#snarking

Drew rolled his eyes fondly at the doctor. “First of all,” he said, wrapping his arms around the man’s neck and dropping his head for a kiss, “you’re not ever getting anything straight, where I’m concerned, understand?” When Jeremiah grinned and nodded and draped his own arms around Drew’s waist, he continued, “second, I’m only doing home health for Avery, and it’s a nice little extra in my paycheck this month. We can put it towards the wine fridge I see you checking out every time we walk past the kitchen and bath place.”

“You know me so well,” chuckled Jeremiah. Too bad he still had another hour on his shift or he’d ask to tag along when Drew went to check on Avery. And then maybe they could stop somewhere out of the way for food, and . . . save dessert for at home. He gave an involuntary shiver. Their schedules hadn’t aligned much lately and Jeremiah was feeling the loss. Not to mention their mostly unspoken agreement that taking care of their friends in the aftermath of the shooting came first. Avery of course was their priority, but Rory absolutely needed attention too - going from the high of getting engaged to the low of seeing his partner shot was wearing on him, Jeremiah could tell. And . . . there was Adam. Jeremiah wasn’t sure what was going on with his friend but it was clear something was - and that that something had to do with Avery Morrison. 

“. . . And third,” Drew continued casually, pulling Jeremiah out of his musings and seeming to ignore that the couple was pressed up against each other much more intimately than they normally would at the hospital, “I’m not planning anything for the wedding. Just introducing them to my friend Toby. He’s an amazing floral designer; I think Noa will love his work.” When Drew shuffled against him Jeremiah moved his hand down to his ass and held him in place. It was a little risky - the clinic wasn’t open today but someone could still come in - but since no patients were around he didn’t actually care that much. It wasn’t like people didn’t know he and Drew were together. And Jeremiah was in a mood.

“I wish I could see your work,” he mumbled against Drew’s neck, holding him tighter. Drew snorted. 

“Listen, I... I appreciate this whole seduction scene you've got going,” he said with a grin, quoting Pretty Woman, “but let me give you a tip: I'm a sure thing, okay?” His hands tickled at Jeremiah’s sides and dipped into the waistband of his scrubs. 

“So come home early.” Jeremiah didn’t whine - that wasn’t his thing - but lowered his voice, pulling back to look seriously at Drew.  Now he was the one shivering, hearing the quiet authority in Jeremiah’s voice.

“Fuck Jer . . .” Drew, on the other hand, was not above whining, “why are you . . . fuck . . . when we can’t do anything about it?” He gestured down to where their bodies met, “this sooo not fair.” 

“Gotta give you a reason to hurry home.” Jeremiah slowly leaned in, staring into Drew’s eyes and cupping the back of his neck as if he was going to give him a deep kiss. As soon as Drew’s lips parted, Jeremiah pecked him quickly on the nose and took a step back, smirking.

“Rude!” Drew huffed, smacking Jeremiah on the hip. “Just for that I’m staying out extra late.”

Jeremiah laughed. “No you’re not.” 

Drew grabbed the back of Jeremiah’s neck and didn’t let him move until they’d had a real kiss. “No I’m not.”

He was in an upbeat mood as drove to Avery’s neighborhood and it was made even better when he found a parking spot almost in front of his building.  The last time he’d been here he’d been coming down with the stomach flu and it was a million times better to be feeling good and looking forward to a night in with his boyfriend later. 

But right now his focus was Avery Morrison. The combo of lung and stomach injuries made for difficult recovery, and staring up the steep flight of stairs that led to the apartment made Drew glad he’d stopped at Key Foods to grab Avery a few groceries. Between carrying those bags and the bulky medical kit, even he was out of breath by the time he got to the door; there was no way Avery would be able to manage on a regular basis. 

The door opened before he knocked, and he was still panting as he entered.

“Damn . . . those stairs are a workout . . . Morris . . .oh.” Drew stuttered a stop.

Adam Calder was standing in the doorway, annoyance etched on his face, and for a wild moment Drew wondered if he was going to try to refuse to let him in. But even through his grimace he stepped back immediately, revealing Avery propped up behind him on the sofa. Drew took in the scene. His patient - tired-looking, too pale, mouth tight with discomfort - and Adam, also tired-looking, rumpled, and . . . wearing pajama bottoms and a Property of Boston FBI t-shirt. Drew’s temper flared.

“What the fuck, Calder - you had a fucking sleepover? After everything we talked about?” He didn’t bother to moderate his tone; they weren’t in the hospital and this wasn’t some random visitor he had to be polite to. Avery clearly wasn’t in any shape for something physical, but if Calder had even tried . . . “You agreed you wouldn’t . . .”

“. . . I didn’t agree anything, Thornton. That was all you., inserting yourself where you don’t belong” Adam’s voice was measured and calm - as if he was speaking to a tantruming child and not the medical professional who was here to provide legitimate medical care. And the subtle sexual innuendo - inserting yourself, as if Drew was jealous or something -  it was infuriating.  And he wouldn’t shut up. “If you haven’t noticed, nurse, Avery’s currently recovering from the stomach flu,” - he gestured over to the coffee table, which Drew now noticed was littered with tissues, a small garbage can, and two mostly-full bottles of Gatorade with straws sticking out. Yellow and orange flavor; Drew had bought blue. 

Drew forced himself to count to ten. He refused to let Calder make him lose his cool; especially not when Drew was the only one who was supposed to be here. Providing legitimate medical care. Ignoring Adam completely, he grabbed up the medical bag and marched over to Avery’s side, dropping down next to him and taking his wrist, “how’re you doing, sweetheart?” Avery’s eyes were sunken and his pulse was tachycardic; he was clearly dehydrated, although not dangerously so, yet, “when’s the last time you threw up?” Drew had IV fluids in his bag that he could administer himself, but he’d need a doctor’s authorization to add meds to them.

Instead of answering, Avery glanced across the room, cracked lips moving with a silent question. Adam - of course - was only too happy to answer, walking over to stand at the end of the sofa behind Avery’s head and looking down at Drew, “almost two hours, although he’s still really nauseous. I’ve been trying to get him to drink something, but you can see how that’s going - he keeps gagging. We were about to try a Pedialyte popsicle and see if that sits better.” 

Drew felt a fresh stab of annoyance at the possessive way Adam was talking, like he and Avery were a couple of something. Not to mention that he had brought Pedialyte popsicles too, now probably melting on the counter.  It was with more than a little satisfaction in his voice that he responded, “well I can give him IV hydration and meds, which are a lot more effective.” 

“Well then go ahead, the strongest stuff you’ve got; he’s been miserable.” Somehow Adam had turned this back into Drew’s fault. He almost snarked back that Adam should have called him earlier, but that would be admitting that Adam could help, and Drew was petty enough not to want to do that. It was bad enough that Calder had to hear him call in for an authorization for narcotics, and Drew silently cursed that he hadn’t gotten approval before he came. He knew Avery was likely to need pain meds and an anti-emetic, and now Adam was breathing over his shoulder probably thinking that Drew couldn’t do anything himself. Well fuck that, let’s see him try to put in an IV. Painlessly, too. “Can you please get back?” he asked irritably, “you’re blocking the light.” 

“Oh, sorry,” Adam immediately jumped out of the way, but Drew could feel his eyes on him the entire time he was working. He pushed through the anti-emetic and then followed it with the pain meds, and after a few seconds Avery let out a relieved breath.

“Oh, that feels . . . god . . . thank you,” he sighed, “lovely.” His head fell back into the sofa cushions, “I’ll take a pop-popsicle . . . now,” he slurred, an almost goofy smile on his lips, “yummy.”

“Damn, that’s amazing.” Adam came closer again, and even Drew had to acknowledge the admiration in his voice, “like . . . wow.” He watched Avery for another few seconds until his eyes fluttered shut and then turned to the nurse. “He’s been so . . . in so much pain, and with the puking . . .” Adam grimaced. “He couldn’t keep the pills down; I should have called you earlier, but he kept insisting . . .” His lips tightened, his normal facade of cool competence cracking a bit.  

“Yeah he’s a stubborn fuck,” Drew chuckled. It was annoying Adam was here, but he had to admit that Morrison probably needed as many eyes on him as possible. “He’ll probably sleep for a while now.” Maybe he’d stop by on his way back to Cambridge; Jeremiah would understand if they had to delay their evening plans by an hour. 

“And he should be feeling better when he wakes up, right? Like, the flu should be gone?” Adam seemed incapable of playing it cool anymore, Drew noticed. It would be fun to keep poking at him, and Drew almost said something like the flu will be gone and so should you, but he decided he’d already made his point. Avery was comfortable and that was the important thing. 

“It should be, although he’ll probably be pretty weak. I’ll stay until his IV is done and then stop by later to check his pain levels.” And then, because Drew was still feeling at least a little petty, added, “he just needs some peace and quiet to sleep for a while now.” 

Adam, of course, got it right away. “Right,” he said flatly. He glanced down at Avery’s dozing form, “but what if . . .”

“. . . he’ll be fine,” Drew interrupted. He needed to stay here at least for the 45 minutes left for the IV to run and he wasn’t feeling charitable enough to make small talk with Adam for that long, “you promised to give him space, remember?” 

“I remember you telling me to back off, as if I needed to be managed or something.” All the worry and gratitude had evaporated from Adam’s tone. Listen, I appreciate that you were able to help him feel better -” 

“. . .When you couldn’t.” Drew couldn’t help interrupting again. Adam grit his teeth.

“I already said that.” His voice rose in frustration. Avery shuffled on the sofa and Adam immediately lowered his tone, speaking over Drew’s hiss to be quiet, “but this is really none of your business.” And then, because of course he had to get in one more dig, added, “Miah gets it.”

“Jeremiah would agree with me that Avery needs to rest,” on that issue Drew refused to back down. This was his patient and he wasn’t going to let Adam Calder interfere with Avery’s recovery just because he thought he had some sort of situationship with him.

“You’ve made your point; I’m leaving.” Adam grabbed his coat off a chair.  “If he wakes up and . . . you know what? Forget it; I’ll text him myself.” He pointed at Drew, “I know how to behave.”

Take A Seat (also on ao3)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

First time it happened before chapter 1; pre/ new relationship; no handler

“Huh,” Monty said, sitting in the gator themed car and frowning. “Guess there ain’t enough space for the both of us, Moonpie.”

‘Actually...,’ Sunny piped up from their shared headspace.

‘Sunny, no.’ Moon thought.

‘Mhm,’ Sun hummed, tapping a finger to his chin. ‘But consider... Sunny, yes.’

‘Sun!’

‘Moon! XD.’

Sun kept egging him on until, with an exaggerated sigh, Moon stepped into the ride.

“Whoa there, little guy! Ah jus’ toldja there wasn’t enough space,” Monty said, trying to keep the ride balanced.

Moon made a sound in the back of his voicebox and promptly plopped into the gator’s lap. Monty could see their face plate glowing even though the brighter side was turned away from him.

Realizing they could actually fit now, Monty chuckled and wrapped his arms around Moon’s waist. He put his chin on top of their hat, flicking the lever with his tail to restart the ride.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

First time it happened before chapter 1; snarky frenemies; no handler

Monty shimmied his shoulders and slid back to lie on both seats, a smug look on his face as he crossed his legs and stared at Moon, who was glaring him down something fierce.

“Well wouldja lookit that. Guess there ain’t enough space for the both of us, eh, Moonpie~?”

Moon wanted to smack those stupid glasses of the gator’s face but refrained.

‘Years of dealing with small children sure help when dealing with a large one, right, Sunshine?.’ Moon thought.

Sun snickered in their shared headspace when-

‘Oh! Idea! Psst, Moonie!’

‘Hmm?’

‘What if we pspspppsp, and then pspspspsp?’

Moon smirked. ‘I knew there was a reason I loved you, Sunny.’

‘Pfff, shut up XD.’

Monty narrowed his eyes at the Daycare Attendant. “The hell, why’re you lookin’ at me like that, fuckin’ gremli- HEY!”

Moon jumped into the car, the hook attached to the top of the ride squeaking ominously. Monty gripped the front of the ride and one of the backseat rests, panicking. “WHAT THE HELL, MOON?!?”

Moon just snickered and kicked the control box lever, restarting the ride. Not that Monty noticed, what with Moon sitting perpendicular on the gator’s stomach and putting his hands behind his head in the most fake relaxed pose he could make.

“GET OFFA ME YA FREAKIN’ WEIRDO!!!” Monty roared, unable to get up. He couldn’t buck Moon off without jeopardizing himself and the ride.

Moon wiggled the way Monty had in the beginning and gave a yawn. “Mmmmm, nah.”

“WHADJA MEAN ‘NAH’?!?!”

Rainer hums, drumming a talon against his knee and pretending to think long and hard about it, not bothering to clamp down on the amusement singing from his sub-vocals. “Well, yer Human Pathfinder essentially demolished th’scavenger population on th’planet, so ya just get the occasional rovin’ band of idiots like the ones ya stumbled on yesterday. Kett are scarce around here for th’same reason.”

“So this Monolith is clear?”

“Of smart enemies, sure. Still gonna get creepers poppin’ up - oh, this Monolith, right, yer gonna be glad ya brought me with, Princess. Hope yer shields are amped.”

“Why-”

Rose breaks off with a curse when the Nomad bumps over something, hitting the brakes and squinting out the windshield. She starts swearing at the same time that Rainer starts laughing.

“Are those giant ticks?!”

“Can’t say Ah know what a tick is,” Rainer purrs, far too amused by her reaction, “But those, Princess, are spit bugs. Nasty little acid spitters - get caught and it’ll eat through yer shields like nothin’.”

“Is there a nest near here or something?” Rose scowls, lifting her arm and typing something on her omni, fingers a blur of movement that he stops trying to trace when it makes him dizzy, “Or are they just… drawn by the Remnant?”

“Can’t say fer sure, just know there’s always spit bugs around here. Ah’ve seen scavs brought down by those things, thinkin’ they were harmless - nasty way ta go.”

“Naermi will love this.” she mutters, finishing her typing with a flurry of keys - Rainer leans back when her shields regenerate suddenly, flashing yellow in a number of places, “Alright, shields are amped - you need a boost or you set?”

“Thought ya were a botanist?” he asks, clamping his mandibles close to his face to stop the faint hum of curiosity trying to come through.

“I am, but do you really think the Initiative would hire a botanist that couldn’t defend herself? I was a Marine, first.” Rose rolls her eyes, throwing the Nomad into park before climbing into the back of the vehicle, “Tech specialist - so I’m better at tweaking shields and throwing overloads then I am at fighting on the frontline, but I can handle myself.”

Rose reemerges from the back a moment later with a satchel of supplies slung over one shoulder and a shotgun strapped to her thigh - but what makes him trill in surprise is the sniper rifle clutched in her right hand.

“Princess with a sniper rifle.” he mutters, mandibles flared in amusement, returning the scathing look she shoots him over her shoulder with a wide grin of his own. “Gotta be a story behind that.”

“Later. Let’s take out the bugs first.” Rose reaches for the door latch, pauses to throw him another look “You need that boost or what?”

Rainer types a code on his own omni and flicks a mandible as his shield restarts, flashing yellow just as hers had, “Naw, mine’s already calibrated for the shit out here. Why? Ya worried, Princess?”

Rose snorts, yanking on the latch and hopping down to the sand, “Just don’t want to have to lug your ass back to the Outpost, jerk.”

Rainer hoots with laughter, firing off a shot as he hits the sand behind her, scoping out the bugs closest to them and purring “Aw, ya do care!”

“Save it.” she snarls, tracking another set of bugs and taking them down with quick shots - she’s a little off-centre, not perfectly scoped, but not bad, either, huh - moving slowly but steadily towards the hulking form of the Monolith.

Because they’re prepared and managed to catch the bugs off guard, it’s an easy task to take them out - leaving a small graveyard of insect corpses littering the sand.

“They’ll disintegrate soon enough,” Rainer chuckles when he notices the woman’s disgusted look, ejecting the spent clip from his rifle and loading a fresh one just in case, “Need any more help with th’bugs before Ah find a good perch an’hunker down?”

“Looks like we’re clear for the moment - but staying in contact on the comm would probably be a good idea.” Rose looks incredibly peeved as she says it, lifting her arm and typing out a quick command on her omni, “Here, I’m sending you my code - then you’ll actually hear me if I’m calling for help.”

“Ya do realize this means Ah can contact ya whenever, right? Even after this little outing?” Rainer flares his mandibles widely, accepting the code and pinging his own back.

“Trust me, I’m already regretting it.”

“Plus,” Rainer turns to scope out the pillars, heading for the tallest one to look for a way up, calling back over his shoulder, “Ah’d have been able ta hear ya anyways, Princess; turian hearin’s a lot better than human hearing!”

“Now you tell me?!”

Rainer’s laughing the entire way up to the top of the tallest pillar, sub-vocals humming with amusement. Spirits, it’s been a long time since Ah’ve laughed this much - interestin’ little human.

It’s an easy task to make it to his chosen perch - jump jets were one of th’best damn things t’come out of this damn trip - and he gets as close to the edge of the space as he can, settling into a comfortable sniping position and adjusting the scope on his rifle.

Ready to go, Rainer does a check of the area and then zooms in on Rose, watching as she kneels next to one of the Blooms and pulls various containers and tools from her satchel - noting that her rifle is close at hand this time. Better prepared. Good.

He watches for a bit as she sets herself up, pulling on gloves and opening containers and the like, before returning to watching the perimeter - picking off the few bugs that pop up at the very edges of the site.

Maybe twenty minutes go by before he hums and activates the comm link, saying “How’d ya become a botanist?”

“Why?” comes Rose’s immediate response, tinged with suspicion and backed by the noise of her working.

“Call me curious.”

“The way anyone becomes a botanist.” she snipes, making him growl softly.

“And ya call me a smartass.” he mumbles, hearing a huff of laughter from the other side. She says nothing else, but he can hear her working - turning the scope back to her he can see her digging, scooping up samples of dirt and pouring them into specific containers.

The fact that she’s left the comm line open makes him grin, trying again. “Okay, c’mon, talk ta me, here. Why did ya become a botanist? Seems like a strange profession to get into if yer already a Marine.”

“What is this, twenty questions?” she asks, voice just a tad less guarded.

“If ya want, sure. Otherwise it’s gonna be a very boring outing for me, and Ah may resort to whining.”

“Fine, you big baby. I never liked being on the frontlines of battle - I was offered a choice between N School and moving into a Research position, and I chose Research. Botany just ended up being the strain I was best at.”

“Aren’t N7’s supposed t’be some kind of badass soldiers?” he wonders aloud, scoping and shooting down another two of the bugs, “Seems strange ya’d be offered that if ya don’t like frontline battle.”

“Tell me about it - I was happy to be given a choice, really. Already have one N7 in the family - don’t need two.”

“One of yer parents?” Rainer asks, sub-vocals humming curiously.

Rose is quiet for a moment, still digging away, and he’s just about to turn the scope back to her to check what’s going on when she says “Okay, my turn. Let’s start simple. Why did you offer to accompany me again?”

Well, ya know, you’ve managed to pique the Nexus’ interest with yer work on the Remnant Blooms - which ya know anyways, or else ya wouldn’t have been moved to Elaaden. What ya don’t know is that Kesh wants an eye kept on ya to make sure nothing in this Spirits damned desert manages t’kill ya - and as her apparent errand boy on Elaaden, Ah’ve been assigned the wonderful duty of keeping ya alive. All delivered through one Vorn, who is also quite excited about the new discovery.

He’s not going to tell her any of that, of course. Even if Kesh didn’t care, he isn’t willing to risk it - and he’s not about to tell her everything a day after meeting her, either.

So Rainer pauses, then purrs “Because Ah was bored, and yer funny as hell t’annoy.” Which isn’t a lie, really, considering the pure thrill he gets just from her growl on the other end of the comm.

“Anyone ever tell you you’re an asshole?” she grits out, digging suddenly louder - likely taking her annoyance out on the dirt.

“All the time.” he answers without a hint of shame, “My turn - easy, because Ah’m crap at judging human age. How old are ya?”

“Counting the six hundred year nap or no?”

“Gonna go with no.”

“Then I’m thirty. Same question back at you.”

“Thirty three, give or take - Ah was thirty when we went into stasis, and Ah’ve been awake since th’Nexus got here.” Rainer pauses to shoot down the first batch of creepers that pop up, thinking, “My turn, huh? How’d ya get a Nomad?”

“By scrounging every single damn credit I made before and since waking up - happy to say the credits I’d had stashed in my omni made it through the conversion when I hit Andromeda. The Initiative covered the majority of our gear, so I was able to pour all my funds into buying the Nomad the moment we hit Elaaden.”

“Seems a bit more suped up than others Ah’ve seen people with out here?”

“First rule; if you’re buying a Nomad, get it from the outpost on Voeld or Elaaden.” Rose pauses, making a noise of surprise - he can see her examining a sample of dirt through his scope, eyes narrowed - before explaining “They have the two most hostile environments in Heleus that we’ve come across, so the Nomad’s are pre-set with better environmental controls and all-terrain mods. I had enough that I was able to give it a couple other mods, but nothing crazy like what the Pathfinder’s have.”

“Huh. That’s smart.” he mutters, shifting his rifle at a hint of movement and taking down another spit bug.

Rose goes silent for a moment, even the sound of digging halting, and he zooms in on her immediately - fuck, did a bug get through or somethin’? - before she exhales loudly, expression looking startled through his scope.

“I’m sorry, did you just say something nice to me?”

“Must be hearin’ things.” Rainer denies, clamping down on the strange sense of panic he’d felt at her silence, turning his scope away to check the perimeter - and freezing when she starts to laugh, surprised.

“You’re such an ass.” Rose says, but there’s no venom in the words, and she’s still laughing - so different from the other tone’s he’s heard from her, lighter then before.

Huh. Rainer stays silent, just listening as he scans for threats, mandibles quivering curiously.

Eventually the laughter subsides, and Rose sighs on the other end of the line, voice back to normal when she speaks “Alright, my turn. What did you do before coming to Andromeda?”

“Ah, nothing excitin’. Ah was a low-level member of the Hierarchy’s Military. One of the snipers they’d assign to various squads, help keep a lookout and down enemies from afar.” he doesn’t say that he was the top sniper of his rank, or that he’d turned down a raise in the ranks in order to come to Andromeda - the raise had been due to his name, and not his skills, something that didn’t sit right with him.

“So why did you come to Andromeda?” she asks, sounding curious, and despite it technically being his turn, Rainer stops, thinking about it.

To get away. To be something besides a Vakarian, defined forever by a family name I didn’t ask for. To not have those expectations to live up to. To be-

“Rainer?”

“Ta be someone.” he answers, lamely, and the line goes quiet for a moment.

“I get that.” Rose says eventually, and he can hear her starting to pack things up.

“How’bout you, Princess?” Rainer uses the nickname to steady himself, reigning in his subvocals again, “Why’d ya join the Initiative?”

“I’d rather not talk about it.” she says immediately, and something in her tone stops him from poking at that - some note of emotion that he can’t identify, doesn’t know if he wants to identify.

“Alright, then… d’you have a mate? Or whatever the hell ya humans call them?”

“Nope - too much of a workaholic, I guess.” he can definitely hear her getting ready to pack up, now, and a glance through the scope confirms that she’s begun tucking things into her satchel, “How about you? Come to Andromeda with anyone?”

“Nothin’ that serious - had a couple a flings over the years. None worth mentionin’.” he thinks briefly of the one such event he’s had since arriving in Andromeda and shakes his head, annoyed, “Ya ready t’go, Princess?”

“Yeah, come on down - got the samples I need.”

Rainer makes sure his rifle is secure before taking the same route down that he had up, landing smoothly on the sand and turning to see Rose watching him with narrowed eyes.

“Impressed?” he purrs, brow plates lifted.

“Nah, just picturing you screwing up your landing and face planting in the sand.” Rose quips, smirking, “It’s a hilarious image.”

“Ha, ha.”

Rose just grins, opening her canteen as she turns to head towards the Nomad, frowning and shaking it upside down, “Ah, damn, I drank it all. Need to invest in a bigger one.”

“Here.” Rainer holds his own out to her, humming at her narrowed look, “What?”

“What is it?”

“It’s water, Princess; Spirits, yer paranoid.” holding her gaze, he pops the cap off and tilts his head back, taking a long swallow of water before holding it out again, “See? Perfectly safe.”

Rose’s eyes stay narrowed, but she reaches out and accepts the canteen, tilting her own head back for a much smaller swig. Then she hands it back, grimacing, “Bleh, tastes almost metallic - yuck, turian spit.”

“Ya like it.” he teases, laughing at the hmph and half-hearted swat it earns him, following her back towards the Nomad.

“Not goin’ to take any bug corpses back to study?”

“That’s all Naermi; if she wants them, she can come get’em.”

Rainer just snickers almost the entire way back - purposely nitpicking at her driving just to rile her up more, laughing outright when she swerves hard to miss a rather lazy taurg lounging in the sand.

It’s only as they’re nearing the outpost that he notices Rose has gone quiet, catching her scratching at her throat. “Alright there, Princess?”

“Yeah.” she rasps, voice sounding strained suddenly, “Just itchy. Do I have any bumps or anything?”

The moment she takes her hand away he leans in closer, examining the skin - her throat is red, and there are indeed tiny bumps spread over the skin, like a sort of rash.

“What th’hell could have - oh, fuck,” Rainer curses, gripping the canteen at his hip, “Princess, ya got any dextro allergies Ah should know about?”

“I didn’t think I did!” Rose grumps, scratching at her throat again as she pulls the Nomad back into place at the outpost, scowling, “Crap - turian spit! Arg, it’s itchy.”

“Shit, Ah wouldn’t have offered if Ah’d known.” there’s a growl in his voice, but he can’t help it. He hadn’t meant to do anything but share the water, dammit.

“Rainer, it’s fine - Naermi’ll have antihistamines or something. And a small rash really isn’t that bad of a reaction.”

“Still.”

“It’s kind of funny, actually.” she says, and he looks up at her to find her grinning, “Botanist taken down by turian spit. I’m allergic to you, Rainer.”

Rainer stares at her for a moment, processing the words - then he howls out a laugh, sub-vocals thrumming.

“Alright, Princess,” he agrees, chuckling, “That is pretty funny. Let’s not leave it too long, though, just in case.”

"No – no they're – I can save them!"

"Sa…ku…ra…" Sasuke wheezes.

"Hold on, Sasuke! Naruto!"

"G-go," Naruto pants, coughing as blood trails over his lips. "…you have to…"

"After them, you have the most chakra," Kakashi says dully, eyes flitting back up the demon goddess in the sky. It's only a matter of time before she remembers they're still down here. "She'll come for you next."

And then him.

"Which means there's no point in running," Sakura snaps, tears coursing down her cheeks. "If I'm going to die, it will be protecting the people who are precious to me. Because we don't leave our comrades behind!"

Kakashi gazes at her for half a heart beat, and his eyes blur. "No…no, we don't."

"Sakura…" Sasuke whispers, and their attention falls to him. Blood leaks from both his eyes now, cloudy black and unseeing, the mighty Mangekyō and Rinnegan no longer visible there. "I…"

"If you apologise now, I will beat you to death myself," she promises him harshly. But her tone belies her true feelings, fingers shaking as she tenderly brushes his bangs off his forehead.

His mouth twitches like he's not sure whether to smile or frown.

"…annoying," he finally manages.

"Hey – Sasuke –" Naruto begins, but is briefly cut off by a wet, hacking cough. More blood spills from his mouth, thick and almost black.

Sakura does her best to stem the flow, but Naruto's insides are shredded beyond her abilities now. The last scion of the Uchiha grimaces with effort to turn to the blond. Only as Naruto stops gasping does he manage it.

"What?" he asks, and somehow, even here at the end, he can still sound utterly exasperated with him.

"Gimme…your hand…"

"Why?"

"Because…I'm your fucking best friend…and we're about to die," Naruto growls, and the startled laugh that Sakura emits is more of a sob. Kakashi's jaw clenches so tightly his teeth might shatter.

For a wonder, Sasuke doesn't argue. He tries to move his left hand but can't. He doesn't have the strength.

Seeing this, Sakura reaches over, shoulders shaking with emotion, and brings her teammates hands together, pressing their palms together. Those are blank now, stripped of the sun and moon marks when Kaguya ripped their chakra from them.

As their hands fit into each other's, Naruto begins to curl two fingers around Sasuke's into what Sakura recognises as the Seal of Reconciliation. A breath later, and Sasuke returns the gesture.

Now Sakura does sob.

"Of course, it would take you two dying," she sniffs. "Shannaro...idiots."

"Some things…" Sasuke says, pauses to gasp for a breath, and continues, "don't change."

He does his best to meet Sakura's gaze, and it's clear those words are meant for her as well. She tries to smile at him, but it seems this is one task beyond even her strength.

Kakashi reaches forward, covering all of their hands with his own – one hand pressing them together from above, the other holding them from below.

"I should have known that day," he tells them ruefully, "that you'd all be the death of me."

"Oh, come on…Kakashi-sensei…" Naruto quips. "Would you have it…any other…way…?"

The last syllable becomes a whisper, and Naruto's form begins to still.

"N-no! No!" Sakura cries, as Sasuke's grasp also begins to go slack, and she joins her other hand to Kakashi's, trying to keep them all together for a little longer. "Please!"

But there's no one to hear her prayer, nothing left for it but for the remnants of Team 7 to sit there and wait for the inevitable end.

つづく

And so we have yet another ominous beginning. I'm really looking forward to writing this story. It's a departure from most of what I've written so far, so I hope you guys like it.

I was originally going to make this prologue much longer, but it turned into a lot of telling versus showing. So instead of the big long info-dump and way too much description... if you want to know what happens next, you're just going to have to read the rest of the story. I'm mean like that :)

Reviews and constructive criticism are always appreciated!

(And yes, the title is taken from Doctor Who)

クリ

I didn’t need to discern their words to know they most likely were chattering about some young man or the ribbons they’d spotted in the village when they should have been chopping wood, but I smiled a bit nonetheless. 

Here, Feyre promptly shows us her arrogance again, only this time it comes off super condescending. Because her poor, stupid sisters like girly things! Everybody knows that only vapid, boy-crazy girls think about things like hygiene and looking nice! 

Wait, I know this trope. So if Feyre is the nerd girl and Nesta is like, head cheerleader or something, does that mean Tamlin is the football player who starts dating the nerd girl and gives her popularity because she’s pretty without her glasses, or something? 

Ugh. Anyway: 

Condescension Count: 1

Female Friendship is Impossible Count: 2

There was so little that my father was ever able to do for us that I hadn’t possessed the heart to tell him the engravings were useless...and undoubtedly fake. 

Because of course. Feyre knows best, despite being the youngest and also a massive bitch. 

Condescension Count: 2 

I’d long since given up hope of them actually noticing whether I came back from the woods every evening. At least until they got hungry again. But then again, my mother hadn’t made them swear anything when they stood beside her deathbed. 

Look, I can get having some self-pity, but not when it’s literally every other sentence. Like, stop. It’s time to move forward in life, not stay stuck in a rut because you’re constantly whining about your circumstances. 

Pity Party Count: 1

She wasn’t like Nesta, who had been born with a sneer on her face. 

Of course Feyre’s sister’s are massive bitches for absolutely no reason. Feyre has to look like the greatest protagonist on earth, right? And everyone knows the only thing girls do at any given moment is have catfights and hate each other. 

Female Friendship is Impossible Count: 4

My mother. Imperious and cold with her children, joyous and dazzling among the peerage who frequented our former estate, doting on my father-- the one person whom she truly loved and respected. 

Of course, the dead mother is a bitch for no reason. This is why we can’t have nice things. 

Female Friendship is Impossible Count: 14

The only thing that happened in this chapter was that Feyre went home and talked to her family. The only thing. And what we got was a crap ton of girl hating, a little bit of slut shaming, and pity parties for Feyre every other sentence. 

Honey, I am playing you the world’s smallest violin. Please shut the fuck up. 

Also can we just talk about how utterly bizarre it is for a mother to ask her youngest to look after everybody? Like, this woman must have been completely demented. 

Welp. Feyre becomes a worse protagonist and we got introduced to her bitchy sisters. What a wonderful chapter. 

Final cumulative counts: 

Condescension Count: 10

Pity Party Count: 8

Female Friendship is Impossible Count: 19