Something better” Finland 2014

FANTASTIC INDIE ANGELS <333 The appreciation I have to Softengine I have is obvious, yes? Highly energetic indie rock song from one of my favourite Eurovision countries. 😍 That also did VERY well because it’s genuinely that good. Take THAT Finland bullies!!! #HeyaSuomi

However, Softengine offer even more than just a kickass rock song. They offer some of my favourite song lyrics ever? They are both puzzlingly weird and endearingly ESL Even Human Bound People Rolling Dice Such A Novel Life She Thought While Knowing Nothing At All~

What on earth is Topi singing about? 😍 Well actually, it’s the story of an old man looking back at the life he’s had and.. It actually has a LOT of emotional pull wtf? Take a look at the bridge: 

ALL THESE WORDS SHE MEANT TO SAY TO ME

ALL THESE WORDS AGAINST MY FAITH

ALL THESE WORDS BEFORE SHE PASSED AWAY

ALL THESE WORDS  WILL NEVER NEVER NEVER CHANGE

A wonderful display of juvenile energy that has me coming back craving for me. SHOULD HAVE BEEN TOP 10 but lol it’s Finland when is Finland not getting bullied by people with no taste. 😭

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63. Litesound - “We are the heroes” Belarus 2012

More rock angels. 😍 However, Litesound rank on the other end of the quality spectrum, being great because of their incompetence.  

Honestly, I don’t think there’s anything more endearing when the inept give it their all, completely oblivious to their amateurism, a description which -let’s be honest- is “Belarus in Eurovision” is in a nutshell 😍. Well that plus the hilariously rigged NF, remember that ALYONA LANSKAYA originally won Litesound’s NF and then had to bequeath her spot to them when her voting fraud was exposed. 😍 It’s not even the most hilariously rigged NF of the decade though, omg YES we shall discuss that whenever it’s “Samo shampioni’s” turn. 😈

Anyway, Litesound bring the a double whammy of hilarity with some A+ Bad English diction (let us all sing along)

WONEVER STEN INDO AR WEH WHEEL MEK IT FRU DE DEH CUZ WE AR DA WEINERS WE AR DA GEEROS

WIR BRACKING DOWN DA WALLZ GODDA HIT DE MALL CUZ WE ARE DA GEEROS WE ARE DA DRIMURS

and the fact that all Litesound members look like animals, introducing:

The seahorse

The afghan greyhound

the mongoose

and of course Dima who might be the lovechild of Alsou and an ostrich. 😍

All of this may make you believe I merely stan Litesound on an ironic level, but I actually LOVE them on an unironic level too. “We are the heroes” is a fun, futuristic electronic rock rollercoaster and Litesound strike a perfect balance between good song, disarming incompetence and going ALL OUT in proving themselves as high quality, laced with high voltage addictive rock beats. SO, NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY, NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO, I’LL MAKE IT ALL RIGHT! I’M BRACKING DOWN THE WALLS, THEY ARE THE *HEROES*

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62. Justs - “Heartbeat” Latvia 2016

AGE OF AMINATA <3 what a glorious two-piece act in the herstory of Latvia. To Latvia’s credit they completely reinvented themselves in the Supernova Era, usually resulting in bold entries (and Carousel). 

If "Love injected” was the earthquake that shook Latvia AWAKE with her experimental masterpieces, then "Heartbeat” is the aftershock, providing the same avant garde novelty, but not as impactful with a lesser impact. 

However, to recycle a phrase i’ve already used multiple times, a lesser Aminata is still fucking awesome. “Heartbeat” packs a massive emotional punch, being more aggressive and volatile than its predecessor, which... works out fine actually. Killer lines such as:

YOU’RE MY DESIRE AND MY PAIN BUT ALL THE BATTLES ARE IN VAIN YOU MEAN MORE THAN ANYTHING TO  MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

need an emotionally intense delivery and Justs fucking GOES for it without any inhibitions for his own health and safety 

and with every passing second

he gets more into the zone

right until the end, when he LOSES his voice and is reduced to panting an aspirated ”thank you”. 😍 If you’re going to sing about lost love, you’d better do it by also SCREAMING YOUR LUNGS OUT <3

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61. Hatari - “Hatrið mun sigra” Iceland 2019

God I’ve been dreading this write-up. Not because of the Hatari stans (lol who is going to complain about getting ranked 61st out of 408), but can I do Hatari justice in print? Hatari weren’t as much as an entry as they were the fiery spirit of mischief, an existential manifestation of defiance, a gestalt of provocative resistance, all contained in the tiny package of two asshole hellraisers.  Yes, assholes.  You see, the one thing you NEED to understand before everything else is that Hatari’s poetic palestine shawl moment is one of grade A assholery. Pulling that at the last sec towards their hosts WAS a dick move and Hatari were fully aware of it. We MUST see this as a fact before we discuss anything else that is also Hatari-related.

However, that’s precisely the point? Provocation was the sensation that swept the icelandic nation and its idolization became Hatari’s vocation with dedication and its application in the humiliation and the vexation of the Israeli station in support of the Palestine civilization, leaving KAN in devastation after months of the rabid disorganization was a justification well worth the potential probation. In other words: GET REKT KAN SHIT HOSTS HOPE U GET BLACKLISTED LOLOL #Hatredwon 😈 😈. 

ps: still getting the Israelis to cheer for them despite being OPENLY pro-palestine when will ur faves.

~My reasons~ for ranking Hatari lower post-show are less grounded in the politics (again, they were jerks but... that’s also the entire point of sending Hatari lmfao) and more determined by the actual live performance: I thought Klemens was underwhelming and his parts of “Hatrið mun sigra” were also the fave bits. 😭 On the flipside I thought Matthias was excellent (when he didn’t miss his cue) and I legit laugh out loud each time I see his hilarious OTT facial expressions.

What a justified use of guyliner <3 The act was yet again a diabolically brilliant clanging of chains, bashing of mallets, grinding of gears, steaming of punk, a satanic cirque du soleil come to rain justice and brimstone down on our hopeless souls. Hatari were the anti-heroes we needed and don’t deserve.

ps: i hope i will ever find someone who loves me as much as Klemens loves Teresa May. 

Iceland’s chart looks much better than I thought it would, but the averages actually put them somewhere in the middle on average. Iceland are always hit-or-miss for me, much moreso in the 2010s than in any other decade and it’s largely down to them failing to pick the best available option because, you know, BadTastitis.