#sleepcrying

I stood there, weeping. My back stinging and burning because of a heavy hand that striked it a few seconds ago. The hair on my body rose. I felt cold as the air around me suddenly blocked out everything. Slowly whispering its sound in my ears. A tear streamed down my cheek. I didn’t fear anything. Thinking of the worse didn’t hurt anymore. Because all this time I had learnt to live with it.

The reason was same. The assailants were the same. The victim was the same. It felt as if the air brought back all the memories of every time this happend. It reeled in the back of my mind. Every time something indiscreet slipped out of my mouth, I would be shitted on and sometimes even hit. I am not a human with a heart I guess. Maybe I deserve it. My vision got blurry.

Why am I expected to be a certain way. More importantly what they want. I can’t possibly make choices of my own and not hold accountability of them. Maybe I wasn’t good enough to make those choices in the first place. Everyday I am reminded of how much they love me, how much they try to make my life a better place to live in because they have an “experience” which I lack. They have “seen more of the world and its ugly side”. Every time they hurt me, they take me out or do something that I like as if it were a reward of getting hurt. It always looked like a golden opportunity as I didn’t ask for anything anyways. I don’t understand where I can work on myself.

I suddenly got back to my senses and walked myself till the mirror. The person in the reflection I saw appeared weak, broken. Her eyes filled up with salty tears just like a wave hitting the shore and then going back. Her slowly fading tears looked like drops of dew settling on the top of a leaf. I stopped staring my reflection and washed my face. The cold water stinging my already hot face which felt like it were a dead person with blood covered features.