#small entry

Entryway - small contemporary medium tone wood floor entryway idea with white walls and a white front door

This feeling scares me. It makes me want to do something I know I won't be proud of or regret in the end. But I shouldn't do it no matter what because it won't do no good. I knew they didn’t love me yet I let myself fall harder and harder. I knew who they were in love with yet I convinced myself that they would be the one for me. I made myself be the person they wanted and close to the person they loved, but nothing worked. 

I shouldn’t have told them. It only made this feeling inside of me worse. 

Tomorrow is already Monday and while I definitely don't feel the best yet I know its time to prepare to go back to work. Despite my best attempts to get as much rest as possible during the weekend I still feel tired for some reason. And by my best attempts I mean I slept through almost all of my Saturday and a good portion of today. I think I woke up long enough to take a piss, eat something small, and write a very very small blurb that barely counts as an entry and even that came this morning and not on the day it was supposed to.

I didn't get much other than that accomplished. I managed to take a shower before falling asleep, and I played some video games as a means of keeping myself occupied today though in hindsight I should have done something productive like washing clothes. Alas it wasn't on my mind so I'll have to do it tomorrow.

I did get to talk to Ashley a bit today though. I feel bad because her and Sophia have been sick. I want to be there for them and if I had more fuel in my tank I probably would have at least drove in to see if there was anything I could do to help: laundry, cooking, cleaning, something to help lighten the load a bit. If they aren't feeling better by our date night I'll likely rework it so we can just stay at her place. Either I'll bring back food or cook for them there, and we can all cuddle up and watch a couple movies or something (if she's okay with that, I know some people don't like to be touched when their sick, and I don't know if she's okay being that close on a first date anyway). I'll play it by ear as the week progresses. Not exactly how I would have planned it, but definitely loads better than either of them getting more sick from being out and about. Plus if it comes to that we can always reschedule going out.

Welp, time to unwind (as if I could be wound up after doing nothing all day) and look at some photos of cozy cabins, and space and stuff cause why not?

There have been a lot of ups and downs over this trip. I'm glad I took it, though - I can't imagine what I'd have been doing these past few months instead.