Silly-marillion* Fanworks Community discord launch announcement
*Silliness not mandatory (but strongly encouraged)
After my interest check got a decent amount of responses, I've decided to launch the server!
The Silly-marillion Fanworks Community is a Silmarillion fanworks-focused Discord server, intended to be a space for Silm fanwork creators to discuss the Silm and our Silm-based works, such as fic, art, meta, fansongs and filk, speculative linguistics, etc. It is an adults-only (18+) space with no mandatory content warnings and no limits (besides applicable US law and Discord TOS) on fictional discussion and content, including art (although NSFW images are required to be spoilered).
A few of the server rules & a server map are below the cut, so that people can get a sense for the server & see if they want to join it before actually clicking on or requesting an invite link.
The invite link will be in a reblog.
Server Rules sample
1.
Donât be a dick. That includes not engaging in hate speech, harassment, bigotry, or threats, even âas a jokeâ. Remember that there is another human being on the other side of the screen. Bannable "being a dick" behaviors include (but are not limited to!) using slurs in an insulting context, harassment, doxxing, and targeted bigotry.
N.b.: The owner of this server is pro-bodily-autonomy with regards to pretty much every issue that covers. I am not interested in having server members who do not respect others' rights to autonomy. I will kick people over this.
2.
If youâre unsure about something, ask. This goes for everything from pronouns to âwhat type of feedback do you wantâ to âcan I make X sort of jokes with youâ. Accept the answer with grace, respect it, and act accordingly.
3.
No topic is off-limits. This is an 18+ space and as such may include frank and/or explicit discussion of sexuality as well as potentially triggering and dark topics (including abuse, incest, and suicide), as the text of the Silmarillion itself does.
N.b.: It is the responsibility of individual server members to remove themselves from discussions that they may find upsetting or triggering. However, please use your judgment about whether this chat is the best place for discussions of IRL sexual activity and other such sensitive/personal topics.
4.
Images that are NSFW and/or gory are allowed, BUT if you post one, please spoiler the image and put a text note ahead of it explaining that it contains NSFW and/or gore.
Server map
âHOUSEKEEPING
â #rules: where server rules are hosted. Read well and respect them, please.
#announce: where changes to rules and other important server updates and information is shared.
#â intros: where newcomers can introduce themselves. An introduction is required to gain access to certain channels.
âSILM DISCUSSION
#general-silm: main home of discussion in this server. Anything Silm-related can go here.
#meta: for meta relating to the Silm.
#works-gallery: for sharing your Silm fanworks.
#works-discuss: for discussing Silm fanworks.
#works-assist: for asking for assistance with specific aspects of your fanworks. (Only introduced members can message in this channel.)
#project-threads: for threaded discussion of specific fan projects that server members are working on. (Only introduced members can message in this channel.)
âOFF TOPIC
#off-topic: for discussions which started on-topic and then went elsewhere. If there are only two people in an off-topic discussion, consider taking it to DMs.
â #fandom-whining: for complaining about those petty annoyances that fandom life sometimes contains. (Only introduced members can view and message in this channel.)
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch âą No registration required âą HD streaming
See My Future Coming (Like the Rising of the Tide) - Chapter 2
Vanya begins to gather together the things that she needs for the Plan.
...
Hey everyone! I hope that you enjoy the second chapter! Iâll be reblogging it with an ao3 link and a link to the first chapter in just a bit.
Chapter Two: the beating of our hearts is the only sound
Vanyaâs the first to breakfast. Back in the actual past, that wouldnât have been too surprising. Sheâs always been a light sleeper, and it was usually either she or Klaus who were the first ones down. Sheâd liked to help Mom with breakfast; it was the only meal the seven of them were allowed to eat alone, without their dad, in the kitchen. It had always felt like something of an oasis before the rest of the day hit them.
Today itâs because she hadnât been able to fall back asleep. Sheâd sat out on the fire escape for a long time, and although sheâd eventually made her way back inside, sleep hadnât come. So, about thirty minutes before her alarm would have gone off, Vanya had turned it off and gotten up. Even now, getting ready for the day is etched into her muscle memory, and it hadnât taken her long at all to get downstairs. Sheâd made her way down the back stairs, and let herself sit down on them when sheâd seen Mom humming in the kitchen.
Mom. How could she have forgotten Mom? Her complicated feelings about Mom and her creator didnât matter, not really; she was still Vanyaâs mom, the only one who had ever really loved her violin; whoâd encouraged her every step of the way; whoâd helped her pack even though Vanya could tell that she hadnât wanted her to go.
Vanya loves her, and she'd barely had time to miss her after she'd diedâafter she'd been killed by those two weirdos who had attacked the Academyâand now here she is, alive again. Like nothing had ever happened.
Vanya wipes away her tears and makes her way into the kitchen before Mom can see her crying on the stairs.
âMom?â
Mom turns around from the stove and smiles at Vanya happily. âDarling! Good morning! Iâm so glad that youâre awake; we were all very worried when you were asleep for so long. Your father almost postponed his trip! Let me check your temperature.â Vanya holds still as her mom places a hand on her forehead, the sensors in her palm buzzing as they read the temperature of Vanyaâs skin.
âWhat trip, Mom? And how long was I asleep?â
âOh silly, don't you remember? He's on a business trip this weekend! He'll be arriving home tomorrow.â Mom smiles at Vanya and smooths a hand over her hair. âYouâve been sleeping since lunch the day before yesterday, but your temperature is back within your normal range, darling, so you should be just fine!â
âThanks, Mom; Iâm feeling much better today, I promise. Um, actuallyâŠâ Mom places her hands on Vanyaâs shoulders and smiles down at her, and it gives Vanya the courage to keep going. âI was hoping that I could help you make breakfast today? If thatâs okay, I mean.â
âIf youâre feeling up to it, I would love the help! I was thinking pancakes today; does that sound good, dear?â
Vanya smiles at her. âThat sounds great, Mom.â
âŠ
Forty-five minutes later Vanya hears a herd of elephants making its way down the stairs, and knows that her time is up; itâs the moment of truth.
Her siblings burst into the kitchen, all of them panicked-looking, and Vanya knows. Theyâve all come into the past with her, and when she wasnât in her room this morning, they freaked out.
They all pause as they make their way into the kitchen, and it feels like time freezes as they stare her down.
She knows that theyâre wondering if she came back, or if itâs truly her child self standing in the kitchen. That theyâre wondering if sheâs planning to attack them again.
Vanya stares back at them, sweeping her eyes over them as they stand in a row; taking in the faces that she hasnât seen all together in seventeen years.
Luther is watching her warily, and Vanya can tell that heâs waiting for her to make a move; prove that sheâs just as ready to attack now as she was in the future. Diego has one hand behind his back, and she knows that heâs holding a knife in a ready position. Allison has tears in her eyes and a hand over her mouth, and although she looks happy, Vanya canât help wondering if sheâs worried about losing her voice again; about going through that pain.
Five is eyeing her, but his face is blank in a way that is familiar despite their long separation; Vanya knows heâs running calculations in his mind, trying to be ready for however the attack might come; ready to jump out of the way. Klaus is smiling at her, but itâs not really a happy smile. And heâs holding someoneâs handâ
And she looks over and she seesâBen. Ben, her second favorite brother after Five; Ben who sheâs been mourning for almost twelve years now; and she knows that this will prove that she came back, that sheâs blowing her cover, but she doesnât care because right there isâ
âBen! Youâre here!â
She doesnât move to him, though, because at her words all of her siblings look even more tense, and she doesnât want to make things worse. So she smiles at him instead; does her best to make it as sincere as possible, and says, âIâm so glad to see you.â
Ben smiles back at her, although she can tell itâs a little tight, and nods. He doesnât let go of Klausâs hand, and he doesnât step towards her. No one else says anything.
Vanya has no way of knowing how long the standoff would have lasted if Mom hadnât stepped in. âWell, sillies, donât just stand in the door! Come sit down; eat some pancakes! Your sister and I made them especially for you today.â Luther looks a little alarmed at that, and Vanya is a bit relieved to see that heâs the only one. Everyone makes their way to the table and sits down to eat.
Thereâs a tense silence at the breakfast table, and although Vanya keeps her head down she can feel her siblings staring at her. They seemed puzzled, almost, as to why she hasnât confronted them, or freaked out, or tried to bring the house down. She snorts under her breath, and pretends not to notice when that small sound makes them all jerk their heads up to look at her.
Finally breakfast is over, and they all take their dishes up to the sink and wash them, one by one. She thinks this might be the surest proof that they all came back with herâit used to be that theyâd fight to not have to do their dishes, or theyâd make excuses about training and leave them all for Vanya and Mom to do. But they do it without arguing; without even talking about it.
Vanya smiles, very slightly, to herself. Sheâs last in line, and when itâs her turn she bends her head over the sink and very studiously ignores her siblingsâ hissed whispers behind her. They fall silent as soon as she turns around, and after another long, tense silence Mom turns around to smile at all of them.
âAll right children, itâs time for your morning classes!â
âŠ
Vanya does not have class with the others. With the knowledge she now possesses, she knows that itâs one more way her father was separating her from the others; making sure she was beaten down and unquestioning. Mom teaches her, usually, and Pogo teaches the others, although they do switch quite often, depending on the subject, and also on how rowdy her siblings are being on any given day. Mom usually handles them better when theyâre rowdy.
Itâs been a long time since Vanya learned most of this material, but itâs easy enough to fall back into the routine, and she was always quiet, anyway. Even so, when classes end, Vanya takes the out gratefully. Just because she can do the material doesnât mean that itâs fun to do so.
Normally, she would spend the hour before lunch on Sundays exercising, but since she's just woken up from her âillness,â Mom excuses her to go practice her violin instead. She flees quickly, moving back to the somewhat dubious safety of her small room.
However, once sheâs in her room with the door shut and the violin case in front of her on the bed, she hesitates. She knows, logically, that the violin wonât be white. Itâll be the same warm brown itâs been her entire life, and it wonât have any blood on it, and everything will be fine.
But what if itâs not?
What if playing it triggers something that she canât stop, now that she knows the truth?
So, in the end, she puts the case under her bed without opening it and takes a nap instead.
âŠ
Lunch is just as quiet as breakfast was, it turns out. None of Vanyaâs siblings are taking the opportunity to talk, even with their dad gone, and instead seem to be content to exchange glances whenever they're not staring at her or eating. Vanya keeps her head down, as she did at breakfast, and refuses to look at them. She's so grateful that their dad isn't here.
She has no idea how she'd react, coming face to face with him for the first time in years, now that she knows the truth. Sheâs glad she wonât have to find out.
After the very, very awkward lunch, Pogo comes to collect them all for their study time. They always spent the hour or so after lunch in the library, studying or working on their homework, before the others went to classes and training, and Vanya to more classes by herself.
Study time today is even more awkward than lunch, impossible as that had seemed. None of them care about the homeworkâthey're adults long grown up and out of this houseâand Pogo and Mom leave them alone to attend to their own duties, which means that they're alone together for the first time since Vanya woke up.
All of which means that Vanya isn't surprised when she looks up from her book to see all six of her siblings staring at her, not even bothering to pretend to be studying. She sighs and puts her book down; it's very obvious she won't get to keep reading it.
âWhat do you remember, Vanya?â Five's voice is brisk, matter of fact, which almost hides the fact that his hands are tightly clenched into fists.
Vanya studies them all one more time before sighing again. âI remember everything, up until I passed out.â She frowns, then adds, âYou don't need to worry, though. I'm not going to attack you.â
âHow can we believe you?â Luther scoffs, and Vanya is surprised to see Allison whack him on the arm.
Vanya shrugs in response. âI guess you can't? I can't prove that I won't; all I can do is promise that I'm telling the truth.â She shifts in her seat, wrapping her arms around herself and glancing down. At least it looks like her siblings will help her with the plan tonight; all of them seem to be suspicious of her, which will work out pretty well.
âI believe you,â Allison says forcefully, and smiles at Vanya brightly. âAnd we're all very glad that you're awake!â
Vanya is a little surprised to see the others all nod in agreement, but she supposes that knowing sheâs her adult self is a relief to them, even if they did end up with the Vanya that ended the world. After all, this saves them the awkwardness of trying to figure out how to tell young Vanya what the hell is going on.
âWellâŠthanks, I think?â Vanya drums her fingers on her book for a minute before scanning her siblingsâ faces and sighing again. âI know you guys want to talk, but can we justâŠwait?â
Luther looks almost offended. âVanya, we need to deal with thisââ
âI know!â Vanya cries, closing her eyes tightly and taking a deep breath in before opening them. âI know,â she continues softly, âbut I just woke up this morning and I need to think. Please.â
Allison is the one who answers her again, after sending a quick glare around the group. âOf course you can have some time to think, Vanya.â
Vanya sighs in relief. âThank you.â She pauses, then makes herself continue. She has to go forward with her plan, for the good of everything. âWill all of you meet me tonight, in the conservatory, at eleven?â
They all nod, but Five is the one who meets her eyes squarely and answers aloud, âWe'll be there.â
âŠ
On Sundays, Vanyaâs siblings have group training all afternoon. Since Dad is gone, Pogo is leading them, which means that she won't have to deal with them until dinner at least; Pogo doesnât usually use her in their training. And since her dad's gone, she has a little more freedom than she usually does, which is why she makes her way over to her mom right away.
âMom?â Mom is finishing up a batch of cookie dough, a special treat they usually got on Sundays, and she turns to Vanya and smiles.
âVanya! What can I help you with, dear? Are you feeling poorly again?â
Vanya shakes her head quickly. âNo, Mom, I just was hoping for a favor?â
Mom sets the bowl down and leans down to look Vanya in the eye. âWhat favor, darling?â
âI wanted to go to the corner store and buy marshmallows. I noticed we were running low, and I was hoping to make sandwiches soon. And it's such a lovely day outsideâŠâ Vanya lets herself trail off and fidget hopefully, staring into her mom's eyes before looking down and blushing. Her mom looks at her for another moment, then turns and looks at the shelf, where a visibly full bag of marshmallows is sitting. Vanya tries not to blush harder.
She remembers doing this when she'd been an actual child, when she hadn't been out of the Academy in so long she thought she might actually explode from staring at the same things every day. Her mother had almost always let her get away with it, and she hopes that she'll do the same today.
Finally, Mom smiles at her again and pats her head precisely three times, just like always, and Vanya lets herself relax. âAlright, darling. Let me just go get some change for you; after all, we most certainly don't want to run out of marshmallows!â
âŠ
Vanya makes her way down the street, watching the people around her as she goes. None of them know whatâs coming; what sheâll do to them. And, if everything goes correctly tonight, they never will. So she buys what she needs from the corner store, and hurries back to the academy. After letting her mom know sheâs back, Vanya heads to her room, where sheâs supposed to practice her violin.
However, just like before lunch, she canât stand the thought of opening the case. Instead, she hides the bag from the store under her bed and makes her way up to the roof. She doesnât go into the greenhouseâthat was always Luther and Allisonâs spaceâinstead making her way over to a patch of sunlight near the edge of the roof, laying down in it and closing her eyes.
She hasnât taken her pills since waking up in the past, and so she decides that sheâs going to take this chance to do something she only got to do a bit in the future: sheâs going to listen.
Sheâs pretty sure that without the pills her hearing is better than most peopleâs; not that sheâd had much of a chance to find out, in the future, what with everything going on. And she wonât have much of a chance to try later, either, so nowâs as good a time as any.
So she keeps her eyes closed and she listens.
âŠ
A few hours later, Vanya is completely sure that her hearing is better than anyoneâs should be, and also sure that she has no idea what her range even is, a conclusion she comes to after realizing she is eavesdropping on a conversation between two flight attendants on a plane that is in flight at the time.
The problem, sheâs finding, is that even after she finds a sound, she canât concentrate on it. She can hear so much now that when sheâs not in the middle of a life-threatening situation or a panic attack she canât concentrate on just one sound. As soon as she finds something interesting to listen to, something else catches her attention. And she has no way of judging distance, either; for all she knows, she could be listening to a conversation across the street or one across the city. She suspects being out in the forest the first time helped quite a bit, as there werenât as many sounds screaming for her attention; screaming for her to use them.
Even so, she finds that sheâs enjoying herself. Part of it, of course, is that she still hasnât taken a pill yet, so sheâs experiencing some true emotions. The rest of it is because the longer she works at this, the more relaxed she feels, like sheâs had a stiff muscle and is stretching it out for the first time. Like itâs a limb she should have been using her whole life.
She also thinks that she might be lucky, because sheâs pretty sure that unless sheâs actively trying to listen for sounds, her hearing is just a little better than normalâshe hadnât had much trouble in the future with it, anyway.
She stops, eventually, once she gets tired of hearing snippets of conversation and news and dogs barking and everyday city sounds. She's pretty sure she even caught some noise from inside the Academy, too, but she did her best not to listen to it. She doesnât need to risk anything setting her off before tonight.
And once she's done she heads back inside, back to her room, where she finishes getting ready for the plan.
âŠ
Dinner is a little better than the previous meals of the day; now that they feel they have something of a plan, her siblings donât seem to be as on edge as they were earlier; arenât as concerned that sheâll attack them at any second. ItâsâŠwell. Itâs actually almost nice. With their dad gone, theyâre not reprimanded for talking, so the low murmur of conversation fills the room. And since they all look so young right now, Vanya is filled with a sense of nostalgia. She canât imagine what Five is feeling; how much more intense this must be for him, to see all of his siblings the same age they were when he left.
She tries to enjoy it; tries to enjoy the food and the company without thinking about the underlying tension; without letting herself remember exactly why theyâre here; and it almost works.
Chores after dinner goâŠabout as well as they ever did, honestly. None of them enjoy doing them, but then again, they never did in the first place either, and at least if Vanyaâs siblings are keeping busy theyâre not panicking, which is all to the good, as far as Vanya is concerned.
And then, finally, finally, itâs time for bed. Vanya brushes her teeth and puts on her pajamas in a bit of a rote daze; she knows that if she panics everything will go very badly, so she refuses to let herself panic. Her siblings move around her, in and out of the bathrooms and each othersâ rooms, all of them keeping an eye on her as she moves down the hallway to her own room.
She shuts the door behind her before getting into the bed and waiting. Mom always came to say goodnight to them, and Vanya wants to say goodnight to her too.
She comes in at 9:30, after knocking three times on the door, as always. âHello, darling. How are you feeling?â Sitting on the side of the bed, she places her hand on Vanyaâs forehead to take her temperature again.
âIâm fine, Mom,â Vanya says, staring at Momâs perfect, unchanging face. Maybe she doesnât have any real emotions, maybe Diegoâs right and she has grown past her programming, but either way, Grace deserves better than what sheâs had all these years. âMom, I love you. You know that, right?â
Her momâs face goes blank for a moment, and when she smiles again itâs smaller than normal; a little more real. âAnd I love you too, dear.â She bends down and kisses Vanya on the forehead, and Vanya closes her eyes and allows herself to soak in the affection one more time.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Thereâs silence, for a moment, and nobody breaks it. They all sit there together, bending under the weight of her apologies and the actions that sheâll never be able to take back.
No one has touched the snacks.
Vanya wakes up a day after the apocalypse, seventeen years in the past.
It is, she has to admit, a surprise. But now there are some decisions she has to make.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch âą No registration required âą HD streaming
See My Future Coming (Like the Rising of the Tide)
Thereâs silence, for a moment, and nobody breaks it. They all sit there together, bending under the weight of her apologies and the actions that sheâll never be able to take back.
No one has touched the snacks.
Vanya wakes up a day after the apocalypse, seventeen years in the past.
It is, she has to admit, a surprise. But now there are some decisions she has to make.
Hi guys!
Welcome to my first fic for the Umbrella Academy!
My beta for this is my wonderful amazing friend m_class! She's absolutely spectacular and if you like Star Trek you should go check her out! Without her help this would be an absolute hot mess, so I thank her for her sacrifice!
Thank you for reading, and I hope that you enjoy!!
Chapter One: so this ainât the endÂ
Vanya wakes up, which isâwell. Itâs definitely a surprise, that she can admit.
Whatâs even more surprising is the fact that from what she can feel, even before she opens her eyes, sheâs in a bed, not back on the floor in the vault. But itâs not her bed in her apartment. It feels like her bed at the Academy. Well, if her siblings knocked her out again instead of killing her like sheâd expected, and havenât been able to fix the vault, maybe they put her in her bed instead, to keep an eye on her. Butâwait a minute.
Vanyaâs eyes fly open, and she stares at the dark ceiling. She destroyed the Academy. She walked out and left it crumbled into ruins behind her. How is this possible?
Time travel; it has to be. Five must have brought them back to the past, before sheâd destroyed the Academy. But how on earth did Five manage to bring all of them with him? And why did they bring her? The last thing she remembers is them trying to kill her!
She brings a hand up to her head, rubbing her face, and freezes when she reaches her forehead.
Are those bangs?
She hasnât had bangs in literal years! Slowly, Vanya sits up in the bed, and turns to look over at her mirror. From what she can see in the light from her window, sheâs a teenager again. Or thatâs what it looks like, anyway. Did the same thing that happened to Five when he time traveled happen to them? Or are they back in the past?
Finally managing to look away from the mirror, she looks around her room, and instantly knows the answer to that question. Sheâs back in her old room, her first one, from before Dad moved her to the top floor with Ben, at which point Klaus had made it part of his. Theyâre back in their childhood; back in the past. But why would Five have brought them back this far? Did her siblings actually intend for them all to live their lives over again, or is this just a temporary thing, until they figure out what to do?
And what on earth happened, to make this necessary? The last thing she remembers is hearing Allison behind her; feeling the gun. But sheâd refused to turn aroundâshe had hurt Allison enough already. Sheâd refused to do it again. Sheâd been angry with her brothersâso angry, for so many reasons, and they were trying to kill her, anywayâand she was angry with Allison too, but mostly she was sad.
So sheâd let Allison shoot herâonly she hadnât, had she? No, sheâd shot the gun next to her ear instead, and the sound had been so loud it had eclipsed everything else. And that burst of energy, combined with all of the other power sheâd been gathering, had been so powerful she hadnât been able to contain itâit had exploded out of herâ
What had it hit? What had she done?
Five had said the apocalypse was coming. In eight days.
Where had she seen the beam go, before she passed out? Out the skylight. But there was nothing there, nothing that couldâve explainedâ
The moon.
Vanya curls in on herself, tangling her hands in her hair. Had she hit the moon? But that was absurd! Even if she had hit the moon, there was no way that she was powerful enough for it to do anything. Unless she was? If the energy she released was powerful enough to destroy the moon, and it crashed into the planetâwell. That would certainly be apocalyptic, wouldnât it?
She canât breathe.
Vanya scrambles out of bed, running to the window. It opens quietly, just like she remembers, and she clambers out onto the fire escape, staring up at the sky and heaving deep breaths in and out.
She had destroyed the world.
Five had been alone for forty-five years because she had destroyed the world. Because sheâd killed literally every single person on the planet.
It had been her.
âŠ
When she finally comes down from her panic attack, Vanya finds herself curled into a ball in the corner of the fire escape, tears still streaming down her face and hands in her hair. No oneâs there, not that she expected them to be.
She learned how to cry silently as a child.
And, just from the fact that she was able to have a panic attack but not destroy anything while doing so, she knows itâs been a while since her childhood body has taken a pill. Her emotions were always the strongest before the next dose. Not that that means much, now that she knows what real emotions feel like. When she knows exactly what her father did to her.
Because heâd been afraid.
But hadnât he been right to be, in the end? Look at what she did! She destroyed everything, and for what! Because sheâd been mad that her siblings had interrupted her concert?!
But they hadnât been alone, either. There had been those gunmenâbut it hadnât seemed like theyâd been shooting at her. None of the bullets had come near her, even though sheâd been out in the open on the stage. Theyâd all been aimed at her siblings, not at her, and she hadnât done anything to help them, had she? No, sheâd been so swept up in the music, in the sound, in the rage that sheâd felt when her brothers had attacked her again, during her concertâ
No wonder they were scared of her too.
But why had there been gunmen? Why on earth had they attacked the concert?
Were they only after her siblings, like the two masked intruders at the Academy? That couldnât have been it, because they hadnât attacked her too.
Had they known about the apocalypse?
And, if theyâd known about the apocalypse, and they hadnât been attacking her...had they wanted the apocalypse to happen? Had they been there because she was about to cause the apocalypse, even without Allisonâs gunshot, if sheâd gotten enough energy? Were they trying to ensure that she did?
She canât think of another plausible explanation for their presence. Which means that somewhere out there, someone wantedâwantsâwanted the apocalypse to happen. Wanted her to happen.
And now that sheâs calmed down; has had enough time to get out of the cycle of rage and fear and panic; the question isâdoes she want that to happen?
No. No, she doesnât. Her father being an abusive jackass and her siblings being idiotic self-righteous back-stabbing jerks and her boyfriend being a manipulative murderous asshole didnât mean that she wanted everyone to die. She hadnât even wanted her siblings to die, not really. Sheâd just⊠sheâd wantedâŠ
What had she wanted?
Attention, definitely. Proof that her father had been wrong about her; that she wasnât ordinary after all.
For her siblings to have come to the concert for her, not just to stop her.
Love. Sheâd wanted to be loved.
But apparently that wasnât allowed, or sheâd cause the literal end of the world.
So. What does she do now?
Vanya straightens up, before she does anything else, and stretches a bit. She isnât sure how long sheâs been curled into a ball panicking, but itâs been long enough to make her stiff. Moving to the railing, she sits down, dangling her legs between the bars and over the ledge. Then she rests her head against the bar in front of her, closing her eyes again.
The apocalypse has to be stopped; it canât happen; she wonât let it. Which, ultimately, means that she needs to be stopped. Her brothers had been trying, at the concert, but she hadnât understood; had thought they were attacking her out of revenge for the house; for Allison and Pogo.
What are they thinking now? Why isnât she dead already? Sheâs clearly been unconscious for a while, if it has been this long between doses.
Maybe they wanted to see if sheâd come back with them. Sheâd been unconscious, after all. Maybe they were afraid that she hadnât come at all, and hadnât wanted to kill their young, still-innocent sister. Or at least had wanted to wait and see which one woke up.
Or is she the only one in the past? And if she isâŠwhat on earth will she do then? If Five sent her back, why would he have sent her on her own?
Or maybe they had wanted to drug her even more. Make her even foggier; less aware that sheâd been in the future. Keep her under control in case they needed a last-resort weapon.
A few tears slip down Vanyaâs cheeks.
No, she refuses to believe that. They wouldnât do that to her. Theyâd lock her in a box until they decided what to do with her, theyâd try to kill her for the good of the world, but they wouldnât use her as a weapon.
Not to mention that it just wouldnât be safe, not if she got free again.
So, theyâve probably just decided to wait to see who would wake up.
And if she is alone, by herself in the past? Well. Sheâll deal with that in the morning.
Sitting on a fire escape under the cold light of a moon that still exists, a day after the apocalypse she caused and also seventeen years in the past, Vanya begins to plan.