#socwrites

“Assassinate the target.” Kakashi pointed at a grocery bag filled with dry grass a few feet away.

He had to make it himself. None of the shops he went to had any targets for babies. Weird. With all of the clan kids running around he would have thought there’d be a bigger market for it.

At least they had rubber kunai.

Though Kakashi had to go into the dog section to find it.

Naruto gurgled. Sitting on his legs while he gnawed on the fake kunai. Drool sliding down his chin.

“No.” Kakashi said, sternly. Picking him up and putting him in the proper crawling position. It was harder than it should have been. Naruto kept trying to roll over.

“Take out the target.” He pointed again.

“Give it up. There’s no harm in waiting a couple more months.” Pakkun said.

“Yes, there is.” Kakashi growled. “The Hokage said that there were going to be people looking to hurt him. The faster I start training him the faster he can protect himself.”

“That may be true, but face the facts. He isn’t ready yet. You can’t force things.”

“He can do it.” Kakashi said, stubbornly. Adjusting the kunai in Naruto’s mouth over to the left, so his lips weren’t touching the blade anymore. He would have cut his gums up, if it had been a real one.

Good thing Kakashi had changed his mind on using dull kunai.

He gave Naruto an encouraging push on his rump. “All you have to is get over to it. Go on now.”

And miracles of miracles Naruto actually started crawling to the target.

“Look Pakkun! I told you he could do it.” Kakashi shouted.

“I’m looking. I’m looking.” Pakkun chuckled. “Guess I owe you an apology.”

Kakashi watched with excitement as Naruto crawled closer and closer to the target. His little chubby legs working in determination.

“That’s it.” Kakashi leaned forward. “Just a bit more.”

Naruto got within 6 inches of the target then suddenly veered to the left. Crawling past it.

“No, no, no. What are you doing? That’s too far. You gotta turn around.” Kakashi walked over to him.

He reached Naruto just in time to watch him spit the kunai out and pick up a caterpillar. His baby fingers barely fit around the wiggling insect. It was a massive bug. He shoved it into his mouth with glee. Gurgling with satisfaction.

Kakashi stared down at him. “Maybe he thought I was talking about the caterpillar when I told him to assassinate the target..?”

“You are in denial. The pup didn’t have a clue what you were talking about.” Pakkun snorted. “And get that bug out of his mouth, Kakashi. You don’t know whether it’s poisonous or not.”

Luckily for him Naruto didn’t need much coaxing to spit out the caterpillar. Which meandered away indignantly. Covered in saliva.

Well, that went poorly.

Kakashi patted Naruto’s head. “Good session. You can relax now. We’re done with training.”

He pulled on his summons and Akino appeared in a soft cloud of white smoke. Akino looked intimidating in his konoha flak jacket and his sunglasses, but he was a secret softy. Especially for kids.

“Hey, boss. How’s training going?” Akino greeted him.

“Great. Naruto caught a caterpillar,” Kakashi said, sarcastically.

“Oh yeah?” Akino lowered his head until it was level with Naruto’s. “We got the makings of a fine hunter on our hands, eh?”

“Ak!” Naruto squealed. Hugging Akino’s muzzle. He tolerated it for a long moment then shook him off with a snort.

“Want me to mind him for a bit while you train, boss?” He glanced up.

“Please.” Kakashi said.

“C’mon then pup. We’re going on a grand adventure.” Akino grabbed Naruto by the back of his orange onesie. Reverse summoning the both of them.

Despite what he said to Akino he didn’t immediately start training. Instead he joined Pakkun on the boulder.

“Guess you were right again.” Kakashi’s shoulders slumped.

Pakkun nudged his hand with his nose. “Don’t look so miserable. It was a decent first try. You could always ask the Uchiha for help, if you are really that frustrated. Mikoto probably knows a lot about training kids. She has two of them.”

“I’m not talking to her unless I have to.”

“Okay, well. There’s always the Hokage.”

“No!” Kakashi said, forcefully. “I don’t need any help Pakkun. I can do it on my own.”

The Sandaime hadn’t wanted Kakashi to raise Naruto in the first place. If he learned he needed help he’d probably take him away.

Just the thought of it made him feel cold. He’d leave the village first.

Pakkun eyed him thoughtfully. “What about Sakumo’s pack? They’d come if you summoned them. All that baby training stuff your dad did with you— they were there for it all.”

“Raiken-sama? He’s probably—“ Kakashi turned his head away. Clearing his throat. “Probably too busy. None of them are going to want to deal with me.”

“Are you kidding me?” Pakkun said, incredulous. “I wish they were too busy. Instead every time I’m home they corner me. Pestering me for details on what you and the pup have been up to.”

“Why would they care? They were Dad’s pack, not mine. They don’t have to do anything for me. That’s the way the canine summoning contract works.”

“Kakashi. They helped raised you for the first few years of your life it’s not like those feelings disappeared when Sakumo—“ Pakkun stopped. “They care, okay? Trust me. When I asked them for help with Naruto they nearly jumped me.”

“You asked them for help?” Kakashi said, quietly.

“Yeah. It’s not like I had a clue how to take care of a human pup. They really saved my hide.”

“Then you can ask them for advice on how to train babies too. There’s no need for me to talk to any of them.”

“I’m not doing that. You want the advice. You talk to them. I’m tired of Raiken of stepping on me and asking all sorts of questions. Do you know how big he has gotten? It’s terrifying.” Pakkun said, aggrieved.

Raiken had already been huge for a canine summon. If he had gotten much bigger he was probably on the way to becoming the size of a house. Boss summon territory. It made even less sense then that he wanted to talk to him.

Raiken was going places. Becoming S-rank strong.

And Kakashi was Kakashi.

“Fine. I’ll give it a try. Later.” Kakashi added. “Much later.”

He wanted to be alone when he tried to summon Raiken. He wouldn’t be able to handle the pity on Pakkun’s face if he didn’t come.

“That’s all I’m asking for.” Pakkun sighed. “I’m gonna head out. You got company coming.”

He jumped off the boulder. Leveling a stern look at Kakashi.

“You better be nice.” Pakkun reversed summoned himself.

Be nice? Kakashi thought bewildered. Who could it possibly be that his own summon would scold him over?

He inhaled. Cataloging the scents of the forest. The smell of smoke, steel, and dumb kid reached him.

Ah hell.

Don’t the Uchiha have anything better to do than bother him?

Sure enough it was little Itachi Uchiha hopping between branches over to him.

At least it wasn’t Mikoto.

Kakashi tensed up and pulled out his book. Making sure his face was barely visible behind it. He tried to look as busy and unapproachable as possible.

Which didn’t stop Itachi from landing on the ground next to the boulder with a soft thump. It was more noise than he’d usually make. A warning that he was here. How polite.

“I didn’t know you got promoted to jounin Itach-kun. Let me get out of your way.” Kakashi said.

“I am still a chuunin.” Itachi said. “I came here because I wanted to talk to you.”

Kakashi’s fingers tightened in irritation around his book.

Konoha had to be the nosiest hidden village in the world. Not a single one of its ninja could take a hint. One day, that’s all he wanted. One day where nobody wanted to talk to him about uncomfortable topics.

He was drained.

But he still had one last trick up his sleeve he could try.

Kakashi slouched, going nearly boneless from how much he relaxed. He dug his pinky into his ear.

“Maaa. I couldn’t quite hear that last bit Itachi-kun, but if you are a chuunin you shouldn’t be here. You could get hurt.”

“I said—“ Itachi began.

Kakashi got up. Groaning obnoxiously loud as he stretched. “Well. I gotta go. I promised to help my neighbor sort through their sock collection. It was nice seeing you.”

He relished the look on Itachi’s face as he shunshined away.

Back in the village he celebrated by getting some daifuku and eating it at the memorial stone.

It was his favorite place in the whole city.

So many places and people to get lost in.

Jazz wandered with no particular destination in mind. Admiring the string of lights someone weaved across an entire row of apartment balconies. It was almost like the night sky.

Not that any of these mechs would have seen the stars before. Polyhex was an industrial city. The resultant pollution from those industries left the sky covered in a soft purple haze.

The only thing visible through the smog was the moon. And only because they dragged it so close to the planet the Senate kept making noises about how its current trajectory would lead to it crashing into Cybertron in a thousand years give or take.

Jazz had gone up there more than once.

It was a paradise. There were energon fountains on every table and the floors were so clean you could eat off them.

The nobles were good screws too. Always so breathy and yielding.

He might have stayed up there if they hadn’t caught on to the fact that he was the one who assassinated the president of the mining association.

His argument of hey a mech has gotta eat hadn’t impressed them much. Jazz was lucky that Mirage had enjoyed their time together enough to help him off Luna-1.

Polyhex was a classic place for lowlifes and scum to hide out in. Jazz blended right in.

Though apparently nobody told this enforcer that. He was a cute little guy. Fresh black and white paint with a shiny badge to match. Probably just graduated.

The enforcer was walking around, his notebook out, writing out citations for littering.

Polyhex native enforcers never bothered with it. Not in the Steelworker’s block. Most they did was drive around looking for mechs they could shake down for bribes.

But this new enforcer— no doubt he wanted to clean this city up. Wanted to make the world a better place.

Jazz could practically taste the idealization on him.

Exactly the kind of mech he loved to wreck.

Knock those lofty believers from their high perches and drag them into the mud with the rest of them.

Lucky him, a smile tugged Jazz’s lips upward.

He meandered closer to a blitzed out mech slumped on a stoop. His legs were splayed distractingly wide, but Jazz kept his eyes on his face. He plucked a random piece of metal out of the litter surrounding the mech.

“Hey.” Jazz nudged the insensate mech with his foot. “I’m taking this.”

“Hmm?” The mech groaned. Lifting his head up. “Sure. Go ahead, my mech. The world should be shared.”

“No.” Jazz said, firmly. “I’m stealing this. You better stop me.”

“You can’t steal what is offered freely.” The mech said, bewildered.

Jazz sighed and held the metal scrap under the mech’s nose. “This is a beloved token of affection from your Conjunx, alright? I am stealing it away. You will never see it again.”

“It is?” The mech squinted at it, blinking blearily. “I didn’t know I had a Conjunx.”

Just when Jazz thought he would would have to come up with a new plan the mech reached out sloppily. Crying out, “Stop thief!”

The sound of enforcer siren’s piercing the night was everything he wanted.

A wild grin tore across Jazz’s face.

He just barely remembered to keep hold of the metal scrap he ‘stole’ as he transformed. Revving his own engine too loud he zipped down the road.

The growl of the enforcer’s engine wasn’t too far behind him. Perfect. He didn’t want to actually lose him.

Jazz took corners too fast. Easily zigzagging around mechs that were passed out in the street. He was used to it, but the enforcer wasn’t. Through his mirrors he watched him struggle. Breaks squealing as he dodged around careless party goers that staggered into the road.

It made him want to laugh.

He bet if he wasn’t chasing him he’d be yelling at them for obstructing a roadway.

Somebody left out a berth propped up against a fridge at the perfect angle to make a ramp and Jazz wasn’t one to ignore a sign from Primus.

His speedometer crept higher and higher as he approached it. Spark thrumming. His wheels wobbled when he hit the ramp. The vertical climb coming faster than they could take. Jazz kept going. And soon they left the ramp entirely.

He soared through the air.

So many warnings flashing over his HUD he went temporarily blind.

Resetting his optics, he blinked and the edge of the building was coming up too fast and too close. For a moment he was worried he fragged up.

Then he transformed. Using the extra momentum to help him clear the roof. He hit it hard. Bouncing off the chipped aluminum as he rolled. Jazz was breathless when he finally stopped. Staring up at the moon

He had to do that again sometime. Though it wouldn't be anytime soon. He torqued one of his axles when he landed.

Jazz had better amp up the charm. If he couldn’t talk his way out of this he wouldn’t be able to make a speedy getaway.

Geez, that would be embarrassing. Having to escape from another prison.

He’d never live it down. His reputation would be in shambles.

Gingerly, he rose to his feet. Stumbling over to the roof’s edge he peered down. The enforcer was transformed. His sirens gone silent in shock as stared up at Jazz.

He blew him a kiss and winked.

Blitzed mechs who had seen Jazz make the jump broke out into applause. Chanting his name. Laughing, he waved at them. Even giving them a little bow. He did love an audience.

The enforcer wasn’t impressed. He scowled furiously. “If you don’t come down from there you’ll get a resisting arrest charge in addition to the thievery charge.”

“But, officer I can’t come down. I hurt myself when I landed you’ll have to come to me.” Jazz said, theatrically.

The enforcer— bless his little spark— actually began to scale the squat diner Jazz was on top of. He was pretty nimble. Hands finding dents in the pockmarked metal to use as hand holds. They don’t teach those kinds of moves in the academy.

A kaleidoscope of colors danced on the white of his doorwings.

Gaudy party lights turned into something magical.

Jazz wanted to run his tongue down the edge of them. Halfway convinced they’d taste as electric as they looked.

The enforcer cursed. Fingers scrabbling at the smooth walls near the top of the building. No more blaster fire dents to use. He was as helpless as a sparkling.

Jazz caught him by his wrist. The officer locked eyes with him. Frozen with the knowledge that if Jazz pushed him there would be nothing he could do about it. He’d fall. Right into the midst of a bunch of mechs Jazz had riled up.

But Jazz pulled him up instead. Letting him scramble aboard.

The enforcer stared at him. His mouth parted slightly in shock. Mm. That was a nice expression. Jazz wanted to kiss it off of him. His thumb traced little circles on the enforcer’s wrist guard.

He leaned in and the enforcer pulled away. Tugging his wrist out of Jazz’s grasp. He didn’t look at him when he spoke.

“….Thank you for the help. But!” The enforcer leveled a glare at Jazz. “You are still under arrest for thievery. I’m officer Prowl and I’ll be taking you down to the station for processing.”

“Nice to meet you officer Prowl.” Jazz said, ignoring everything else he just said. “It must be my lucky night to be stopped by someone like you.”

“Lucky for the person you stole from, you mean.” Prowl said, dryly. “Where’s the item you took? The charges are based on the monetary value. Depending how expensive it is I might be able to argue for more leniency.”

“Aw. No special favors for saving your life? That should cancel out the charges entirely.” Jazz pouted.

“This is my special favor. Normally they just do a flat sentencing of 500,000 years no matter the value. I’ll be making sure you get the appropriate sentence.” Prowl put his hands on his hips.

“Well alright then! Since you're going out of your way for me I guess I’ll cooperate.”

Jazz popped the metal scrap out of his subspace and set it on the ground. “Tada!”

Prowl stared at it.

“You— it’s garbage. You were fighting over trash.” He said, flatly.

“Hey, this could be worth a lot of money on other planets. Like Hemisyl! Great place. Adventurous aliens.” Jazz paused. “Very adventurous aliens.”

Prowl pinched the bridge of his nose. “This was a waste of time. I apologize for the inconvenience.”

He headed over to the edge of the roof and Jazz couldn’t have that, could he?

Slinging an arm around his shoulder, Jazz dragged him back.

“Don’t be in such a hurry to leave. You just got here. C’mon relax a little. I’ll buy you a drink.”

“I’m still on shift for the next half joor. I have responsibilities to this city I am not going to neglect.” Prowl shrugged him off. “Besides how were you planning on getting a drink? We’re currently on top of a condemned diner with no way down.”

“You should have more faith in me.” Jazz said.

He leaned over the edge of the roof. “Hey fellas! Can somebody toss me up a couple of high-grades?”

The mechs below were currently engaged with watching an absolutely plastered construction build dance on a table. They were taking bets on how much longer the table would hold up under his weight. That was one way to show off your construction skills, Jazz supposed.

A mech broke off from the crowd and shouted, “I got you Jazz hold on.” He threw the bottles up with surprising accuracy, if a little bit too low.

Jazz really had to strain himself to catch them before they smashed against the wall.

Oof.

His axles were screaming. He slowly negotiated himself upright. Placing an elbow on the ledge to aid himself. He turned around with a casual grin.

“You want the Razzle-Dazzle or the Spark Melter? They’re cold.”

“Neither. What part of I’m on shift do you not understand?”

Jazz burst out laughing. Nearly folding over. Prowl's scowl steadily grew uglier the longer he watched him. He straightened back up.

“Ah. I’m sorry I don’t mean to laugh. It’s just you are so serious. Even though you’ve already done more work today than most Polyhex enforcers manage in their lifetime.”

He held out the Razzle-Dazzle. “Why don’t you ask me some questions over the engex? I know pretty much everyone in these parts. Think of it as keeping your informant sweet.”

Prowl took the bottle from his hand. “Really? I couldn’t tell what with everyone screaming your name, Jazz.”

Jazz shivered. Imagining Prowl screaming his name in a very different context.

“Is that why you didn’t bother to introduce yourself? Because you thought I already knew?” Prowl popped the lid off his bottle and smelled it. His nose wrinkling at the waft of engex.

“Yeah. I’m pretty infamous. You must be new. Where’d you originally come from?”

“Iacon city. It’s where I graduated.”

Jazz whistled. “Wow. The capital. Who’d you piss off to get sent here?”

He ripped the bottle cap off his drink with his teeth and swallowed down a heady mouthful. The burn crawled up his throat and into his mouth.

“I didn’t piss anyone off.” Prowl took a cautious sip of his drink. Grimacing at the taste. “But if you have any information on Senator Proteus I would be grateful.”

“You pissed off a sitting senator? You’re a dead mech walking.” Jazz said, admiringly. “Proteus is so crooked they had to hammer him straight when he was a sparkling.”

“I know. But I had to do something. He was clearly embezzling the funds meant to help house the homeless. What else was I supposed to do?”

“Mind your own business like everyone else was?” Jazz suggested. Thumb scraping at the label on his drink.

“But it was so blatant!” Prowl protested. “He didn’t even try to hide it. Leaving a paper trail a mile wide. Even the stupidest thieves try to cover their tracks. It was insulting.”

Prowl must have somebody real powerful looking out for him. That was the only conclusion Jazz could have made as to why he was still alive.

“He didn’t need to hide it, because you’d have to be drone stupid to mess around with a senator.”

“It shouldn’t be that way. There’s mechs getting the 500,000 year sentence over pin-chips. While Proteus stole trillions from the most vulnerable and he didn’t even get a slap on the wrist. Justice if it is not enforced equally is not justice!” Prowl hissed, so worked up that the air from his vents shimmered with excess heat.

Passion was a good look on him, but this wasn’t the kind of passion Jazz had lured him up on a roof for.

He cleared his vocalizer. “And yet with speeches like that you still think you didn’t piss anyone off in Iacon?”

Prowl drowned the rest of his drink in a long swallow. Slamming his empty bottle on the ledge.

“I didn’t make them angry. I scared them.” He said, savagely.

Then he ruined his impressive display by turning around and trying to walk away. Wobbling so much he nearly slipped off the roof.

Jazz cursed and grabbed him just under his door wings. Hauling him safely away from the edge. Prowl wasn’t much help. Barely able to keep his feet under him. Forcing Jazz to hold up most of his weight.

His strained joints twinging was his only warning before he buckled. Taking Prowl with him. They landed in a disorganized pile. The roof vibrating from the impact beneath them.

Prowl’s elbow somehow had migrated to his face in the fall. Oof. That was going to dent.

Jazz adjusted Prowl’s limbs so they were no longer in danger of destroying his nose and laid there. In no hurry to try to get himself upright.

Prowl didn’t move either. Limply resting his head on Jazz’s chest. Optics glowing at half power.

“Someone can’t hold their engex. Are you really that blitzed already? It was only one bottle.” Jazz teased.

“I never went out to parties. Olway— Allllwa— ‘Always studying. No tolerance.” Prowl slurred.

“Don’t tell me this was your first taste of high-grade. I would have gotten you something more fancy if I had known.” Jazz said, dismayed.

“It was good. Sweet. With lots of sch— sparkly lead. I liked it.” Prowl tried to pat Jazz’s cheek and nearly took out an optic.

“Scatter!” Captain Bear ordered. “Iwa nin benefit when you are grouped together.”

Kakashi and Lizard went left. The rest went right.

He was tired. His legs ached. It was inevitable he fell behind again. Lizard was ahead of him mid jump when the ground beneath him crumbled into a jagged pit. Sharpened stones angled up like crocodile teeth.

The pit was big.

Too big for Lizard to be able to reach its edge.

Kakashi threw a kunai as far away from it as he could manage. Lizard substitued himself with it. Landing in the yellowed grass.

The kunai, now above the pit, dropped and was immediately skewered by secondary stone spikes that burst forth from the initial trap. So even if a victim had landed on the walls they would not have been able to avoid the hidden spikes. Insidious.

Furious, Kakashi’s eyes swept over the empty field. There was nothing. Not even a field mouse.

Iwa nin loved to hide in the dirt like worms.

“Lizard, clear the area.” Kakashi said. Electricity dancing up his arm as he charged up a chidori.

“What are you—“ Lizard asked, almost lazily.

“Now!” He shouted and shoved his fist into the earth.

Against the natural ground this wouldn’t have done much. Against chakra filled earth, however, it was very effective.

The ground writhed underneath him. Heaving like a ocean’s wave. Without the earth chakra to support it the dirt rapidly began turning into sludge. Now the Iwa nin had the choice of suffocating or coming up to face his team.

Sure enough the man surfaced. Hands already forming his next jutsu.

Kakashi lunged for him. Tanto slicing through the air like a wolf snapping its teeth.

But then his arm spasmed and his tanto dropped from his nerveless fingers. His eyes darted down to see why his body betrayed him. Smoke curled up from his sleeve. Tattered and charred. With each breath he took a little bit more of his shirt crumbled away.

Ah. He channeled too much of his chakra through his arm.

All of a sudden the pain hit him and it nearly bowled him over. Shit. He shouldn’t have used the chidori like that. It was meant to go through hearts not dirt. He might have even burnt his chakra veins.

It hurt bad enough for it.

The Iwa nin smiled nastily as he finished the last handsign.

The ground rumbled beneath him, but all Kakashi managed was a few stumbling steps. Exhaustion sapping his ability to move.

He was going to die here.

A massive wall of spikes shot toward him like an earthen tsunami. His sharingan catching the moment with perfect clarity.

Then—

Kakashi, in fact, would not be going anywhere. They took him to T&I to try to persuade him to bring Naruto back. Though it took them a while to find someone willing to ‘encourage him.’ Inoichi took one look at him and walked out and so did half of the department. A ruddy face newbie who stunk like fear and sweat got stuck with the job and the worst she managed to do was a few broken fingers, before another ninja whisked him away. Murmuring that a clan meeting had been called.

In the council chambers was every large clan and even a few small ones. They still wore their armor and smoke clung to their bodies.

Chouza was the first to break the silence. “If Kakashi wants the boy I don’t see why he shouldn’t raise him. He knew Kunshina and Minato well.”

Kakashi raised his head. Blinking with dull shock. Where one clan went the other two followed. He had just gotten the backing of the big three. And here he thought they had dragged him in here to declare him a traitor and order his execution. He had earned it thrice over. Attacking a Konoha Anbu was a death sentence.

Danzo sneered from his seat on the Sarutobi’s right like he had never been dismissed from the position of the Hokage’s advisor. “The Jinchuuriki cannot be under the power of any clan. That’ll sway the politics too much.”

A snarl ripped its way up Kakashi’s throat.

The smaller clans flinched, but all Danzo did was narrow his eyes at him.

“The Hatake clan is down to a single member.” Shikaku cut in. Sending Kakashi a quelling look. “And despite being the clan head for a decade has yet to attend a clan meeting. Its influence could hardly be smaller.”

“Besides.” Inoichi added with a smile. “Nobody can deny that Kakashi would have been the Yondaime’s pick.”

Everybody in the room shifted uneasily at Inoichi’s words. If the Yondaime had been here he would have sent them all packing for treating his student like a criminal, but if he had been here Kakashi would have never done what he had did in the first place.

“Kakashi is only 14 years old. Surely, Minato would have wanted his student to be able to live his own life.” Sarutobi protested.

Danzo remained unbothered by the tides of opinion turning against him. He smiled. A cruel, nasty, little thing like a centipede curled on his face.

“Hiruzen is right and I can provide proof.” He threw a binder onto the table. “Minato’s will. Jiraiya is the boy’s godfather. That’s who he should go to.”

In another world that would be enough. Kakashi was exhausted beyond reason and coming down from battle adrenaline. Not really wanting to be saddled with an infant he would have taken the out that the Danzo provided. He would have even been grateful for it. But this world was not that one.

“Alright, when Jiraiya gets here I’ll give Naruto until then he stays with me.” Kakashi said, staring Danzo down.

Chouza nodded his head. “He stays with you.” He rumbled. The sentiment echoed by the rest of the clans.

Sarutobi was clearly unhappy with this turn of events. Everyone knew that Jiraiya wouldn’t be coming for his godson anytime soon, so this might as well be Kakashi’s official appointment as guardian, but he could hardly go over the heads of all of the clans in such a blatant fashion. He would be lucky if only a civil war sprung up from it. It could lead to the dissolution of the village itself.

“Alright then. He stays with you,” he said finally with a sigh.

~!~

A month into guardianship Kakashi still had no idea of how to care for an infant. As a matter of fact he had been rather content letting his summons deal with Naruto. Going on mission after mission with a fervor that alarmed the people around him. Even on his days off he left him in the summoning realm.

It wasn’t until Pakkun summoned himself into Kakashi’s bare bones apartment to scold him that he even considered it wasn’t the best course of action.

“Enough’s enough.” Pakkun snarled. Slamming his paw onto the floor like a judge’s gavel. “You need to spend time with the pup. He needs interaction. Real human interaction in order to not stunt his growth.”

Kakashi covered in blood and worse from his last mission blinked tiredly at Pakkun. “My father left me with his dogs after my mother died, and I didn’t turn out any worse for it.”

Pakkun growled. Thin, harsh, vibrato rattling through the air. “Your father didn’t leave you there for longer than a week! He took care of you every chance he got. Naruto’s not a dog Kakashi he needs more from you than this.” Pakkun paused. Then sighed. “Look if you are feeling overwhelmed you could talk to the Hokage about it I am sure he could—”

Kakashi cut him off with a growl of his own.

There was no way he was going to surrender Naruto over to anyone. The thought of anyone else touching him. Letting them leave their scents all over his puppy soft face— It didn’t bear thinking about.

So that was how he ended up with a baby in his house. Naruto wailed constantly. His tiny arms waving in the air in Kakashi’s direction who ignored him. Staring resolutely at a wall. He wanted to be picked up. Kakashi knew that. But he couldn’t bring himself to move to comfort the crying infant. After a month the scents of Minato and Kushina would have doubtlessly faded from his skin and Kakashi couldn’t stand to confirm that for himself yet. Naruto will tire himself out soon.

He did not tire himself out. He continued bawling late into the night and into the wee hours of the morning. It continued even after Kakashi finally broke down and held him. Big hiccuping sobs muffled into his shirt. No matter how much Kakashi paced he couldn’t get him to settle. Even when he choked through half remembered lullabies that his mother might have sung to him once.

Kakashi needed help. He couldn’t go to the Hokage and his dogs were refusing his summons for 24 hours. There was only one adult figure in his life that might help him.

He jumped over the rooftops two at a time. Pre-dawn twilight giving him enough light that he didn’t need to use chakra to navigate. The lamps were still lit. Dotting the roads below. He prayed he didn’t run into anybody he knew. Gai was his biggest threat. He was the earliest early bird that ever was and he would definitely be out. The gods must have smiled upon him for he made it to his destination unhindered.

The Uchiha compound squatted on the bank of the Naka river. Unlike most civilian buildings they rarely went above one story. It was too easy to use a fuuton justu and topple anything taller. They used Hashirama trees for the entire thing and it smelled a little like the forest. Kakashi felt eyes on his back as he briskly jogged through the compound. Nobody confronted him. So he did his best to ignore it.

He went up to the clan head’s house and slammed his fist upon the door with more force than was polite. It was too early by far, but he didn’t care.

Mikoto was the one to open the door. Despite the hour she was clean and sleek enough to go to an audience with the Hokage.

“What are you doing here, Kakashi?” She asked, but her eyes drifted down to Naruto so she knew the reason already.

“He won’t stop crying!” Exploded out of Kakashi without his permission.

Mikoto closed her eyes for a moment as if looking for patience. “I’m sorry, but I can’t help you.” She said, eventually. Grim as a tomb.

“What do you mean you can’t help me? Is this about the eye? This is Kushina’s son!” He hissed. Feeling soft pops of chakra as the Uchiha clan turned their attention to the commotion. Nobody came to stab Kakashi in the throat, so presumably the chakra flares were an all clear signal. He wouldn’t know. It’s not as if the Uchiha taught anybody else their weird chakra based communication system.

“That’s not it.” Mikoto leaned against the door frame. “Look after the attack things have been… difficult for us. It wouldn’t be good for the us if I were to be seen spending time with the jinchuuriki. You have to leave.” She said. Starting to slide the door shut.

Wretched emotions piled up in his chest and he shoved his foot in the way so she couldn’t close it. “You coward!” He screamed at her. “If it had been you Kushina would have stopped at nothing to help your sons!”

Mikoto stared at him with sharingan red eyes, and he had the sudden awareness that she was a jounin in her own right. One so powerful that people across the globe celebrated her wedding anniversary, because that was the same day that she decided to retire. Kakashi braced himself. Keeping one hand free to form handseals.

“You’re right.” She said. “Kushina would have stopped at nothing to help my sons. Even if she had to leave the village. Even the the Sage himself came down to tell her she was wrong she still would have kept my boys safe.”

She bowed her head. “Please. Come inside.”

Dazed from the emotional whiplash he trailed in after her. Popping off his sandals with ill grace.

She reached out to take Naruto from him and he had to curl his fingers into fists to avoid lunging at her. Mikoto’s sharp eyes caught the motion, but she wasn’t deterred. Plucking the baby from his stiff arms without a blink. She hefted Naruto onto her hip. The babe having devolved into soft whimpers.

“Look at you. Aren’t you a little banana boy? Took after your daddy, didn’t you?” She wiped Naruto’s snotty face with a napkin. “Hmmm.” She squinted at Naruto with her sharingan still active.

“He’s hungry Kakashi. When’s the last time you fed him?”

He hunched his shoulders. “Oh—er. Last night.” Actually, his dogs had been the ones to feed him.

Mikoto pinned him to the spot with a look. “They need to eat every two hours.”

She swept off to the kitchen. Leaving Kakashi to scramble after her. Why the hell hadn’t anybody told him they needed to eat so often? Little kids don’t eat that much. Babies are a lot smaller than them. Where would they put it?

Mikoto filled a glass bottle up with milk. Snapping on a rubber nipple with easy efficiency. Flames danced across her palm as she warmed it up with a jutsuless fire. To be able to control the temperature of her fire so precisely took a control that few shinobi had. As a matter of fact the last time Kakashi had seen someone capable of it had been his father who used to let sparks of lightning fall upon Kakashi harmlessly to keep him entertained.

After it was sufficiently warmed Mikoto handed both it and Naruto back over to him.

Kakashi awkwardly juggled the baby in his arms as he struggled to arrange the squirming infant to his liking. He popped the bottle into Naruto’s mouth and considered that to be a job well done.

“What on earth are you doing?” Mikoto said. “Support his head more, and stop holding the bottle at that angle. He’ll swallow a lot of air.”

Silently, he made the requested changes. But that didn’t appease her much as she stared at him.

“How do you bathe him?” She asked.

“With a water jutsu.” He said, because that was better than saying his dogs bathed him.

On and on it went with Mikoto quizzing him on childcare. She showed him the correct ways of doing things when his knowledge proved inadequate.

Fugaku shuffled out of the bedroom. A scowl already twisting his face. It got worse when he saw Kakashi.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” He asked pointedly.

Mikoto gave her husband a level look. “Whether it’s a good idea or not doesn’t matter because it’s going to happen regardless.

“Fine then.” Fugaku said. “I am going to wash up.”

“Breakfast is warming on the plate dear.” She called after him.

And that was that.