Duality of Dweebs- Zaharian and Della
@gabedoodles
Technically, Zaharian was a man with chestnut hair, scarred face, and a good build under charcoal-grey uniform. His peers, however, still referred to him as a boy with chestnut hair, and that was as much as they were willing to give credit to. So when assignment “Lottery” came, as Zaharian referred to tasks haphazardly given with little thought, he could sense a bit of confusion from his mates. It was a “resource acquisition” mission. That was to say, it was a heist. The boy at least had some dexterity going for him, but was still rough around the edges in his developing skills. There were failed attempts at bribing the vending droids. There was the thing he did when he thought he was alone and would pretend to sneak around while humming his own theme song.
On the other hand, he was very gifted with technology. Once it was made clear that the resource being acquired was a foot-sized kyber crystal that had been polished and cut into the shape of a goblet, they understood that it would take someone who knew a thing or two about security systems. Zaharian was thrilled. The mission was set in a museum, of the great metropolis of Coruscant. He could grab a good cup of caff, get the goods, and then settle for a nice dinner with the fat bonus that goblet was going to get him. So far, everything was going as planned. He had disabled the exterior security systems. The doors were kept locked, to avoid too much suspicion. Security droids were outdated and slow to react. They might as well have been eating doughnuts and sleeping. Zaharian was able to get rooftop access, slip into the attic, and then cut a hole past fiberglass, wood, and plaster. With a good bit of effort, any cameras nearby were currently replaying scenes of quieter days. Zaharian carefully removed the panel he had cut. Not dropping a single spec of dust. He tapped a few lines of code into his datapad. Just to be certain that the proper security mechanisms were disabled. He strapped a grappling rope to the harness on his chest. With a smug dive, he lowered himself slowly to the precious object below like an outstretched spider. The Chalice of the Force had been commissioned by a wealthy family who were lucky enough to own the land the crystal had been found in. Like many wealthy families, the idea of donating something valuable to a monastic order was met with restrained contempt. They found it much more contributable to society to carve the stone into a wineglass made further useless by ornate gold work and jewels. Now it was going to be useful, but for the Empire. Waste not, want not. Zaharian always said. He flexed his fingers ready to finally commit to the thievery. Alarm systems were disengaged, so the glass top was removed without a sound. The chalice seemed to gain a greater weight without the enclosure. Zaharian tilted his body to the side, to carefully set the glass case down without making noise or breaking it. It required a bit of finesse to avoid tipping anything over. Then, looking back up, he saw ears. Long, sable, rabbit ears. They were attached to a pair of large staring eyes. His heart suddenly jumped. His breath leaped away from him, leaving only a tight throat. His face felt pale and his fingers turned to ice in a brief moment.
Zaharian nearly screamed out of shock, instead biting his lip so only a high pitched whine was emitted. Instead, he bunched up, nearly scaling up his own grappling rope, and tilting the podium. The rabbi- No, girl, Rabbit. Girl. Girl-rabbit. Grabbit. The thing managed to prevent the entire display from falling over. They locked eyes. Hers were dark-colored, almost brown. With a strange combination of curiosity, and the wild stare of a woodland animal. Zaharian’s were blue, mixed with confusion, relief, and the look of someone who just noticed an uninvited guest. The two were silent, and Zaharian began to wonder if a poor teenager had been locked into the museum and needed help getting out. He opened his mouth to silently ask her. Before a sound left his lips, he noticed that the girl was slooooooooooooooowly sliding the cup towards her. Zaharian protested, reaching out for the cup. Before his fingers could touch the gilded chalice, the rabbit darted back, and the podium fell over, shattering the glass case with a loud crash. Zaharian gasped. He and the girl broke froze still. As soon as the alarms sounded, the girl leaped onto the Imperial’s rope and started to scale it like some common tree mammal. “Hey! Wait!” Zaharian shouted. His arms flailed until he recalled the feature that would allow him to zipline back up to the attic. Zah situated himself to grab the girl as he jetted up the line. It worked like a charm. He scooped both girl and cup into a grip before entering back into the attic. He had half a mind to just drop her, but the teenager suddenly clung to him like velcro. “You’re in big trouble, little lady!” Zaharian barked, trying to wrestle between Chalice, Girl, and a blaster pistol. But, he wasn’t watching his head, and there was a thunk as he hit a wooden support beam his rope was tied to. It didn’t take him out, but he was now in a tangled heap of limbs, frantically making sure the prize token didn’t fall. He couldn’t hold everything. The blaster pistol was knocked just out of reach onto some dated insulation, and the girl managed to slip out, running to the open window Zaharian had climbed through earlier. “Nope!” The imperial grunted, quickly disconnecting the rope, reaching for his weapon and firing a plasma shot. He missed on the first shot. He realized that he was firing a lethal bullet at a teenage child and a great guilt flexed in his mind. Stun would be just as effective, eh? And maybe after all this, as he dragged her sorry ass to a cell, they could all laugh about this little mix-up and convince a ragamuffin to enlist in a potential new career path with the Empire. Scrambling over antiques, and forgotten cleaning supplies, Zaharian adjusted the safety on his pistol and set off to firing more shots. They all missed. How were they missing? The girl slipped through the window, Zaharian close behind her, but now needing both hands for climbing. They scrambled over piping, ladder, and ledge. Zaharian managed to give a great lunge, grabbing the girl by the legs and causing her to fall. “YOU. ARE. UNDER. ARREST!” He shouted, trying to scramble over the thief, and then watching in horror as the chalice slipped out of the girl’s grip, tumbling down a firescape and into a street gutter. Girl and Boy once again looked at each other, before madly climbing over one another to get off the roof first.
It hit the third floor fire escape first. Zaharian was there in a flash, a stroke of cat-like reflexes as he caught the cup from falling further. Already, the gold was getting bent and grimy. It was unfortunate, but the Empire could easily patch that up. “Well, Miss, It was a pleasure meetin-” Zah had imagined himself slipping away, leaving a less agile street urchin in the dust. In his mind, he saw himself being witty and suave. A bit of flourish as he waved farewell.
What actually happened was the girl tackling Zah from the rooftop ledge, landing right in his chest, nearly causing the two of them to fall backwards over the railing to face a future splattered on concrete. Zah’s iron grip and short stature saved them both from an unfortunate fate. “You’re gonna get us both killed!” Zaharian cried, the hand with the goblet trying to stay out of reach of the rabbit as she climbed him like a spider monkey. He didn’t dare let go of his grip on the railing. Finally, he attempted to shove the teen off using his leg, only to lose balance and slipped, dropping the chalice. It bounced down to the second level fire escape. The girl slid down the ladder and scooped up the cup, before making another leap off the second story and landing solidly on her feet. She grunted and Zaharian winced. Leaping from the second story was never as harmless as it looked. She was probably dealing with a sharp pain in her ankles and shins. Zaharian was a trained Imperial Agent, and well versed on safe landings. First floor was bypassed, as security officers were frantically trying to scurry within the museum to look for the thieves that slipped from them. Flashlights flickered and searched with their great gaze for the chalice and its new owner. The alarms were growing more frantic and loud. On the ground level, security droids were starting to deploy, the two thieves both turned to the direction of their new threat. The girl still had the chalice, but was now in tandem with Zaharian in the scurry to escape. They were matched for running speed. Red and blue lights flashing behind them. At the same time, they saw a narrow cranny in between two crowded tenements. Zaharian was the first to enter, and grabbed the girl to pull her in. There was no way she was going to slip away from him. Holding her against the wall opposite from him by the arm, he twisted it behind her pressing the teen against the wall. The droids passed them both by. Zaharaian breathed a sigh of relief as he started to search his pockets for anything that would restrain his new charge further. “Miss, for interfering with-” “Silfay hraka!” she spat.
Translation not found; Language unidentified. Zaharian’s comlink chirped in his ear. Zaharian balked.
“Wait, What do you mean not found? What did you say, kid?” Zaharian spat. The girl huffed, and then suddenly tossed the Chalice off to the side into the open street. Zaharian couldn’t help but make a dive. A gemstone bounced off the cup. It rolled into a storm drain. Nope, not reaching for that one.
Zaharian grabbed the cup and shouted triumphantly, before the red and blue flashes of light caused a sinking feeling in his stomach. A row of security droids beamed down on him. Their sights targeting him in a cluster of tiny, red dots. Zaharian was starting to reach desperately for his pockets for his low-range EMF blasts. He activated the detonator, causing the droids to black out and power down. He gave a sigh, before his torso was suddenly flattened to the ground as the girl leapfrogged over him. She ran some space ahead, and before Zaharian realized what was happening, the goblet suddenly drew to the rabbit.
“Force user! Oh stars, she’s trained? That does it!” Zaharian growled. He scurried to his feet, drawing out his pistol and firing a stun blast for the head. The girl squealed, and dived down covering her long ears. Damn, she’s fast. Probably that damn Force Instinct.
She avoided being stunned, but was at least not running. Zaharian tackled the hapless teen, pinning her back to the ground. He panted, holding her by the wrists, and straddling her stomach as he tried to catch his breath. “You...are...oh stars...hang on...one sec...under...arrest…” He gasped as the fidgeting rabbit tried to squirm out. He had more strength on her. Thank goodness for the little things in life. Zaharian then noticed that the rabbit was making a strange gurgling sound. It was like a growl, and a purr. A wad of snotty spit hit him in the eye.
He screamed in disgust. He instinctively scrambled to wipe the glob from his face, feeling nauseated and angry at the same time. He felt felt a sharp pain in his hand. She was biting down in the fat part of his palm, and it hurt like a mother kriffer.
He delivered a punch in her gut, knocking the wind out of her. It was done mostly out of instinct. Zaharian left himself wide open as the girl gasped like a fish on dry land. So when nails suddenly dug into the left side of his face, it was a reminder to be more careful about how he threw his punches.
“You damn rabbit!” He shouted.
“You are ass- HOLE” her accent was thick and it was clear that Basic was not her first language. What language was she speaking earlier?
“I’m going to wash that mouth out with soap, young lady! After we learned who taught you those fancy Force powers!” He had pinned her hands down, taking care to avoid another potential glob of spit. What he had not expected, was the girl to suddenly thrust her hips upward, throwing him off balance, and his ears close enough to scream loudly into his ear piece.
He squealed this time. He pulled away but she kept screeching. It wasn’t until he started to reach for her mouth to force it close that the Rabbit stopped. Zaharian rolled off, grasping his ear to check it wasn’t bleeding. His head buzzed with pain.
Of course, the girl dashed off. Zaharian was slow to realize that he was still without the artifact he came for. The chase was on again. Neither of them got far. The streetway emptied into a sudden drop into a busy roadway with local vehicles dashing back and forth, up and down as organized birds. Water flowed under the ships, filled with trash and whoever was deemed appropriate to be dumped there. The girl stopped right at the edge, nearly dropping the chalice.
The teen turned behind her to see Zaharian charging after her, his pistol once again drawn and ready to fire, this time certain to hit her. The rabbit squealed. In a moment of desperation, she suddenly scrambled up a drainage pipe to scatter across a shop’s awning.
Zaharin almost made the mistake of falling into traffic. He wildly looked around, before the rabbit climbed out of sight like a raccoon. Zaharian wanted to call for reinforcements. He was getting desperate.
And then what? Explain that he was being outsmarted by a teenager? One that could barely speak Basic? She had a certain blank quality to her gaze. Did the Force compensate for intelligence? Not to mention that by the time the reinforcements arrived, the situation would have drastically changed, or they would simply shoot her down like a dog. Zaharian couldn’t live with that on his conscience.
He ran under the awnings, matching her speed. He kept his eyes open for gaps in the covering. He grinned as he saw the end of the coverings. He would prepare for her landing, and then nail his shot.
But she never landed. Stars, could the Jedi fly now? No, she was no jedi. Sure she knew a trick. But this child lacked the discipline, skill, and ability of her properly trained peers. This spastic pipsqueak was probably being taught by someone on the downlow. Some old hermit or outlaw trying to keep the training to a minimum.
Zaharian blinked as he slowly approached the edge. He found a chair to stand on, and then peeked above it. Careful to avoid any more spit.
She was still there, now looking guilty. Zaharian started to scramble up and pointed the blaster at the girl. She didn’t move. Was she finally getting wise?
“There’s a lass. Now, you’re gonna come quietly with me, with that fancy cup. We’re going to have a nice evening chit chatting and by the end of all of this, you’re going to feel quite silly for all this running around.” Zaharian said. He set his blaster down to finish hoisting himself up.
It wasn’t until he stood that the girl suddenly stepped into an open window of the building.
“Come on!” He groaned loudly. This was getting tiring. Zaharian quickly ran into the window. He leaped in without a second thought. He first noticed that he was in a pastel pink bathroom. Then he noticed that the door was closed.
He dashed for the door opening it wide. He heard a clatter behind him. He turned to see that the rabbit had managed to slip back out the window, knocking over a few toiletries. Zaharian heard a scream, and realized that he now faced a living room full of sorority girls who saw him as a threat. Before he could explain himself, he was assaulted by a storm of pencils, dishes, and anything the girls could spare to throw.
“Just let me out!” he shouted. He pushed through the tempest of screams and fury. Finally reaching for another open window that lead to freedom. He wanted to scream in frustration. This entire situation had gotten out of control.
When he stepped out, the girl collided with him. Knocking them both off the awnings and back onto the ground. The Chalice bounced to the ground and started rolling away, jewels now scattering, the gold busted beyond repair.
It kept rolling this time. Both thieves gasped. The chalice headed towards the traffic, and the murky waters that flowed. They made another exhausted dash in unison.
“Oh no!” Zaharian pointed. The girl looked, but there was nothing there. Instead, she was shoved by the Imperial for her trouble.
“Two can play at your game, Rabbit!” he shouted. Zaharian didn’t expect the girl to grab him to stop her fall and cling to his arm. Another tumble, hands and knees getting scuffed. He felt a push, thrown back by an invisible hand. Which pushed the Chalice closer to the edge.
“You daft girl! You almost-” The chalice, which was rolling, now teetered just on the edge. Zaharian gulped. The wrong vibration or gust of wind would ruin everything. The girl’s eyes were like saucers. They now approached the goblet very slowly.
Zaharian readied his pistol, pointing it at the girl. His other hand reached out for the cup. The girl was also trying to carefully step to the prize. They stepped in tandem. Not daring to breathe. The ground rattled for a moment from a nearby freighter.
The cup miraculously stayed. They gave a concerted sigh of relief. A speeder bike then dashed by on the freeway. It carried with it a great wind that finally knocked the chalice off balance, and into the sewage tainted depths below.
Zaharian let out a high pitched whimper. He fell to his knees and grasped the sides of his head. Tears stung his eyes. Finally, he cried out cursing and wailing. The girl sulked, her ears lowered and she gave a long drawn out sigh.
“I was so close! I had everything perfect. They’re gonna kick my ass when I get back.” Zaharian moaned. He sniffed. He then turned to the girl. He huffed. The girl looked taken back the attention. She stepped against a wall and some trash cans.
“I’m not going back without you.” Zaharian said. He was furious now. But the bright spot would be that with a force sensitive captive, he would have proof that the clusterkriff wasn’t his fault. At the very least, they could identify her species, her weird language, and who was training her.
“ Your cooperation is imperative at this point. It will determine exactly how you will be treated when I transfer you to my superiors.” Zaharian growled. The girl did not attempt to run. She was against the wall, between the trashcans. Zaharian grabbed her by the collar of her shirt.
“You are under arrest in the jurisdiction of Imperial Law. From this point on, you will be judged and tried for your actions. Anything spoken will be recorded for use in your prosecution. You wi-”
“What mean this word?” the girl asked. Her expression furrowed.
“What?” Zaharian said.
“Pro-SEcoo-cien. Juurr-ree-sition”
“Jurisdictio-” There was a metallic sound suddenly in his head. His vision blacked out in his right eye and his right ear went deaf. He was knocked over by the rim of a garbage can lid. The tinny squeal of his hearing aid failing rang in his ears. He dizzily tried to get to his feet. Then another strike.
When he finally regained his senses, the girl was gone, the trashcan lid laying next to him. Zaharaian screamed in frustration. But it was finally time to face the fact that he had completely failed the mission.










