I'm back, bitches, I figured out how to get some of my drafts back, so deal with this shit now.
"Okay, so, I need a Batman fact," I declared, dramatically flopping onto my friend, Maya's, bed. "For… reasons."
Maya, bless her soul, was currently attempting to braid my hair. "He… lives… in zee shadows," she intoned, her voice a perfect imitation of a Bavarian grandmother. "Und he fights… zee bad guys."
I burst out laughing. "Maya, that's… amazing. But I need something a bit more… specific."
"Specific?" Maya frowned, pulling a strand of hair too tight. "He… is… a… bat?"
"Okay, okay, I give up," I conceded, wriggling out of her grasp. "Fine, I'll just Google it."
I pulled out my phone, ready to drown myself in a sea of Batman trivia. But as I scrolled through the endless pages of facts, I couldn't help but think about Maya's… unique take on the Caped Crusader.
"He lives in zee shadows…" I muttered, picturing a brooding Batman, his voice a gravelly "Ach du lieber!" as he leapt from a gargoyle. "Und he fights… zee bad guys…" I imagined him grappling with the Joker, who, in this version, was inexplicably obsessed with lederhosen.
The image was so absurd, I started giggling uncontrollably. Maya, ever the concerned friend, poked me with a finger. "You okay there, weirdo?"
"I'm fine," I choked out, wiping a tear from my eye. "Just… thinking about Batman. In a… very specific way."
And as I drifted off to sleep that night, I dreamt of a Batman who spoke with a thick German accent, who wore a dirndl instead of a cape, and whose sidekick was a sassy Bavarian teenager named Jayne Todd, who constantly corrected his pronunciation of "villain."
