#slcn

I was browsing through my drafts when I stumbled upon this post dated September 11, 2011. I probably made this post after getting home from my PM duty at the old Shalom Christian Bahay Paanakan (photos above) and completely forgot to follow it up with words afterwards! Anyway, I recently saw my board exam rating and individual test scores and I'm very happy with the results. It's true what they say about getting the highest score on the subjects you disliked the most (in my case, I got the highest score on NP2, which covers Community Health, Maternity, and Pediatric Nursing, coincidentally what our duty at the photos above were about) Seeing these photos made me miss school, more than the usual, most especially the people I spent every day of it with. 

I hate Nursing!

                I hate hospitals. I hate blood. I hate specimens. I hate everything that deals with the science of the body.

                It’s complicated. And confusing. And tiring. And draining. And exhausting. Even with just thinking about studying the person’s body from head to foot, I think I’m going to die already.

                Perhaps, these would be my words exactly 4 years before now.  When I was in high school, preparing to go to college.

I thought I’d never choose this course. I thought I’d be someone else – an accountant maybe, or anyone who doesn’t deal with THIS extent of science. I never thought of studying what a human’s body is like. I never thought I would be staying up until late night studying what gram positive and negative bacteria are, what fungi look like, what muscles are responsible for smiling, for this, for that and all those basics that would make everything work in the future.

The truth is, I underestimated what college is. I thought college was the chill part of life. I thought college was fun. Well, it is. But not the FUN I was thinking. I thought college would be the time when I get to choose my own schedule. I get to wake up whenever I want.

WRONG.

Everything was just so wrong in my point of view.

Everything was wrong when I entered college anyway. I never got to go to the school of my choice. I never got the chance the course of my choice. And what was frustrating was, I passed both. The school and course of my choice. But heh, I ended up in Trinity University of Asia – St. Luke’s College of Nursing. NURSING. NURSING. NURSING. My world, I think, just ended.

WRONG.

Today, 4 years after making the biggest turning point in my life, I can only laugh at how exaggerated I was when I didn’t get to go to where I want to go take up what I want. Today, I can’t even imagine myself not wearing duty uniform, not going to class Mondays to Saturdays – Sundays, even – finishing requirements till dawn, reviewing for quizzes and finals till I sleep with my notes on my face, talking about endless case studies and presentations. Somehow, it has become my routine.

Perhaps for all of my college years, I can say that I have learned a lot holistically. I have learned a lot from different aspects of life. Indeed, nursing isn’t just a course. It is life for me.

Without nursing, I wouldn’t know how to take good care of myself and my family. Now that I know of most diseases, I can easily recognize if one of my family members has this or that. And you know that fulfilling moment when the doctor agreed with your judgment? One word.

Awesome.

                With nursing, I have learned theories regarding human and the environment. I would never forget Nightingale’s Environmental Theory, Orem’s Self Care Theory, Hall’s Care, Core, Cure Theory, Roy’s Adaptation Theory, King’s Goal Attainment Theory and everything. Who would’ve thought that these theories really relate closely to real life? It has never crossed my mind.

                Of course, I couldn’t forget one of my most favorite subjects of all times, Fundamentals of Nursing. This subject indeed has helped me in duty. Thanks to this subject, I learned the basics to nursing care and I was guided throughout my related learning experience. I performed skills well and even be able to make numerous nursing care plans (with the help of NANDA as well) because of everything I learned in FUNDA.

                I would never ever forget Mr. Carvajal, Mr. Ho, Mr. Castro and Mrs. Evangelista who were so patient and HARSH at the same time during HAP and Microbiology days. Indeed, if there were subjects I wished I took seriously, it should be these subjects. They are indeed the foundation of every complicated pathophysiology of diseases. For everything I learned with these subjects, I owe it to these awesome professors.

                Reminiscing my first year in college makes me want to go back and do it all over again. But thinking of all the hardships I’ve been through, STOP. I want to graduate already. I just think it’s pleasing to recollect every struggle I passed through.

First year, I passed screening.

                Then here comes the debut of hospital and community duty of my life. Second year.

                First ever day of duty in my nursing life, I almost cried. I don’t know if it was culture shock or what but I even thought of quitting because I thought it was so hard. Imagine a second year student who just passed the screening, first time to go on a hospital duty, handling 5 patients with VS monitoring every hour with nursing care plans. And yes, how could I forget the first Grand Case Presentation me and my dutymates did. On the first rotation of my life. Mr. Barte, I will never forget you, I’ve always thought as I was about to collapse every after duty day. It irked my internal organs. We barely even know what Gordon’s Assessment is! A Grand Case Presentation?! You’ve got to be kidding me!

But this exposure was one of the best rotations I’ve ever had. I learned a lot of things as a student nurse. I learned to have my own technique to finish my work on time. I learned proper time management without risking the care I am giving to my patient. Indeed, firsts will always be memorable.

                Maternity duties! I love Shalom so much. Of all the duties I had when I was in 2nd year, perhaps, this is my favorite. I love babies so much. And of all the rotations, I think this is what I enjoyed so much. No pressure for the vital signs and I just need to monitor contractions and blood pressure of the mother who is on labor. I think it was one of the relaxing parts of it. Then there’s the ambience of Shalom, that province-ish smell and air. Perfect.

                Then there was Pharmacology. I hated Pharmacology more than ever. I hated it as much as I think it is really important in the nursing practice. I never liked memorizing weird names. And Pharma had it. But thanks to Pharmacology, I was able to apply and correlate the medicines I am giving to my patients with their conditions. It was like enlightenment. I was able to know why they are given to my patients. I was able to decipher what they do to alleviate and cure the conditions of my patients. Pharmacology was hard. But I learned it through and through.

                Second year. I passed Pharmacology. I survived Mr. Barte. I assisted in delivering a baby. Mixed emotions. Mixed milestones.

                Third year was the harshest year for me. I was wrong when I thought second year was hard. Third year was on a different level.  Second year wouldn’t even be an issue.

                Medical Surgical Nursing, it was nice to meet you. But I thought we’d rather not. However, it was inevitable.

                It was nice learning about the different disease processes. It was good to know the nursing care for each of the symptoms of a certain disease. It was enjoyable. But it was stressing. Too much quizzes. Too much exams. At first, that was what I thought. But right now, I am grateful that we had those types of quizzes. At least I learned. I struggled but I learned. And the best part of it is I am able to give and attend to the patient’s needs quicker because I know what intervention to give.

                With this, I can say that Medical Surgical Nursing is the core of patient care. It is where I learned what to do when certain situations come.

                Another one, Psychiatric Nursing. Whoever says that Psychiatric Nursing isn’t hard, is surely a genius. I never thought understanding a human’s mind is THAT difficult. I never even thought those bizarre thoughts would be present in a human’s mind at all. Mental Health Nursing is not good for a student’s mental health. I swear. But with this, I have learned reasons that certain persons might be feeling that causes their behavior to be like that. I practically learned what’s going on in a person’s mind which results to their specific behaviors. Amazing.

                What I would never forget about Psychiatric Nursing is that I was able to interact with the patients with alterations in mental health. I was able to know how to interact with them therapeutically. At least now, I can psych whoever talks to me using the principles of psychiatric nursing. Awesome. Psychiatric Nursing is hard and the grades are really infuriating but who cares about grades anyway when you know you learned something essential for your everyday basis?

                And of course, third year wouldn’t be third year without Nursing Research. Perhaps, it is the hardest subject ever. There’s no doubt about it. Just the fact that it is not a complete day for someone if he or she didn’t cuss over how hard Nursing Research is, makes it the most terrible subject ever.

                Writing about the things I learned, I don’t even know. I think NRes is about teamwork and peace of mind when all hell breaks loose. It is about trusting your group mates and believing in one another’s capacity. It is about collaboration and initiative. No one has to remind someone about something because at the end of the day, the whole study is the whole group’s efforts.

                Third year. I out psyched Psychiatric Nursing. I killed Nursing Research with my awesome group mates.

                And we all went down to 4th year. Fourth year. The final and deciding year. Against all odds.

                It is not as hard as the killer third year but I think that this is one of the most crucial years of college. It’s true that we all get pumped up and excited about graduating but Fourth year made me realize that it is not good to be complacent. This is actually the year where you have to make yourself work harder or else everything that you managed to surpass will be put to waste. So, one has to work even harder this final year.

                It was a little “slack off” year as compared to Third year because there were lesser subjects and more duty rotations. Aside from the requirements and reports, we are not that stressed anymore.

                But then, fourth year has thought me to become an independent nurse. It feels like I am a real nurse already with the minimal supervision of the clinical instructor. And I might say, I enjoyed duty more this year because I get to do more skills and I get to perform interventions based on my own clinical judgment. It was good because I felt like I was moving the way I want to, the clinical instructor just needs to confirm and approve what I will do.

                Fourth year, I took over independence.

                I am smiling at how I described my college life. Feels like a love story between me and nursing. ‘The more you hate, the more you love’ indeed. After everything I have been babbling about for the first 3-4 pages, the bottom line is that nursing has taught me what life is. Literally, life. I basically learned how to make the patient breathe again through BLS, CPR and all.

Nursing has taught me the concept of camaraderie. I learned to value my duty mates, the persons I was with through thick and thin. The persons who laughed and joked around with me over the most boring subjects ever. The persons who cheered me up when we were in the lowest of lows. The persons who were always by my side whatever happens. I will never forget these people for my entire life.

Nursing has taught me to value my patients and all the other people around. Nursing has taught me to put others first before myself. Selflessness when it comes to patient care. It has taught me to understand people more than making judgments because every action has a meaning. I learned to accept all the culture without being too judgmental because of transcultural nursing. (I remember the Koreans from Yeungjin College.)

And who could forget the SLCN family I have? Perhaps, the SLCN spirit made me push through everything.

Nursing has taught me to never give no matter what challenges there may be. That I can survive everything with extreme perseverance. That all the hardships, all the sleepless nights and all the extreme lectures will all be worth it. Imagine not having the right amount of sleep for most of the days for almost four years, ain’t I a survivor? And missing those days when I never had time to rest at times when I don’t have anything to do, isn’t that a sign of love?

I learned to become a better person, to make this short. Nursing has taught me to become a better person who thinks about others first before myself. (Why do I feel so redundant?)

Perhaps, nursing has taught me to love nursing. As I said, this essay is about my love story with nursing. Nursing might not be the most intelligent decision I have made in my life, it might even be the most risky decision I have made, but right now, I think, it is the best decision I have made. It is the best path I can ever have.

I can’t even imagine myself doing something else already. I can’t imagine myself not going to the hospital for duty. I don’t know but I think I’ve grown fond of it. I think I have been secretly enjoying everything about nursing even though it leaves me anergic everyday.  

I found life in nursing. At least I can enjoy even the most boring and longest lectures now. Thanks to Nursing. It was really a best teaching I got. (JOKE! Hahahaha!)

Nursing has taught me science, skills, caring, friendship and love. There is nothing that I could think of that can do better than this course.

I, therefore, conclude that…

I used to hate nursing.

I used to hate hospitals. I used to hate blood. I used to hate specimens. I used to hate everything that deals with the science of the body.

Even if it’s confusing, tiring, draining and exhausting, I found happiness doing it. And I would rather go through this than do anything convenient.