#six limbs

Out of annoyance, you rolled your head back on your shoulders, letting your bright blue hair fall down your back and looked up at the popcorn ceiling. It was a gross, off-white color and there was a giant crack that ran the width of the room above your head. You huffed a silent, mental laugh at how well the veterans building was maintained when a balled up piece of paper hit your chest. You rolled your head to your right shoulder and glared at your best friend, Sam Wilson, where he was standing at the podium, calling your name.

“You gunna share today?” He asked with his eyebrow raised. With a roll of your eyes, you flipped him off and sat up straight.

“(Y/N) and once again, I’m fine.” You looked over at Sam and forced a sarcastic smile at him. He shook his head and glanced at his watch.

“Alright then. That’s it for today. I’ll see you guys next week.” You finally let out a sigh and grabbed your backpack off the chair next to you. You pulled yourself out of the black, plastic chair and fixed the leg of your jeans around the metal on your right leg; a leg that had been blown off in Iraq thanks to a missed IED six years prior. You were at least grateful that you were far enough away that you weren’t killed like most of your patrol unit and the only damage done was the chunks of metal shrapnel ripping through your leg to the point that the doctors needed to amputate just above the knee to save your life.

“(Y/N).” You smirked and looked over at Sam’s sigh of your name as he walked up to you. “Why do you gotta be difficult?” You shrugged as you pulled off your jacket, revealing the tattoos that decorated nearly every inch of your body.

“Because this shit is bullshit, Sam.” You said as you shoved the black, biker style jacket into your bag so you didn’t sweat to death in the summer heat once you left the ice cold building. “I don’t need to verbally vomit my problems on these people. That’s what my journals and our daily coffee dates are for.” He shook his head and glanced over your shoulder at someone.

“Alright, well I have a task for you that you’re not allowed to say no too.” He said as he gestured to someone behind you. You glanced back and quickly turned to salute Captain Steven Rogers; a well known name in the military community in Brooklyn. “Steve, meet Sergeant (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” Steve smiled at you and reached out to shake your hand.

“Pleasure to meet you, (Y/N).” He said as he shook your hand firmly.

“Pleasure is all mine, sir.” He smirked at you and shook his head.

“No need for the formalities. Just friends talking.” You nodded as you pushed at the strap to your muscle shirt, subconsciously. He glanced at Sam before looking back at you with a smile. “I have a buddy of mine; known him all my life. He just got out of the hospital after doing two tours in Iraq. From what I’ve been told, you sound like the perfect person to help him assimilate back into society.” Your eyebrows shot to your hair line as you closed your eyes in a long blink.

“Oh, do I now.” You said as you looked over at Sam. He had a smug, knowing smirk on his face, knowing that no matter how hard you tried to act tough, you would never not help out a soldier in need. “Damn you, Wilson.” You muttered as you turned back at Steve. “Alright, who is it?” Steve smirked as he glanced over at Sam and you immediately knew the two of them had been purposely planning this. Steve turned slightly and called out for someone named ‘Bucky’ and you took the moment to whack your friends arm.

“Sergeant (Y/L/N), I’d like to introduce you to Sergeant James Barnes. Bucky, this is (Y/N).” You looked over at the tall, muscular form that headed over to you and you couldn’t help but take a partial step back at how intimidating he was. He looked about as stand-off-ish as you as he gave you a curt nod, which sent his longish brown hair flying out from behind his ears. As he reached up with his right hand to brush it back, you finally noticed that he was missing his left arm and everything began to make sense.

“Sergeant Barnes.” You said with a nod as you waited a half second before offering your hand for a hand shake.

“Just Bucky.” He said as he shook your hand. His deep voice sent shivers down your spine as his blue eyes sized you up. Sam reached out and pushed your shoulder; silently telling you to be nice.

“(Y/N). I’m going to get coffee. You coming?” You cocked your eyebrow at him expectantly as Steve tapped Bucky’s arm, subtly with his elbow. Bucky scowled at his friend and sighed.

“Fine.” You nodded at him and glanced at Sam with an obvious ‘you owe me’ look as you threw the strap of your backpack over your shoulder. With a quick glance over your shoulder to make sure Bucky was following you, you headed out the door to your car.

——

“You want me to just pull that shit in a bun for you?” You asked as Bucky pushed his hair out of his face for the dozenth time since the two of you say down at a table outside a small coffee shop down the road from the Veterans building. It was the first thing you had said to him since you placed your orders with the waitress twenty minutes ago. Bucky glared at you and pushed his hair behind his ears again.

“Don’t need your help.” He grouched. You held your hands up in defeat and shrugged.

“No skin off my back, man. I’m not the one that has hair in my face and is too stubborn to ask for help.” He glared at you as he brushed his hair back again.

“Hell would you know about needing help? You have two arms.” Your brows cocked the slightest bit and you nodded at him with pursed lips.

“You should really know what the fuck you’re talking about before you go assuming shit, dude.” You bent down and pulled up the leg of your jeans to show off your titanium leg. His eyes flew open and the color in his face drained as you dropped your jeans and looked at him. “‘Cause I promise you, having to ask someone for help every time your outside when it starts to rain or screaming for help from any neighbor that can hear you when you forget to lock the brakes of your wheelchair at three in the morning causing it to fly away from you into another room and you to fall on the ground is a lot more humiliating than asking for help with your damn hair.” You gestured to his coffee as you grabbed your backpack off the ground. “Finish your coffee. I wanna go home.” Without giving him another glance to hide the tears welling in your eyes, you headed away from the patio. You grabbed your cigarettes from your pocket and lit one as Bucky ran up behind you.

“Shit, doll. I am so sorry.” You looked up at him, letting him see the tears that fell. You shrugged as you pulled down your tough mask once more.

“I don’t want your fucking pity. I really don’t. But so you know, if I could go back I would personally much prefer to lose an arm than my leg. With the technology Stark is putting out these days for vets, I’d at least have a chance to live a normal-ish life with a prosthetic arm. Can’t do much with a Goddamn leg other than find a way to keep you balanced when you walk.” You turned away and stuck your cigarette between your lips as you started walking back to the vet center. You angrily swiped at your tears and cursed Sam in your head.

“I don’t pity you.” Bucky said as he fell into step beside you. “Just… misplaced anger, I guess.”  You glanced up at him and shrugged.

“Well thanks for that.”

——

“Dude, I’m not helping him.” You told Sam over the phone as you wheeled yourself around your apartment two days later. “End of story.”

“You’re gunna help him because I asked you too.” You shook your head as you pulled your fridge open to find something easy to make for breakfast.

“You can’t make me.” You heard him chuckle as someone knocked on your door.

“Wanna bet?” You rolled your eyes as you shut the fridge and wheeled yourself around it. It wasn’t typical for you to be in your chair at home but somedays, the pain in what was left of your leg was just too much to handle to walk on it.

“Yea, I wanna fucking bet! Bet that I’m gunna shove my foot up your ass if you…” Your words fell off as you looked up at Bucky’s face standing in your doorway. “Samual, I will fucking kill you for this.” You said as you reached up and hung up your phone via your bluetooth. You ripped it out of your ear, sat back, and crossed your arms over your chest. “What?” Bucky nervously reached into his pocket and pulled out a single black hair-tie.

“Think I could get you to help pull my hair back before I take you out for breakfast to make up for being an ass?” You sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose in aggravation.

“Just get in here.” You groaned as you wheeled yourself backwards into your house. “I can’t walk today but I got shit here.” You missed his nod as you headed back toward your kitchen. “So how’d you find me? Sam?” You pulled open your fridge again and glanced up at him.

“Steve called Sam for me, yea.” You nodded as you grabbed a carton of eggs and a package of sausage patties from the fridge.

“Hope you don’t mind simple because that’s what you’re gettin.” You looked up just in time to see a smile pull at the corners of his lips.

“I can do simple.” You gestured for the hair-tie and pointed to the floor beside your chair.

“So how much did it kill you to ask for help?” You asked as you pulled Bucky’s hair back into a bun at the nape of his neck. He huffed a laugh and shook his head slightly.

“Stood outside your door for a good ten minutes.” You nodded at him as he stood up and gestured toward the food on the counter. “I’d ask if you needed help but not only do I know you don’t need it, but I haven’t figured out the whole ‘live with one arm’ thing. Steve’s been trying to help but…”

“Hard to go from being independent to depending on other people.” He nodded and sat down at the bar on your kitchen island as he watched you pull yourself out of your chair with a bar that ran along the length of your kitchen below the cabinets.

“Can I ask how long?” You missed his gesture toward your stump, that was currently hidden in your sweatpants but you knew what he was talking about.

“Six years. One of the guys in my patrol was impatient and didn’t let my dog, Shadow, clear the area completely. Stepped right on an IED. I was the only one that made it out alive… well, minus a leg. My dog sacrificed his life for mine.” You held on to the bar and hopped over to where your plates were, opting for plastic instead of glass as you shook your head to get rid of the memories of that day. You turned, leaned and reached to set them on the island when Bucky took them from your hand.

“See, this I can help with.” You smirked, grateful that he didn’t ask about Shadow and pointed to the drawer by your hip.

“Silverware.” He nodded as you hopped back in front of the stove to scramble the eggs and flip the sausage. You stayed quiet for a moment before glancing over at him. “So what about you?” He glanced at his arm, which he had hidden in his Henley.

“Suicide bomber that I wasn’t far enough away from.” You nodded as you held out the spatula toward him.

“Grab a plate first.” He nodded slowly and grabbed one of the plates off the counter. He put it down beside the stove and took the spatula from you. “Now, try to use just your wrist. Little movements for the sausage.” You reached in front of him and put your hand on top of his. “I think you’re just psyching yourself out.” You let him do all the work and simply guided his hand. He blushed a bit as the pan slid across the stove and you moved it back into place.

“Try turning the pan and using your stomach to hold the handle in place. You may be without an arm but that doesn’t mean you can’t use what you do have.” You let go of his hand and moved the handle of the pan into his stomach. You gently pushed on his back so that his stomach held the pan into place. He struggled a bit before he was able to scoop two sausage patties and some eggs onto the plate. “See? Not so bad.”

“Not at all.” You nodded as you hopped back over to your chair and took a seat. He handed you the first plate and you set it on your lap as he grabbed the pan with his stomach again.

“Like I said. You maybe without but that doesn’t mean you can’t use what you have to make shit easier.” He nodded as he turned off the stove for you and followed you toward your living room. You gestured him to the couch as you put your plate on the coffee table. He didn’t say a word to you as he watched you maneuver yourself from your wheelchair to your couch while he  pulled the silverware out of his pocket and put yours down beside your plate.

“I’m sorry I judged you.” He said softly as he used the edge of his fork to cut up the sausage.

“Sorry I snapped at you when you judged me.” He glanced over at you and nodded as he continued to try to cut his sausage. You gestured to his plate as you chewed your bite of eggs. “Just so you know, while you’re figuring it out, if you want help from me, you’re gunna need to ask for it. It sucks, trust me, I know. But I don’t coddle.” He actually growled at you and glared over at you.

“I got it.” You nodded and pursed your lips as you went back to your own breakfast.

“Steve’s been living with you, hasn’t he?” You asked after a minute as he finally got the hang of cutting the sausage.

“Is it that obvious?” You smirked and nodded.

“He coddles you. Which is probably why he and Sam set this whole thing up.” Bucky sighed as he stabbed some eggs on his fork.

“Yea, probably.”

“Well, it’s time for you to learn how to do this by yourself. No more relying on other people.” You glanced over at him and smirked. “Well, except when it comes to your hair. You can rely on someone to help you with your hair.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’m surprised you came.” You called out as you walked up to Bucky in McGolrick Park in Brooklyn. While you had been helping him for two months, this was the first time you brought him out in public instead of being at either of your houses or the VA. He turned toward you on the bench he was on and you saw his eyes widen as he got his first real look at your prosthetic leg in short jean shorts. You knew this exact leg was unlike anything anyone had ever seen before because where the flesh colored plastic was on your thigh, your upstairs neighbor, Pietro had created hand drawn, interchangeable fabric tattoo sleeves.

“Well you did tell Sam, who told Steve, who said I had no other choice but show up so you weren’t left alone.” You smiled as you dropped your backpack on the bench and unzipped it.

“That is what my ‘get independent’ mentor did for me. Had Sam drop my ass off at the park for a picnic.” You pulled out your blanket and laid it out on the grass. “Now get your butt down here.” He chuckled and got down on the blanket as you dropped your bag on the edge where you could get to it. As carefully as I could, you sat down and stuck your legs out in front of you.

“Now don’t freak out on me because it’s kinda weird the first time you see it but I don’t like the weird tan lines.” He glanced over at you with his brow furrowed and his eyes widened in shock as you pulled off your prosthetic leg and the sleeve that covered what was left of your scared limb. You set them both down on the grass beside you and leaned back on your hands. Almost immediately, a couple young kids stopped and stared as they ran past but you forced yourself to shrug it off.

“Doesn’t that bother you?” Bucky asked as he watched the kids run away while laughing. You shook your head, looked over at him, and repeated the same thing your mentor told you.

“Why should it? I fought for my country so those punk ass kids could be free. I could have lost a lot more than just my leg. I sacrificed for my country and I am proud and Marine strong. It just took me a while to accept that losing a limb made me stronger than I ever was.” You sat up and flexed your muscular arms with a laugh.

“Besides, how do you know they weren’t laughing at all my tattoos or my blue hair? And did you even look at my shirt?” You leaned back and showed him your tank-top that had a handicap wheel chair symbol and ‘worked too hard on leg day’ written below it. He burst out laughing as you leaned forward and grabbed your backpack. “Exactly. They could have been laughing at anything. I don’t have to go worst case scenario there. Besides, why should their opinion of my leg stop me from enjoying a beer with a friend?” You handed him a bottle of Budweiser from the little cooler you had and handed him a bottle opener right after it.

“I wish I had that outlook on life.” He said as he put the beer bottle between his feet and popped the top. He handed you the bottle with a smile as he took the next one from your hand.

“You can. It’s all about telling yourself that you’re gunna stay positive.” You bumped what was left of his left arm gently with your shoulder and smiled up at him. “You can’t change the past. You can just make the future the best that you can with what you have.” You reached up and tapped his temple with your fingertip. “It’s all up here. You had to tell yourself to run toward danger in the war, didn’t you? Now you gotta tell yourself that you’re Army proud and you have one arm. Hooah!” He laughed and tipped his beer toward you.

“Alright. You win on this one.” You nodded and tapped your beer against his.

“Have you not learned yet that I always win?”

——

Steve and Sam stood on the edge of the park, watching their two friends talk and laugh in the afternoon sun. You were bent over double, gasping for air as Bucky playfully ‘juggled’ grapes one handed by tossing a bunch of them in the air and catching what he could… in just a t-shirt, leaving the smallest bit of his scared left arm be seen. You laughed as he tossed up the few that he had caught. You quickly leaned forward to try to catch one of the grapes in mid air only to miss the one you were aiming for and have another hit your eye. Your friends huffed a laugh as Bucky pulled you into his chest and held the back of your head there for a moment; his laugh echoing across the grass covered field.

“This was a great idea.” Steve said as he gestured to you and Bucky as the latter pushed you back and gently kissed your closed eye. You quickly grabbed the grape that hit you off the blanket and hit him in the forehead with it. “It’s like the two of them were made to find each other at this point in their lives.”

“I told you she would open up to him and help him just like Clint did for her. Just never expected them to fall for each other.” Steve nodded in agreement as he watched Bucky shove you down so he could lay on top of you to tickle you. You screamed a laugh and kicked your legs as you tried unsuccessfully to push the much bigger, muscular man off you. He stayed a moment longer before getting off you with a laugh. He pulled you up to sit next to him with a smile as he said something funny to you. With another laugh, you nodded in agreement at whatever he had said.

“Wanna go get a beer? I’m sure she can give him a ride home.” Sam said as he gestured to the two of you. Steve nodded in agreement and turned to head to the subway.

~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky ran as fast as he could, trying to ‘dodge’ raindrops with you over his shoulder as you continuously hit the panic button for your car so he could find it. Both of you were laughing so hard, tears pooled in the corners of your eyes and mixed in with the raindrops Bucky wasn’t dodging. The horn of your jeep finally started blaring from the other side of the street and Bucky quickly checked the street and ran.

“Door, baby!” He yelled as he spun you around toward the driver side door. You ripped it open and he nearly threw you into your seat so he could get out of the rain, too. You shoved your soaking wet hair out of your face and pulled your backpack off your back to get to your prosthetic leg; the only one you owned that wasn’t waterproof. Bucky jumped into the passenger seat with a laugh.

“Did it get wet?” He asked as you unwrapped the picnic blanket from around the leg and sleeve.

“Just the shoe.” You said as you ran your hand over it to make sure everything was dry. You let out a sigh of relief and looked over at him. “I though you said you could dodge raindrops!” You chided with a laugh.

“Honey, I dodged as fast as I could!” You laughed as you wiped off your face with the blanket and passed it to Bucky. “Thanks.”

“So, you down for dinner and Netflix at my place? I’m dying for pizza.” He moaned and looked over at you.

“Pizza sounds so freaking good right now.” You smiled and shifted yourself in your seat before putting your prosthetic on the back seat so it was out of the way. Bucky looked back at it, confused, causing you to laugh.

“My car petals are for my left foot. I’ve got more control that way.” He let out a soft ‘ah’ as you started your jeep and pulled into traffic.

“Was it hard to relearn that?” You huffed a laugh and nodded as you pulled down your street, which was thankfully only two blocks away from the park.

“Took about a year. I kept switching the petals back around in my mind. I gotta say though.” You pulled up right in front of your building at the only handicap parking spot on the whole block, put your car in park and looked over at him. “Learning to walk again… Shit was the hardest thing in the world. My mind knew what I was supposed to be doing but my body wasn’t physically capable of doing that anymore. To this day I still have to remind myself that I do have limitations on what I’m capable of doing; shit that should come naturally.” His face dropped the slightest bit as he realized how lucky he was.

“Shit, doll.” You swiped your hand at him and turned off your car.

“No pity, remember. Stay positive. I walk real good now.” You shot him a wink and glanced up at your front door through the rain. With a smirk, you looked back over at Bucky and gestured to the door. “Wanna go get my leg for me?” He chuckled and shook his head.

“I’ll give you a lift.” You nodded at him as you tossed your backpack in the back seat. You didn’t realize just how strong Bucky was until he helped you get to your door. He set you down in front of the main door and held you tight to his chest as you unlocked the first door. After a few moments of figuring the logistics out, he wrapped his arm under yours and easily held you up. He patiently acted like a crutch as you hopped into your one bedroom, thankfully rent controlled apartment.

“Thanks for that.” You said as you pulled open your front closet and grabbed a pair of crutches. “So if you want to take a shower and warm up a bit, I’m pretty sure I have a pair of basketball shorts that should fit you… but a shirt isn’t gunna happen until I can get yours in the dryer. Or, we can take a bath while your stuff’s in the dryer and I’ll promise I won’t look. I’ll even give you my shorts to wear or a towel to cover…” You gestured to his body with your finger as a blush spread across your cheeks. “whatever and I’ll wear a bathing suit. I will say my bathtub is pretty awesome.” He blushed as well and reached up to rub the back of his neck as a smile spread across his face.

“I think I could do a bath.” He nodded his head subtly and licked his bottom lip. He glanced up at you and shrugged before quickly averting his eyes. “Don’t need shorts.” You smiled and nodded.

“Alright. So how about I go start the bath and you can get all the clothes into the dryer? We’ll order pizza after.” He nodded as he followed you through your living room and past your kitchen to where your bathroom and laundry closet were right outside your bedroom door. As you started to fill your Jacuzzi tub and lit a few candles on the counter, Bucky tossed his wet clothes into the dryer. You knew this was a big moment for him since the only other person that had seen his arm besides doctors was Steve. You both also knew that this was a bit step in your forming relationship.

“Clothes, doll.” Bucky said softly as he stood in the doorway of the bathroom in just his wet boxers. You handed him the few wet things from the edge of the tub and flipped off the light, sending the room into partial darkness. You didn’t see Bucky watching you as you went through the process of getting yourself into the bath using grab bars that had been placed strategically on the walls and tub. You sunk into the hot water with a content sigh and turned off the running water.

“You make that look easy.” Bucky said. You glanced over at him and noticed he was trying to cover his left arm despite the fact that the bathroom didn’t have much light in it at that moment thanks to the candles and the rain storm outside the window in your shower.

“Lots of practice. You getting in the tub or are ya just gunna stand there?” His eyes met yours as you scooted forward as gestured behind and in front of you. “You can pick your spot. I’m not picky.” After a moment of hesitation, he gestured to the spot in front of you. With a reassuring smile, you scooted back and looked down at the water to give him a little bit of privacy and make sure your legs were out of the way until he was settled.

“Oh… my God…” Bucky sighed as he settled into the water. “Why do I not take baths every day?” You looked back up at him as he moved your left leg over his. You giggled as you leaned back against the pillow behind you and shrugged.

“It’s easier for me to take a bath than a shower. Less chance of me falling on my ass or my stump.” He nodded as he ran his fingers up and down your calf. You could tell that he was so uncomfortable without his shirt on and your heart went out to him. As gently as you could, you moved your right leg over his and scooted forward in the bath toward him. His eyes found yours as you reached up and cupped his jaw in your hand, purposely using your arm to block his.

“Hey. You’re safe here. That doesn’t stop me from really liking you.” You gestured to his left arm with your head but kept your eyes on his gorgeous blue eyes. “It means so much to me that you’re trusting me and I do know how hard it is. But just so you know, I could care less that you’re missing an arm. Because you’ve made me smile more in the last two months than I have in the past six years. And at the end of the day, that’s what I see.” You smirked and pat his cheek with your fingers. “That and your cute butt.” His face softened into a smile as he ran his hand up your leg to your hip.

“Thank God I’m not the only one of us checking out the others butt.” You smirked as you put your hands on his shoulders.

“I do have a cute butt.” He nodded in agreement as he leaned forward to kiss you when someone knocked on your front door and the deadbolt opened.

“Printessa? You home?” You groaned and rested your forehead on Bucky’s.

“Not alone!” You called out to Pietro as you stretched over the edge of the tub to push the bathroom door closed. You heard him and his sister, Wanda laugh as Pietro came slightly closer to the bathroom door in the kitchen.

“We’re goin’ to the store tomorrow. You need to add anything to your list before I take it?”

“Just take it!” You groaned to yourself as Bucky used your upper body as a sort of shield. You wrapped your arm around his back and rested your chin on his shoulder.

“Alright… well just, um… call in the morning when it’s safe to drop off your groceries!” You rolled your eyes and growled.

“Out, Pietro!”

“Leave her alone, Pietro!” Wanda said as she opened your front door. “Sorry, (Y/N)!” You sighed heavily as your neighbors left and locked the door behind them. You pulled back and looked at Bucky, completely mortified.

“I am… so freaking sorry.”

“Who was that?” He asked as the two of you settled back in to your spots in your tub. You sighed and ran your fingers through your tangled, damp hair.

“My upstairs neighbors.” You adjusted your leg so it was a little more comfortable and shrugged. “When I first got injured, Wanda was my caregiver since I didn’t have any family that could help the way Steve did you. She was at my old house every morning and every night, helping me get used to living without my leg. She became my best friend.

But she’s about the same size as me so the first time I fell in the shower… which is why I take baths now, she couldn’t get me up. So she had to call her twin brother, Pietro. After the falling out of bed at three in the morning incident, they helped me find this apartment in their building and they’ve been helping me out ever since. Wanda goes to the grocery store for me because she loves the grocery store for who knows what reason and going up and down stairs over and over again with my groceries can be a pain in the ass. I try not to rely on them as much as possible but the help is always nice.” He nodded in understanding as he glanced up at you through his lashes with a smile.

“Can I kiss you now before we get interrupted again?” You smiled and nodded as he scooted toward you.

“You didn’t hear a word I said, did you?” You teased as you settled yourself on his lap and wrapped your arms around his neck. He chuckled and shook his head.

“Not a word.” You brushed your nose against his with a smile.

“Didn’t think so.” His hand tightened on your hip as your lips gently captured his. You moaned happily as your hands slid up and tangled in his still rain dampened hair. He slid his tongue against yours as he pulled you as close as he possibly could. You pulled away after a moment, gasping for breath and rested your forehead against his.

“Bedroom?” He asked. You nodded your head as you forced yourself out of his grasp so he could get out of the bath.

“Bedroom.”

“I don’t deserve you.” He whispered into the moonlit room as he traced the water down to the fork of the river. His fingers went to the right, over the curve of your ass toward your scared stump where the water cascaded into a lotus flower. He shook his head and let his fingers retrace their trail on your skin. “How could I deserve something so good after everything I’ve done? Honestly, it should be illegal for monsters like me to be allowed near the rest of the world. After the people… the women and children I’ve killed.” He shook his head as he let his fingers dance across the forest that stretched across your back, pausing momentarily on a small compass that appeared to be carved into one of the trees on the left side of your spine.

“I don’t deserve you, doll.” He looked up at your sleeping face and startled when he realized your eyes were open.

“Where is your finger?” You asked softly as you propped yourself on your forearms. He glanced down at your back and back up to you.

“The compass tree.” You nodded and glanced over your left shoulder.

“Start here.” You said as you reached back and touched a set of oak trees whose branches were twisted and tangled together. You felt his fingers lightly glide across your back and come to a stop at the trees. “See how the limbs twist together in a pattern? That symbol is called the path of life. It basically means that we choose our own path to create our future. See, oak trees symbolize strength. When I came back home, I didn’t have any strength. I didn’t think I deserved to be alive after the things I had done and seen in the war;; after everything I had lost. I couldn’t see a life where I deserved… any of the things I have today including being alive. Look at the trunk of the right tree. See the little paw prints in the dirt at the bottom?” You felt Bucky’s fingers move to the side and he nodded.

“Shadow?” You nodded back as he brushed his fingers over the hard to see unless they’re pointed out prints.

“I was at the park and saw a little boy playing with a German Sheppard puppy that looked just like Shadow. His mother saw me watching her son, saw my leg and my old Marines hat… the tears in my eyes. She had her son come over with their dog and thank me for my service. She sat and talk to me for a while and she had the path of life symbol on her forearm. Told me that, like these oak trees or the river, I can’t change my roots… but I can change the path of where they go.” You moved one of your hands back and gestured to where the river forked above the curve of your ass. You ran your fingers over the path that spidered off into little creeks because of a series of well placed rocks and pieces of broken branches that brought them all back to a pond with small koi fish on your left hip.

“I have many choices in life, as do you. You can choose to put rocks in the way of happiness or let it flow. You have the choice to see the beauty in your downfalls.” You switched arms you were leaning on and pointed to the lotus on your right leg. “Or you can focus on them and miss the beauty all together. It’s your path.” You switched hands once more and pointed to the area that the tree with the compass was in and looked up at him with a smile. “You just have to follow where your heart points your life compass. Are you really a bad person or are you a good person who was placed in a bad situation. And now, are you going to continue to miss the beauty in front of you or take the time to see enjoy it?” He laid his hand flat on your lower back, right above the fork and laid his head on the pillow beside you.

“See, I don’t deserve you.” You smiled as you rolled on your side to look at him.

“Yes, you do and it’s my job to help you see that… well… for as long as you’ll let me.” He smiled and pulled you into his chest.

“I think I can keep you employed for a while.” You smiled and snuggled into his chest as he chuckled softly. “At least until you teach me how to pull my hair back into a bun one hand…ow! Hey, don’t bite!” You scowled up at him as he rubbed his pec.

“I will never teach you how to do your own hair, then.” You said as you reached down and grabbed the blanket that had made it’s way to the foot of the bed. “Now go to sleep, goof ball.” You paused to give him a chaste kiss and laid down in front of him. He curled himself around you and gave you a gentle squeeze.

“Good night, baby girl.” You smiled against his chest at the nickname and nuzzled your nose into him.

“Good night, baby.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You looked up at the knock on the door from the magazine you were flipping through with a small smile. Your doctor, Bruce Banner, who had been your doctor for almost seven years, glanced up from his tablet and did a double take.

“Am I in the wrong room?” He asked as he took a step back to look at the number on the door, causing you to giggle.

“No. You’re in the right room. Bucky just ran to the bathroom. He’ll be right back.” Bruce nodded as he gestured to you in your wheelchair.

“What’s going on here?” He asked as he sat down on his stool and scooted toward you. You shook your head and waved your hand at him.

“I’m OK. We’re here for whatever news you have for Bucky today. I’m coming back tomorrow…” You tried but Bruce wasn’t having it.

“You’re here now, (Y/N). What’s wrong?” You sighed and set the magazine down on the counter.

“That new no rub sleeve isn’t working out. Got a nice little sore going on.” You tried to roll up the material of your slightly too tight cotton sweatpants at the same moment Bucky walked into the room. Bruce looked up at him with a smile as he pulled up your file on his tablet.

“Baby, can you help me?” You asked your boyfriend of two months as you locked your wheelchair. “Bruce is gunna look at that that thing since I’m here.” Bucky nodded and came over to keep you up right so you could just pull off your pants. Bruce put his tablet down and pulled on a pair of gloves as Bucky turned you so the doctor could see the raw rash the new sleeve had given you.

“Ouch. Yea, it’s just a little rub rash. Were you using your usual prosthetic?” You nodded as Bruce straightened the leg of your pants and handed the waistline to you. “Yea, I haven’t been seeing good results with that sleeve at all. My guess is those asshats that made it didn’t bother to try it out first.” He shook his head as he made a note in your file.

“You would think they would finally be good to the vets, ya know?” You and Bucky both nodded as you sat back down. Bruce finished with his notes and looked back up at you with a smile. “I’ll send in a prescription for something to help with the spot to get it healed a little quicker and just go back to using what works for you when that heals, OK?” You nodded as someone knocked on the door. Bruce scooted over to it and pulled it open a bit before opening it all the way to let Tony Stark in. “Another mishap with that no-slip leg sleeve.” Mr. Stark, who you had only met a handful of times in the past six years looked at you with a sigh as he pulled off his sunglasses.

“My apologies, Ms…” He said as he stuck out his hand.

“(Y/L/N).” He nodded as you shook his hand firmly.

“Thank you for your service. I will personally be speaking to that company about that sleeve.” He looked over at Bucky, who was sitting in a chair beside you, and gestured to him with his sunglasses. “So is this the guy?” You looked over at your boyfriend as Bruce went back to Bucky’s file.

“This would be the man. Sergeant Bucky Barnes.” Tony waved Bruce off and gestured to Bucky again.

“For the past two years, I have been working on a new cybernetic arm. Top of the line, better than the best on the market, the only problem is, I haven’t found the perfect person to test it.” A cocky smirk pulled at the corner of his lips. He tilted his head toward Bucky and crossed his arms over his chest. “Until now.” You felt Bucky’s hand bump into the side of your wheelchair as he searched for your hand. You quickly laced your fingers with his as Tony pulled out his phone, flipped off the lights in the room and continued.

“The arm itself is made of titanium and virbranium and functions the exact same way a real arm would. It’s waterproof, life proof. You could scratch your arm and feel it. It is so high tech that you would even be able to feel the hairs on Ms. (Y/L/N)’s arm with your fingertips.” The two of you stared at the hologram design of the arm as Tony showed it off. “What you have to know; however, is that it’s not just a slip on arm.”

“We’d have to surgically attach it to your shoulder and your central nervous system. And it has never been done before so we don’t know the risks that could come with it if somethings goes wrong.”

“But I am confident in my technology.” Tony said as he glared over at Bruce. “I am confident that not only will this procedure work and you will have your life back… but I am also confident in saying that we will will change history with this procedure. Just imagine, veterans in your situation, coming home from war and being able to have their limbs back.” He pointed at his hologram with a wonder-full smile. “We’d be saving lives in more ways than one…”

“OK.” Bucky said softly. Your head whipped over at him as he cleared his throat and nodded. “I’ll do it.”

“James!” He looked over at your stunned face and his eyes searched yours as he squeezed your hand in his.

“(Y/N), If there is any possibility that there is some kind of technology that could help you walk again, a technology to make sure that there will never be another day where you have to worry about rashes or poorly fitted prosthetics. A guarantee that falling down in the shower or dealing with the pains you get when it’s too cold in the house were done for good, then I will absolutely be the guinea pig for it. No question.”

“Bucky…” You whispered as tears fell from your eyes. He shook his head as he forced himself to pull his hands from yours to wipe your tears away.

“It’s OK, doll. This is my path.” You choked out a laugh and nodded as he cupped your jaw in his hand. He gave you a chaste kiss and looked back at Tony and Bruce. “I’ll do it. Just let me know when.” The two men exchanged a glance and while Tony’s smile got bigger, Bruce rolled his eyes.

“Enjoy your weekend, Barnes. See you Monday morning.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“(Y/N), do you at least want some water?” Steve sighed as you wheeled yourself past him for the billionth time. You didn’t even acknowledge his presence as you grabbed ahold of your right wheel and brought yourself to a stop at the end of the room to spin around. Sweat dripped down your forehead and you chewed on your bottom lip nervously as you turned around and headed back in the other direction.

“She’ll be alright.” Wanda said as she watched you pace the hospital waiting room.

“It’s been almost twenty hours…” Steve said as he watched you whip around and head back through the waiting room. “… and she hasn’t said a word.” Wanda nodded as she picked up her coffee and leaned back against her chair.

“That’s normal. She tries to control her pain when she’s not in control elsewhere. When my brother had to get his appendix out, she stood in the corner with all her weight on her prosthetic leg to the point where she nearly fell over from the pain tremors.” Steve sighed and shook his head as he watched you turn around and head the other way.

“(Y/N).” You nearly flipped your chair you spun around so fast at the sound of Bruce’s voice. He smiled at you as you raced over to him as fast as you could. “He’s in recovery.” Tears filled your eyes as Bruce crouched down in front of you and held on to the corner of your chair for balance. He scrubbed his hand over his face to hide his yawn as he waited for Steve and Wanda to walk over.

“It went well. He stayed awake the entire process and didn’t lose any sensation in his body. So far, his body seems to be accepting the arm and the implant but like I told you… whenever I told you, I’m to tired to remember… but he’s gunna be here a for a few days to make sure before we move him over to Stark Tower to do any adjustments. I’ll check in personally so I’m sure I’ll be seeing you often.” You nodded frantically and wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Thank you.” You whispered as he rubbed your back. He nodded as you pulled back to look at him with tears in your eyes.

“Now remember. Please, try to keep him from using that arm much for a couple days. I know it’s a novelty right now but he can’t heal if he’s moving it around a lot.” You nodded again as he pat your chair and stood up to take you back.

“(Y/N), your bag.” Wanda said as she went over to grab your overnight bag. Steve smiled at you and fought a yawn of his own.

“Sam and I are gunna come by later today during visitation hours. Make sure you eat something, OK?” You nodded at him as you took your bag from Wanda.

“Pietro and I will bring you dinner. Just let me know what you want, OK?” You nodded at her as she kissed your cheek.

“Thank you guys for sitting with me. I’ll send him both your love.” They both nodded as Bruce grabbed the handles on the back of your chair. With quiet ‘good-byes’, you faced forward with your backpack in your lap as Bruce brought you into the bowels of the hospital. Neither of you said a word; both too tired and anxious about the events of that day. Every corner he took felt like you were turning down longer and longer hallways and what seemed like two years later, you were finally wheeled into Bucky’s recovery room. He glanced over at the sound of your wheelchair and a weak, tired smile spread across his cheeks.

“Look, doll. I’m a robot.” He lifted his metal fingers off his stomach and weakly wiggled them at you. You giggled and nodded as Bruce parked your chair at Bucky’s bedside.

“No moving, baby.” You said as you stood up, pulled his blanket back and hopped a couple steps to lay down beside him. You laid your hand on top of his as Bruce gave the nurse some last minute instructions.

“Baby… I can feel your hand on mine.” Bucky whispered as you curled up against his side. You smiled as you slid your hand back to lace your fingers with his. He went to raise his hand to look but you held it down to his stomach.

“Go to sleep, baby. It’ll look the same tomorrow.” You felt him nod against your forehead as he rested his cheek against it.

“Night, baby doll.”

“Night, sweetheart.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Alright, same pattern, a little slower.” Natasha, Mr. Stark’s assistant instructed as Tony monitored the mechanical components of Bucky’s arm on various holographic, internal views of his arm. You watched on with awe at Tony’s computer program as various diagnostics instantaneously appeared with every flick of Bucky’s fingers and arm. Natasha, Tony, and his AI, JARVIS spoke back and forth as they worked, but you focused more on your boyfriend.

“How’s it feel?” You asked softly, so that you didn’t disturb the others. He huffed at you and fought to finish the set he was working on.

“Feels… heavy.” You nodded as Natasha glanced over at Bucky before tapping on Tony’s arm. He glanced over as Bucky finished his set of range of motion exercises and nodded.

“Alright, that’s enough for today.” He said with a nod. “It’s looking real good, Barnes.” Bucky nodded and let his metal arm fall to his side. He winced at the impact it had with his hip and sank back into his chair with a tired sigh. Tony scooted his chair over to unhook the receiver that he had clipped on Bucky’s wife beater above the sensor implanted in his shoulder. He handed the sensor back to Natasha and gave Bucky a tight lipped smile. “Other than being heavy, what can you tell me? Any pain or discomfort?”

“The pinky clicks and acts a little funny.” He said as he held up his hand and bent his fingers. The pinky bent about half way before clicking and jerking the rest of the way down. “No pain or anything though.” Tony nodded and pulled over a table of tools.

“JARVIS.” He said as he manually moved Bucky’s finger.

“Slight irregularity in section 127, sir.” With a nod, Tony turned Bucky’s arm.

“This might sting a bit.” Bucky nodded and you quickly rolled over to his other side. He looked over at you with his head tilted a bit to the side, pensively.

“Can I ask you somethin’, doll?” You nodded as he grabbed your hand for something to hold as Tony sent a pulse to Bucky’s implant to turn off the feeling in Bucky’s arm. It sent shockwaves through his shoulder and he groaned as Tony worked quickly to fix the issue. “Why don’t… fuck… why did you never get your front tattooed?” You smirked as you held his hand in both of yours.

“Well, that was random. I don’t know. I started with my arms and my left leg when I first got home, which is why they aren’t full sleeve designs the way my back is. My back piece was all one idea and after sitting through nearly thirty-nine hours for that, I just hit my quota on that pain scale.” He smirked and nodded in understanding as he glanced at Tony working on his arm.

“Yea, I feel ya on the pain scale.” He pulled your hands up to his lips and gave your fingers a gentle kiss while Tony had his AI run another scan to make sure he fixed the issue. “Thanks for sticking around with me.” You rolled your eyes at him as he set your hands back down on his thigh.

“Oh, because you think I would rather be sitting at home waiting to hear news? Besides, when else am I gunna have the option to sleep in a bed that tells me how good I slept when I wake up in the morning and watch you hit yourself in the face when you try to scratch your nose?” His face deadpanned as Tony chuckled subtly and fixed the panel on Bucky’s arm.

“Pain.” Tony said as he switched the implant back on. Bucky growled as a rolling shockwave of electrical pain rolled down his arm, re-awakening his nerves. Tony waited a moment and scooted back a bit. “Alright, test it?” You all watched as Bucky curled his fingers into a fist, uncurled them and then tested just his pinky. He nodded as Tony set down his tool.

“Looks good. So from here, I think we’re just doing a little maintenance here and there as needed. If you two wanna go home, you are more than welcome to. Get you set up for OT a few days a week so you can continue to get used to the arm, same as any other prosthetic and unless you have an issue with the mechanics.” He smirked and gestured to his arm. “You’re whole again. Congratulations, Sergeant Barnes, we have just altered science permanently.” Bucky smiled and nodded as he shook Tony’s offered hand.

“Thanks… for everything. This is…” Tony nodded and stood up from the stool he was on.

“No, thank you. Now to get back to the drawing board for the next one. Natasha, you got them?” The red head nodded and stepped forward as Tony headed deeper into his lap, giving JARVIS instructions to start ‘phase two’.

“This way.” Bucky stood up as you unlocked your wheelchair brakes and turned your chair. Bucky grabbed your handles for you and followed the well dressed woman to the elevator. Once the three of you were inside it, she pulled out her business card and handed it to you. “On behalf of Stark Technology, I have to say we are all, so grateful for your service and so grateful that you volunteered for this procedure. Please, call me if you have any issues with the arm, day or night, and we will get you in immediately. Once you are comfortable with the arm, we would like to set up a few interviews with you regarding the next step in Stark tech’s veteran rehabilitation.” You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at the formality behind her sentiment as the elevator doors opened on the floor you were staying on. Natasha smiled almost mechanically at you as she stepped out of the elevator and gestured for you to enter the floor.

“There is no rush for you to leave. When you’re packed, just let JARVIS know and he’ll send someone up for your bags. Thank you again for choosing Stark Industries.”

“Of course.” Bucky nodded at her as he wheeled you past her and into the small living room. “We’ll be in touch.” She nodded curtly and headed back into the elevator to go back to work. You both waited until the door closed before snorting a laugh. “I always feel like I’m in a museum around her.” He said as you rolled yourself down to the bedroom to pack.

“Right? I thought it was just me!” Bucky shook his head as he opened the bedroom door and went over to the dresser to start packing.

“Nope. Not just you.” He pulled open the top drawer of the dresser and sighed. With a smile, he glanced over at you and smiled. “I don’t know about you though, but I’m ready to go home.” You nodded in agreement as you grabbed your duffle off the floor and put it on your lap so he could pack both your clothes in it.

“You got your life back, baby. The whole world is at your feet.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You sat on your couch, watching Bucky make lunch and listening to the soft whirls and clacks of the mechanics in his new arm. Your eyes drifted up the metal to his bare shoulder to the bulk of the enhanced muscle and the slight scar that had been unavoidable with the surgery. You glanced down at your own stump and your brow furrowed slightly.

Six years. You had lived for the past six years without your leg. When your injury first happened, you would have given anything for the sort of tech Bucky had been given. A mechanical leg that functioned like a real one. To never worry about walking up and down stairs one step at a time or battling to get yourself on the toilet if you didn’t have a prosthetic on. You would love to go back to standing under a shower head and letting your problems wash away without having to worry about falling over when you close your eyes.

But six years is a long time of going with out. Bucky had only been without his arm for a year total. He wasn’t even completely used to living without it the way you were. Learning how to use this new arm seemed to come so easily because he hadn’t had to go without for long. But you would have to start completely from scratch. Learning to walk… again. To balance… again. The year of horrible anxiety you had already dealt with on relearning how to function; repeating it seemed so unnecessary. You jumped at the foreign, cold, metal on your arm and you glanced up at Bucky.

“What’s wrong?” You looked at him curiously as he sat down on the couch. He set the lunch plates down on the coffee table and put his hand on your leg.

“I don’t know if I wanna get a leg like your arm.” His brow furrowed slightly and you quickly leaned forward and rested your hand on his arm. “No, it’s not that I don’t love your arm. It’s great and I’m so proud of you for being brave and helping so many people but I don’t want to have to relearn to walk again because it took me a whole year the first time and I just feel bad that you did this for me and now I’m backing out and …”

“Whoa! Honey, slow down!” Bucky laughed as he pulled your legs onto his lap. “Baby doll, if you don’t want to get the leg, you don’t have to. So it’s not your path.” He put his left hand on your stump and brushed his thumb over the scared flesh. “One way or another, leg or not…” His eyes searched yours as a smile stretched across his face. “It won’t stop me from loving you.” You looked up at him with tears in your eyes and your bottom lip started to quiver.

“You love me?” You whisper squeaked. He chuckled and nodded.

“Yea, doll. I love you.” Your tears spilled over as you scrambled across the couch as fast as you could.

“I love you, too!” You cried, punctuating your words with kisses. Bucky wrapped his arms around your waist, being gentle with his new arm as he tangled it in your hair. You felt him smile against your lips as he pulled back to look at you.

“You OK, baby girl?” You nodded as you sat back on his thighs and cupped your hands on the back of his neck. “Good. And trust me. I’m not mad that you don’t wanna be a robot like me. I think it’s pretty cool being the only robot in the house.” You giggled as you tilted your head to the side.

“What’s with you and robots?” He sighed, shrugged his shoulder and winced the slightest bit at the pull of his muscles he wasn’t used to yet.

“It’s cool, baby. I’m like… the terminator.” You groaned at his horrible impersonation and got off his lap. You reached out to grab your lunch plate but he grabbed your hand. “I still want you to be the one to do my hair, though. You do it better.” You looked back at him with a smile as you grabbed the hair tie he had in his hand.