#sneezeaudio

Script:

Large old door creaking open

Footsteps across stone flooring

(from distance, echoing in the grand room; a slightly congested voice speaking with a tone that is intended to be calmly imposing) "You would do well to recondsider your presendce—"

Sound of a dagger or a short sword being drawn in surprise

(still calm) "— and it would seemb you are aware this is ndot a place onde should simply enter."

Echoing footsteps coming closer, descending a grand staircase

"But if such is the case, t-thend begs the— t-the questiond-hh...ehxcuse'mbe—!"

(Turned away, stifled harshly into a handkerchief) "—hi-Hik'gtChUu!-ihGt'chu!-eck'tsHu!-hek'SChU!—"

(out of breath, voice still wavering slightly, still muffled by handkerchief) "—onde—dhih-! o-onde'mbOre—IHk'KgChiUu!!"

(catching breath, face still partially in handkerchief) "ohh...oh dear, please—*snf*—do pardond mbe. I-I'mb afraid I— well...*snf* suppose sayigg I'mb a bit undwell 'at the mbombent' would be a bit misleadigg;" (slightly mumbled) "rather implies there has beend a timbe of wellndess for mbe in the past few centuries...*snf*"

(..?)

(lowers handkerchief entirely) "Hmb-? Oh, yes, apologies, where was I...? It would seemb the foggindess of freshly wakigg still lingers...well—(polite and proper tone) ndevertheless, I do advise that you depart back the way you cambe—*snfl*—"

"— surely you've heard the stories the towndsfolk speak of this old mbanor. Though perhaps embellished sombewhat over timbe, I assure you they are mbostly true; as I'mb sure you've gathered given the rather pale ad gaunt goul of an individual who stands before you."

(...)

(Softly acknowledging, not surprised but not as though it had been expected) "Ahh,—*snf*— combe to slay mbe have you? It has beend sombe timbe...—h-hehh— hhohh eh-ehxuse'mbe'againd—!"

(turns away again, stifling a bit less efficiently this time into handkerchief) "—h-HEk'GshUu! Hyeh'TchUu!—....oh-onde always lingers-SEk'ChuU!—*snfl*..."

*soft fabric shuffling and wet sniffling as the speaker tries to tend to their running nose in a not-too-unsightly manner*

(slightly resigned) "*snfl, sigh*— as I was sayigg, it has beend quite sombe timbe sindce sombeonde has combe with the intent to attempt such a pointless goal. Ndot mandy travel this far ndorth, evend fewer stay logg endough to fandcy a bit of slayigg; ad the locals have mbuch better thiggs to do thand endeavor to kill the immbortal recluse who spends their days— s-spehnds their'dhays—!"

(brings handkerchief to nose, not really managing to stifle and more just half-blowing their nose into the kerchief) "—hHiKGsSHUuU! Eh-excuse'mbe— eEHkSHUuUU!!...ohh..."

*sniffling wetly into handkerchief, out of breath and slightly weary sounding*

(..?)

(a bit sheepish) "O-ohh...well...s-suffice to say I—*snf*— I don't do mbuch other thand catch the occasiondal deer to drink and— Eh'HiKChiEWw! *Snf*— try to hide from the cold ind whichever roomb of this mbanor I find to be the least frigid; usually the sittigg roomb, though I-I haven't the stregth to procure andy wood for a fire..."

(..?)

"Hmb? W-Well yes, I-I amb aware that with my... sanguinde afflictiond usually combes advandced stregth but—*snf*—that is whend onde satiates their hunger ond the blood of mban. Ad I—*snfl*— have ndo williggndess to do andythigg of the sort."

(...)

(mildly humoured) "I don't blambe you for ndot takigg mby word, but, think of the stories you heard from the towndspeople; did andy of themb indvolve mbe attackigg or draindigg andyonde? Surely if I had donde such a thigg it would have spread like wildfire, ndo? Indstilled a mbuch deeper fear of mbe in their hearts?"

"Had I spent these past centuries—*snf*— drinkigg fromb people ad runnding ambuck, I'd be a— hehh...— I-I'd be a—hh— a-a mbh-mbore legally wanted—hidhH-!— individual—!"(Turned away but uncovered) "—HeDsSHhEiWw!!"

(handkerchief hurriedly brought to face) "—hEKShIEewW!-EkShUu!-iChiEWw!"

(..?)

(not having heard them properly) "Wh-What—? HaGShHiEew!!...*snrf*"

(..?)

"Oh—*snf*— right; yes, I was wondering whend you'd ask about it. But, ndo, mby umb—*snfl*—mby state of undwell is ndot a symptomb of mby humban-free diet; I fear I amb...simply undlucky."

*takes a moment to once again try and delicately ease the suffering of their nose, attempting a soft half-blow before halting at the unseemly bubbling sound it produces.*

(...)

(sounding slightly defeated and reluctant) "*snfl* mhmb, I...I find it a bit embarrassing, really...b-but I suppose if it soothes your curiosity..."

"A logg timbe ago, back whed I was mortal; I was a rather...delicate individual. Nothigg dangerous, of course, just a mbildly poor condstitutiond but it was oftend I would be layed up ind bed, mby ndose buried ind a handkerchief, sneezigg and sh-shivering bendeath the covers as mby latest cold sustained itself ond mby sufferigg."

*sniffles, partially from their ailment and partially from the bitter memories*

"A-As it would happend, onde ndight, a rather ravendous and beastly goul broke into mby chambers. Seeigg me, sick ad weak as I was, as easy prey, it did ndot hesitate to try ad draind mbe for it's mbeal."

"I didn't die, of course, or— at least, ndot ind the usual way— sombeonde had heard the commbotiond and cambe to indvestigate, interruptigg the creatures feast. It fled but the dambage was donde, leavigg mbe with this curse, mby body dead ad andimbated ind the state I had beend ind upond infectiond; thh-that is to say—"

(weakly tries to catch the sneezes in the handkerchief but is only partially successful) "—h-heHKsHIUu! Huh-hurEKShUu!— s-sndiffligg ad...hahh—*snf*...sndeezigg myself silly with this-hh— this dreadful chill—! hAGsSHIEwWw!!—"

(embarrassed and apologetic, sniffling desperately against the aftermath of that particularly messy sneeze) "*SnFl*-ohh— *snRk*-oh dear...— I-I'mb so sorry, I have to— h-have'to—! EhHK-*Desperate, noisy blow forced out by the sneeze*"

*pauses for a moment, takes another deep breath, and gives another thick blow into the kerchief*

*sound of miserable, embarrassed relief from behind the handkerchief; soft squelching as they massage their nose.*

*speaker catches their breath, interspersed with distinctly pathetic sniffles.*

(audibly drained from the force as well as embarrassed and ashamed at their poor manners) "...apologies...I've beend tryigg to—*snf*— avoid beigg so grossly undcouth whilst you were here. Though you mbay have combe with the intent of endigg mbe, a-ad by ndow I doubt the status I held due to mby fambily is very mbeandiggful; it is still rather shambeful for sombeonde with mby upbringing to be—*snf*—such a mbess, ndo matter how many centuries have passed..."

(...)

(tiredly confused and surprised) "w-what's that—? Oh—"

Fabric shifting as the listener carefully offers their handkerchief

(hesitate but slightly touched) "— your...your handkerchief. I...*snf*—I suppose mbinde has grownd a bit spent after...*ahem*"

More fabric shifting as the speaker gently takes the kerchief

(carefully brings the handkerchief to their nose, dabbing at it softly) "T-Thank you, I could have s-simply fetched mbyself a fresh onde, goodndess kndows I have a plethora, but..."

*sniffles against the loaned hankie*

(voice wavering a little, but not from tickles, from contained emotionality) "...It—*snf*— it's beend a very logg timbe sindce I received such gentlendess I—*hic*—! I-I'mb sorry—*snrfl*—"

(tries to keep it together) "S-surely you're eager to be o-ond your way ndow that you kndow there is very little glory ind endigg a rather p-pathetic creature like mbyself..."

(...)

Steps walking forward

Sound of one cloth covered body impacting softly with another

"Ah-!..."

*shaky breaths and liquidy sniffles gradually turns into soft weeping.*

Fabric shifting and soft footsteps as the listener gently brings them to sit on the staircase

*speaker continues to cry, sniffling and hiccuping muffled slightly into the listeners shoulder*

(between weeping sniffles and hiccups, voice very weak and trembling) "—hih...Hh—! O-Oh dear...—Oh-heH! Oh ndo-! I—"

Slight fabric shuffling

(..?)

"— I-I'mb goigg'to—! IHh-I'mb'sorrY—!"

(buried back into the listeners shoulder) "— hHyAShHIEewW!! Hih-iH-eYh!—eYEgShHIEeEWWw!-EHkShiEW!-aPShHieWw!—"

(wait for it~)

"— hREgSHIEeWWw!!"

Fabric shuffling as speaker leans back away from listeners shoulder

(weepy, embarrassed, apologetic) "I—*snf*— I'mb so sorry...that— that was terrible, you—*snRk*— you were so kind as to—*hic*— to hold mbe, a-a stranger, a vampiric onde ndo less, and I—*hic*— I soaked your shirt with—*snf*— s-sndot ad— ad tears..."

(...)

(confused but slightly hopeful) "w-What—? You—*snrK*— you are ndot cross...? But— but your shirt, I— I've drenched your chest with—*snfk*— with this eterndal cold; y-you mbust be disgusted..."

(..?)

"hmb? Well—*snf*— nd-ndo I...I suppose it's undlikely to be—*snrf*— contagious; i-it's really mbore a symptom of mby specific vampiric curse rather thand andy formb of—*snfl*— of virus..."

(...)

(confused but gently relieved) "thend...thend if you truly don't mbind...perhaps—*snf*— we could stay like this...just a little logger? You're—" fabric shuffle as speaker snuggles back into listener "— you're so warmb. I haven't—*snrf*—I haven't felt warmbth like this ind so logg...I forgot how blissful it cand be; the warmbth of andother, a carigg embrace."

*speaker once again nuzzles closer into the listeners shirt, snuggling closer on the staircase, their words muffled from here on*

(growing sleepy) "I...I find mbyself growigg drowsy from your bodyheat. Would you—? Would you mbind if I let mbyself drift off for a mbombent? I amb usually ndocturndal but...I struggle to keep mby eyes opend againdst the ondslaught of combfort—*snfl*"

(...~)

(happily sleepy) "mbh, thank you...I hope you will still be here whend I wake, ad this isn't all just a...a wonderfully warmb dream..."

(pause)

"...hh...h-ihh-...hEh!—hEkShhUu!..."

(..?~)

"-hheh...—hEgShiuU!!...*snf*"

(...~)

(seconds from falling asleep) "thank you, kind slayer...*snfl*..."