#smks

Luke, age 14.

Luke, age 14, while railing about long-winded speakers at an awards ceremony.

Beth, age 11.

Luke: [age 14, entering the kitchen] "It smells like Starbucks in here."

Me: [motioning to coffeemaker] "The only coffee I had left was some old Starbucks, so that's what I'm making until I can get to the store and buy our usual stuff."

Luke: "Wow. For a coffee snob like you, that's really desperate."

Me: "You don't even know. We only had a little Starbucks and a little Dunkin' Donuts, so I used them both."

Luke: "That sounds like trash. Is that even legal to mix those?"

Me: "I think it's legal, but it could be dangerous. They might end up exploding in my mug."

Luke: "Or, it's a new trend. Trash sells."

Me: "Buckin Donuts: the best of both worlds."

Beth: [age 10] "I don't understand the joke about 'why did the chicken cross the road'? Come on: 'to cross the road'?Who came up with that anyway?"

Me: "I don't know. I always thought it was a joke about jokes. It's a riddle that really not funny at all, but it's /so/ not funny that it's kind of funny. Like, it makes fun of the idea of jokes."

Beth: "So it's a philosophical joke?"

Me: "Maybe."

Beth: "Then philosophers have no sense of humor."

Mom: "When we moved here, you were only four years old."

Luke: "And now that I'm 13... I'm still four years old."

Mom: "Sometimes you're even more four now than you were then. You used to be so serious."

Luke: "Oh? Like what?"

Mom: "Like, at bedtime, you'd want to get into conversations about God, and the meaning of life, and stuff."

Luke: "And now I just talk about shoes and make random beatbox noises!"

Mom: "Basically."

[Scene: in recent months we moved from the American Northeast to the American Northwest, and we're discussing one of the key cultural differences...]

Mom: "Probably the strangest thing here is that there's no sarcasm. Nobody gets it."

Me: "Yeah, most people here don't seem to understand sarcasm and irony, not like they do on the East Coast."

Beth: [age 9] "I know. I told my friend Jane that I didn't finish that assignment, and she asked why, and I said, 'Because I'm lazy' and she said 'Really?' like I was serious."

Luke: [age 13] "I know, right? This kid asked me where I was born, and I said 'Jamaica', and he just said 'Oh' and kept eating his lunch. I mean, you think I'm serious? There's no way I am from Jamaica."

Mom: "It was actually a big relief to realize that people just don't get sarcasm. It's not me. It's the culture."

Luke: "Back East people would laugh. Here they just look at you and wait for you to say something more serious."

Mom: "I'm not even sure we would find the same movies funny."

Luke: "Back East it seemed like all the bloggers and vloggers and stuff really made their brand by being sarcastic. How would that work here? Are the vloggers funny at all?"

Me: [in a Garrison Keillor impression] "In today's episode we discuss why I decided to butter my toast from left to right this morning, instead of my usual routine."

Luke: [continuing the impression] "Today, folks, we're going to take a poll: should we do a poll tomorrow, or not?"

Beth: "See, nobody here would understand why this is funny."

Me: "Family, family... maybe... just maybe... THIS is our mission field."

Mom: "Teaching sarcasm to people in Washington? That's God's plan for us?!"

Luke: "Oh yeah. Sarcastic Lives Matter, people!"

Me: "Sure. We can organize speeches and marches and everything."

Luke: "MARCHES FOR SARCASM?!"

Mom: "Definitely some community education is needed."

Me: "You know what the Bible says: as irony sharpens irony, so one sarcasm sharpens another. At least I think that's what it said."

Beth: [yelling out an open window] "SARCASTIC LIVES MATTER!"

Me: "Oh great. I forgot the windows were open. The neighbors probably think we're talking about them."

Luke, age 13, trying to explain why he acts so much more silly around me than around his mother.