#socialite

The story behind a Gilded Age socialite and the moment that changed everything. Beneath the glamour, wealth, and extravagant parties was a life shaped by ambition, social pressure, and unexpected consequences. Discover the true story behind one of history's most fascinating high society figures.

Honestly, I have no idea and it's been eating me alive.

Aggg

Today I was busy getting rejected by applications (if they give me the pleasure of a reply) and what not and decided to scan the internet for online jobs..yeah..harder than I thought.

Anyway the point is I'm a bit of a scaredy cat.

Or at least online activity scare me - like what do you mean anyone, anywhere and see it? yeah, you couldn't tell me that is not strand.

And don't give me any side eyes because this is an anonymous blog; you can't see my face. So that doesn't count.

Now, how does this tie in to being a socialite (I really want to use my usual tags)?

Most articles tells me that ton be an affective socialite you need a social media presence. No need for millions of followers, or maybe I do because Jean Shafiroff has a million..whatever. But what I found, a few thousand will do the trick.

My problem is that I am too scared of putting my actual information, face city location and whatever else on the internet for people to see.

Yes yes yes yes, I know. Another post on the topic, but I have my thoughts so.. treat it like an extension

You probably hear one or more of the following:

"Rich is what you see, and wealth is what you don't see," or "rich shouts while wealth whispers," and insert whatever you heard.

I, currently, am neither rich nor wealthy, but here is something to think about:

Rich is what you spend.

Wealth is money that has not been spent; it is hidden because it remains unused.

Makes sense? Here is an example:

Person A: "Wow, I made 1 million dollars this year. Let's go buy a 1 million dollar house." (Someone who is just rich)

Person B: "Wow, I made one million dollars this year. I'll save most of it and treat myself to a nice dinner." (Someone who is wealthy)

Now, this isn't to say wealthy people can't buy expensive things. They do, but when they do, it shows their richness, not their wealth: savings, retirement, schools, trust funds, etc.

You can be both wealthy and rich. My point is to notice those who are only rich.

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"Why should I care?"

I believe in seeking out people who hold the positions you aspire to. People in high positions in most fields attract money, but it also matters how they manage that money. Are they wealthy or just rich?

People say, "Don't judge by appearances," but I disagree for this reason.

You meet up with someone and see them driving a nice car—Ferrari, Lamborghini, whichever you imagine. Since they bought it themselves, you can already guess: they either can afford it or perhaps took a loan. But for certain, they now have half a million less than before.

Again, there is nothing wrong with this. But we need to investigate. Are they at a stage of wealth where buying this car makes sense, or did they simply buy it as soon as their bank account matched the price?

The reason I say this is because:

Friendships: You are influenced by those close to you. If you are not careful, their habits can become your own. If they have a shopping or flexing addiction, you may even feel pressured to do the same.

If you’re reading The Psychology of Money, and you’ve reached the chapter on “Luck and Risk,” you probably see that this chapter’s big idea is that both luck and risk play a huge role in outcomes—and that’s what I want to explore here.

In that chapter, the author explains the concept of luck. And it really is exactly that: luck. Sometimes you’re just born into, or placed into, a situation you have no control over. The example he gives is Bill Gates and how he started Microsoft.

What made Bill Gates lucky was that he happened to attend a school that was one of the few at the time with a working computer. He had no control over that. His parents had some control, but they probably didn’t think of it that way — or maybe they did. Either way, he was placed in a school with one of the few working computers in the country, which sparked his interest in programming. Pure luck. And he even credits his luck for that.

The author explains that some people are lucky and some are not, and that is where risk arises. Anyone successful has some luck, though we don’t like to admit it. Humble people do admit it, because it’s true: even giving 100% doesn’t guarantee results. Sometimes luck just happens.

And if you know me, I’m stubborn. So, of course, I asked myself: Is there a way to make my own luck?

As I was reading, it was a scary thought — that even if I put 100% into myself, things still might not work out the way I want. Part of me was excited by that, but another part was scared. I’m excited because I’m trying to see life as a game, and if you’ve ever been a gamer, you know the unexpected parts are the most fun. But it’s scary because there are no cheat codes, no redos.

Then the author talks about risk. He gives the example of one of Bill Gates’ friends who sadly passed away in an accident when they were in high school. Bill Gates’ success is one in a million, but his friend’s death was also a one‑in‑a‑million accident. That’s luck versus risk right there.

Feeling unsettled by these stories, I instinctively sought comfort. As always, I turned to research and typed: “How do I make my own luck?”

Now I could just tell you the usual - follow your dreams and never give up, think positive, and the works. Yes, this works, but I see a lot of posts on these subjects on Tumblr, sooooooo... we are going to keep going.

PSA: I am no expert; just a girl with thoughts and experiences

Generosity. Not something I expected, but from my experience and from what I observed in its absence. It makes sense to add it here. When I say be generous, I mean within REASON. Give it where you can and are able, even if it is small, BUT do not stretch yourself thin or be someone's fool. Ex: Yes, I will, and I had rushed across campus to make an event to celebrate my friend, and yes, I would help a stranger carry an ungodly amount of cupcakes if I see them slightly struggling, even when I want to sleep, but I am not going to drop an opportunity of any kind just because you ask me to. I'll help you after.

But I wanted to emphasize the importance of generosity because, even when small, sparing your time, attention, and energy can make someone's day. In turn, they will think of you and have something positive to say when interacting with you again, or mention you to someone else, or that person would also do something generous for you. You may even get a long-time friend from it.

2. Don't be TOO greedy and know that it is enough. To emphasize, it is ok to want - I want a lot, but when you see people having their downfall, it is when they get too greedy. Now, doing this won't exactly make you lucky, but it will make you very unlucky, as you expose yourself to more negative outcomes. Just know when to stop and be patient.

Ex: A general example would be the intense rise in plastic surgery. I am not against surgery (only the illegal and life-threatening), but it gets bad when an already beautiful person gets it and ruins their face or body, making them look worse. I don't want to say the name, but most can already envision someone who fits the mold.

Ex: Rajat Gupta. While richer than most, with a network of 100 million. I would say he is doing VERY well for himself, but to Gupta, it wasn't enough: he wanted to be a billionaire. Did he get his wish? No, or at least I do not think so, since he would be imprisoned for insider trading.

Now, if you read this and believe you can be a billionaire or that surgery can make you look better than all the power to you. For me, I know my limits: I am not the smartest, the most athletic, nor the prettiest, and I'm happy with that. I fully believe in the concept of karma and things being 'too good to be true'. Are there exceptions? always, but for the best results, I will assume exceptions do not apply to me.

3. Ask. If you have a question about almost anything, just ask and know what to ask. Remember, people love to talk, especially about themselves. If they did something great, you can almost count on them itching to spill the beans. Typically, older people love to share with younger people; well, they always complain that younger people never listen. Be an ear for them and take notes, too. In general, ask someone who is in the position you want to be - well, you probably shouldn't go up to your boss and say that you want their position (depends on the relationship). I find it better to ask when the person has accomplished so much more, so that you don't seem like a threat.

Yes, time did change some things, but human nature's core messages rarely do.

Similar to the section on generosity, you would leave a good impression, and asking can open doors to new information that I would take a lifetime to get and understand. Anyone could run into the right person, but not many ask....Yes, I understand your chances of running into the right person are determined by positioning (let's make that #4), but if you do nothing with that luck, then what is the point?

4. Positioning

5. Know that the season change. This is me riffing on the standard "never give up" pipeline, but it's more realistic. There will be summer (your highs), and there will be winter (your lows). Depending on when you are born, you may believe that winter comes first or summer, but what matters is that one follows the other, and it has been like that for thousands of years, and it will probably stay that way for thousands more. While I do belive in affermations, I also like to call things out for what they are: "Wow, im having such a sh*t day today" than keep going "Atleast, by defult, tomaorrrow/next week/next month will be better."

As an American girl, I've seen too many times women who would say something like this and think the answer is yes - I'm scared. I found this question in a Reddit post, and luckily, most of the comments seem to lean toward "no," but didn't explain much about the "why," so here I am.

PSA: I am no expert, just giving thoughts and examples I found.

For a solid reference (and I will make this clearer as this goes along), the more money a man has, the less it matters. Because of this, just focus on the amount of effort he puts into you.

First Ex: A few years ago a video blew up of a husband taking on two jobs and took on more task in the hours just so he could afforts beauty treatments for his wife allowing for her to relax (sorry I couldn't find the og video)

He has to take on two jobs so he likely wasn't the wealthiest man in the world, but he did earn more money so he could spend more on his wife? yes, BUT there was a lot of effort he put into her and that is what needs to be valued

Second Ex: The (TeshaNicole) situation - so at the beginning of the video (Tesha) describes how her than fiancée put so much money into her and her dream wedding. Her favorite venue, dress, and everything here heart desires. But guess what? HE WAS CHEATING ON HER. even invited his mistress to the wedding. Not only did he not love her, he IMBARRESSSED her. (There is more going on in the video, but i just wanted to use this to make my point)

Third Ex: Now, I don't have an actual media example, but I have my head, so here it is. My biggest trigger was hearing a woman say, "Oh, but he picked me up and prayed the whole bill, and brought me flowers. He must love me!" I never rolled my eyes so hard. Those 3 thing don't take much to think about + he was making above average (from what I could tell).

Say you are dating a multi-millionaire (he has 10 million in the bank) and he takes you shopping, or better yet, he gives you $200,000. Do you think that is impressive? Not really, when you find out that it's only 2% of what he has. Let me give you a smaller number: $1. Imagine having $1, giving someone 2 cents, and they think you love them because you spent 2 whole cents on them. Ridiculous right?

Let me also highlight that it doesn't take much to do this. Literally no thinking involved. He probably spent more on charity than he did for the 'women he loves.'

I often hear "What are you waiting for?", but I recently heard "Who are you waiting for?" and thought this rewriting of the question offers more to think about. I'll answer both.

What am I waiting for? School to end. I don't like school because the amount of time I have to myself is almost nonexistent. On top of that, the teachers and advisers who keep telling that everything is important, never miss a class, and whatnot. A lot of it is BS. Of course, the teachers will know their class more than you do, but you can actually tell when a teacher just doesn't like their students. If you know, you know. College gave me a taste of freedom since there is no one breathing down my neck, and I can go into the city on the weekends.

Second would be moving to my chosen city. When I am not at school, I'm just in a small town full of elderly people, new families, and elementary and high schoolers. and all local activities are catered to them. They are young adults, but there are no destinations for hangouts unless you go 30 minutes out of town. Luckily, I registered for some classes at the local college, so I have the opportunity to meet some people, and I might have a friend when I visit home - we will see.

Who am I waiting for? A mentor? Someone who knows the world and wants to share their knowledge. I found it harder than I thought, because where the heck am I going to find someone with the life I want and willing to share that knowledge? Oh? Should I find them in the spaces I want to be? Yeah, but the problem is that the spaces I want to be in are off-limits due to exclusivity, and the only way to get in is to know someone in that group. Yes, there are websites you can go to, but either the causes seem dead, or they're promoting nightlife. Ugh