#smerdyakov

Modern AU Smerdyakov has blue light reading glasses (slightly crooked from when he sat on them) that he uses when he’s playing Duolingo to learn French

“you only read dostoevsky to brag about it and because you want people to think you’re smart” BEEP! WRONG! i read it for the deranged characters, the queer coded characters, and for the epilepsy representation!!!!

Dostoevsky is my favorite writer despite the fact that I don’t agree with his conclusions in the final moments of a 700 page book despite the first 690 pages telling my life story and being about all my eternal questions I’ve tried to answer all my life. Raskolnikov in Crime and Punishment and Ivan Karamazov in Brothers Karamazov. They both become possessed by thinking and rationalizing and reasoning until one finds God in the epilogue (implied) and can finally stop thinking or one finds God but can’t accept him so he goes insane and the novel ends with ambiguity about whether he lives or dies (because Dostoevsky died and couldn’t write part two in which most assume he would have killed him off to demonstrate the ultimate victory of faith over reason which Dostoevsky says he arrived at through reason after becoming disillusioned by reason). I just wanted to be like Alyosha but now I’m mostly resisting identifying with Smerdyakov.