#smartassluke

The fault of me getting pregnant by him was such a mistake, but we asked for it and we wanted it. Now, I figured it was time for me to tell him. I didn’t want to set guilt in his chest, I didn’t want him unhappy and coming back to me just because of a child. I just needed him to know.

I rang his doorbell and waited patiently, ignoring the multiple texts Y/F/N sent when I told her I had arrived. I fumbled with my fingers and held my breath, my heart pounding against my ribcage and asking for relief. My body wanted me to leave but my heart knew it was time to do this. I..

“Y/N,” Calum looks down at me with a sympathy in his eyes when he sees me, his door cracked open so I can see only his face and his torso. By his stance, he does not want to open the door anymore. “What do you want?” His tone read harsh but his eyes read something I remember when we stayed up late at night having conversations slurred because of alcohol.

“I just...uh, can we talk for a few minutes?”

“I’m right here, Y/N, say what you have to say.” I didn’t remember Calum being so blatant and mean like that and I couldn’t find out if I was in the wrong.

“Cal, this is ser-Y/N, It’s early.”

“It’s 12:30.”

“Oh shit,” he chuckles and fixes his hair and I can hear his girlfriend asking who’s at the door. He turns his head for a brief moment to shout, “no one” and looks back at me with a coldness in his irises. What did I do wrong?

“Cal?”

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I don’t have the time for this, can we do this sometime else? We agreed to stop talking so why are you here? Like, what even do you want? I bet it’s not that serious right? You should have moved on or something...and like you showing up here after you cheated on me…” I open my mouth to interrupt his lie, and I want to know why he thinks that. Why he’s just now confronting me for something he thinks I did. But he holds his hand up and shakes his head, “Please just go,” he shuts the door in my face slowly and my heart shatters again, like it did everyday when I had to look at him knowing what he was doing. But he was happy. I stand there for a few seconds and I can hear them laughing, I can hear his happiness. “I didn’t cheat on you..” I murmured to myself and walked backwards until I was off the front patio and turned to walk to my car, getting inside and refusing to cry.

-

I sit alone in the cafe and tap my fingers on the booth, occasionally looking out the window and down at my lap every moment tears decided to well in my eyes. I leave my phone on airplane mode and try to figure out how to make myself feel better, especially being that I was so negative about everything. I couldn’t stop thinking about the interaction between me and him and how quickly he turned his shoulder. Someone clears their throat, “Y/N.”

“Yeah?” I snap my head up and blink back the tears, smiling half heartedly when I see Ashton. He’s wearing a snapback and happy as always, but he immediately senses my discomfort.

“I haven’t seen you much since Calum..” he trails off and decides that’s not the best icebreaker. He shifts in his seat, “What’s wrong?”

“I uh...I went to talk to him today and he just,” I shrugged meekly and looked down at my arms. “Didn’t want anything to do with me.” I shut my eyes tightly and I can feel the rush of hot tears on my cheeks. I huff and open my eyes to see him now sitting beside me and he’s got a protective and gentle arm draped around my shoulder. Ashton was good at this, at listening to my problems, especially since the ones that he knew Cal and I had. He doesn’t say anything this time though. “I’m pregnant, Ashton and it’s his. He won’t know because he…”

“You’re what?” He asks himself and looks at my hands. “Holy shit, Y/N.”

“Yeah,” I giggle and sniffle before looking over at him.

“It’s okay though, I’ll raise it on my own. I’ll be okay.”

“That’s not okay..”

“Ashton, please don’t interfere with this, if Calum wants nothing to do with me then-He can grow the fuck up and be a dad,” Ashton spits quickly and removes his arm from my shoulder. “I’ll talk to him.”

His POV

“What the fuck are you doing?” I set my guitar down when Ashton knocks me upside the head. “What did I do?”

“Why’d you ignore Y/N like that, huh?” He asks.

“She told you?”

“Yes, Calum,” Ashton sighs. “Man you are fucking stupid to have treated her that way, she was crying.”

“She should’ve never cheated on me,” I roll my eyes and pick up my water bottle to take a small swig. He knocks the drink out of my hand so it spills down my bro tank. “Fuck off, Ashton!”

“She didn’t cheat on you, what the fuck makes you think that?”

“She kept hanging around with Michael and they seemed too close. They kissed that one night and I was fucking pissed, he told me they almost had sex.”

“And did they?”

“No, she said something about it didn’t feel right and that she needed to come home to me and the night after we were arguing.”

“Why?”

“She was ignoring me for something on her laptop but she was responding to texts of Michael and I got pissed.”

“Okay, first of all, dumb ass,” Ashton claps his hands together. “Her and Michael were working on your birthday present. Second of all, she probably kissed him because she was hurt and confused and she knew what you were doing. She came to me plenty of times asking if she was being an okay girlfriend and if you still loved her and I lied to her and I told her yes! I don’t know why mate because you are a fucking asshole. You hurt that girl when she needed you the most, fuck who doesn’t want to kiss her, idiot? She missed out on a lot breaking her back for you and that’s how you repay her?” He chuckles and gives me a small, cold smirk. “I’m not even trying to make you feel guilty, Cal. She’ll find someone better, all I’m asking is that you go and talk to her.”

The realization steps in and I take a deep breath, nodding my head and not deciding to argue with him. He drops his drumsticks when Luke and Michael reenter the garage. I give Michael a glare and he smiles nervously, almost apologetically when he sees me shrug and storm out of there. I don’t go straight home to her to talk though, because I wasn’t prepared and I didn’t know how to react or how to apologize to her. I went back to my girlfriend for the sex and for the pills that we popped every evening. We pretended to make love while my mind went back to Y/N and all I saw were her sad eyes and pouty lips sometimes begging me to skip practice.

Half of that time I wasn’t going to practice. I was cheating on her and I knew that she was probably catching on as well. But she loved me too much to believe that I had hurt her that way and she would never let me pity her. I didn’t know how I could go back to her, and it had passed a month with me avoiding another interaction with her.

I was wishing that she would show up on my doorstep and I could get that feeling in my stomach that made my legs like jello and my stomach like pudding. But she wasn’t doing that and she wasn’t texting me. Ashton wasn’t saying anything either, he was a patient guy and he knew how much I liked to procrastinate. But after it had been a month and we finished band practice, I told him that I was going to go see her and try to make it right. I think Michael rolled his eyes at this.

I drove to her house and parked my car on the curb in front of her tiny apartment. I didn’t know what kind of shift she was working today and I didn’t care either, I would wait there until she got home. 3 hours had passed of music playing on my sound system of Drake and some other guy whose music I needed to listen to more. I saw her pull into her driveway and step out of the car. I exited mine and locked the doors, calling out her name as I ran up to her. She flinches quickly and takes a second to recuperate. Her eyes meet mine and she doesn’t say anything. That glossy look over her irises meant she was happy or sad, but tonight, she just seemed tired.

“Hi,” I drop my shoulders with a loud breath and she nods her head once, holding herself in her arms and waiting for something more from me. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too, I was trying to figure out when I cheated and then I remembered the Mikey incident. We never got to talk about it because we were arguing, he probably told you first,” she smiles a sad smile. “I’m sorry. There’s no excuse for it, Cal, I wasn’t drunk or anything I was just stupid and needy and I feel so stupid. I didn’t mean to hurt you if I did Calum.” Her eyes get wetter and I’m watching her apologize for my mistakes. “I love you so much, Cal. I’m sorry I ruined it,” she holds her head down and I bite the inside of my cheek.

“It’s okay. Really. I was just here to catch up on you stopping over my house a few weeks ago…” It’s hard watching her break down like that in front of me. She’s sniffling and trying to reply to me, but she’s just a mess. I just noticed she was wearing sweats and the Nirvana sweatshirt I let her borrow, she didn’t go to work. “Y/N, c’mon,” I reach out and touch her shoulder. “It’s over now baby, no sweat,” I let the words slip too easily from my lips and she immediately sobers up. “What’d you want to talk about?”

I knew the answer but I wanted to hear it fall from her lips. She furrows her eyebrows and peers up at me.

“Y/N, Ashton told me.” I try to ease her into it and she still looks as if she woke up in the wrong year. I missed that look.

“About what?”

“The baby.”

“What baby?”

“Y/N you were pregnant, by me, remember? Where’d you get the drugs?” I chuckle in a joking manner and she kind of smiles before dropping her arms.

“There is...no baby,” she murmurs and I can only wonder if she aborted it or if she was lying. “This morning I woke up, with blood all over the bed and uh, I went to the hospital and they…” she purses her lips together. “No baby.”

“Oh,” is all I manage.

“Yeah so,” her voice gets raspy and she clears her throat really quickly. “Go back home to your girlfriend,” she says this in a nice demeanor and her eyes actually crinkle up at the sides. “You’re wasting your time here when you could be with someone you love.”

“I don’t really think I’m wasting my time,” I offer a smile and she nods her head once.